Have you picked a guardian for your children?

[MadMoe]

This is a tough one, but we do need to get on making a decision. I would like my sister to be the guardian because I know she would care after my children like they were her own, but I don't really like her fiancé. It makes me sad that I would have to take her out of consideration because of him. So, the next best choice would by my husband's brother and his wife. They have one child with another on the way, so our daughter would fit in with the other children. Grandparents weren't considered for us, just because I feel like my children need to be with parents that can keep up with them for a while.

[lostineden]

DH and I haven't talked about this at all. We need to, but it'll be fight city. We don't have any siblings who make sense, so it's just grandparents. He'd be all for his parents (who never focused on the importance of education and were more physical than I'm comfortable with), and I'd be all for mine (who he'd say aren't emotionally stable enough and are older). Fun times.

[BJ Dealer]

We decided DS would go to my mom and step dad or my youngest brother and his wife. My mom is only 50, so FAR from old. Stepdad is only 44ish, so also far from old. Mom is my beneficiary on my life insurance in case DH & I both die so that she can make sure the money goes to DS.

Youngest brother (26) and his wife are the back ups in case my mom can't for whatever reason. He's also a BJ dealer (we work together) so I know him and his wife won't have the financial issues some would have inheriting a son suddenly, even without the life insurance. My middle bro and dad are out because they travel for work all the time. MIL & FIL are out because they are both 70+. SIL is out because they already have 2 and another on the way and are struggling financially as it is, we don't want them to have to worry about it. BIL is who we would choose if he didn't live 12 hours away. Or he'd at least be up there with my mom and bro as a choice, anyway.

We really need to put our will together, though. We've been talking about doing it for years and still haven't.



Edit to add: bro's and I have all discussed that we would each take each other's kids if needed.  Even bro that travels would be fine if needed for whatever reason because I really like his "wife" (gf of 10+ years, they have a 5 year old and own a home together.  Just aren't married yet for whatever reason).

[nofksgvn]

This stresses me out because I feel like I have no one I would want to raise our kid(s). Dad and step mom are too old, my mom is older but also smokes and drinks too much, my sister can't take care of her own kids and is a drug addict, older bro and wife, while good parents, are nut job conspiracy theorists, so nope, little bro couldn't handle it, FIL and stepMIL are a no because they have enough going on taking care of their other grown ass children, and are a bit racist, MIL is a definite nope, H barely talks to her...and that's it for family. We have some best friends that we love but they keep having accidental children (up to 4 now) so it might be too much to add to that, and I really like the thought of Ex-SIL but don't quite fancy her H. No one would raise her like we would and that makes me sad.

[lepeters]

It's funny you bring this up I just called my dad to redo our wills now that we have a baby. We decided on my sister as guardian. She is single (right now) but seemed like a better choice than grandparents. My parents were out cause my mom has terminal cancer and DH parents weren't an option because they are pretty busy taking care of DHs grandma.

[Maggie0424]

I've decided soon after DD was born that my sister would take her as well as any additional children we would have. (This now includes DS). The reason being is she would do the best job of raising my kids and she has 4 kids of her own so my kids would have plenty of other kids to play with. DH's sister is not married and doesn't have kids but she has health issues that wouldn't allow her to care for our kids but I'd want her to be able to visit my kids as MUCH as she wants. DH's mom is 75 and my parents are mid 60's so they are out. DH and I actually need to write up a living will and actually make this legal.

[vshumway]

It would be my SIL and her husband. They live a mile from us. All other family is 7+ hours away. My kids go to daycare with my nieces everyday and they are in the same middle and high school zone (surprisingly different elementary schools even though we live so close). It would be the least disruption to their lives. And where they would feel the most comfortable.

We are also the ones that would take their children.

My family knows this and agree it is what would be best for the kids.

