Post by weeklyplanner on Feb 25, 2016 12:53:21 GMT -5
My two cents on the subject: DH always got up and changed the motn diapers while I used be bathroom before plopping my butt in the nursery recliner to nurse him. This arrangement worked for us for a few reasons. I'm not the type of person to jump out of bed and immediately be functioning. I genuinely struggled with motn diaper changes, especially if there was a blow out or something. He would start peeing all over me and I was just standing there like a deer in headlights. DH can jump up, spring into action and be back to sleep in 3 min. I would nurse him and then still take 15-20 min to fall back asleep. Also, like PP mentioned, he just felt that he was OUR baby and he wanted to take care of his needs and be a partner to me.
Honestly, I've seen friends do all the MOTN stuff and then it slowly trickled into them doing all the childcare related things all the time (and then complaining to me!). I'm not saying this is the case for any of you, but I do tell my pregnant friends that my one piece of advice is to get dh involved ASAP. My third degree tears made it hard for me to get in and out of my high bed...so dh had no choice that first week. It just set the tone and things worked out for us.
It doesn't matter if its 50/50, 20/80, 60/40 as long as everyone is happy with the situation. If you are struggling and need help you should be able to ask you partner even if they have to get up in the morning.
This is why I constantly get yelled at to cal his mom if I want a break. He can't help, but she can.
This comment is a concerning to me and I'm trying to word this as to not offend you or your H. But this is absolutely unacceptable, regardless of how many other things he does work wise, around the house, etc. If it's a two parent household, children deserve quality time with both of their parents. And all parents (SAHM's included -- maybe especially) need breaks. And to "constantly get yelled at" is beyond wrong. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
This is why I constantly get yelled at to cal his mom if I want a break. He can't help, but she can.
This comment is a concerning to me and I'm trying to word this as to not offend you or your H. But this is absolutely unacceptable, regardless of how many other things he does work wise, around the house, etc. If it's a two parent household, children deserve quality time with both of their parents. And all parents (SAHM's included -- maybe especially) need breaks. And to "constantly get yelled at" is beyond wrong. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
It's because I'm a control freak and have trouble relinquishing child care responsibilities. If it were my mom it would be different, but she lives 2h away. Basically, he's trying to be helpful and I'm not letting him.
This comment is a concerning to me and I'm trying to word this as to not offend you or your H. But this is absolutely unacceptable, regardless of how many other things he does work wise, around the house, etc. If it's a two parent household, children deserve quality time with both of their parents. And all parents (SAHM's included -- maybe especially) need breaks. And to "constantly get yelled at" is beyond wrong. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
It's because I'm a control freak and have trouble relinquishing child care responsibilities. If it were my mom it would be different, but she lives 2h away. Basically, he's trying to be helpful and I'm not letting him.
I'll admit I'm being a judgmental jerk, so feel free to flame me....but, mimsy I think your controlling issues are way too intense. It doesn't seem healthy for you or DD. Everyone needs a break sometimes and there are very capable DCP (whether they be family, church Sunday school, gym daycare, etc.). Having a running list of excuses for why everyone isn't capable is all in your head. The fact that you can't (or won't or don't?) trust a single person with your child is not typical. Perhaps it's another issue manifesting itself like anxiety or something?
Anywho, just my observation. It might be worth giving it a shot and seeing if you feel more refreshed and ready to take on life. Also, IMHO, it's important for children to learn to listen to and respect others besides their primary caregiver.
Tl;dr You don't have to trust every person with your kid, but you're not the only one who can take great care of her.
This comment is a concerning to me and I'm trying to word this as to not offend you or your H. But this is absolutely unacceptable, regardless of how many other things he does work wise, around the house, etc. If it's a two parent household, children deserve quality time with both of their parents. And all parents (SAHM's included -- maybe especially) need breaks. And to "constantly get yelled at" is beyond wrong. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
It's because I'm a control freak and have trouble relinquishing child care responsibilities. If it were my mom it would be different, but she lives 2h away. Basically, he's trying to be helpful and I'm not letting him.
Ah, gotcha. I do get that -- I struggle with control issues too with the kids. My H and I have had a few arguments about my lack of asking for help in general. But I've been really forcing myself to do so and although it's been hard, it's helped me tremendously. I hope you get a chance to get a break!
It's because I'm a control freak and have trouble relinquishing child care responsibilities. If it were my mom it would be different, but she lives 2h away. Basically, he's trying to be helpful and I'm not letting him.
I'll admit I'm being a judgmental jerk, so feel free to flame me....but, mimsy I think your controlling issues are way too intense. It doesn't seem healthy for you or DD. Everyone needs a break sometimes and there are very capable DCP (whether they be family, church Sunday school, gym daycare, etc.). Having a running list of excuses for why everyone isn't capable is all in your head. The fact that you can't (or won't or don't?) trust a single person with your child is not typical. Perhaps it's another issue fanifesting itself like anxiety or something?
Anywho, just my observation. It might be worth giving it a shot and seeing if you feel more refreshed and ready to take on life. Also, IMHO, it's important for children to learn to listen to and respect others besides their primary caregiver.
Tl;dr You don't have to trust every person with your kid, but you're not the only one who can take great care of her.
It's not that I don't trust my mil, it's that I feel like I shouldn't need a break. I don't generally have a difficult kid. Don't understand the NEED to be away at this age. Daycare is costly, there isn't a church babysitting around here. I just, miss my side of the family I guess. It's not that I don't trust his side. I just don't want it to seem like I want to pawn off my kid to get some "me time".
