Post by snarkysparklefart on Jan 31, 2015 10:29:33 GMT -5
Just curious how being a SAHM plays out in other family schedules, because another SAHM friend and I were recently discussing how different our weekly schedules are, but that we are thankful our H's both have time off during the week.
(Note: I use the word schedule pretty loosely here- we are more routine people than schedule people personally.)
TL:DR: what is your week like? Do you like your schedule the way it is? Do you have a 'day off' or designated personal time?
For example, my week looks like this: My H works an overnight shift Wednesdays (2 am - 11 am Wednesday mornings) then second shift Thursday through Sunday. Essentially, Wednesday is our Monday/ the start of our week. He's off every Monday & Tuesday, so I usually schedule appointments for Mondays and we try to do a fun activity in Tuesday. With his shift work, DD& I have adapted our schedule around his and DD goes to bed fairly late (around 10) and wakes up a bit later (8) than most other kids her age. That allows us more time together in the mornings. Monday is basically my 'day off'- H usually cooks, helps around the house or does things I can't do during the week.
Post by snarkysparklefart on Jan 31, 2015 10:32:47 GMT -5
Oh, I forgot to add- I do like our schedule because it works well for us right now. I think that may change when DD1 goes to school, but we have a bit more time before that happens. I am more of an early bird, so I wake up at least 30 mins earlier than DH&DD and that's my designated 'personal time' to check emails, have my coffee, etc.
Post by sarahandeddie on Jan 31, 2015 11:00:55 GMT -5
My DH works 4p-2a, but the days he works changes. He's a cop and is on a rotating schedule. Some weeks he works 4 days and other weeks 5 days. He also rarely actually gets home on time (last night it was around 5am for a total of a 18hr shift because he also had to go in early). With his crazy schedule I get very little personal time but he does try. I might get an hour or two to run errands each week. The girls and I have our own schedule that keeps things flowing pretty well.
I wish I had more "me" time but DD#1 will be in kindergarten in a few years and I'll get plenty of me time then.
Right now MH is packing/selling our old house so I get zero days off.
He is changing jobs too so I'm not sure when we will get back into a routine again. So far we have been in somewhat of the same schedule we had been taking- only more playdates because of H's nearby family.
My DH works a 2 week on 1 week off schedule. His 2 weeks on he is 6.5-8 hrs away from home so we only see him on his week off. When he's home he gets the first day to relax and play with the boys. The next day I get to sleep in and relax. After that we share duties: cooking and taking care of the boys. He for the most part does the dishes when he's home and I try to deep clean bathrooms and anything else that didn't get done when he was gone. When he is gone for 2 weeks the only me time is when the boys are asleep or my ILs take the boys for the day(this happens like once every few months).
Post by younglove316 on Jan 31, 2015 13:43:29 GMT -5
My husband's schedule just changed from night shift to day shift and I like it so much better. One week he will have Wednesday & Thursday off and works 12 hour shifts the other 5 days. Those weeks suck but then the next week makes up for it as he only works an 8 hour on Wednesday & 12 hour Thursday and off the rest of the week.
Now that he is awake more during the day I have been taking some time for myself and going out to dinner occasionally with one of my friends. Not necessarily days off but I have the extra help at least on his short weeks.
Post by penguin129 on Jan 31, 2015 15:38:35 GMT -5
DH is a teacher and works an hour away from where we live. He leaves the house around 6:30am and doesn't get back until a little after 7pm. Sometimes he will give DD a bath or play with her so I can take a shower or a soak. I really don't have a day off. Last weekend I told him I wanted time to paint my nails, etc, so I took 2 hrs to myself. That is the first time I have asked for any time off in a long time.
Post by namastebiotches on Jan 31, 2015 15:38:53 GMT -5
DH works M-F & gets home at 4. He leaves before DS gets up. When he gets home, I'm pretty much off duty so I get a good break on a daily basis. Im still here but I don't have to be the main provider of DS, if that makes sense. Then, DS is in preschool M-Th 8:30-11:15. I love our schedule. Taking DS to school can be a production most days but the break is better than nothing when I finally get home.
Weekends, DH is mostly on duty. I'm usually very lazy.
Post by snarkysparklefart on Jan 31, 2015 15:58:05 GMT -5
I'm glad to hear we aren't the only ones with a no -traditional M-F 9-5 type schedule! Also, good for you asking for some personal time penguin129. For the first year of DDs life I did not ever ask for any help or personal time and I really ran myself ragged (in fact, I had a mini stroke, which turned out to be exactly the wake up call I needed when DD was almost 11 months old).
@notyourmom good luck with your move- hopefully you will also get some personal time soon!
snarkysparklefart- 17 days and H will be here with my mom (and dad) to help us settle in here.!! So its coming Im sure if I asked someone would watch the kids but I'm not sick of the little rugrats yet
Post by tomorrowisanotherday on Jan 31, 2015 16:52:32 GMT -5
DH works M-F 7-5 and I basically take care of everything for DS. He loves to socialize with DS in the evenings and changes a few diapers, but he needs to sleep at night because he works, so I don't have him get up with the baby at all. Also, he gets a break on the weekends to just hang out with friends, etc. We are pretty new at this (LO is 2 weeks old) and I need to get better at asking him to do a little more so I can have a sleep break if nothing else!
