Let's talk kids and Social Media

[alayne926]

Link didn't work for me.

Social media and kids/teens worries me. I feel like the number of parents that actually monitor their children's activity is very small.

We've already agreed that the kids will never have computers in their rooms. Tablets/phones will stay in common areas and time spent on them will be limited.

[dmoney]

So we haven't quite figured this one out yet, but DH sister has a little boy who is 13. The only social media he has is an instagram account. It is on her phone and her husbands phone. Anything that he wants to post they have to approve. they also have to approve the followers he has and who he follows. he doesn't have a phone and his ipod has to be connected to wifi for him to use the internet on it. I think its a good way to keep an eye on what he is viewing and posting.

[beersandweirs]

I didn't read the article, but this is something I think about occasionally. I don't have any set plans for when I think it is appropriate for our kids to be on social media, but I will require that I have access (passwords) to their accounts. I wouldn't spy, because that feels shady, I would just want them to know that I can see what they are doing, and should be behaving as such.

You bring up a good point about whether this will be relevant in 10 years. Who knows, but I would hope that given a good foundation of being a good person and treating people well would extend to whatever the issue of the times will be.

[jillywilly]

I'm hoping we're back to living in caves in about 10 years or so and I can just ignore this problem.
Realistically, we honestly haven't talked about it or set a plan, since technology will likely be different by the time we have to cross this bridge. But I like the idea of technology only in common areas, at least to start, and the understanding that a phone/tablet/computer must be handed over to a parent on demand if asked to monitor what they're doing. I feel like flat out forbidding any social media once they hit a certain age is probably not going to work, so the best course is just to teach them about internet safety/responsibility, and try to keep an eye on it as much as possible.

[Widget123]

I think I am just to stay on the wait and see route for now. Who knows what life is going to look like in 10 years as most of this social media stuff didn't exist or hadn't been around for very long 10 years ago.

[belle0720]

It's definitely scary to think about!

I remember when I was in middle school and AOL chat rooms were a thing and my girlfriends an I would go on and chat with supposed "older guys" and would tell them we were older and upload fake pictures we found on the internet. We never kept in contact with anyone in particular and we just thought it was funny, but looking back I can't believe we did that and I wouldn't want my daughter doing the same.

The internet and social media have come a long way since then and I absolutely want to have some visibility into what my children are doing. At this point I have no idea what our game plan will be.

I also hope that as we raise our children we're able to ingrain a strong sense of self-worth in them and that they don't need 'likes' on a picture to make them feel good about themselves. Easier said than done I'm sure.

[3dimesdown]

Feb 24, 2016 13:01:48 GMT -5 budders said:

I couldn't get the link to work. Anyone want to summarize the article in a sentence or two?

Girl messages guy on Kik, meets him, gets stabbed to death.
Bullying happens.
Kids these days think social media is bae. (<---I'm so hip.)

[3dimesdown]

Feb 24, 2016 12:53:31 GMT -5 @jemomma said:

My lack of current knowledge of social media also concerns me. I can't keep up with everything that is going on right now - I don't have Twitter, Instagram or anything really other than FB. And I have no idea how most of those things work, like how the fuck do you "tweet" someone - No effing clue.  Plus, now there are a million and one apps to help kids communicate with each other - the article above said the girl was using Kik, which is free to download. How the heck would I even be able to know if my kid was using that or something like it on their phone?

So about this. I think our kids are at a disadvantage because their parents grew up with computers/ipods/etc. readily available. Sure things (both hardware and software/apps) will change, but if you wanted to figure out how to work those apps, you'd be able to. I have some friends whose parents probably could not sit down and figure it out if they wanted to. If your kid wanted Instagram, I'm fairly confident you'd be able to at least figure it out enough to make a profile and follow their activity. Same with twitter.

It still does not tackle the problem of creating multiple accounts, which I definitely did in middle school.

[heartofglass]

H and I have discussed this a little, but I know our plans are unrealistic and will probably have to adapt. I would like our kids to have no social media accounts until they are 18, but I know this won't happen. I plan to be able to monitor and have access to any social media accounts that are created. I also second the idea of computers/laptop/tablet only in common areas. But like @jemomma said, they can always create another account somewhere else so how in the hell are we supposed to be able watch over them?

My mom was a single parent and traveled for work a lot while I was a kid so I had a cell phone when I was 12. That way she could get up with me if needed and I could get up with anyone I needed to in emergency situations or if I needed a ride to school, etc. It was just a flip phone and I never used it socially. When A starts having social activities we'll probably do the same for him if they even make something that isn't a smart phone at that point.

[mrsdee1982]

Well, since my 14 year old goddaughter gets asked for nudes and has been sent dick pics on snap chat, I am 100% concerned about social media and kids. Her mom has a pretty amazing lock down on her accounts (she only has imessenger, text messaging and snap chat), but still, shit happens.

