How do you pay for it all???

[firstcomeslove2013]

Hey guys! So this might be a personal question (I know money can be a sensitive subject for some). How did or are you funding your TTC efforts? The last time we TTC'd we had a lot of savings and now that we are ready to TTC #2 that isn't the same case (we have a car payment and a mortgage that is new and more than our rent was). Our insurance is garbage and so now we are looking at other options. So help me out! What did/do you do? Credit cards? Loans? Begging? TIA! 

[kh826]

We have spent well over $35k in total between TTC#1, TTC#2, and now ongoing storage of embryos... we financed it with a combination of my 2013 end of year bonus (ALL of it), a little on credit cards (some of the meds for IVF cycles), a small 401k loan from my 401k (I am able to pay myself back via payroll deductions with no interest), and honestly some pretty major lifestyle changes -- especially since we moved to one income after William was born. We don't eat out nearly as much as we used to, we used to shop as a recreational activity and we just can't do that anymore, etc. We have had to be creative at times and put things off more than we wanted to, but in my opinion it has been well worth it to get our family to where we are. We had to invest A LOT upfront, and our ongoing costs for future FETs and embryo storage will be much, much less than what we have had to pay to get us to this point.

Oh, and second parent adoption fees! I forgot about those! Add in another $5k or so per kid for that!

[dannigirl]

Since we are still doing IUI's it's not too bad right now. Although we did just drop $2000 on vials. So I'll get back to you on how that is going to hurt when Christmas is done.. lol

We are lucky because our drug plan with the military covers all the mesds so far. I'm not sure about the progestrone though, so that will be interesting to see...

Everything else is out of pocket. We were working out of savings for the first 5 vials and a lot of the IUI's, but we are now working off our line of credit. However with Jo being overseas we are saving a ton of money with only me home and I'm cheap, so debt is being paid down pretty fast. lol

If we have to go to IVF, I have no clue how we will pay for that....

[kona]

M and I agreed from the beginning to not go into debt for any of these costs. We had savings to start, we ran money through her HSA, we have decent coverage in NY and I've worked 2 jobs for the past 3 years. I wIll say that we were fortunate with our TTC #2 in that we had vials already purchased, we did an unmedicated cycle for IUI and got lucky. We plan to start saving immediately after this birth for the possibility of #3.

[2brides]

We were on the "cheap" end at about $14k total for TTC and then another 3k for the adoption (keep in mind this was 10-12 years ago.) We used flex spending, credit cards, and bonuses (what little that was.)

What screwed us was childcare for those first 3 years. We had a nanny at nearly $3k/month (going to a childcare center would have not really saved us anything.) It basically ate all of my take home income, but I was adamant not to leave my job (I would have have been a miserable SAHM, I love my job, and even if was temporary, I couldn't get my old job back. L makes a lot more than I do, so that wasn't an option.)

We ended up taking a HELOC loan.

[kekaellypula]

So far my insurance has paid for everything but sperm, which is averaging $500 a cycle. I just have co-pays which average $300 a month for b/w & u/s. The meds are 99% covered so I'm out a little less than $100 a month for those as well.

[JustJudy]

A combination of credit cards, family help, and making more money than we ever have in the past. This shit is expensive but im getting any younger! It's so unfair how much infertility treatments cost (and many of us are infertile just don't have an extra uterus or sperm laying around!) I really think it should be covered more by insurance.

[mahler5]

With TTC #1, we did IUIs. We dipped into some savings for the first 2 or 3 and put the last couple months on credit card. I don't recommend that. My insurance didn't cover anything. We moved shortly after C was born and sold our house. We decided to rent for awhile. So, for TTC #2 we dipped into the money we liquidated when we sold the house. We dipped into it considerably as we did IVF with one fresh and 3 frozen transfers. Luckily L's new job pays considerably more so we are starting to save more now, but it's still hard with me not working much at all.

You shouldn't have to do a Second Parent adoption now that gay marriage is legal everywhere. You should be able to get both you and your spouse's name on the birth certificate right away, so that's good.

[rikkiandjulie]

Dec 16, 2015 14:40:26 GMT -5 mahler5 said:

With TTC #1, we did IUIs. We dipped into some savings for the first 2 or 3 and put the last couple months on credit card. I don't recommend that. My insurance didn't cover anything. We moved shortly after C was born and sold our house. We decided to rent for awhile. So, for TTC #2 we dipped into the money we liquidated when we sold the house. We dipped into it considerably as we did IVF with one fresh and 3 frozen transfers. Luckily L's new job pays considerably more so we are starting to save more now, but it's still hard with me not working much at all.

