Advice from BTDT moms

[arbe]

Have done one of these in a while....

Shower!

For some reason showers were one thing that escaped my routine after baby so I advise you when someone offers to help or visit or even if baby is napping. Make time to take a good shower! I always felt so much better. ( I'll add I would put baby in swing or bouncer seat in the bathroom so I wasn't always imagining I heard a cry on the monitor.)

So until I have this baby I'm allowing myself nice long showers.

[carissa325]

Don't be a hero. If someone offers to do something for you, let them! If they ask what they can do for you, don't say nothing. Come up with something. They wouldn't ask if they didn't really want to help. Last time I tried to be a hero when DH went back to work and regretted it.

[isolemnlyswear]

Feb 24, 2016 7:09:04 GMT -5 arbe said:

Have done one of these in a while....

Shower!

For some reason showers were one thing that escaped my routine after baby so I advise you when someone offers to help or visit or even if baby is napping. Make time to take a good shower! I always felt so much better. ( I'll add I would put baby in swing or bouncer seat in the bathroom so I wasn't always imagining I heard a cry on the monitor.)

So until I have this baby I'm allowing myself nice long showers.

This so much!! Make pact with yourself you'll be showered by x time each day. For me it was noon. I needed to be showered and out of PJ type clothes by noon each day. It helped me feel human and have me some sort of routine.

I also second just putting baby in the bouncer and bringing in the bathroom.

Make sure you keep communication lines wide open with your DHs. They won't have any idea you need help unless you ask them. It's also important for PPD/PPA. By being open and honest with your flooding emotions it'll make it easier for the two of you to determine something else is going on above the typical baby blues.

[peachesncream]

Get really comfortable whipping your boob out in front of other people if you're BFing. If you're not comfortable then be firm in asking people to leave. Have a comfortable BFing nook and let your SO wait on you. The amount of time you spend in those first few weeks with a baby on your boob is astounding. Marathon nursing sessions that last 8-10 hours are not unusual. Be patient, they will pass! Get a routine established with your SO and make sure he is doing his fair share to help you out however he can (bringing baby to you, changing diapers, giving baths, etc.). Don't feel guilty continuing to make him do all this when he goes back to work.

[nexttonormal]

Feb 24, 2016 7:39:44 GMT -5 carissa325 said:

Don't be a hero. If someone offers to do something for you, let them! If they ask what they can do for you, don't say nothing. Come up with something. They wouldn't ask if they didn't really want to help. Last time I tried to be a hero when DH went back to work and regretted it.

Yes, yes, yes. So true to all of that.

And don't feel like you have to play hostess to anyone coming over to help. I felt so guilty that I was just sitting down nursing DD1 while MIL was over, that I don't think I was able to appreciate that bonding experience until she was like 2 months old.

[awkwardturtle]

Any advice for handling overnight family visiting? They are arriving two weeks after the due date.

[nexttonormal]

Feb 24, 2016 9:50:19 GMT -5 awkwardturtle said:

Any advice for handling overnight family visiting? They are arriving two weeks after the due date.

If they are your IL's, I'd make sure you and YH are in agreement with everything, so that he can convey it to his parents etc. Also make sure that they understand it's not a vacation for them to come and hang out with the baby, if they want to hold the baby while you shower, great... if all they want to do is hold the baby 24/7 while you make them coffee... not so great.

And don't be afraid to speak up!

I should edit to add that I mention IL's, because for me, if they were my own parents, I wouldn't need to tell them any rules ... they know what to do to help, and when it's time to leave.

[xxkimmy8xx]

Soooo... Stupid question. I'm not due till 3/27 but I want to get all the clothes we got from our shower put away. Is it too early to wash them and put them in the closet? My mom's all like "dust is bad for babies. Don't just do it now BC its convenient for you." Ugh.

[peachesncream]

Feb 24, 2016 10:05:33 GMT -5 xxkimmy8xx said:

Soooo... Stupid question. I'm not due till 3/27 but I want to get all the clothes we got from our shower put away. Is it too early to wash them and put them in the closet? My mom's all like "dust is bad for babies. Don't just do it now BC its convenient for you." Ugh.

Not too early at all!  I was doing it as I received them last time which was MONTHS in advance.  Give in to all the nesting instincts!!

[sctiger]

Feb 24, 2016 10:05:33 GMT -5 xxkimmy8xx said:

Soooo... Stupid question. I'm not due till 3/27 but I want to get all the clothes we got from our shower put away. Is it too early to wash them and put them in the closet? My mom's all like "dust is bad for babies. Don't just do it now BC its convenient for you." Ugh.

