SAH Sunday: Why did nobody tell me....

[Bluedaisy]

So before I had LO tons of people seemed to want to give me advice.  It ranged from the trite (sleep while you can) to the terrible (don't waste money on formula- use condensed milk and corn syrup).


But.... no one ever told me that being a mom doesn't just come naturally.  Even though I knew being a mom would be hard work no one thought to tell me that it also comes with a lot of worries and anxiety.  My mom always seemed so confident, as if she had all the answers.  My first few days I felt lost.

Other things no one told me:
-Keep hair ties in every room.
-Eat when you can.
-A humidifier can be a life saver.
-Just because you want to breastfeed does not mean you will be able to.

So ladies? What terrible advice were you given and what did NO ONE think to tell you?  Moms with more than one LO what about you? Anything that your second and more kids taught you?

[Bluedaisy]

Also any rants and raves??

[wegrowsheep]

The hardest thing that no one told me was how hard having a second would be. I really struggled with not being able to sleep when baby slept, and not spending as much time with DD.

[missjenniebean]

No one told me about the amount of strain it would be on the relationship at first. Yeah they said it all changes and is tough but no one warned about HOW much trouble a new one causes.

Or, in agreement with Bluedaisy, how much mothering doesn't come natural.
Yeah, no. I did NOT feel an instant love. In fact, it took about a day and a half to feel motherly at all. Sure I loved her but didn't feel that surge of what people talked about and no, I don't know how to soothe my crying baby. Yes she is mine but that means nothing. I know about as much as you do.

[pghtruelove]

No one told me to bring extra shirts for me and to bring extra to the baby's extra. No one told me how wet babies are. I also didn't realize how hard it was going to be to keep up with house chores and laundry.

[holliberry28]

Feb 7, 2016 18:28:31 GMT -5 missjenniebean said:

No one told me about the amount of strain it would be on the relationship at first. Yeah they said it all changes and is tough but no one warned about HOW much trouble a new one causes.

Or, in agreement with Bluedaisy, how much mothering doesn't come natural.
Yeah, no. I did NOT feel an instant love. In fact, it took about a day and a half to feel motherly at all. Sure I loved her but didn't feel that surge of what people talked about and no, I don't know how to soothe my crying baby. Yes she is mine but that means nothing. I know about as much as you do.

I felt this way too. It made me so sad for so long.

[Bluedaisy]

missjenniebean, I totally get that feeling. Even though I loved him and felt very protective I didn't feel like I instinctively knew what to do or what he needed.

[shahoi]

+1 on the even if you want to breast feed does not mean you will be able to. I wasn't prepared for it not working out, and it was the hardest thing to come to terms with. I cried and cried for weeks.

This is for during pregnancy - no one told me you can get hemorrhoids just from all the pressure, BEFORE you even deliver the baby. That would have been a nice tid bit of information.

[Bluedaisy]

shahoi, I cried forever too and still will admit to getting a little green eyed when I see other moms breastfeeding.

[wegrowsheep]

DH's answer: How the poop, pee, and spit up wouldn't actually be as gross as he thought they'd be.

[Bluedaisy]

@jemomma, I'm only on LO #1 but already my thoughts and views on EVERYTHING seemed to have changed.

[veggiemo]

missjenniebean I immediately felt that way with DS1. I still feel that way, and he's 3.5. Some kids are hard to love all the time. Or even a little bit of time. Don't feel bad.
LO is the most easy, perfect baby. People keep telling me "you deserve LO". And fucking yes I do.

[ombradellarosa]

Feb 8, 2016 2:50:12 GMT -5 sammyca said:

I always feel a little guilty saying this but nobody told me how boring and mundane being a parent can be. I feel like our lives were so much more exciting and stimulating pre-kids.

This. DH reminds me constantly that taking care of the baby is productive and very helpful, but it doesn't feel that way. I feel like I'm doing nothing all the time. And I get rewarded with a lot of crying. And now we're in the biting and scratching.

Thank you for this thread Bluedaisy! I love it! And I can't believe anyone really thinks condensed milk, let alone with corn syrup, has something to do with formula. Hoping and praying that person does not have kids and/our was making a weird political joke.

[belle0720]

No one told me how smelly spit up would be. Especially when it's dried up and old on your clothes. And no one told me my kid would spit up all of the time. How did I not know that?

Everyone told me that 'they' grow up fast. And somehow I'm still in disbelief that my baby is already 7.5 months old.

[Bluedaisy]

ombradellarosa, it was actually a very common way to feed babies before formula. My grandmother and aunts used it.


+1 on the mundane! I love little one so much but god I look forward to bedtime just because I find by the end of the day I'm bored of playing toys, reading books and repeating.

[Bluedaisy]

belle0720, I also had no idea how much kids would spit up!

[Bluedaisy]

Also a huge +1 for not knowing how much strain it would put on our relationship. Things that didn't bother me before now make me want to scream.