You shouldn't have to do a Second Parent adoption now that gay marriage is legal everywhere. You should be able to get both you and your spouse's name on the birth certificate right away, so that's good.

I have been advised by my lawyer and read from several others in numerous states that doing a second parent adoption is still wise bc birth certificates don't actually determine paternity. The reason it's never questioned with hetero couples is that if needed they could take a paternity test to prove paternity. However, we can't do that. So if someone wanted to be an asshole some where and question the "paternity" they could, and without a SA, you'd have very little to back it. I was super surprised when I heard that, and a bit disappointed but I'd rather be safe than sorry, however I will admit that the information that I have read and been given may be inaccurate and I could be corrected if wrong.

[wittyandwaiting]

We spent 14k. For the most part we used savings but C also worked a crapload of overtime (I'm salaried it's not an option for me) to offset some of the unexpected costs and we've definitely cut back on things like going out for dinner.

[rikkiandjulie]

This thread makes me so so grateful for our insurance coverage.

[kh826]

Our lawyer has recommended that we pursue a second parent adoption again for a couple of reasons. As stated, the birth certificate alone does not necessarily convey all legal rights of parentage. Also, when traveling abroad, a legal adoption holds much more weight than a birth certificate in terms of establishing parental rights. We have decided it is the right decision for our family to take the "belt and suspenders" approach from a legal perspective, so we will be doing another second parent adoption this time around.

[karlamo]

We spent roughly $30k for our kids. Before TTC #1, we started saving 6 months in advance. Knowing our insurance required us to do 12 in office IUI's before paying for treatment, We bought our sperm 4 vials at a time. This helped manage our money. We of course did all 12 IUI's plus other holistic treatments that really add up. R cost us about $25,000 and L $3,000 as an FET. We are blessed that my paycheck is almost all savings so we were/are able to pay everything up front without loans or cc debt.
Like kona, that was my one rule with trying to have kids, I refused to go into debt over it. I grew up in a big family so with that frame of reference, I do not want to struggle or be stressed over money especially with kids. I'm glad I got pregnant with L this first try because we were only giving me like 2 shots before switching back to my wife since her insurance pays for all her treatments.

[karlamo]

kh826, I'm shocked your adoption costs $5k per kid. Ours are only $3,000 and with L they gave us a discount so we are paying $1,500. You should ask if they can give you a discount especially since you will be using them for all your kids.

[cetcar]

Like some of you, our insurance didn't cover anything. We spent around $30K (2-3 IUIs and a condensed IVF cycle with genetic testing). We were fortunate to have enough savings and CETs bonus check to pay for it but are noticing our smaller slush fund now. We keep reminding ourselves about all we did and we are glad we did it but are looking forward to next year when we've had some more time to recoup. CET was going to do an IVF cycle to freeze because we hit our tax exemption but we decided to hold off and not spend the money right now.

CET may add her two cents later.

[kh826]

Dec 17, 2015 7:55:06 GMT -5 karlamo said:

kh826 , I'm shocked your adoption costs $5k per kid. Ours are only $3,000 and with L they gave us a discount so we are paying $1,500. You should ask if they can give you a discount especially since you will be using them for all your kids.

I like the idea of a discount. Doesn't hurt to ask!

[firstcomeslove2013]

Dec 16, 2015 18:11:09 GMT -5 rikkiandjulie said:

Dec 16, 2015 14:40:26 GMT -5 mahler5 said:

With TTC #1, we did IUIs. We dipped into some savings for the first 2 or 3 and put the last couple months on credit card. I don't recommend that. My insurance didn't cover anything. We moved shortly after C was born and sold our house. We decided to rent for awhile. So, for TTC #2 we dipped into the money we liquidated when we sold the house. We dipped into it considerably as we did IVF with one fresh and 3 frozen transfers. Luckily L's new job pays considerably more so we are starting to save more now, but it's still hard with me not working much at all.

You shouldn't have to do a Second Parent adoption now that gay marriage is legal everywhere. You should be able to get both you and your spouse's name on the birth certificate right away, so that's good.

I have been advised by my lawyer and read from several others in numerous states that doing a second parent adoption is still wise bc birth certificates don't actually determine paternity. The reason it's never questioned with hetero couples is that if needed they could take a paternity test to prove paternity. However, we can't do that. So if someone wanted to be an asshole some where and question the "paternity" they could, and without a SA, you'd have very little to back it. I was super surprised when I heard that, and a bit disappointed but I'd rather be safe than sorry, however I will admit that the information that I have read and been given may be inaccurate and I could be corrected if wrong.

