Fruit Salad Family Dramaz

[Deleted]

I'm all about cutting people off. As hard as it is in the short term, it's so much better (when needed) in the long run. Good luck.

[SheilaTheTank]

I cut most of my family off when they decided to dial up the drama at my wedding. It was literally the BEST thing I have ever done for myself and I regret nothing about it. Plus MH's family is way cooler so win win.

[RajahMD]

I agree with @led. Sometimes it's best for your mental health to cut people out of your life.

*hugs*

[SheilaTheTank]

Jan 31, 2016 23:16:00 GMT -5 @pineappleoranges said:

Jan 31, 2016 23:13:36 GMT -5 SheilaTheTank said:

I cut most of my family off when they decided to dial up the drama at my wedding. It was literally the BEST thing I have ever done for myself and I regret nothing about it. Plus MH's family is way cooler so win win.

H is like a bushman swinging a machete. He plays no games cutting people off. At this rate any children we have will have like no blood family around or involved in their life. And maybe that's what I'm so sad about

I started building my own "family" from people who were truly supportive of MH and I. I have a great group of people now that I can turn to and who truly care about us and don't set ridiculous expectations or cause unnecessary stress. I've been also slowly pulling the nonasshole members of my family into this group and they are realizing how less stressful it is.

Bottom line: Do you. Take care of your family first. If other people choose to not be a part of it, that is their loss. Surround yourself with those who love and support you. It will be better for you in the end.

[TheEleventhHour]

Jan 31, 2016 23:22:19 GMT -5 SheilaTheTank said:

Jan 31, 2016 23:16:00 GMT -5 @pineappleoranges said:

H is like a bushman swinging a machete. He plays no games cutting people off. At this rate any children we have will have like no blood family around or involved in their life. And maybe that's what I'm so sad about

I started building my own "family" from people who were truly supportive of MH and I. I have a great group of people now that I can turn to and who truly care about us and don't set ridiculous expectations or cause unnecessary stress. I've been also slowly pulling the nonasshole members of my family into this group and they are realizing how less stressful it is.

Bottom line: Do you. Take care of your family first. If other people choose to not be a part of it, that is their loss. Surround yourself with those who love and support you. It will be better for you in the end.

Amen! 

And I get the sadness aspect. I have a pretty non-existent relationship with my dad because I couldn't deal with his bull shit anymore. Every so often I get sad because, unless he miraculously gets his shit together, DS won't have a relationship with him. It is for the best but sometimes I have to remind myself of that (and some days it is harder to convince myself than others). 

[Deleted]

Jan 31, 2016 23:03:59 GMT -5 hippo said:

#deardiary.

I think you need blog.

I think I would read a blog titled Fruit Salad Family Drama.

[Deleted]

MH doesn't talk to his dad or stepmom unless he absolutely has to do it. I think it's been over a year since they last had contact.
He feels like his dad replaced him with his upstanding citizen stepsister and stepbrother. It's hard to compete with a teacher and a cop when you have a rap sheet.

I have tried to get him to call with zero success. I've also considered emailing his stepmom just to update her, but i'm not sure what it will accomplish.

The kicker is that his parents got divorced because his mom had an affair, yet he still continues to blame his dad and stepmom for everything.

So many more layers to this story. I could go one for hours.

I guess the point I was making is that I maintain contact with my dad because he is my only living parent. He can be bat shit crazy some days and I deal with it. MH on the other hand has both parents willing to be in his life, but refuses the one.

To MH, he feels that it's better to cut off contact because he can't move past a 25 year old grudge.

[Deleted]

I started to doze off midpost I am impressed with myself for being pretty cohorent.

[Andrea]

Huge hugs friend, dealing with family drama on top of other stressors cannot be easy. Listen to your gut & let go of those that do not support you.

[JustJudy]

Jan 31, 2016 23:17:21 GMT -5 @pineappleoranges said:

It really is messing with my mental health me triggering some physical aspects too. I know moving won't fix everything but it the light at the end of the tunnel for me right now.

