TTCAL Check In 2/2

[notagoddess]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

GTKY: Would you go to an IRL support group? Why or why not?

[peaseblossom55]

I doing ok. Mostly I've been focusing on the IVF stuff versus any grief or sadness. I'm now a pro at injections.

Status: TCC

Diagnosis: me; PCOS DH; pericentric inversion

Updates/Questions: Injects are going well, CD 1 should be here any minute I have a baseline u/s and blood work Friday. If all looks good I start stimming on Saturday.

Debbie Downer: I've been so focused on the IVF stuff. I've kind of forgotten about my grieving, but the past few days it's been hitting me in strong waves on and off. I miss Anneliese so much and what should have been. I don't feel like it will ever get easier, there will always be that hole in my heart
GTKY: I found a few groups post loss, 1 specifically for TFMR but I opted not to go. I've found support groups online and on FB, one is just beyond amazing. I prefer one on one therapy to work through my grief. Also H did not want to go and I really didn't want to go alone.

[notagoddess]

How are you doing? I feel fine, but not very optimistic.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Resected uterine septum

Updates/questions: I'm having my HSG in an hour and a half. I'm nervous to see how my uterus looks. It looked all weird with the septum.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm having some feelings of bitterness towards my best friend, who is pregnant. She announced she gave up driving because of her bump (she's about 7 months) and for some reason that irks me. I know it's on me though. 

GTKY: I did go to a local pregnancy and infant loss support group twice. Then, I had some scheduling conflicts and stopped going. It's been more than a year but I've been thinking about going back. The only hesitation is that most of the ladies there had worse losses than me: 7 miscarriages, stillbirth, infant death. I did feel like I was a bit out of place, although they never made me feel that way.

[littlelion]

How are you doing? Ok

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC in the TWW

Diagnosis (if applicable): MTHFR & AMA

Updates/questions: I'm in the TWW and am trying to stay calm and disengaged. Neither positive or negative. But I am thinking about it. I realized last cycle that if I get KU in this one, I'd be due around my moms birthday Oct 12. So many emotions about that. My mom passed away 8 years ago. 

Debbie downer (a place to vent):I've been fighting a lot with DH lately. I think some of it is his fault (being a jerk) but some of it's mine. Keeping this all bottled up is making me short tempered. 

GTKY: I think I would go. I didn't know there was support groups IRL for something like this. 

[hydrangea1019]

peaseblossom55 glad those injections got easier! FX everything looks good for you!! There's no real defined answer to deal with grief. As long as you find what works for you, that's all that matters, and it sounds like you have
notagoddess GL with the HSG. I find the smallest things people mention about their pregnancy irk me sometimes. It's just one of those things that's 'I should've experienced that'. ((Hugs))

How are you doing? I'm ok today.
Status: TTC, TWW
Dx: N/A
Updates: RE appt is next week. I'm slightly optimistic about it, but also pretty nervous.
Debbie Downer: 2/3 of the women I grew close to after their losses are pregnant already. I'm feeling a bit left behind.
GTKY: at this point, I don't think I'd go to an IRL support group. I'm pretty content right now with family/friend support and this group

[hydrangea1019]

littlelion due dates around passed loved ones bring up all kinds of emotions ((hugs)). I hope you and DH can work this out. Maybe he's bottling stuff up inside and that's why he's being a jerk?

[littlelion]

Feb 2, 2016 9:57:53 GMT -5 hydrangea1019 said:

littlelion due dates around passed loved ones bring up all kinds of emotions ((hugs)). I hope you and DH can work this out. Maybe he's bottling stuff up inside and that's why he's being a jerk?

You are probably right on. His dad was dx with a tumor last week. And it's sad that he can't get fast medical attention. They live in a small town in Mexico. He had pain and had a hard time peeing. And the drs he saw were trying to schedule him for surgery in April! My SIL lives in a different state and is helping him get medical attention there. We don't really talk about it. My mom passed away from breast cancer so I have all the knowledge of worst case scenarios. And I guess I need to understand that's the reason DH is drinking more and being a jerk. It's hard when both of us are dealing with difficult emotions. Sorry for rambling. Thanks for listening. 