I wouldn't worry about dust. My only concern would be taking the tags off all of them and then not using them and not being able to make returns. If you got a lot of clothes you may want to hold off on washing everything.

[jocountry]

It gets easier. Every day goes quickly in hindsight, and it gets easier. That said, if you are stuck in a slump, tell your H, Doctor, friend, us, someone!

[arbe]

Feb 24, 2016 9:50:19 GMT -5 awkwardturtle said:

Any advice for handling overnight family visiting? They are arriving two weeks after the due date.

I wouldn't allow it, unless they are coming specifically to help not just visit. How close are you with them? Will they just be hanging around the house with you all day? And how long are they visiting?

[Deleted]

Feb 24, 2016 10:05:33 GMT -5 xxkimmy8xx said:

Soooo... Stupid question. I'm not due till 3/27 but I want to get all the clothes we got from our shower put away. Is it too early to wash them and put them in the closet? My mom's all like "dust is bad for babies. Don't just do it now BC its convenient for you." Ugh.

LOL.

This is awful and preachy and made to make you feel like a bad parent.

I washed all clothes up to 6 months at like 36 weeks. Right now I have NO energy and there's no way I could have done that. Do what you can and need to do. Also - how dusty does your Mom think your house gets?! Sorry girl - you gotta shake this one off. And your mom needs to back down with the guilt tripping. "Convenient for you" REALLY rubs me the wrong way.

[xxkimmy8xx]

Feb 24, 2016 10:33:01 GMT -5 @pugsandwine said:

Feb 24, 2016 10:05:33 GMT -5 xxkimmy8xx said:

Soooo... Stupid question. I'm not due till 3/27 but I want to get all the clothes we got from our shower put away. Is it too early to wash them and put them in the closet? My mom's all like "dust is bad for babies. Don't just do it now BC its convenient for you." Ugh.

LOL.

This is awful and preachy and made to make you feel like a bad parent.

I washed all clothes up to 6 months at like 36 weeks. Right now I have NO energy and there's no way I could have done that. Do what you can and need to do. Also - how dusty does your Mom think your house gets?! Sorry girl - you gotta shake this one off. And your mom needs to back down with the guilt tripping. "Convenient for you" REALLY rubs me the wrong way.

Ahaha I agree!  We're going to need to work on setting some boundaries in the next few weeks. For some reason I get the feeling she thinks this is her baby.   

[awkwardturtle]

Feb 24, 2016 10:24:23 GMT -5 arbe said:

Feb 24, 2016 9:50:19 GMT -5 awkwardturtle said:

Any advice for handling overnight family visiting? They are arriving two weeks after the due date.

I wouldn't allow it, unless they are coming specifically to help not just visit. How close are you with them? Will they just be hanging around the house with you all day? And how long are they visiting?

it's H's parents. They are staying for two weeks and already bought plane tickets from overseas. It was going to be three weeks, arriving a week before the due date. I said that was a no go. :/

[awkwardturtle]

Feb 24, 2016 9:57:33 GMT -5 nexttonormal said:

Feb 24, 2016 9:50:19 GMT -5 awkwardturtle said:

Any advice for handling overnight family visiting? They are arriving two weeks after the due date.

If they are your IL's, I'd make sure you and YH are in agreement with everything, so that he can convey it to his parents etc. Also make sure that they understand it's not a vacation for them to come and hang out with the baby, if they want to hold the baby while you shower, great... if all they want to do is hold the baby 24/7 while you make them coffee... not so great.

And don't be afraid to speak up!

I should edit to add that I mention IL's, because for me, if they were my own parents, I wouldn't need to tell them any rules ... they know what to do to help, and when it's time to leave.

thanks, yeah it's my IL's. H's parents. I'm just worried because during previous visits, we were constantly entertaining. I'm also worried about feeling uncomfortable breastfeeding in front of them and having to take myself upstairs every time I do need to breastfeed. And I don't want them coming up to chat or get the baby to hold...

[arbe]

Feb 24, 2016 10:56:02 GMT -5 awkwardturtle said:

Feb 24, 2016 10:24:23 GMT -5 arbe said:

I wouldn't allow it, unless they are coming specifically to help not just visit. How close are you with them? Will they just be hanging around the house with you all day? And how long are they visiting?

it's H's parents. They are staying for two weeks and already bought plane tickets from overseas. It was going to be three weeks, arriving a week before the due date. I said that was a no go. :/

Oh man. I hope you Hubby can be direct with them. See if they can arrange time to spend out of the house visiting other family. You need bonding time and privacy, its all up to H to control though. But definitely not wrong for you to ask for help too, send them to run errands, do laundry, dishes, cook or whatever possible.

