Bed sharers come in. Let's chat

[Deleted]

So about a week ago I just gave up on putting Ali in her crib. I was to the point where she was waking every 15-45 min and I couldn't function during the day so I finally got her to sleep in bed with me. The good news is that we are sleeping so much better. The bad news is that i don't really want to be doing this for a long time.

Any one else in similar situation?

How long have you been bedsharing?
Is it all night or only in the morning?

How long do you intend to bedshare?

[tatersalad]

I do it in the middle of the night whenever B goes through a rough patch. It never lasts longer than a week and then we get back to the usual crib routine.

[belle0720]

We started off cosleeping with Gianna in her bassinet next to our bed with the intention of getting her into her crib around 6 months before I went back to work. Every once in a while I'd fall back to sleep with her on me, but she mostly slept in her bassinet.

Around like 4 months or so she'd wake up in the morning when H went to work, he'd change her diaper, and then put her in bed with me and we'd usually fall back to sleep for a couple of hours. At that point we also switched to the pack and play since she'd gotten too big for the bassinet, and she doesn't sleep in the pack and play as well so we even bought a new mattress for it.

Then we traveled for a week in November so she just slept in bed with us every night and two weeks later we traveled for another week and she slept in bed with me again and we just got into the habit of it.

We still try to start her off in her pack and play some nights, but she just doesn't sleep as well when we do that so we mostly bedshare now. I don't mind it, I actually love having her next to us and she likes to hold our hands while she sleeps which is so sweet. But eventually I do want to have our bed back to ourselves, I just don't know when, probably when she starts nursing less at night. I also feel like there's a really negative stigma around bedsharing and feel judged for it. It doesn't stop us from doing it, but I definitely feel like people roll their eyes about it which is annoying.

[gigi3126]

Jude starts the night in his pnp. If he wakes up before midnight, H is usually coherent enough to put him back after I feed him. If his motn wake up is later than that, he usually ends up staying, sprawled across the bed with a foot in my ribs...
Honestly, I totally did not intend to cosleep, but with bf it's just so much easier. I've found a really comfortable position for nursing in bed so that I don't even really wake up for it, and it just works for us right now.
Also, we have the disadvantage of the nursery being upstairs while our room is down. Right now, the plan is to transition him to his crib during spring break, when H and I won't suffer as much if we lose some sleep. I anticipate a few nights in the guest room across the hall from J's room.

[Deleted]

P comes into our bed around 6:00 am. That would be fine for us to just get up for the day if he didn't wake up 2x a night. So he sleeps/cuddles with us until about 7:30 so we can get a little more sleep. I'm ok with morning snuggles until he starts STTN. Once he's doing that getting up at 6 is NBD.

[billyhorrible]

We're not consistent bedsharers - it, circumstantial and goes with my "most sleep for the most people" philosophy.

* If he's waking more than twice a night, then he ends up in bed with us, so that one of us doesn't have to get up every hour or two.

* If he wakes between 4 and 6, he gets put in bed with DH after nursing, so I can get ready and DH doesn't have to get up with him.

We'll continue until he doesn't need it anymore. I'm not overly concerned. We were more strict about it with LBB, being first time parents. DH was adamant about not having him in OUR bed, so bad nights one of us would sleep on the couch with him. So stupid. Like a baby can tell the difference between sleeping in our bed or the couch.

[heartofglass]

Aiden started off in the sleeper bassinet of the pack and play. One because I was paranoid and two because he was nursing constantly. Then he started sleeping through the night and we didn't want to change anything.
Right after I went back to work the four month sleep regression hit along with not being able to swaddle him anymore since he was rolling. So we had to stop the bassinet too and tried to get him to lay flat in the pack and play. That resulted in a few hours of initial sleep and then up every 15 minutes to an hour. So we built a sidecar crib which has used since about 5 months. We get anywhere from 3-6 hours of initial bedtime sleep in the sidecar where I can soothe him easily.
But, eventually he ends up inconsolable and I either pull him into bed with me or he roots his way in. This is the only way I can get any sleep. Otherwise he has to be soothed every 15 minutes. H doesn't care, he sleeps through everything anyway, so I do what I have to do to function. Honestly I love cosleeping and the one night he STTN since 4 months I actually woke and missed the extra nighttime snuggles.