DH works 8:30-5pm M-F and has a 30 minute commute. He usually takes DS for a feeding/changing when he gets home. That gives me a little time to myself! On the weekends, DH and I pretty much spilt responsibilities evenly. I also have my mom and sisters close by to help out during the week.
Post by isolemnlyswear on Jan 31, 2015 21:20:34 GMT -5
DH works 8-5 M-F with a 45 minute commute. DD goes to bed around 7pm so when he comes home it's just play time for them. I do all the nightly wake ups. He is on duty on the weekends, I'm still bfing so I'm just the food source on weekends
Post by sugarkissed on Jan 31, 2015 21:55:11 GMT -5
Our schedule kind of sucks, and with a baby on the way it's only going to get worse. DH works out of town quite often for a week or 2 at a time, so during those stretches I'm the only one to take care of DD. When he is in town he still works 8-5 M-F, but I try to get out in the evenings once in awhile.
It's tough because I want to spend time with him when he is home, but I really never have "me" time.
DH's job has been slow the past month or two so he's been home a lot. Normally though he works anywhere from 40-80 hours a week. Plus his commute is 1 1/2 hours each way. So he leaves at 4:45 am and gets home anywhere between 6 and 11 pm. It can be pretty crazy when he's got a lot of overtime. We put DS in daycare/preschool two full days a week. So those days I have "me" time from 7:30 am to 5 pm. Which is awesome, except I spend a lot of that time doing household stuff. I also do all of the running around with DS as far as activities, play dates, and appointments. Luckily though when DH is home he's pretty much always on kid duty. So he does most of the bed and bath routine. Also on his days off he gets up with DS so I can sleep in.
Post by Leapinglizards on Feb 1, 2015 10:14:10 GMT -5
I am pretty much on duty 24/7. Every now and again I will try to get a bath in but normally he interrupts by bringing her upstairs if she gets fussy. Last time I went over to a neighbors house I had to leave and go home three times. We actually got into a huge fight last week because I asked him to take more responsibility like putting away dinner or doing dishes. He commutes for work so he feels he should just get to relax. He doesn't get that playing with her at night gives me time to cook/ clean up and is not where I sip champs and put my feet up. I can't seem to get hi to understand. He also travels normally a week every month
I am pretty much on duty 24/7. Every now and again I will try to get a bath in but normally he interrupts by bringing her upstairs if she gets fussy. Last time I went over to a neighbors house I had to leave and go home three times. We actually got into a huge fight last week because I asked him to take more responsibility like putting away dinner or doing dishes. He commutes for work so he feels he should just get to relax. He doesn't get that playing with her at night gives me time to cook/ clean up and is not where I sip champs and put my feet up. I can't seem to get hi to understand. He also travels normally a week every month
It's a hard to be in this place. DH and I went through this also, it wasn't until we DS2 was 4 months old that he started to understand it. Start by asking to go to the grocery store alone on one of his days off, a short trip that you can't just run home quick. I started with that, then would add more time each time I went out, I also did it over lunch time or something that he would have to do more then just play. Stick to asking for time alone and go far enough away that you aren't easily available. Soon he will see how much work it is to be at home.
My H works M-F 7- usually 6pm, he moonlight one weekend a month, Sat and Sun 7-6. I am pretty busy with 4 kids, and my H working. Sometimes I will go out a night with a friend, on Saturdays H and I go on a date while my dad babysits.
I am pretty much on duty 24/7. Every now and again I will try to get a bath in but normally he interrupts by bringing her upstairs if she gets fussy. Last time I went over to a neighbors house I had to leave and go home three times. We actually got into a huge fight last week because I asked him to take more responsibility like putting away dinner or doing dishes. He commutes for work so he feels he should just get to relax. He doesn't get that playing with her at night gives me time to cook/ clean up and is not where I sip champs and put my feet up. I can't seem to get hi to understand. He also travels normally a week every month
It's a hard to be in this place. DH and I went through this also, it wasn't until we DS2 was 4 months old that he started to understand it. Start by asking to go to the grocery store alone on one of his days off, a short trip that you can't just run home quick. I started with that, then would add more time each time I went out, I also did it over lunch time or something that he would have to do more then just play. Stick to asking for time alone and go far enough away that you aren't easily available. Soon he will see how much work it is to be at home.
Thanks! That's a great idea. I have a baby shower this weekend and am super excited to have some time away. Right now if I want a break I have to drive 6 hrs and stay with my parents when he travels and that's not sustainable. I do get a full nights sleep when I am at my parents which is awesome!!!!!
Absolutely! Although DH sometimes makes me feel guilty about it, for the most part I take Sunday afternoon off and go shopping or to a coffee shop and read or so some work on my laptop. We really seem to butt heads about this quite often, and it is actually something we are discussing in therapy together.