I have no idea how I'll handle this with C. Locked basement with no windows is frowned upon these days, right?

[holliberry28]

I hadn't really thought about this too much but agree on holding off letting our kids have their own phones until at least junior high.

Reminds me of what's going on with my niece. She has refused to give her Instragram username/password to her parents, or me for that matter, and H saw that she posts a lot of stupid shit on it (like thanks for being stupid mom, and letting me drink your beer [when they were on vacation]). There's also snapchat in addition to probably 3-4 other types of social media that they use now, and I can't keep track.

I went on aol chat rooms too. And, met some people with friends, in public places, but that was at the end of high school. Not sure what can be done aside from talking to them about the dangers, because to be super strict will cause problems, too.

There is a movie about this, "Men, Women, and Children" with Jennifer Garner and Adam Sandler. It was pretty good.

[dmoney]

Feb 24, 2016 12:40:13 GMT -5 @jemomma said:

Feb 24, 2016 12:06:45 GMT -5 dmoney said:

So we haven't quite figured this one out yet, but DH sister has a little boy who is 13. The only social media he has is an instagram account. It is on her phone and her husbands phone. Anything that he wants to post they have to approve. they also have to approve the followers he has and who he follows. he doesn't have a phone and his ipod has to be connected to wifi for him to use the internet on it. I think its a good way to keep an eye on what he is viewing and posting.

iPods have internet on them now? Asking for an old lady friend who is clearly out of touch...

The ipod touches do. And I wanted to say I really like your idea of not allowing them to have a phone until they can pay the bill. I actually brought this up when we were with cousins who two oldest (15 and 13) both had phones. I said I didn't get a phone until I started driving and would like to do the same for Rebecca. They mentioned that it is hard with kids playing sports have school, parents need to be texted or called for when it is time to be picked up. And this I agree with, but I don't agree with a kid having a smart phone. Why does a 13 year old need to go on the internet or facebook during the day? That can be saved for while at home and during the allowed time.

[jessila]

DH and I haven't really discussed social media as much as we've discussed technology in general. He's in the computer industry and doesn't see anything wrong with building a computer for an 8 year old. Which I don't really agree with. I like the idea of no computer in their room and keeping everything in a common area. DH has always been a computer nerd and figured out how to get around any software his parents tried to install to monitor his internet use. That makes me wary about my children using social media...especially since I don't really understand it. I have FB and IG but really only probe on them.
I don't know when I'll let my kids have a phone since I didn't get one until I was driving and I was responsible to keep money on it.
Things have changed a ton in the last 10 years and will continue to evolve super quickly. There are so many scary stories about kids getting abducted and murdered because of social media. And bullying is always going to happen somewhere. Since it's being driven out of schools it's bound to show up somewhere else. I'm not saying it's okay to do but it's going to happen. It's how humans are wired, unfortunately.

[3dimesdown]

Feb 24, 2016 13:41:38 GMT -5 budders said:

Feb 24, 2016 13:38:30 GMT -5 @jemomma said:

I think the argument for kids having a phone because of sports or other school activities doesn't sit well. Why can't they use a friend's phone, or the coach's phone if there is some kind of emergency? IDK, I haven't specifically dealt with something like that yet, so I may have no idea what I'm talking about.

I like the idea of being able to get ahold of my kid, and for them to easily do the same. But in that case, they would get a standard flip phone with nothing on the plan except calls and texts.

+1. Andplusalso, you can print out the call/text log and grill your kids on all of their interactions if need be.

Because that is what happened to me when I had a $400 text bill back in the days before everyone had unlimited texting. And my phone looked like this:


And it was badass because it had a COLOR screen.

[3dimesdown]

@jemomma My brother and I shared that phone for a while too. And we each had our own face plate to put on it when we were using it. Mine had blue Hawaiian flowers. Because Hawaiian flowers were cool, apparently?

[mrsdee1982]

@jemomma, A friend of hers. It was reported to his parents. He still has Snap Chat. That is what blows my mind.

And we made sure to be drive home how bad bad bad bad bad bad bad that was to her.

Tis a scary AF world right now.

[Bluedaisy]

@jemomma, +1 for having that phone.

This is a huge issue that parents and educators really need to a lot of work on. Generally speaking I'm in a wait and see point since LO is so far from this. Being a teacher I feel like I generally keep up with the new technology, especially since my district is very conscious of all of the potential dangers and pitfalls. I've spent a lot of hours in meetings on this exact topic.