TL;DR We partially bed share since 4 months, sometimes all night. We will continue as long as it works for us.

[holliberry28]

I don't really have advice but I'm glad you're getting more sleep with her in bed with you! I've tried putting M in bed with us in the early morning but he hates it. Whatever gets you sleep is a go IMO.

[mbjune13]

B came in our bed from about 4 months, the great regression. She refuses to go down almost asleep and I'm not comfortable with CIO for us. Now I nurse her to sleep at night and she starts in the crib. She wakes up once to eat then back in the crib. Lately she has been waking up about an hour after the first feeding so I bring her to bed so we get some sleep. Sometimes I move her when she is sleeping again but most times she stays in bed until H is up for work. For naps I have to lay with her until she is sleeping or nurse her to sleep before I can move her to the crib. She used to nap on our bed but now that she is crawling and pulling up I'm scared she will fall out of bed.
I really don't know when we will change what we do, but for now it works.

[tiffbot]

I bedshared with both my kids. I'll summarize my experience the best I can.

DS was from about 2 months (when I was so exhausted and I realized this was what we needed) to 8 months old, exclusively for those 6 months.

DD was pretty much from birth, maybe a week or two in, until the start of January when she turned 7 months. From about 3-4 months she slept pretty long stretches in her crib and would move in with me overnight sometime. From 4-7 months exclusive.

We pretty much just ran 'tester' nights in the crib throughout both, if it was not happening we'd bring them right back to bed. If they seemed to accept it, that's when they stayed. So 7 months it was for DD, 8 months for DS. H plays a big part in the transition, if things are going well and we know its the right time to transition, he basically takes over nighttime duty while they learn their crib.

I will add, these times also coincide with switching to formula, which is probably a big factor. Both times mentally it's what I needed, but especially would do if they seemed ok with the transition.

[gilder40]

T started in a RNP by our bed for the first several months. We didn't move her to the PNP in our room until Thanksgiving. I had the entire week off, so I could wake with her and nap during the day. She did well, and she was sleeping through the night (from 8 to anywhere from 3-5) consistently from September(in the RNP) until the transition. Once we moved her, she would wake up once, at about 1:30-2:00ish, eat, and then go back down until morning. Then Christmas break came and the ish hit the fan. She now wakes up about every 2 hours and won't be consoled or comforted without food. She wants to nurse and will fall back asleep. We had a few nights when she would be awake for hours. I don't know if it's some hellacious regression, teething, or what.

Needless to say, she is now in bed with us. My H wouldn't sleep in bed with us for the longest because he was scared of smushing her. But he started sleeping in bed with us consistently about two weeks ago. She sleeps well, either on her back or on her side facing me. She will face H if I'm up getting ready for work. She starts in her PNP and will sleep for about 3 (sometimes 4) hours, then the wake ups begin. If she wasn't in bed with us, she would be waking every hour or so. I gave in and just put her in our bed because I was so tired and I drive 30 min to work. Some days, I would get to work and not remember half the drive. It was scary.

We will keep this arrangement until school is out in May. We always start the night in her PNP, and if she STTN there, great! I just need sleep to function and teach. Plus, once school is out we can move her to her room and crib, and I'll be able to handle any rough patches. Summer for the win.

[prettymama36]

We have bedshared since Owen was born and did with my older two as well. It was so much easier in terms of nursing and I ended up getting the most sleep that way. Some babies hate it though and it keeps them up. My DD2 slept better in the crib around 9 months or so.
We will continue as long as it is still working for us.

[veggiemo]

From day one I brought LO in bed with me upon his first wake-up, which recently has ranged anywhere from 3am-6am. We then sleep until approximately 8am.

Last night was the first night H was back in the bed with me, so on LO's first wake up at 6am, I gave his bottle in his crib and left him there. He got himself back to sleep. I have no idea how the following nights are going to go, but I'm sure LO will be in bed between us if he can't get back to sleep on his own.

[hannahl201477]

We started bedsharing when we went on vacation at 3 months old. It was meant to be just there, but then ou house flooded and we moved in to my grandparents and it was just easier.
It is SO much easier with him in the bed with us.
I said after christmas he would move to his room and crib. But here we are and he still is in the bed with us. I wish he wasn't in our bed but I also love it so so much. He is so damn cute asleep!
Our new plan is by one he will be in his own crib Or once he STN.

