WWYD New Baby/Watching DS

[rungirlrun]

I posted this in the random thread but want advice so I'm making my own post so it wouldn't get missed :-)  So with the talk of family staying after the baby is born, I wanted to get your opinion on what the heck we should do for this baby.

We live on the west coast while all family lives on the east coast. We just moved this summer so while we have friends, we don't have super close friends yet who I'd be ok asking to watch DS when I'm in labor/hospital. My parents are retired and will come out here to watch DS, but I have no clue when they should come. We are moving before the baby comes and most likely won't have a guest room. I'm not going to ask them to book a super last minute plane ticket so their trip will be planned well in advance. I gave birth at 41 weeks last time but obviously don't know when I'll go into labor this time around. So with a 7/29 due date, when would you have your parents book plane tickets (coming and going)? Even without a guest room, we might be able to make it work with them staying with us at least until the baby comes but definitely not after. I certainly don't want them to have to get a hotel room for weeks. Ugh, this is stressing me out. My parents are great, but I do not want them here for a month, esp if I'm still pregnant for most of that time. I'm tempted to have DS jump on a plane out east for 2 months to cover our bases. You can fly alone at 2, right? I kid, I kid, sorta :-)

[harlowjune1984]

My friend ran into this issue, except she was east coast and her family was west coast. She ended up having her parents book for two weeks before her due date. She didn't really want to feel like she had to "host" for those two weeks, but she said that she actually liked it because they ended up spending a lot of time with LO #1, who was craving a lot of attention, doesn't get to see them often, etc. They spent a lot of time going to the park, taking walks, going to the movies/zoo, etc. Her mom also ended up helping with things around the house while she was waiting for her other grandchild to be born, so she got to relax.

She knew that in the of chance that she might go into labor earlier, she would still need someone. So she spent the rest of her pregnancy working on her friendships with the people that she was already starting to become friends with, and then clicked more with one friend than the rest. Around 7mo, she told the friend about her situation with her parents being on the other side of the US, that they were coming two weeks before the due date, but she was super stressed out about if something happened before her parents got there, and asked her friend if she would be willing to take LO #1 at the last minute (if need be), until her parents could get an earlier flight or whatever. Her friend was cool with it, and in the end, they didn't end up needing her to take LO #1, but it gave her piece of mind knowing that she did have backup if need be. Most likely, if she went into labor and friend had to take LO #1, it would have only been for 12-24 hours while her parents traveled.

Edited to add: I forgot about the going part. I think that really depends on what you are comfortable with. If they know that you really wont have the space after baby arrives, then at least they would be prepared that they may have to book a hotel for a bit. Sometimes, we have found that it is cheaper to rent a through VRBO, than it is to stay at a hotel, and then it comes with a kitchen and everything so you don't have to eat meals out, and there is a lot more space (for if they are planning on staying for a week or so after the baby is born). 

[beebe918]

Oh jeez this is so hard. Is DS in daycare right now? I feel like I would maybe try to go a different route like hire a nanny for once a week right so you can get to know them then have them stay with DS and help you out when the new baby comes. I gave birth at 41 weeks last time too, to be safe you would really need I have open ended tickets or else your parents would have to be at your house from like 38 weeks to 42 weeks. But like what if you go at 38 weeks then they're there for a month? Or what if you go three weeks early? I just would feel so much better if I spent these next few months cultivating a local relationship I could trust.

[rungirlrun]

Thanks for the feedback ladies.

harlowjune1984, funny how your friend was basically in the exact same situation! Thanks for the info on what she did. While the idea of having my parents here for a really long time does not sound ideal now, I'm sure when I'm super pregnant and postpartum, it will be amazing having 2 more set of hands who really are very helpful.

beebe918, no he's home with me, and I don't think I can justify getting a nanny when I'm not working :-(

I have no reason to assume this, but I'm going to assume I give birth between 39-40 weeks (don't you usually go earlier the 2nd time around?). So I'll probably have my parents come from about 38.5-41 weeks. If I do go early, H's cousin lives in the area, and I know his family would step up to help. And I know I have several friends who would also step up. The issue isn't not having people I trust, it's not having people DS trusts. He's definitely iffy around people he doesn't know well (and outside H and me, his grandparents are the only people he really knows well). Worst case, my parents (or I) pay the change fee of their plane tickets if I go way early or way late, and someone covers for a day which DS will survive. I'm trying not to stress about it, but man things get complicated with subsequent kids!

[comicSans]

Good luck! We're in a similar situation - no family closer than 8 hours away. We have friends that live near by and would probably take DD, but they both work full time so wouldn't necessarily be immediately available. I need to become better friends with some sahms Thinking about the logistics of this makes an rcs sound more appealing.

[cabbagecabbage]

I might try test runs with a couple babysitters now. Maybe not overnights but can you seek out one or more trustworthy sitters to do some bedtimes starting soon to get your child activated to them and keep them in mind as a last resort?

[rungirlrun]

Jan 5, 2016 18:25:25 GMT -5 cabbagecabbage said:

I might try test runs with a couple babysitters now. Maybe not overnights but can you seek out one or more trustworthy sitters to do some bedtimes starting soon to get your child activated to them and keep them in mind as a last resort?

My New Years resolution is to find a babysitter so H and I can go out on dates again so yes, I will be doing this!  Thanks.

[cavewmn]

rungirlrun, I have a few friends who went to 40 or more weeks with their 2nd or later child. lol GL finding a babysitter!

[rungirlrun]

Jan 7, 2016 11:04:29 GMT -5 cavewmn said:

rungirlrun, I have a few friends who went to 40 or more weeks with their 2nd or later child. lol GL finding a babysitter!

I know. It's a total crapshoot. My mom is convinced I'll go early. I'm sure I will go into labor at the least convenient time for everybody, woo hoo :-)