The one thing I have thought about is the phone and I think that will be on an as needed basis. I never want my child to be in a situation where they can't reach me but I might have it on a limited plan or something like that. I also have friends who have kids in the preteen/teen years. They allow their children on FB etc with the expectation that mom and dad know all the passwords and DO regularly go through everything. The kids know the exact expectations and that there is ZERO tolerance for not obeying. If they are caught they lose all social media. They have also spent a lot of time working on making sure there is a good and open relationship so if the child accidentally gets into something she knows she can go to mom and dad without fear of punishment.

[purple]

I'm coming from the point of view of someone whose teenage years were pre-internet. When I started uni in 1995 we all had email accounts, but we could only email each other or students at other universities because no-one else had email. I got my first phone in 2000, when I was 23. So the idea of teenagers having access to social media is completely foreign to me and to H.

We have only touched on it and there are a lot more conversations to have. However, one thing we do agree is that when L is a bit older, we will have to drastically cut our phone use in front of her. I use the Kindle app on my phone a lot, and H plays games. But we don't want her to see us with our noses in our phones all the time. I'll have to go back to paper books or the actual Kindle. Not sure what his solution will be!

I like the idea of computers in communal areas only. Haven't got much further than that yet, though.

[baytosa2013]

All of the social media stuff scares the shit out of me, especially with a girl. The interwebz was JUST starting to get going when I was at the tail end of HS so I didn't much in to the chat rooms until I was older. I DNW C to have access to a bunch of social media stuff. i know banning it will have the opposite effect so my game plan right now is to make sure that I am fostering a good relationship with her and doing my damnedest to raise her with good self-esteem, lots of positive activities and open communication. I have a friend who talks to her 15yo regularly and she's a good kid. She knows right from wrong and where she wants to go in this world. I'm praying for that because I did some STUPID shit when I was a kid.

[veggiemo]

Feb 24, 2016 13:41:38 GMT -5 budders said:

Feb 24, 2016 13:38:30 GMT -5 @jemomma said:

I think the argument for kids having a phone because of sports or other school activities doesn't sit well. Why can't they use a friend's phone, or the coach's phone if there is some kind of emergency? IDK, I haven't specifically dealt with something like that yet, so I may have no idea what I'm talking about.

I like the idea of being able to get ahold of my kid, and for them to easily do the same. But in that case, they would get a standard flip phone with nothing on the plan except calls and texts.

LOL. Flip phones are not even going to exist in 12 years when our kids are teenagers. There is no telling where technology is going to take us 12 years from now. I am not even thinking about this yet, there is no point.

[dmoney]

Just looked on Verizons website.. they have a tab under shop called "basic Phones"

www.verizonwireless.com/basic-phones/ Flips phone are still here. I don't think they are going away anytime soon, simply because they are a good option as a kids first phone. I don't care if my child doesn't have a cool phone, when she eventually gets it. Its hard to have snap chat if she has a flip phone...

[Bluedaisy]

Feb 24, 2016 15:57:11 GMT -5 budders said:

Feb 24, 2016 15:54:29 GMT -5 veggiemo said:

LOL. Flip phones are not even going to exist in 12 years when our kids are teenagers. There is no telling where technology is going to take us 12 years from now. I am not even thinking about this yet, there is no point.

They still exist now 15 years after they were introduced. There are still people for whom that's their comfort level, I wouldn't be surprised if there was still some similar model around in 10 years.

Also, while the specific social media programs may change, the basic dangers of kids communicating with strangers online hasn't changed in 20 years. When I was in middle school, it was AIM and AOL chat rooms, 10 years ago it was MySpace, now it's Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat. They all basically serve the same function, just called by different names. I don't think it's a bad thing to start thinking about this kind of stuff now.

I think that budders makes a great point that things will still be around.  I also think that assuming our kids won't be into any of this stuff for twelve years is fairly optimistic.  I teach grade three and four kids and even if they aren't allowed on social media they all have friends who are.  So I think it's probably coming FAR faster than any of us can imagine.

[3dimesdown]

Feb 24, 2016 16:32:29 GMT -5 @jemomma said:

Feb 24, 2016 16:21:45 GMT -5 Bluedaisy said:

I think that budders makes a great point that things will still be around.  I also think that assuming our kids won't be into any of this stuff for twelve years is fairly optimistic.  I teach grade three and four kids and even if they aren't allowed on social media they all have friends who are.  So I think it's probably coming FAR faster than any of us can imagine.

Yes. There is always going to be that one a-hole parent who let's their kids have a FB in kindergarten, and then you have your kid coming home asking for one too.

[Deleted]

Feb 24, 2016 12:19:07 GMT -5 Widget123 said:

I think I am just to stay on the wait and see route for now. Who knows what life is going to look like in 10 years as most of this social media stuff didn't exist or hadn't been around for very long 10 years ago.

I completely agree. In 10 years there could be a virtual reality media even more complicated w google glass for kids. We have a wait and see approach.