Anyone have tips on how to get him out of our bed?

[Deleted]

It sounds like most of you start off the night with LO in the crib and then later bedshare. I would love to do that. I just can't get her in the crib initially so I'm having to lay down with her when she goes to sleep at 645/7 and then I'm pretty much in bed jail. I also usually share duties in putting DS to sleep so H reads DS books, bath and I'm usually the 'closer' where I go in and say goodnight to him/kisses. So that's not working unless I hold her while putting him to bed which sometimes he can be chatty right before DS goes to sleep

I feel like our sleep system is kind of a mess

[mirage86]

It's nice seeing all the different ways that bed sharing happens!
We spend each night about 50/50. I nurse him to sleep in our bed, then when we go to bed I move him to his PnP which is next to my side of the bed. He sleeps there until he wakes to eat, which is typically between 2-4am. I pull him back into bed with me and we go back to sleep. If I am still awake when he falls asleep, I will move him back to the PnP. He stays there until his next wake up after DH leaves for work, and then he comes back in with me until we wake up for the day.
I started letting him sleep in our bed when he was somewhere between 6 weeks and 2 months. I was exhausted from being awake the entire time he woke to feed MOTN, and that is around the time that we finally got the hang of nursing while we were both laying down. Once we could do that, I went back to sleep while he ate and I realized that he woke up less often if he was next to me anyway. If the transition to only his PnP doesn't happen once he learns to STTN, then when we move from our apt we'll start him out in his own crib/bed/room.

[pghtruelove]

Juliet starts in her crib and usually sleeps there until 2-3. Then she has her night nursing and I try and put her back in her crib. Some nights she stays in bed after that feed other nights she comes in between 4-6 and sometimes she sleeps the whole night in her crib. Which ever way I'm going to get sleep is what I going to do.
Also we nap in bed or on the couch together.

[pghtruelove]

Jan 26, 2016 16:56:28 GMT -5 @poppyc8 said:

It sounds like most of you start off the night with LO in the crib and then later bedshare. I would love to do that. I just can't get her in the crib initially so I'm having to lay down with her when she goes to sleep at 645/7 and then I'm pretty much in bed jail. I also usually share duties in putting DS to sleep so H reads DS books, bath and I'm usually the 'closer' where I go in and say goodnight to him/kisses. So that's not working unless I hold her while putting him to bed which sometimes he can be chatty right before DS goes to sleep

I feel like our sleep system is kind of a mess

Have you thought about maybe trying to put her to bed a little later? I tried so hard to get Juliet to bed by 630/7 and was having a terrible time trying to get her to sleep anywhere. Now we are consistently putting her down around 830/845 and she goes right to sleep. If we try any earlier it's hell.

[heartofglass]

Jan 26, 2016 16:56:28 GMT -5 @poppyc8 said:

It sounds like most of you start off the night with LO in the crib and then later bedshare. I would love to do that. I just can't get her in the crib initially so I'm having to lay down with her when she goes to sleep at 645/7 and then I'm pretty much in bed jail. I also usually share duties in putting DS to sleep so H reads DS books, bath and I'm usually the 'closer' where I go in and say goodnight to him/kisses. So that's not working unless I hold her while putting him to bed which sometimes he can be chatty right before DS goes to sleep

I feel like our sleep system is kind of a mess

A only goes to sleep nursing so I've started using a heating pad on his mattress to ease the transition from me to crib. It helps a lot!

[billyhorrible]

Jan 26, 2016 16:56:28 GMT -5 @poppyc8 said:

It sounds like most of you start off the night with LO in the crib and then later bedshare. I would love to do that. I just can't get her in the crib initially so I'm having to lay down with her when she goes to sleep at 645/7 and then I'm pretty much in bed jail. I also usually share duties in putting DS to sleep so H reads DS books, bath and I'm usually the 'closer' where I go in and say goodnight to him/kisses. So that's not working unless I hold her while putting him to bed which sometimes he can be chatty right before DS goes to sleep

I feel like our sleep system is kind of a mess

I feel like a broken record on the subject, so I'm sure you already have an inkling as to what I'm going to say, which is that if you're worried about the fact she doesn't sleep in the crib yet, don't - she will. But if your concern stems from the fact that the current situation isn't working for you, then I vote you bring in the reinforcements!

