Open Letters anyone?

[karlamo]

Dear lady who gets ready in the work bathroom,

I know we have a shower in there and it is meant to be used, but why do you feel the need to treat this space like you're at home? I was ok when I would walk into the bathroom and you had your music playing and were putting makeup on. Lately you've taken it to a whole new level.  It's 8:45am and all I want to do is have a moment of peace while I pee. I have 2 little boys at home who don't let me pee alone, forget in peace, so coming to work to pee is a nice treat for me. I shouldn't walk into the bathroom to you putting on your makeup in a TOWEL. Dear lord woman, at least put some clothes on for us.  And today, I walked into to you serenading us all by singing in the shower AND you brought your hot rollers in which were plugged in next to the sink.  How the heck are the rest of us suppose to wash our hands with your sh*t everywhere! 

If you tell me where you work, I promise I will go to bat for you to get a raise so you can afford to pay for water at home. 

Sincerely,

A working mom who just wants to pee in peace

[jgy]

Oh dear lord yes, I need this today.

DW,

WTF were you thinking when you turned on the bathroom fan this morning at 5:15, knowing you can't even shower in there because we have a leak? It woke up the toddler and gave me the rage. Same question about when you started unloading the dishwasher at 6am when the baby was still sleeping? And then you didn't deal with either of the children that you woke up. More rage.

Having said that, I do appreciate that you made breakfast for everyone and let me shower in peace, a rare treat.

Your loving, though thoroughly annoyed, wife.

Dear Children,

At some point I will need you to explain to me how even when EVERYONE in the house is up an hour early, we still manage to be late to DC/work. It make-a no sense.

Love,
Your stressed-out, chronically late, Mommy

[karlamo]

To my sweet, adorable boys who I love so much,

Your mamo is leaving on a business trip tomorrow and won't be back till Friday midnight. It will be the three of us...alone...for over 72 hours. I'm scared. I promise I will get us through this but you boys need to help me do this. R, you need to not act like a toddler, k? This means no climbing on the train table, no throwing food all over the place, no freaking out because you can't have cookies for breakfast.
L, you really are a good baby but you need to be put down sometimes. You are held by a mommy 24/7, we even sleep together. There are times when I want to go pee without you strapped to me(see above letter), so if I could put you in the swing or gasp, even on the floor for tummy time, that'd be great.

Sincerely,

Your mommy who plans on being drunk on Friday at 12:01am

[jgy]

Dear Employee Who I Typically Adore,

I know that you are nearing retirement and I am really excited for you, I truly am. We've had a fantastic relationship up until now and I appreciate you and your efforts. But if you call in 1 more time in the next few weeks because you "Didn't feel like braving the roads" we're going to have to chat. You still live in MN. Deal with it.

Ohandbytheway I know that the only reason you came in today is because you have your review. Which I have to give you. Nice timing.

Sincerely,
Your normally positive and affirming (but it's getting harder by the day) Boss

[dannigirl]

Oh I like this!!!!

Dear coworker,

How about you do some work?? I know when you decided at 1pm to go to the bathroom that you were trying to miss your 1:15 appointment and I would have to take it. And don't try to say I should do that appointment because my 1:15pm stopped by in the morning because he switched with someone else so then I have an open spot. Not my fault you had him sit with you. And it's not actually my day to be doing these appointments, I'm just filling in...
Oh, and how about you get off your phone, and also stop messing around online and take forever to get stuff done. And yes, I do sometimes ignore people at the counter and keep doing my work so that you have to help them. I know you are doing personal stuff half the day, and I can't stand covering for you all the time! So yes, I go on mini strikes that actually force you to do something.
You may be a more senior rank than I am, but at this point, you're no long pulling your weight and it's getting old.

However I will miss you like crazy when we are posted apart. Even if you make me loopy at times.