[wannabmama]

peaseblossom55 g/l with the baseline and starting stims!
notagoddess good luck with the HSG!
littlelion sorry you're having a rough patch with YH this stuff is really hard on a marriage, too.
hydrangea1019 hope the appt with the RE goes well.

Status: TTC (in TWW of a natural cycle)
Diagnosis: mfi/AMA
Updates/questions: just waiting to see what we can work out for timing with starting IVF; my RE is saying now H needs to go to urologist first, but that makes no sense. Even if there was something to "fix" it would take months to work and her whole office kept pressuring me to start sooner rather than later on IVF bc of my own testing expiring in May and bc I'll then be 38 (the next layer of "old" for AMA). I'm annoyed.
Debbie downer (a place to vent): other than the above, I'm ok for now.
Gtky: I went to a fertility therapist for a consult and she suggested I join a group she has. It's not for loss, but for IF in general and I'm looking forward to checking it out.

[peaseblossom55]

hydrangea1019, I feel like I am constantly left behind in this TTC thing. I have to keep telling myself it's not a race but it still hurts.
wannabmama, I hope you are able to get started sooner rather than later.
littlelion, I hope things with your H get better, fighting is not fun.
notagoddess, good luck with the HSG today!

[ellabee]

I'm glad your injections are going well peaseblossom55! I'm sorry about the emotional rollercoaster that is IVF. ::Hugs::

Good luck with your HSG notagoddess! I hope everything goes well. ::Hugs:: for having to deal with all the emotions that come with a pregnant bff. I'm right there with you and hate that I can't avoid feeling resentful...and then guilty because I know I should be happy for her. It's a struggle.

Fx for you this TWW littlelion! Sending zen thoughts your way.

hydrangea1019, I'm so sorry you're feeling left behind. ::hugs:: for you, lady. I hope your RE appointment next week is helpful.

Ugh wannabmama. I'm sorry for the runaround with the RE and testing for YH. How frustrating.



How are you doing? A little blue today. 10dpo and all signs are pointing to AF.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: Nothing right now.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Just sad. Pessimistic about this cycle because DH and I were both sick during my fw. Temp is down below cl already. Everyone I know is pregnant. It's really just gonna be one of those days. ::sigh:: Okay, that's about it for now.

GTKY: Would you go to an IRL support group? Why or why not? I probably would at least check it out.

[doodler]

How are you doing? Not good

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Nothing at the moment.

Diagnosis (if applicable): Will be starting the process now of doing some RPL testing. Not really sure what that is going to entail.

Updates/questions: I didn't make it to my D&C last week. I was however still able to take the baby in for genetic testing. They weren't sure if it would work but encouraged me to try. Talk about traumatizing. We should know something next week.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Today is my first day back to work. I have cried about 50 times already. This week is so packed full and busy and I just need to get through it.

GTKY: Would you go to an IRL support group? Why or why not? I actually just called a counseling group to try to set up a session. They didn't have much availability and I ended the call through tears when she could only offer me inconvenient times. I want to call somewhere else but I'm afraid that will happen again. It took so much to get myself to even make the call. I could never work up the courage to do it after my first loss but I'm scared that I will handle this one even worse in the long run.

[kayladawn91]

How are you doing? Well CD1 hit hard on Saturday since I had gotten my hopes up. So that sucked and I've been pretty down ever since.

Status: TTC - Cycle 9/Month 10 AL

Diagnosis: N/A

Updates/questions: Nope

Debbie downer: Nothing else.

GTKY: No, I'm pretty okay with the support I get here and I'm not sure an IRL support group would really change anything for me.

[ellabee]

So many hugs for you doodler. I hope you're able to get some answers next week. I admire your strength for being able to take your baby in. What an incredibly difficult thing to be faced with. Also, the universe sucks for not throwing you a bone with the counseling group. Like, why can't scheduling this one thing just work out after everything you've been through? ::sigh:: I hope you do end up finding a group that works for you.