DH and I ping pong a lot at night because of the two kids, so I feel you on the last part.  For the most part BH goes to sleep really easily after nursing - I rock him, sing him a lullaby, and he's out enough to lay down in his crib so I can go do storytime/goodnight with LBB.  But some times he wakes screaming shortly thereafter and sometimes he is a wide-awake-grinning-pacifier-throwing fool after nursing.  On those nights, DH and I take turns rocking him to sleep and putting him in the crib, while the other does bedtime.  And sometimes I miss bedtime with LBB, and will go in for a quick kiss as soon as I'm done with BH.  Based on our routine:

1) You have a similar problem with the crib and wakeups, right?  Where she wakes up screaming after you put her in?  Would your husband have better luck getting her back to sleep and in the crib?  (And FWIW, those waking every 15-45 minutes is what I'm referring to with waking more than twice a night.  Those would be the nights he'd "start in the crib" but would be in bed with us by the time we went to bed.  If you still count that as starting in the crib, then you could easily be there ;-))

2)  What happens if/when you get up from the bed after she falls asleep?  Does she wake up?  Could your husband lie with her while you do bedtime with DS?

3) Does she sleep "in arms"?  Could your husband hold her/rock her so you don't have to hold her during DS's bedtime?

[Deleted]

billyhorrible all of these are great suggestions. I'm not sure why but with DS I utilized H way more for bedtime. I would say he put DS to bed as a baby 50 percent of time. But this time around I'm taking on way more of the responsibility for bedtime. Maybe because H is handling 90% of bedtime duties with DS and he also cooks a lot. I need to lean on H more w the baby instead of doing everything myself. I guess I'm also falling into the 'I'm going to break my baby thing establishing bad bedtime habits...when really this is just a blip on the radar.

[Deleted]

Jan 26, 2016 17:55:33 GMT -5 pghtruelove said:

Jan 26, 2016 16:56:28 GMT -5 @poppyc8 said:

It sounds like most of you start off the night with LO in the crib and then later bedshare. I would love to do that. I just can't get her in the crib initially so I'm having to lay down with her when she goes to sleep at 645/7 and then I'm pretty much in bed jail. I also usually share duties in putting DS to sleep so H reads DS books, bath and I'm usually the 'closer' where I go in and say goodnight to him/kisses. So that's not working unless I hold her while putting him to bed which sometimes he can be chatty right before DS goes to sleep

I feel like our sleep system is kind of a mess

Have you thought about maybe trying to put her to bed a little later? I tried so hard to get Juliet to bed by 630/7 and was having a terrible time trying to get her to sleep anywhere. Now we are consistently putting her down around 830/845 and she goes right to sleep. If we try any earlier it's hell.

I've tried later and I would say her wake ups are worse. She doesn't have a hard time falling asleep it's more like she has a hard time sleeping long stretches in the crib. She hasn't done more then a 3 hour stretch in her crib since I would say she was 4 months old. So I've just hit a point where I can't wake up MOTN this much anymore which is why we are bedsharing. With bedsharing I think I'm getting 4 hour stretches.

[griffindor24]

We have been cosleepers from the beginning and bedsharing since DS was about 5 months old. We never intended to bedshare but I love billyhorrible 's "most sleep for the most people" philosophy and I guess we have just been following that. DS recently started going to sleep in his crib but he ends up in our bed at around 2 am usually. I have no real plans to change this; I guess I'm just lazy and not too bothered by it.

[baytosa2013]

We had C in bed with us a few times early on and I was way too nervous that I was going to roll on her. She slept in her bouncy for a few months because she had some reflux. We transitioned her to the bassinet height in the PNP around 3 months, moved it down to the lowest level around Christmas and 2 weeks ago she left our room and went in to the crib in her own room. I legit cried over that one but I knew it was time. We co-slept on vacation and we were ALL miserable. She moves and kicks and rolls way too much. I wasn't able to BF and have done formula since about 2 weeks in. Bedtime routine is bath (if needed), jammies, book, bottle while rocking in her room and she is snoring in my arms by the time she finishes. We put her down around 7:15-7:30 and she sleeps till 6:00am weekdays and 7:00am weekends. She naps 1-3 times a day for a total of about an hour so I think that helps our bedtimes. She's been a bit fussy in her sleep 1-2 times in the night right now but she just wants her paci since she's teething pretty good.