With H I was not permitted to be in her birth certificate. Once Marriage Equality was passed we hired a lawyer and did a parentage petition. This made me legally H's parent without having to go through the adoption process. We didn't have to go to court, our lawyer handled it for us but it was costly...around $1000 (which doesn't sound as costly as most). 

What I understand is that being on the bc is not enough. If for some reason, C and I split, without taking the parentage method I would have no rights to custody or a relationship to H and C could request a DNA test. Since our DNA would not match...it makes me sad to think about. Even though C and I have a very strong relationship going through the parentage agreement was the right thing to do. 

[karlamo]

Dec 17, 2015 9:28:13 GMT -5 kh826 said:

Dec 17, 2015 7:55:06 GMT -5 karlamo said:

kh826 , I'm shocked your adoption costs $5k per kid. Ours are only $3,000 and with L they gave us a discount so we are paying $1,500. You should ask if they can give you a discount especially since you will be using them for all your kids.

I like the idea of a discount. Doesn't hurt to ask!

Thinking aloud here. I know you work for a big company. Have you checked to see if they provide legal services for employees? Maybe with your new benefits they do. My friends company allows them to use their lawyer and they did so for their adoption.


I'm overly invested in your adoption;)

[kh826]

karlamo, Haha thanks!
This is something that might be applicable now with our new benefits - I will have to find out.
Thanks for being invested!

[karlamo]

Dec 17, 2015 11:20:19 GMT -5 kh826 said:

karlamo, Haha thanks!
This is something that might be applicable now with our new benefits - I will have to find out.
Thanks for being invested!

It's just that you and I are of the same mindset with adopting even with marriage equality. It makes no sense that adoption costs more than an FET. Plus you don't even need a lawyer to file adoption. I know someone who filled out the paperwork themselves. I'm annoyed at your attorney.

[healz413]

In Ontario most IUI costs are covered except for the insemination fee ($150 at our clinic) and the sperm ($800 per vial) so we saved $3500 before we started and thought that would likely be enough. It wasn't close to enough.
We had partial then full drug coverage through M's work insurance and I was able to get some money back from my union's health account. Other than that we used tax returns and monetary gifts from our Love Party (we asked for money towards baby making) and any other "bonuses" we got (unexpected checks, gifts, etc)

[wittyandwaiting]

Dec 17, 2015 19:33:23 GMT -5 healz413 said:

In Ontario most IUI costs are covered except for the insemination fee ($150 at our clinic) and the sperm ($800 per vial) so we saved $3500 before we started and thought that would likely be enough. It wasn't close to enough.
We had partial then full drug coverage through M's work insurance and I was able to get some money back from my union's health account. Other than that we used tax returns and monetary gifts from our Love Party (we asked for money towards baby making) and any other "bonuses" we got (unexpected checks, gifts, etc)

IUI's are $150 at your clinic? Ours were $300. Does your cost include sperm washing or was that extra?

[healz413]

Dec 17, 2015 19:37:30 GMT -5 wittyandwaiting said:

Dec 17, 2015 19:33:23 GMT -5 healz413 said:

In Ontario most IUI costs are covered except for the insemination fee ($150 at our clinic) and the sperm ($800 per vial) so we saved $3500 before we started and thought that would likely be enough. It wasn't close to enough.
We had partial then full drug coverage through M's work insurance and I was able to get some money back from my union's health account. Other than that we used tax returns and monetary gifts from our Love Party (we asked for money towards baby making) and any other "bonuses" we got (unexpected checks, gifts, etc)

IUI's are $150 at your clinic? Ours were $300. Does your cost include sperm washing or was that extra?

Yes including the sperm washing. I think they make all their money on IVF. Well that and the RE sees you at every cycle monitoring appointment so they get to bill OHIP for that every time.

[humorme00]

When we first started, we did IUIs totally out of pocket. We took out a personal loan through my credit union for the ultrasound and insem fees. We paid for sperm and meds from our normal funds.

This year we've had the bonus of insurance coverage. That covered the 2 IUIs and all of the monitoring for our IVF and FET cycles, as well as the retrieval and transfer. We got lucky and are in a medical study that paid for PGS. Even with all that, we paid almost $6000 for meds and $2000 for acupuncture for the IVF and FET cycles. Meds came from savings and acupuncture was paid as we went. Plus the sperm of course.

All together we've spent about $20k. It's nice not having any debt from it right now, but we are beyond broke. Fingers crossed that we'll have a successful cycle and can focus on building up our savings for a little while.

