Telling family and friends

[Rama]

Dec 19, 2015 20:06:45 GMT -5 bocaburger said:

Ok, WWYD? We just told our parents and it seems my mom has put us in a bit of a conundrum.

Before our first IVF cycle we gave my mom permission to tell my grandma about our IF, but asked her not to really share details. Unfortunately, my mom is a bit of a blabbermouth. I accidentally slipped to her that our beta was on Friday (we ended up going in a day early). When we talked yesterday, I wasn't ready to tell yet (since we hadn't gotten our beta#2 yet, and I was really stressed about my thyroid). My mom could hear in my voice that something was up and assumed that I wasn't pregnant. So, she called my grandma and cried to her about it.

Now I feel like we need to tell my grandma so she wont be sad for no reason... but we really weren't planning to tell anyone except immediate family at this point. I'd honestly be ok with it, but H is really uncomfortable telling people. He was pretty nervous to tell even our parents and only agreed to it because they all knew about IVF. He doesn't want to tell anyone else until 2nd tri, although he said he would think about telling a few of my closest friends around 8 weeks so I have support.

So, I don't know what to do. We are seeing my grandma next week (but also seeing lots of cousins who we are definitely not ready to tell yet) and I'm afraid I'll feel like I'm lying to her... but I don't want to push H to tell anyone before he's ready. And I'm annoyed at my mom for putting us in this position although it's also kind of cute how invested she is in this and how much she feels for us.

Sorry for the novel. TL;DR: My mom blabbed to my grandma about IVF timing, and now I feel bad waiting to tell my grandma until 2nd tri, but H isn't comfortable telling people yet.

I'm in camp you tell when you're ready to tell. If other people come to their own conclusions, that's not your responsibility. If you correct your grandmother now and, god forbid, you have to correct her again, I'd feel that that'd be more traumatic overall. If I were in this situation, I'd just hold my tongue until I could give them decisively good news without feeling too nervous about having to untell them later.

[katelm]

Yeah I would just keep it to yourself, your mom came to that conclusion on her own & told your grandma that. You can just tell them you don't want to talk about it if anyone asks

[hrushka]

Dec 19, 2015 21:05:05 GMT -5 steph said:

bocaburger, can your mom explain to your grandma that you guys are waiting to tell everyone and not to expect you to mention it anytime soon?

I think since she created this mess, she should fix it too.

Agreed!

[monicageller]

We are telling our family over Christmas. I will only be 5 weeks, which is earlier than I would like to tell, but we live out of town and I want to do it in person. And if anything happens we would tell the family anyway.

I don't have my first appointment until 10 weeks- which kind of sucks. It will include an internal ultrasound. When I called the office she said they would like to see me in mid-late January. Based on my work schedule I suggested either the 14th or the 28th, and she said the 28th because the 14th might be too early to see anything. After I got off the phone and did the math I realized I would be 8 weeks on the 14th which really isn't too early. My first appointment with my son was at like 7.5 weeks. I'm guess I could call back and try to move it up, but I'm going to try and be patient.

[katelm]

Dec 20, 2015 18:44:21 GMT -5 monicageller said:

We are telling our family over Christmas. I will only be 5 weeks, which is earlier than I would like to tell, but we live out of town and I want to do it in person. And if anything happens we would tell the family anyway.

I don't have my first appointment until 10 weeks- which kind of sucks. It will include an internal ultrasound. When I called the office she said they would like to see me in mid-late January. Based on my work schedule I suggested either the 14th or the 28th, and she said the 28th because the 14th might be too early to see anything. After I got off the phone and did the math I realized I would be 8 weeks on the 14th which really isn't too early. My first appointment with my son was at like 7.5 weeks. I'm guess I could call back and try to move it up, but I'm going to try and be patient.

Yeah weird! I had my first apt at 5w 6d and we saw a gestational sac, fetal pole & heartbeat

[monicageller]

Dec 20, 2015 18:48:01 GMT -5 katelm said:

Dec 20, 2015 18:44:21 GMT -5 monicageller said:

We are telling our family over Christmas. I will only be 5 weeks, which is earlier than I would like to tell, but we live out of town and I want to do it in person. And if anything happens we would tell the family anyway.

I don't have my first appointment until 10 weeks- which kind of sucks. It will include an internal ultrasound. When I called the office she said they would like to see me in mid-late January. Based on my work schedule I suggested either the 14th or the 28th, and she said the 28th because the 14th might be too early to see anything. After I got off the phone and did the math I realized I would be 8 weeks on the 14th which really isn't too early. My first appointment with my son was at like 7.5 weeks. I'm guess I could call back and try to move it up, but I'm going to try and be patient.

Yeah weird! I had my first apt at 5w 6d and we saw a gestational sac, fetal pole & heartbeat

Yeah, I think the chick on the phone wasn't doing her math right or something. But I'll deal.

[thechickencoop]

Dec 18, 2015 16:23:27 GMT -5 dorkusmalorkus said:

Dec 17, 2015 8:27:31 GMT -5 babbles said:

We've been rehearsing our responses to "So soon?!!?" and "I/we didn't think you were trying for #2!!!"

The one I like best so far is, "I don't recall discussing the details of our sex life with you last time." ::puzzled face::

Yes!! My sister in law (DH's sister), after the standard squeeing was all, "I didn't even know you were trying!" Uh yeah, I guess I didn't announce to you that I was fucking your brother *with purpose*.

/ded