My MIL is mentally ill and really tough to deal with. Moving 2000 miles away 7 years ago was one of the best things we've ever done. My wife did cut her off for a few years, though we're back in contact now. I'm similar to your husband, if you mess with me or my friends and family I will cut you out in a second. I know it's infinitely harder when it's your own parents. 

I actually just read this article, Abusive Parents: What do Grown Children Owe Them, this morning even though it's a few years old and it was eye opening. 

[penguin129]

Hugs to you @pineappleoranges. I'm sorry your Fruit Salad is having family drama.

[gabride2010]

Sorry about the family drama @pineappleoranges. Sometimes it is better to cut someone off than have that toxic person in your life. It isn't good for you or any future LO.

I did this with my brother, and I feel so much happier now that I don't have to deal with him. He brought NOTHING good to my life, but he did bring a lot of drama and BS. I don't need that, and I refused to put up with that anymore.

MH's family is more my family than my blood family, except for my dad. We also have an awesome group of friends who will be our LO's Aunts and Uncles (plus H's brothers and their wives).

Bottom line...family doesn't have to be blood related.

[ironbaby]

I am a Team Cut Off the SM. I am wondering if maintaining a relationship with your father will be easier without her physically in your lives (if you move).

In any case, you are not obligated to keep people in your life who bring nothing positive to it. Why waste your emotional energy? I like the move idea. I hope you find something and it gives you a fresh start.

[PepperPottsJ]

So many hugs @pineappleoranges, it is so hard to let go of the toxic family, but as hard as it is, your heart and sanity need to be #1

[wannabmama]

Sorry you've got the family drama! My MIL is a cruel person and has really impacted her kids lives a lot. When I first met H, I was on the "accept her for what she is, know what to expect from her, but maintain a relationship with her, even if distant...because she is, after all, your mom." But now...after seeing the toxicity first hand and how it impacts her kids, I've changed my tune. I also really don't want her around grandkids unless it's supervised. I don't want her influencing my child.
So...essentially, I'm on team cut 'em off. Life's too short.
That article JustJudy posted was really interesting for me to read, too.

[pinkcat]

Feb 1, 2016 8:15:57 GMT -5 PepperPottsJ said:

So many hugs @pineappleoranges , it is so hard to let go of the toxic family, but as hard as it is, your heart and sanity need to be #1

+1 to all of this! Hugs @pineappleoranges, and also I am so sorry to see the news in your siggy. (I have been mobile mostly for the past week so just saw it) Lots of thoughts your way today.

[daisy818]

I'm sorry to hear about the drama - it sucks to have to cut people off, but sometimes it just has to be done because you can't control other people's shitty behavior but you can limit its impact on you and your family. DH has had to set very clear boundaries with both of his parents (they divorced when he was very young). He hasn't technically cut them out of our lives, but he's told them exactly what they must do to be a part of his life and my SS's life, and sadly neither of them bothers to do those things (which are basical things like, "Be a decent human being to your grandson"). When they then try to whine about it, DH just says, all you have to do is put in the effort, and then they usually shut up and disappear for a few months. It makes me sad to know that any kids I have will really only have one set of present grandparents, but I know it's the right thing to do and I completely support DH in the boundaries he has set.

[lilsneezy]

Here's my .02. MH cut his toxic, alcoholic father and step mom out of his life about three years ago after they got into a huge argument over his (dad's) drinking. Two years later, his dad ends up in a coma and passes away from liver failure. MH never got a chance to reconcile or say goodbye. His last words to him were literally "fuck you." He has to live with that for the rest of his life and I can tell you that not a day goes by that he doesn't regret that decision. It has been a very difficult year for him, to say the least.

At the end of the day, you have to do what's right for you. But just keep in mind that even if you don't plan on cutting them out for the rest of their/your life, it just might happen that way.