WWYD? Fostering 2yo and baby: UPDATE

[Deleted]

Hello!

We just received a call to foster a 2 year old boy and his newborn brother. A little background. We currently have a 13 yo foster son. H and I both work full time and I work about 30 minutes away from our home. The next three months are the busiest months for H and I at our jobs. We are simultaneously TTC but you can see my signature for the status of that. Right now, the status of the little boys is up in the air. They may find family to take them; the parents may get things figured out; they may become eligible for adoption. It is all unknown. Obviously, I want to take these little boys for so many reasons. H is thinking it is impossible because of our schedules right now. I think we could suck it up for a few months to have these boys. Part of me is thinking I am not thinking rationally because I so desperately want to be a mom to kids this young. It has been really hard for me to feel connected to our 13 yo and he's lived with us since August. What do you guys think we should do?


Update 1/11: We are going to take them! We had a great weekend doing respite care with them. And our 13 yo was so good with them. It was definitely a total change but we just fell in love with them. I cried the whole way back to dropping them off at their current foster home. So, any advice you guys have for that age group is much appreciated! The first night, I just put water in a bottle and added the formula and my mom was like... oh you can't do that! The water has to be boiled first! So yeah, I am totally a newb here.

[pinkie]

This is tough - I think only you can make this decision but a newborn would probably require some leave from work unless you have a nanny or relative lined up to help.

Good luck with the decision!

[daystardreams]

Oh, this is so tough. What is your childcare situation? I live in a small town with a large daycare that I work at so for me it would be plausible to get the boys in daycare considering the newborn is at least six weeks old. If he is not six weeks or you live in a town where childcare is difficult, you might have to take off work. Is that an option for you?

If childcare is not an issue and the only issue is being busy at work for the next three months then yes, I would try to figure it out for now.

Will you be too busy to have time for boys? How will the change affect the 13 year old? Imagine a full day with the new additions, does it seem possible? (not expecting you to answer these questions, just something to ask yourself)

Bottom line: only you can make this decision. If it were me and my own life, I too want to parent children those ages and if I could make it work then I would say yes! However, I would not say yes if it would very negatively impact my life such as cause a lot of work stress because they might only stay for a month and then you have these negative consequences to deal with for very little reward.

Good luck deciding and remember that whatever you and H decide is best, there is no wrong answer here!

[Deleted]

Thank you guys for your responses. It helps! I felt so crazy for wanting to say yes. We got another call from the case worker and it sounds like there is some flexibility to work with us to make the transition so we are going to sleep on it and decide in the morning. Surprisingly, our 13 yo was really excited about it so that is a good sign!

[roxy]

I wish I could offer some advice, but this is such a personal decision. Good luck, I know the struggle is hard when you get the FC call.

[ceejay]

Good luck with your decision! Like others have said, it's really a decision that only you can make after considering what is doable with your schedules and best for your family.

Those were the exact ages of our foster sons when we took them in back in September. I took ~1 week off of work (my husband works part time), and we had a lot of help from family and friends with the transition. Our newborn was 5 weeks when he came to us so we were able to get him in daycare almost right away. Another thing to consider (assuming you're planning to use daycare for the boys) is that many daycares have long waitlists for the infant rooms, and it may be difficult to find a spot for both boys at a DCFS approved daycare. We called probably 8-10 daycares in our area and were lucky to find one that could take both boys right away in the part time schedule that we needed. Just another thing to consider! Good luck and let us know what you decide.

[Deleted]

Thank you all again! We are going to do respite care this weekend with them to sort of try it out. I know whatever our experience on a weekend will not be a true picture of what it will be like but we can at least get an idea I think. Also, the current foster mom is wiling to keep the baby until we can get him in daycare so that is really helpful! So wish us luck this weekend!! It is going to be an adventure for sure.

[daystardreams]

Jan 8, 2016 16:07:17 GMT -5 @helgahufflepuff said:

Thank you all again! We are going to do respite care this weekend with them to sort of try it out. I know whatever our experience on a weekend will not be a true picture of what it will be like but we can at least get an idea I think. Also, the current foster mom is wiling to keep the baby until we can get him in daycare so that is really helpful! So wish us luck this weekend!! It is going to be an adventure for sure.