My in-laws live far and they don't stay with us, they rather not be inconvinced by babies or children waking them up early. But I am A-OK with that. They stay with His Aunt & Uncle 20 min away.

[zombiesquad]

STMs, my nurse insisted that I get at least a 20 minute nap each day. Besides just getting the rest, she said it would make me a better parent to my older child since all my energy would be so focused on LO. She also said don't worry about screen time for your older child at this point. Get that nap in even if he or she needs to watch an episode of Bubble Guppies in order for you to do it. I made sure MH was hearing all of this. Gimme my nap!

[carissa325]

Feb 24, 2016 10:12:56 GMT -5 peachesncream said:

Feb 24, 2016 10:05:33 GMT -5 xxkimmy8xx said:

Soooo... Stupid question. I'm not due till 3/27 but I want to get all the clothes we got from our shower put away. Is it too early to wash them and put them in the closet? My mom's all like "dust is bad for babies. Don't just do it now BC its convenient for you." Ugh.

Not too early at all!  I was doing it as I received them last time which was MONTHS in advance.  Give in to all the nesting instincts!!

If you have a ton of newborn clothes I wouldn't take the tags off of everything, just some of your favorites. With DS I took the tags off of everything and he weighed 9 pounds. Only wore newborn clothes for about 10 days and I couldn't exchange anything because I had taken tags off.

[carissa325]

Feb 24, 2016 10:15:56 GMT -5 sctiger said:

Feb 24, 2016 10:05:33 GMT -5 xxkimmy8xx said:

Soooo... Stupid question. I'm not due till 3/27 but I want to get all the clothes we got from our shower put away. Is it too early to wash them and put them in the closet? My mom's all like "dust is bad for babies. Don't just do it now BC its convenient for you." Ugh.

I wouldn't worry about dust. My only concern would be taking the tags off all of them and then not using them and not being able to make returns. If you got a lot of clothes you may want to hold off on washing everything.

Oops....should have read before responding.

[nexttonormal]

Feb 24, 2016 10:58:20 GMT -5 awkwardturtle said:

Feb 24, 2016 9:57:33 GMT -5 nexttonormal said:

If they are your IL's, I'd make sure you and YH are in agreement with everything, so that he can convey it to his parents etc. Also make sure that they understand it's not a vacation for them to come and hang out with the baby, if they want to hold the baby while you shower, great... if all they want to do is hold the baby 24/7 while you make them coffee... not so great.

And don't be afraid to speak up!

I should edit to add that I mention IL's, because for me, if they were my own parents, I wouldn't need to tell them any rules ... they know what to do to help, and when it's time to leave.

thanks, yeah it's my IL's. H's parents. I'm just worried because during previous visits, we were constantly entertaining. I'm also worried about feeling uncomfortable breastfeeding in front of them and having to take myself upstairs every time I do need to breastfeed. And I don't want them coming up to chat or get the baby to hold...

I know most people will say that it's your house, and to not feel uncomfortable nursing, and to make everyone else leave the room if you so choose... but honestly,I actually liked taking the baby into another room, locking the door, and just nursing in peace. I'm more of an introvert anyway, so time away from people is fine with me haha. And if baby fell asleep after eating, I'd sometimes just lay down in my own bed and nap. I let DH entertain his family haha.

[awkwardturtle]

Feb 24, 2016 11:03:44 GMT -5 arbe said:

Feb 24, 2016 10:56:02 GMT -5 awkwardturtle said:

it's H's parents. They are staying for two weeks and already bought plane tickets from overseas. It was going to be three weeks, arriving a week before the due date. I said that was a no go. :/

Oh man. I hope you Hubby can be direct with them. See if they can arrange time to spend out of the house visiting other family. You need bonding time and privacy, its all up to H to control though. But definitely not wrong for you to ask for help too, send them to run errands, do laundry, dishes, cook or whatever possible.

My in-laws live far and they don't stay with us, they rather not be inconvinced by babies or children waking them up early. But I am A-OK with that. They stay with His Aunt & Uncle 20 min away.

yes I'm thinking I need to have another talk with H when we are both in a neutral frame of mind to make sure he will step up and handle it. It's ended up in a fight other times I've brought it up which only adds to my anxiety.