[littlelion]

doodler, I wanted to echo what ellabee said. Huge hugs for being able to take the baby in for testing. That is such a difficult thing to go through. My DH wanted to keep a couple of the babies for a burial of sorts (all my MC were natural). After the first one, I couldn't even look at them. I hope you can get some answers.

[peaseblossom55]

doodler sending you so many hugs

[requiressnacks]

How are you doing? I'm alright

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC...11DPO and my period will be here tomorrow

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unexplained IF

Updates/questions: We are heading back to IUIs next cycle, so I'm ready to feel like I have a shot at conceiving again.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): My eldest niece turned 11 yesterday. I feel a little sad that my sisters kids are so much older than mine. And all of my friends have kids, who are pretty much school aged.

GTKY: Would you go to an IRL support group? Why or why not?

I've considered it. My RE hosts a local RESOLVE meeting, which I always thought might be helpful for dealing with my IF. As far as dealing with my loss, I would probably prefer 1 on 1 counseling.

[requiressnacks]

notagoddess, how did the HSG go?
littlelion, I bottle up my frustrations a lot too. And then I get mad at my H for not being able to read my mind. Hope you guys get back in a good place soon.
hydrangea1019, I totally understand feeling left behind. I am in the same boat, with all my IRL friends/family.
ellabee, I hope one of us gets lucky this cycle....but agreed, it's not looking good. Boo.
doodler, I am so, so sorry you are back here. I really hope the testing gives you some answers. I also think that's such BS that they couldn't fit you in . That would be traumatizing.
kayladawn91, I'm so sorry your back to WTO.
danib, welcome back. And so many hugs for hitting 16 months.

[daystardreams]

peaseblossom55 I hope this upcoming IVF cycle goes well!

notagoddess I'm sorry your best friend's pregnancy is bothering you. My best friend was pregnant last year and it was very, very difficult. I was and still am easily annoyed by the whole situation. Hugs, it sucks but it's normal.

littlelion I'm sorry you and YH are having a rough patch.

hydrangea1019 I hope your RE appt goes well.

wannabmama This stuff is confusing enough without your RE being wishy washy about timelines. I hope you and RE can get on the same page!

ellabee Sorry about the temp drop.

doodler I'm so sorry you are having a rough week!

kayladawn91 So sorry for CD 1

danib Welcome back. I'm usually mobile too (PS sorry everyone if my tags are messed up!) I'm sorry you have to be here though.

AFM

Status: I don't know what to do. I kind of want to TTA until I get a solid plan from the RE. H wants to keep TTC anyway. We're both overwhelmed with the process!

Diagnosis: PCOS, MTHFR

Updates: Nope, sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves.

Debbie Downer: Yesterday was the anniversary of when we started TTC. I hate how naive and excited I was...I hate all the milestones that are coming up. I wish I could make myself forget the dates but in the back of my mind I remember.

Started TTC on 2/1
Ovulated 2/7
(I always remember this because if baby implanted on 7 DPO, it was Valentine's Day)
BFP on 2/21
No heartbeat on 3/28
D&C on 4/3

I dread this whole time of year from February to April (now I got #3's EDD in the middle of it too) and I can't believe that it's been two years and I've got nothing to show for it.

GTKY: Yes, I would but there aren't any here. I checked on the RESOLVE website and it suggested that I make a group. I would go to one but not lead one!

[littlelion]

notagoddess, any update on your hsg? So sorry about your difficulties with your BFFs pregnancy. That must be bittersweet. Is it me or is it harder to see a pregnant  woman or newborn/babies than women with older children?
peaseblossom55, I'm happy to see that IVF has kept your mind occupied. Have you thought about going to IRL support groups now? Maybe going alone wouldn't be as bad as it was in the beginning?
hydrangea1019, sorry you are feeling left behind. I wish you all the baby dust this TWW!
wannabmama, yay for good news! Sounds like you are moving fwd with IVF?
ellabee, hugs, it sucks how short a window we get each month to try.  
kayladawn91, sorry about CD1
danib, welcome back and I'm sorry you find yourself still TTC after all this time.
requiressnacks, I'll keep my FX for you until you are out for sure this TWW! 