[vshumway]

Jan 7, 2016 17:38:30 GMT -5 nofksgvn said:

This stresses me out because I feel like I have no one I would want to raise our kid(s). Dad and step mom are too old, my mom is older but also smokes and drinks too much, my sister can't take care of her own kids and is a drug addict, older bro and wife, while good parents, are nut job conspiracy theorists, so nope, little bro couldn't handle it, FIL and stepMIL are a no because they have enough going on taking care of their other grown ass children, and are a bit racist, MIL is a definite nope, H barely talks to her...and that's it for family. We have some best friends that we love but they keep having accidental children (up to 4 now) so it might be too much to add to that, and I really like the thought of Ex-SIL but don't quite fancy her H. No one would raise her like we would and that makes me sad.

No one may raise her like you, but who is going to love her unconditionally as if she was theirs. That's who you pick. To me, the best choice sounds like your friends.

[kbrooke06]

We are probably going to officially go with one of H's sisters. She is closest to us and has one kid of her own (11yo). My mom will probably be upset that we didn't pick her, especially because there isn't a big age gap. My parents are mid 40s and SIL is 38. I just want them to be raised with other kids. Plus, my mom has my sisters that are 14 and my brother who is 22 that she is helping financially.

[peachey]

It was easy for us. DHs parents are in the will. They are great people who would love and care for the boys. Second choice is either of DH's brothers.

One is single but would love a family. The other is married with one kid. We parent somewhat similarly.

I would want my mother to be able to be involved but she is cray, and my dad is not capable so the choice was easy.

I have an aunt that could also be a backup too.

[kc730]

We actually just sat down to start our trust this week and this came up. We've talked before but now it's time to put it on paper.

We had already discussed H's younger brother and his wife. He has reached out to them, and they have requested time (which is one of the reasons I love them). I know one thing is that they have been trying to have kids for almost 5 years and my SIL isn't doing well emotionally with the struggle. If they are unable to, we have some friends we would ask. 3 kids is a lot to ask someone to take on!

[traversity]

We can't agree. My brothers aren't in a position to take them, and his sisters values do not line up with mine, so I don't want them to go to her. I want my best friend or my cousin to take them.
So we haven't put anyone as their guardian yet. It's frustrating.

[joolaya]

I totally blanked on this. We need to figure this out as well. I'm an only and DH's sister has said repeatedly that she doesn't do kids...

[Deleted]

Oh gosh, I haven't even thought about it and we haven't talked about it. I can only assume it would be my parents, but then I don't know how DH would feel about that.

[mrsslick]

We chose one of my sisters. We chose her because of financial security (honestly we don't trust everyone with our children's money), proximity, and parenting style.

We told her and our parents the decision. We'll let them deal with the fallout from other siblings after we're gone ?

[shortermommy]

Jan 12, 2016 14:32:00 GMT -5 b said:

Yeah, we've fought about this more than once.

We both agree that the best options probably are my younger brother or his younger sister, but since neither are married (and my bro is not in a long term relationship), H refuses. He wants L to have stability of two parents. I argue that if he lost both of his parents, no amount of guardian parents would make up for the fact he has suffered that loss and may struggle with life for awhile.

H wants to wait until either of the younger siblings get a ring on it, but I worry about the intermediary, because his parents are older, super Catholic (nothing wrong with that, just not our style), and his dad has always been a super disciplinarian. My parents are BSC and while I use them for child care often, I REALLY don't like how they interact with him (always talking to him about how they are better than me, funner than me, they love him more than me, etc. - all right in front of me) and I still have major trust issues with my dad. I still hate him and no amount of buying shit for L will replace those feelings. BUT if we don't get it in writing soon, I totally see them making a power play to steal him from whoever we verbally choose.

We haven't decoded who we want as guardians yet either. I don't know how it is in your state but in our state if hubs and I both pass away then "by law" our children will automatically go to his mother (YUCK!!! Absolutely NOT!! I will be getting papers drawn up soon). Just thought you may want to know that just in case.