Our schedule during the week is consistent. DH leaves every day at 5am and comes home around 6:30 or 7pm. While he is working I try to take care of all the housework and cook. When DH gets home, he plays and watches our DD and I put her to bed around 8pm. DH goes to work out and then we eat dinner and go to bed around 9:30pm. I also get up once or twice overnight to take care of DD, but on the weekend, I can go back to sleep when DH gets up
I don't get a whole day off, but I do get portions "off". DH flexes M-Th and so is home Fri afternoons. Some Friday afternoons, I go do something alone for a few hours, whether shopping, or appointments. DH helps with the kids every night and does snack and bath with DS. I am getting DD ready for bed during that. We also rotate on the weekends who gets up with the kids. Once DD is older and weaned, I'll have a little more freedom. I do have pumped milk for her in the freezer for when I leave her with DH, but I'll just feel more freedom once she is weaned!
I love, love, love that he is home Friday afternoons. Even if I don't get out of the house, it's just super nice to have him around during that time.
Post by URMySunshine77 on Feb 1, 2015 18:04:37 GMT -5
DH is gone from 8-8 usually. His commute is an hour each way. He tries to make it home for bedtime, but sometimes he gets home at 9. So I am pretty much on duty 24/7. I need to start asking for a half an hour on the weekend to get a foot massage or go to the store. I have to admit that I forget to ask for "me time."
Ummm when I go grocery shopping lol. I have been coming to do laundry at my dad's house by self lately which is fine with me. If I really needed me time I know all I really got to do is tell DH and we would work it out.
Post by butnotthearmadillo on Feb 1, 2015 20:43:11 GMT -5
My husband leaves the house at 8am and comes back around 5pm. Now that I've read more about all of your schedules I am impressed how much you manage. I often count the minutes until my husband gets home and really look forward to Fridays.
When my husband is home he pretty much takes over caring for our son until bedtime, unless he had a really tough day. Weekends he does more childcare than I do. I get to read by myself for 30 min to an hour, and some weekend days I get to stay in bed a bit longer (sometimes until 8am, yay, our 20 month old gets up around 6am.) Most of my 'free' time on the weekends I spend cleaning the house. Not very exciting, but in the end I am just happy to complete a task without toddler interference. Lately DS has been super clingy again and I can't leave the room he is in for more than 20 min before he comes looking for me.
butnotthearmadillo I think it is all about what we are use to. When DS1 was born we lived 16+ hrs away from family and friends so I had to adjust to caring for him myself during the 2 weeks DH is gone. So I haven't had it any other way. I don't really realize how much I end up doing most of the time. Now that I am toward the end of my 3rd pregnancy and having to start limiting myself and preparing to hand some things (bills, deep cleaning) over to DH to take care for awhile, I have started to realize how much I do on a daily basis. Also, I could never leave my boys unattended for 20 mins. Either one of them would come looking for me after 5-10mins or they would be into something they are not suppose to be. Truthfully I feel lucky if I can go to the bathroom without one of them standing there.
During the year MH works M-F so I do my chores M -f as well and give myself the weekends off. It's not too often that I actually do nothing on the weekends, were usually doing stuff as a family, hanging out with friends or I use the time to get extra stuff done like organizing closest and stuff like that. But I don't have a specific routine to stick to on the weekends so if I want to veg on the couch most of the day while LO plays, and or play with her, I can.
I stick to the same schedule during the winter but MH is laid off unless It snows, so his schedule is erratic in the winter, he could be off for weeks at a time or working round the clock. So sometimes I might have chores to do on the weekends if we spent a family day during the week while he is off.
Post by butnotthearmadillo on Feb 2, 2015 12:46:14 GMT -5
mrslka You have a good point; doing the stuff that needs to be done just happens after a while. We have only one child so far, and every time he grows up a bit more it throws me off my routine, but after a few weeks the new routine feels comparatively easy. So far I've been telling myself that having just one is not that difficult, and then I am less stressed out. Now I have to convince myself that I can handle two! I hope your last trimester and everything will go well for you.
DH is a grad student so he is really never off the clock. Starting at 9am each day he has class, meetings, and teaching obligations until 5pm or so. Any breaks in between are used for his research.
He is usually home by 7pm at the latest. When he gets home he usually still has homework, work emails, and grading to do. He usually works on these things after the kids and I are in bed or sometimes on the weekends.
We almost always have breakfast together in the mornings and when he gets home we have dinner. He will play with the kids while I clean up. We get maybe an hour or so of downtime together before he starts the bedtime routine with DD while I tend to DS.
I'm not really loving our schedule right now. We get little family time together during the week and I do not get really any time to myself.
Post by BostonKisses on Feb 3, 2015 10:32:20 GMT -5
DH's only day off is Saturdays, and he's really not totally "off" because he's usually doing church work or attending workshops. His FT job is an 8-5 deal, and he's home most evenings except when he has meetings at church or rehearsals.
I usually get a day "off" about once a week, but most of the time I'm not totally "off." I usually get a little time to myself in the evenings while DH does bath and bed time.
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.