Donor question

[bmorecharming]

Our donor asked us a question I wasn't sure about and thought I would run it by you ladies:


He has a child from a previous relationship that in the future he would like to gain more custody of and wanted to make sure that a child conceived by us with his sperm would not affect his future custody issues.


Does anyone know anything about that or can suggest some resources?

[kekaellypula]

Is he giving up all his parental rights to the child you are trying to conceive together?

[bmorecharming]

Yes. I think that is part of his concern also. If he is signing away rights to this child, could/would that be held against him?

[sdfonz619]

This is a really good question.

My first thought would be no as long as there is something documenting that he was a donor, but I am really not sure about this.

[karlamo]

This is an interesting question. Are you currently working with an attorney? If not, I would have you or the donor contact a lawyer who specializes in family law and get legal advice and

I'd be curious what they say about this.

[karlamo]

Feb 23, 2016 14:54:50 GMT -5 sdfonz619 said:

This is a really good question.

My first thought would be no as long as there is something documenting that he was a donor, but I am really not sure about this.

This is what I thought at first too but then I wondered if the donor and the child's mother were in an ugly custody battle then she may use any and all info to her defense.   She could find out that he was a donor to another couple.

[sdfonz619]

karlamo, Good point. I mean, you hope something like that wouldn't be looked at negatively, but then again, I can't say I'd be surprised if it was.

[healz413]

I agree with those expressing caution. I think it shouldn't matter but I don't think we should underestimate the risk that homophobia might play in a judge's mind. I think it would definitely be worth him getting independent legal advice, which I think it would be good for you guys to cover the costs of.

I'm sorry this is complicated!

[rikkiandjulie]

I agree with getting a lawyer. That being said I think that these two things would operate seperately if he has documentation that he was strictly a donor for you, and never had intent to parent. The HRC and Lamda Legal have great resources available.

[bmorecharming]

karlamo, healz413, rikkiandjulie,

Yeah, you guys are voicing the same concerns that we are. We'll definitely be seeking legal advice. Thank you all for your input. I'll let you know what they say!

[twotxmommies]

I would keep the use of him as a private donor confidential. It is no ones business who you used and the donor doesn't need to shout from the roof tops that he once privately donated sperm. His ex should never even have access that information to hold or not hold over his head. It sounds as though he would not want or have any right to your child, so keeping it a private issue seems the way to go. Just my two cents. Good luck

[sdfonz619]

Feb 29, 2016 12:42:19 GMT -5 twotxmommies said:

I would keep the use of him as a private donor confidential. It is no ones business who you used and the donor doesn't need to shout from the roof tops that he once privately donated sperm. His ex should never even have access that information to hold or not hold over his head. It sounds as though he would not want or have any right to your child, so keeping it a private issue seems the way to go. Just my two cents. Good luck

I'm not sure how private they can keep it if going forward with any sort of legal second parent adoption where he would be giving up his rights. For us, while we have kept our donor confidential to our friends and family, he is named in our second parent adoption paperwork.

Also, healz413 makes a very good point that I hadn't thought of.
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