Good luck! Update us when you can!

[persianmaman]

Jan 8, 2016 19:17:55 GMT -5 daystardreams said:

Good luck! Update us when you can!

Ditto!

I've only taught 2 year old's, not raised one, but I recommend sometimes phrasing things as questions if you are trying to get him to understand something repeatedly. Making them think about the answer makes them ponder the situation and learn more a little. He may be a little TOO young for that yet, so let your own interactions dictate on that matter.

[ceejay]

Congrats! I hope the transition goes well. Like I mentioned earlier, we are fostering two boys of the same ages as your new foster sons (2 years old and now 5 months old), so I'm happy to answer any questions that you may have. Feel free to PM me. Not that I'm an expert by any means... we had never been parents before getting our foster sons in September, so we have just been figuring things out as we go!

[Deleted]

Thank you ceejay !!I am probably going to have a million questions once we get started so I will most likely be PMing you about that!

[gnomesweetgnome]

Jan 7, 2016 19:08:46 GMT -5 @helgahufflepuff said:

Hello!

We just received a call to foster a 2 year old boy and his newborn brother. A little background. We currently have a 13 yo foster son. H and I both work full time and I work about 30 minutes away from our home. The next three months are the busiest months for H and I at our jobs. We are simultaneously TTC but you can see my signature for the status of that. Right now, the status of the little boys is up in the air. They may find family to take them; the parents may get things figured out; they may become eligible for adoption. It is all unknown. Obviously, I want to take these little boys for so many reasons. H is thinking it is impossible because of our schedules right now. I think we could suck it up for a few months to have these boys. Part of me is thinking I am not thinking rationally because I so desperately want to be a mom to kids this young. It has been really hard for me to feel connected to our 13 yo and he's lived with us since August. What do you guys think we should do?


Update 1/11: We are going to take them! We had a great weekend doing respite care with them. And our 13 yo was so good with them. It was definitely a total change but we just fell in love with them. I cried the whole way back to dropping them off at their current foster home. So, any advice you guys have for that age group is much appreciated! The first night, I just put water in a bottle and added the formula and my mom was like... oh you can't do that! The water has to be boiled first! So yeah, I am totally a newb here.

The water does not have to be boiled! Straight tap water is perfectly fine.

[wesleycrusher]

I never boiled water for DD when she was an infant ever. I think the current recommendations say it's not necessary unless it is well water.

ETA: make sure you use cold water from the tap, not hot.

[pinkie]

We used bottled water for the bottles but it's totally fine to use tap. We only used bottled because our town had a water warning and it scared us from ever drinking tap

Our kids are almost 3 and 14 months so we were in your place not too long ago . Feel free to ask anything you want

Awh I'm happy for you - this is exciting

[redandblue]

Congrats! This is very exciting for you and your family. I believe the recommendations are to use distilled water (pre boiled tap water). I would personally do this, it's not the much more effort. I would also recommend that you join one of the birth month boards. There is a tremendous amount of information there from other parents who have children the same age. Helps to understand what to expect, as well as chat with others who are in the same boat (parenting a child the same age).

Good luck!

[roxy]

Congrats! That is so exciting!

[Deleted]

redandblue that is great advice! I have been wondering which board would have the best info about various age specific issues like that. The general parenting board seems mostly social Thank you all so much. We got the 2 yo last night and will have the baby on weekends for the next three weeks. We had a bit of a rough morning getting to daycare but I know the more he goes, the easier it will get!

[redandblue]

That's very exciting! The transition will have it's ups and downs and it sounds like you have a good plan on transitioning these little ones into your home. Keep us posted on how it is going. Just remember, when you have a rough/bad day, there is always tomorrow to start again

[daystardreams]

Happy to see your update! Daycare will get easier. I'm not a parent but I work in daycare. I actually work in the two year old room so if you need any two year old advice feel free to ask me and I'll do my best to answer! Looking forward to more updates!

[jwinct]

Congratulations! Good luck with the transition.

[wesleycrusher]

DD was 2 when she started daycare. It was rough the first few weeks but she fot used to it.