[2mrsks (mrs&mrsk)]

Dec 16, 2015 9:45:50 GMT -5 kh826 said:

We have spent well over $35k in total between TTC#1, TTC#2, and now ongoing storage of embryos... we financed it with a combination of my 2013 end of year bonus (ALL of it), a little on credit cards (some of the meds for IVF cycles), a small 401k loan from my 401k (I am able to pay myself back via payroll deductions with no interest), and honestly some pretty major lifestyle changes -- especially since we moved to one income after William was born. We don't eat out nearly as much as we used to, we used to shop as a recreational activity and we just can't do that anymore, etc. We have had to be creative at times and put things off more than we wanted to, but in my opinion it has been well worth it to get our family to where we are. We had to invest A LOT upfront, and our ongoing costs for future FETs and embryo storage will be much, much less than what we have had to pay to get us to this point.

Oh, and second parent adoption fees! I forgot about those! Add in another $5k or so per kid for that!

Why do you still have to do 2nd parent adoption?

[rikkiandjulie]

Dec 22, 2015 20:19:14 GMT -5 2mrsks (mrs&mrsk) said:

Dec 16, 2015 9:45:50 GMT -5 kh826 said:

We have spent well over $35k in total between TTC#1, TTC#2, and now ongoing storage of embryos... we financed it with a combination of my 2013 end of year bonus (ALL of it), a little on credit cards (some of the meds for IVF cycles), a small 401k loan from my 401k (I am able to pay myself back via payroll deductions with no interest), and honestly some pretty major lifestyle changes -- especially since we moved to one income after William was born. We don't eat out nearly as much as we used to, we used to shop as a recreational activity and we just can't do that anymore, etc. We have had to be creative at times and put things off more than we wanted to, but in my opinion it has been well worth it to get our family to where we are. We had to invest A LOT upfront, and our ongoing costs for future FETs and embryo storage will be much, much less than what we have had to pay to get us to this point.

Oh, and second parent adoption fees! I forgot about those! Add in another $5k or so per kid for that!

Why do you still have to do 2nd parent adoption?

I have been advised by my lawyer and read from several others in numerous states that doing a second parent adoption is still wise bc birth certificates don't actually determine paternity. The reason it's never questioned with hetero couples is that if needed they could take a paternity test to prove paternity. However, we can't do that. So if someone wanted to be an asshole some where and question the "paternity" they could, and without a SA, you'd have very little to back it. I was super surprised when I heard that, and a bit disappointed but I'd rather be safe than sorry, however I will admit that the information that I have read and been given may be inaccurate and I could be corrected if wrong.

[klake42]

We have no insurance, but we're privileged to have high(ish) income. We've been able to pay for IUIs as we go, about $1500/mo plus sperm ($750/vial plus shipping). We took out a loan for IVF, borrowing enough to cover all the potential costs (including a couple frozen transfers). It's enough to cover one fresh and a couple frozen transfers, and genetic testing if needed. Or if I don't respond well, it's enough to get us started on reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs.

I'm really paranoid about debt, but I thought of it this way-- it's totally acceptable to take out a loan to buy a car. A kid is more important than a car. But it's still scary for me to be in debt.

We've also been able to cut costs by sharing one car between us, and relying on public transit for our work commutes when we can. That makes a huge difference.

[2mrsks (mrs&mrsk)]

Dec 23, 2015 6:58:07 GMT -5 klake42 said:

We have no insurance, but we're privileged to have high(ish) income. We've been able to pay for IUIs as we go, about $1500/mo plus sperm ($750/vial plus shipping). We took out a loan for IVF, borrowing enough to cover all the potential costs (including a couple frozen transfers). It's enough to cover one fresh and a couple frozen transfers, and genetic testing if needed. Or if I don't respond well, it's enough to get us started on reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs.

I'm really paranoid about debt, but I thought of it this way-- it's totally acceptable to take out a loan to buy a car. A kid is more important than a car. But it's still scary for me to be in debt.

We've also been able to cut costs by sharing one car between us, and relying on public transit for our work commutes when we can. That makes a huge difference.

$1500 is not that bad 

[2mrsks (mrs&mrsk)]

we were fortunate enough to get on DWs insurance (we were both on mine too) and then start trying and be covered. With a $50 specialist copay it worked out to about $600 plus $1600 ds (2) + $200 shipping. $2400 for the month.

however we only used 1 vial so we still have one. and now we pay $75 every 3 months for it (annoying)

[amberreva]

Chiming in to say that I searched for a credit card with 0% intro APR for the longest span I could find and good rewards and opened it. I got off cheap in the TTC front but also had a year to pay it all back and earned cash back rewards.