[belle0720]

Jan 27, 2016 16:23:12 GMT -5 baytosa2013 said:

We had C in bed with us a few times early on and I was way too nervous that I was going to roll on her. She slept in her bouncy for a few months because she had some reflux. We transitioned her to the bassinet height in the PNP around 3 months, moved it down to the lowest level around Christmas and 2 weeks ago she left our room and went in to the crib in her own room. I legit cried over that one but I knew it was time. We co-slept on vacation and we were ALL miserable. She moves and kicks and rolls way too much. I wasn't able to BF and have done formula since about 2 weeks in. Bedtime routine is bath (if needed), jammies, book, bottle while rocking in her room and she is snoring in my arms by the time she finishes. We put her down around 7:15-7:30 and she sleeps till 6:00am weekdays and 7:00am weekends. She naps 1-3 times a day for a total of about an hour so I think that helps our bedtimes. She's been a bit fussy in her sleep 1-2 times in the night right now but she just wants her paci since she's teething pretty good.

Holy cow! G naps at least twice a day, 30 minutes - 1 hour and other random little cat naps and there is no chance has she ever slept 12 hours straight! I can't imagine she ever will LOL. Her longest stretch has been 6 hours.

[periwinkledaydreams]

belle0720 I lt your last post because samesies.. Jazz ONCE in her life slept seven hours straight and we near flipped out! Other than that, she had a few weeks in her third and fifth months where she slept in glorious solid 5 hour chunks, but besides that I've got a really finicky sleeper who wakes up ALL THE TIMES.

We've dabbled in bedsharing, I guess you would say. We do it when we need to. I can tell MOTN if she's just not going to fall back asleep without contact and she really needs sleep, I'll take her to bed with me and kick SO to the futon in the nursery. I don't feel comfortable all 3 of us in the bed. The problem for me became that her and I are so similar.. both really active and light sleepers, that, that even though she wouldn't be waking up fully like she does when she's in her crib, she'd be keeping ME up all night long flipping her damn head back and forth like a wrecking ball and grunting and cooing and whatever. We don't do this as much any more because I need to find a better way to get sleep myself, but we do still cosleep for a morning nap here and there on a morning when I can afford to crawl back in bed, because seriously this girl will nap for all of 10 minutes alone but might make 1.5 hours with me next to her!

[dogmama22]

You all are making me miss bed sharing so much!! We started out co-sleeping because I was terrified of falling asleep with him. He slept in a PnP right next to our bed for a few months until I figured out how to nurse in the side-lying position without being covered in vomit immediately after. Once he was a bit bigger and we got all of that figured out, he just came in our bed after the first wake up. Unfortunately, he just kept getting worse and worse about waking up, until we decided to just try putting him in his crib about 3 weeks ago. He's slept 10-12 hours ever since. I really miss it, but I cough a lot at night and I think that keeps him up. I tried bringing him to our bed a couple of nights ago and he refused to sleep. I was heartbroken, but I'm glad we're both sleeping more now.

[honeybunches101]

We have been bed sharing since maybe 2 months? It's just easier. We moved to a new house when H was 10 days old and our bedroom is upstairs, the other two are on the first floor. DS, 3.5, wakes up a lot at night so it is easiest if we are all together and there's no room for a crib. Every once in a while I'll try her in th PNP but she is not a fan. She sleeps great on or next to me, so here we are. One day DS will be done with this nightmare phase, and DS won't want to nurse a ton at night, and we'll move upstairs.

[baytosa2013]

belle0720 I just wanted to clarify that her naps Total an hour not are an hour each lol this child does NOT nap well but I'll happily take that if it comes with the 12 hour nights.

[carolyngrace]

I keep trying once in a while because I want the snuggles, but he's been almost 100% in his crib since 4 months so he just thinks I'm being silly!