  

[littlelion]

daystardreams, I'll send T&P's that the RE has a plan that works for you!  

[notagoddess]

littlelion, requiressnacks, I posted on the randoms thread, but my SHG did not go well. There are still structural issues indicating a septum. I had surgery one year ago to remove it, so the OB and ultrasound tech were both surprised. The OB thinks I may be needing another surgery... He will talk with the RE within two weeks and give me a call.

I think I will schedule an appointment with the RE regardless. I might as well have one doctor doing everything.

[littlelion]

Feb 2, 2016 14:42:49 GMT -5 notagoddess said:

littlelion, requiressnacks, I posted on the randoms thread, but my SHG did not go well. There are still structural issues indicating a septum. I had surgery one year ago to remove it, so the OB and ultrasound tech were both surprised. The OB thinks I may be needing another surgery... He will talk with the RE within two weeks and give me a call.

I think I will schedule an appointment with the RE regardless. I might as well have one doctor doing everything.

I'm sorry to hear that. Can that "grow" or come back? Or did the surgeon not follow up and see there were still issues? How frustrating.

[notagoddess]

Feb 2, 2016 15:47:44 GMT -5 littlelion said:

Feb 2, 2016 14:42:49 GMT -5 notagoddess said:

littlelion , requiressnacks , I posted on the randoms thread, but my SHG did not go well. There are still structural issues indicating a septum. I had surgery one year ago to remove it, so the OB and ultrasound tech were both surprised. The OB thinks I may be needing another surgery... He will talk with the RE within two weeks and give me a call.

I think I will schedule an appointment with the RE regardless. I might as well have one doctor doing everything.

I'm sorry to hear that. Can that "grow" or come back? Or did the surgeon not follow up and see there were still issues? How frustrating.

I have never heard about the possibility of it growing back. The surgeon did not follow up with any imaging. He said it was unnecessary since he could see it during the surgery. I was suspicious but he's affiliated with an Ivy League medical school and an expert on gynecological surgery. He's the go-to surgeon in my state for this issue.

I guess I have to wait for the OB and RE to communicate and get back to me. I want to make an appointment anyway since last time it took a while. If that's all he could do to fix my issue, I can bring the focus to overall fertility concerns.

[requiressnacks]

notagoddess, I'm so sorry to hear the procedure didn't go well. I hope you get some answers soon. ((Hugs))

[peaseblossom55]

notagoddess, I'm so sorry the HSG did not go well. I hope you can figure things out soon.

[kayladawn91]

@peaseblossom I'm really glad the injections are easier now! Hugs for the lingering sadness, it really does seem to come in waves for me too.

notagoddess sending you so many hugs!!

littlelion I'm sorry you and YH have been arguing a lot lately. I hope things get better soon.

hydrangea1019 good luck with your RE appointment!!

wannabmama I hope you're able to get things going with IVF soon!

ellabee sorry about impending AF.

doodler so many hugs being sent your way! I hope your week goes by quickly!

danib welcome back, but I'm sorry you still have to be here. Hugs to you.

requiressnacks FX that the IUI is successful if this cycle doesn't work out.

daystardreams hugs for the milestone of first TTC and for all the ones coming up.

[doodler]

Hi guys, thanks for all the support yesterday. It was my first day back to work after the loss and I was in a really low place. It really helped to keep seeing tags and reading your encouraging words. I hope everyone has a great day today

[ellabee]

I'll tag you all day long if it helps doodler. Hope today is a bit easier than yesterday!

[notagoddess]

I also want to thank everyone for the support yesterday. I don't know what I would do without you

[hydrangea1019]

So our Governor just declared 4 counties in FL in a health emergency because of Zika, and one of them is where I work and live just north of.

I honestly wasn't really worried about this until probably yesterday. Now it's really on my radar.