[isolemnlyswear]

Feb 24, 2016 11:14:19 GMT -5 nexttonormal said:

Feb 24, 2016 10:58:20 GMT -5 awkwardturtle said:

thanks, yeah it's my IL's. H's parents. I'm just worried because during previous visits, we were constantly entertaining. I'm also worried about feeling uncomfortable breastfeeding in front of them and having to take myself upstairs every time I do need to breastfeed. And I don't want them coming up to chat or get the baby to hold...

I know most people will say that it's your house, and to not feel uncomfortable nursing, and to make everyone else leave the room if you so choose... but honestly,I actually liked taking the baby into another room, locking the door, and just nursing in peace. I'm more of an introvert anyway, so time away from people is fine with me haha. And if baby fell asleep after eating, I'd sometimes just lay down in my own bed and nap. I let DH entertain his family haha.

This and I'm not an introvert

[arbe]

Feb 24, 2016 11:17:52 GMT -5 isolemnlyswear said:

Feb 24, 2016 11:14:19 GMT -5 nexttonormal said:

I know most people will say that it's your house, and to not feel uncomfortable nursing, and to make everyone else leave the room if you so choose... but honestly,I actually liked taking the baby into another room, locking the door, and just nursing in peace. I'm more of an introvert anyway, so time away from people is fine with me haha. And if baby fell asleep after eating, I'd sometimes just lay down in my own bed and nap. I let DH entertain his family haha.

This and I'm not an introvert

I did this but I'm going to try not to this time, I felt very isolated. I could hear everyone talking/laughing/playing and although sometimes I needed the peace and to get away other times I would just cry, feeling like I was all alone.
Don't think I'll ever be able to whip out my boob in from of my dad, so I'd definitely try to cover up but I don't want to have to run upstairs when baby is hungry.

[sdchick]

I don't know if every mama experiences this, but immediately after birth my feet were swollen like crazy. I had worn flip flops to the hospital (as I always do) and it's a good thing because I honestly could not have fit my hobbit feet into regular shoes for the trip home. You may want to throw some sandals in your bag just in case.

[isolemnlyswear]

Feb 24, 2016 11:22:30 GMT -5 arbe said:

Feb 24, 2016 11:17:52 GMT -5 isolemnlyswear said:

This and I'm not an introvert

I did this but I'm going to try not to this time, I felt very isolated. I could hear everyone talking/laughing/playing and although sometimes I needed the peace and to get away other times I would just cry, feeling like I was all alone.
Don't think I'll ever be able to whip out my boob in from of my dad, so I'd definitely try to cover up but I don't want to have to run upstairs when baby is hungry.

No I agree. It shouldn't have to be every time you feed. My dad was always good to step out of the room while I got adjusted and then once I was settled he'd come back in. I'd ask others to do the same if they didn't get the hint.

DH was really good at being my advocate and we had a sign and if I'd tap my right leg 3 times he'd know I was over having visitors and he'd take care of seeing them out.

[rachelilly23]

Feb 24, 2016 11:23:56 GMT -5 sdchick said:

I don't know if every mama experiences this, but immediately after birth my feet were swollen like crazy. I had worn flip flops to the hospital (as I always do) and it's a good thing because I honestly could not have fit my hobbit feet into regular shoes for the trip home. You may want to throw some sandals in your bag just in case.

Yep. I was so swollen after DS1. With this baby, I'm already swollen and will probably wear flip flops to he hospital.

[sctiger]

I would have a plan set up with your husband to get rid of visitors who over stay their welcome. Even your close friends can wear you out if they stay too long. Have your husband make some sort of excuse or reason for them to leave. You'll want to rest and have alone time with the baby.

My experience last time:
My best friend at the time (we have grown apart since then, she's still a friend but we're not close anymore) came to visit with her mom the day we got home from the hospital. They came from about two hours away. They stayed for 6-7 hours which also coincided with dinner. They expected us to go pick up and pay for take out for everyone and then they finally left at like 8 pm. I know they thought that since they were close friends they weren't intruding but they were and I wish we had been more proactive but I was too exhausted to think clearly.

[paloslee]

Feb 24, 2016 7:18:47 GMT -5 @shakeyjakey said:

I mentioned this in the random threads but I'm planning on buying paper plates, cups and plastic utensils so I don't have to worry about dishes the first few weeks

love this! 

[paloslee]

Feb 24, 2016 10:21:23 GMT -5 jocountry said:

It gets easier. Every day goes quickly in hindsight, and it gets easier. That said, if you are stuck in a slump, tell your H, Doctor, friend, us, someone!

this! i agree completely!