[Deleted]

Feb 24, 2016 14:02:07 GMT -5 @jemomma said:

tagging @jimbobcooter because I am curious what you do for your son since he is almost a pre-teen.

I'm old school.  I don't think kids need electronics at his age.  He doesn't have an ipad, tablet, anything like that.   I want him to play outside and read actual books and learn how to have conversations with people.   It was hard for me to give in and let him have an xbox even.  So, that said, he is never EVER allowed to be on the computer without me right there with him, for any reason. It's not really an issue for us yet though.   He will never have a computer alone in his room and I will not pay for a cell phone that has internet access on it, period.   For how long?  I don't know yet.  But well into high school, at least. We'll see how he grows and how responsible he is at 14, 15, 16 years old.   I just know I firmly believe that some things are for adults and just because they exist doesn't mean that kids need to have them.  Mean mom.  Don't care!

As an aside, my brother asked me when I was going to let him open a FB account and I was all... ummmm, maybe in 6 more years.  Seriously?  Why does a 9 year old need a FB account?

ETA:  When he starts middle school we will get him a limited cell phone because he will be walking to and from school at that point and may be home alone for short times when he gets here. But one of those phone that only calls 3-4 pre programmednumbers plus 911. 

[pghtruelove]

Feb 24, 2016 13:38:30 GMT -5 @jemomma said:

I think the argument for kids having a phone because of sports or other school activities doesn't sit well. Why can't they use a friend's phone, or the coach's phone if there is some kind of emergency? IDK, I haven't specifically dealt with something like that yet, so I may have no idea what I'm talking about.

We've talked about this and will get J a phone early. However, they have cell phones that can only call/text certain numbers that the parents have to allow. No internet or being in contact with Randoms. Then if they want to upgrade their phone when they can afford it then they can.

[pghtruelove]

Also want to add, my school district won a digital grant and from 6th grade on every student had their own personal lab top provided by the school. They also supplied wifi to all homes for free(back before wifi was popular). I know I was able to get into all kinds of trouble using my laptop that young. I never slept because I was always playing with it. I know the school district has changed since the grant ran out and it's only for HS and teachers and they don't supply the wifi anymore(not exactly sure of the specifics), but I can see this becoming more popular as years go by.

[erbear]

My dad has a flip phone! He can barely figure it out, too, so there's definitely a market still for flip phones.

I really don't want to even think about this, because I always have to with my students. I have to lock my social media accounts and/or not use my name on them because I have had students find me and add me, or have students admit to trying to find me and being unable to. My sister let me niece go wild on a phone on her own and she got herself into some trouble with an older man once, too (As in, dude was arrested for 'corruption of a minor' trouble). There will be limits. H can block things pretty easily, which is good. I'm undecided on her having her own tablet because I DO think they can be good educational tools when used appropriately, but I want her to love reading real books and going things @jimbobcooter mentioned.

[carolyngrace]

The only things I feel "certain" of at this point are that my child will not take anything connected to the internet in their room for the night (phones, computers, etc) and that I will randomly check their shit. They will know ahead of time I plan to do it (randomly). Obviously there are ways to hide things, but I think random checks can help.

i'm with purple on worrying about OUR technology use. I know it's a part of life now, and LO will grow up to be addicted to his phone/tablet/whatever (like we all are) but when he's a kid I want him to play, use his imagination, etc. I think modeling less technology is the best way to encourage him to do other things. I think we need to start NOW though. One, to help break our own habits, but two because they're already picking up on everything we do.

[prettymama36]

Sorry to drag this thread up again. This is something we are very much dealing with now. DD1 is 10, and you would be shocked how many of her friends we on social media. Namely, kik messenger, Instagram and snapchat. They think Facebook is for "old people". I won't allow her to use any of them at all. She has an iPad and we very briefly tried kik so she could message her one friend for fun. It took two days for anonymous people to request her number. Scary stuff. I accept every one of her friends and show her some of the crazy things they post. Snapchat is ridiculous. I share every story I hear with her like the article above. Real stories of kids being compromised because of social media. I feel like I have to be on top of learning all the new ways kids communicate because I will lose touch with what they are using. I think girls especially want to be connected at a younger and younger age. It's scary how you can see them measure their value in likes. Here, the police department comes to the school twice a year to do Internet safety presentations. It really opens their eyes when they hear that they can be arrested for things they say online or not get a job when they are older because of inappropriate photos. He actually does a test where he messages one of the students saying he is a 12 year old girl, it's terrifying that they almost always accept him and start messaging. The earliest I am willing to consider a cell phone is 14, Never will anything be allowed in her room, full disclosure of online accounts. The thing is at the end of the day they are the only ones in complete control so you can hope you taught them well.
Sorry that turned into a rant!!