[stinybean]

No one told me how neurotic I would become. MH really can't believe that I have become sooooooooooo anxious over little things concerning LO.

[Bluedaisy]

Joolschweets, my health unit actually gave me a handout saying the corn syrup on a bottle of formula could help with severe constipation.

@jemomma, my chocolate budget did the same as your alcohol budget

stinybean, OMG the anxiety. New food days are seriously the most stressful days ever. I swear I spend half the day watching for a reaction and the other half convincing myself that every sing pimple or mark is or isn't some sort of reaction.

[purple]

I've got a lot of friends whose kids are a few years older than mine, so I was reasonably prepared. I'm grateful that they warned me about some things that I might find difficult about having a baby.

Breastfeeding was the biggest shock for me. One of the abovementioned friends, and my mum, warned me that it can be hard. (My mum breastfed my much older brother in 1964: neither her midwife nor her doctor had ever met another breastfeeding mum.) So I read about it, all over the place, books and the Internet. All the professionals I spoke to before and after L was born were shocked and impressed by how much I knew about breastfeeding.

But no-one told me that my health issues and medications might make my milk a bit slower to come in, and in all my reading I never heard of a baby who went on permanent breastfeeding strike. I read loads about tempting reluctant feeders back to the breast, and everything assured me that with patience and perseverance, I would be able to get my baby feeding again. Nope.

I fully expected to feed till at least a year. In the end I stopped offering the breast at eight weeks, and pumped four times a day till four and a half months. Pumping whilst looking after the baby is pretty soul-destroying! It took a long time for me to accept that I am not broken and I haven't let my baby down by not being good enough for her.

[periwinkledaydreams]

I thought I'd somehow "become A Mom". I didn't realize I'd just be me, with a kid. If this makes sense.

[periwinkledaydreams]

Just dropping it in here as per the corn syrup convo (as a EFF) that the first ingredient in most current baby formula is corn syrup solids. Not that anyone is intentionally saying that there's anything wrong with giving babies CS meaning there's something wrong with FF, I don't think by any means that anyone meant that! But just as an FYI to anyone who doesn't know this, it is the case, and likely why people used the combo in the first place. I hope this comes across the way I mean it to. I'm just meaning to say that at the time, the corn syrup and evap milk rec was basically their formula. And, judging that based on the CS alone, you might as well judge current FF too... so, knowldge is power and all that.

[periwinkledaydreams]

I really didn't think anyone was being judgy, that's why I was hoping my words came across right. Just informing people so they know, ya know.

[periwinkledaydreams]

Feb 8, 2016 13:40:02 GMT -5 Joolschweets said:

Feb 8, 2016 12:59:08 GMT -5 periwinkledaydreams said:

I thought I'd somehow "become A Mom". I didn't realize I'd just be me, with a kid. If this makes sense.

This 100% makes sense. I've struggled with it a lot in the last few weeks. Trying to figure out 'who I am now' is just confusing with a baby.

Ugh. On top of this, I also moved from my "home", where I lived my whole of my 20's, left all my adult friendships behind, like 1.5 years prior to having her.. lost my relatovely new job 4 months before I got pregnant and lost all the friendships I had started making there. Im missing my adult relationships and that world so much.

[Bluedaisy]

periwinkledaydreams, I don't judge the corn syrup thing at all. It's just different now....we wouldn't give corn syrup and canned milk to babies. Also most of the formulas with cor syrup are specialty formulas for kids with dietary issues or who need "gentle" or partially digested. (Maybe this is just in Canada but most of our formulas have milk as the first ingredient).

My comment on the corn syrup was more to the advice of "why would you spend good money on formula?". My grandmother was horrified that I was "wasting" money on it and still bugs me that I haven't just switched to plain cows milk yet.

The "being you with a kid" is a perfect description of me. I totally get what you are saying.

[Bluedaisy]

purple I totally get where you are coming from. I'd read every book and even took classes.

[Bluedaisy]

Oh also as a mom of a boy why did no one tell my how fascinating baby boys find their ummm "equipment"?? And also how hard they grab it?? It looks like it would hurt but he seems to enjoy it lol!

[purple]

I feel the need to add that I definitely don't judge anyone else for using formula, whether it was your first choice or not. I judged myself for it very harshly, but that's not quite the same.

I just checked the ingredients on the box of formula powder. Corn syrup is rarely used in the UK and when it does appear it's usually called glucose-fructose syrup. There doesn't seem to be any sweetener of any kind. I had no idea that formula was different between countries!

[tiffbot]

I've been having a hard time figuring out my answer to this. My mom has always been (lovingly) brutally honest with me about parenting, maybe it's first kid syndrome, her only kid with kids, whatever it is, I'm thankful. However while I understood there would be struggles, I think there's no way to even explain it or understand how hard it is until you are going through it. It's so cliche, but you can be as prepared as you want, but nothing ACTUALLY prepares you.

[Bluedaisy]

@jemomma, I teach elementary school so I knew little boys did it...I just had NO IDEA how early it started!