It's not that I don't trust my mil, it's that I feel like I shouldn't need a break. I don't generally have a difficult kid. Don't understand the NEED to be away at this age. Daycare is costly, there isn't a church babysitting around here. I just, miss my side of the family I guess. It's not that I don't trust his side. I just don't want it to seem like I want to pawn off my kid to get some "me time".
As someone who solo parents (and a SAHM) 5 days a week, a break is a nice way to just run a quick errand without the baby or mop the floors without someone screaming and clinging to the mop so they can do it too. I wouldn't say I NEED a break, but it's nice to have one. I see no need to be a martyr. Taking a break doesn't make anyone less of a parent. In fact, I think it makes me a better one. I felt like I was complaining a lot, so I arranged 5 hours a week of me time. Life changing. Also, I can't stand my mil, but I can put our differences aside and see she loves ds and takes great care of him.
I'm trying to not find offense in the fact that you seem to have negative thoughts about someone wanting or needing a slight break at this age. You entire post had that tone, but alas, it's the Internet. I'll assume 90% of this board would agree that it's totally normal to want a little time away from a toddler, so I won't let that ruffle my feathers.
I've "pawned off" Nora to get some me time. MIL was absolutely happy to do it and she even suggested it when she was a newborn. I didn't take her up on it in the newborn stage but now? Hell to the fucking yes.
Maybe a confession, but last night was terrible. My mom and MIL were both here this afternoon so I had no problem saying "ok here's the baby, I'm going to nap now". I needed it.
Then when H got home from work, we both went out to drop off a prescription and again left the kids with the grandmothers.
It's times like these where I thank Jesus that DH will be on nights when baby is born. He works 2 on 2 off 2 on 3 off and then cycle repeats but opposite. Nights can be handy sometimes
DH worked 4pm-1am for the first year of DS's life and it worked out especially well those first few months. Once DS was down to one wakeup and I was back to work, we did the MOTN thing when DH got home from work--he changed his diaper while I peed, I fed him (he could have done it since I couldn't BF, but it was what worked for us), and then they'd hang out until DS fall back asleep and DH was ready for bed.
That would be a good schedule to have. Sadly, DH works 7-7 so it's all or nothing.
It's not that I don't trust my mil, it's that I feel like I shouldn't need a break. I don't generally have a difficult kid. Don't understand the NEED to be away at this age. Daycare is costly, there isn't a church babysitting around here. I just, miss my side of the family I guess. It's not that I don't trust his side. I just don't want it to seem like I want to pawn off my kid to get some "me time".
As someone who solo parents (and a SAHM) 5 days a week, a break is a nice way to just run a quick errand without the baby or mop the floors without someone screaming and clinging to the mop so they can do it too. I wouldn't say I NEED a break, but it's nice to have one. I see no need to be a martyr. Taking a break doesn't make anyone less of a parent. In fact, I think it makes me a better one. I felt like I was complaining a lot, so I arranged 5 hours a week of me time. Life changing. Also, I can't stand my mil, but I can put our differences aside and see she loves ds and takes great care of him.
I'm trying to not find offense in the fact that you seem to have negative thoughts about someone wanting or needing a slight break at this age. You entire post had that tone, but alas, it's the Internet. I'll assume 90% of this board would agree that it's totally normal to want a little time away from a toddler, so I won't let that ruffle my feathers.
Gah everything I say feels incoherent. It's not that I don't want a break. I don't want to be told to. I'm being petulant, I guess.
I rarely feel like I need a break. When I do, it's usually bedtime so I can unwind for the evening alone. Also, I don't trust my kids with very many people and it isn't "anxiety." It's just my personality.
I rarely feel like I need a break. When I do, it's usually bedtime so I can unwind for the evening alone. Also, I don't trust my kids with very many people and it isn't "anxiety." It's just my personality.
Yessss. By 630-7p I'm done for the day. I want to not parent for like an hour.
It's not that I don't trust my mil, it's that I feel like I shouldn't need a break. I don't generally have a difficult kid. Don't understand the NEED to be away at this age. Daycare is costly, there isn't a church babysitting around here. I just, miss my side of the family I guess. It's not that I don't trust his side. I just don't want it to seem like I want to pawn off my kid to get some "me time".
I feel the same way. DS is my responsibility and I want to take care of him. Yes it is exhausting at times but he is still my child. You also posted that you don't like being TOLD you should take a break, and I feel the same way. It is a lose lose situation either way. You are with your child too much and people say shit, or you are away from your child too much and people say shit.
Semi related UO: 90% of 9 to 5 office jobs are easier than caring for children. I get teachers/nurses/cops/physical labor jobs are different. But if you are in a normal office environment, I have a hard time believing you are too exhausted to help with childcare on nights/weekends.
This really bothers me. I have a 'normal office environment' and when I get home from work I am exhausted. Sometimes I just want to sit on the couch and watch mindless TV because I had a hard day. But I can't because H has to go to work so I am solo parenting for the rest of the night or the entire weekend. It gets really fucking hard and it makes me angry that you have a hard time believing something like that.
Semi related UO: 90% of 9 to 5 office jobs are easier than caring for children. I get teachers/nurses/cops/physical labor jobs are different. But if you are in a normal office environment, I have a hard time believing you are too exhausted to help with childcare on nights/weekends.
This really bothers me. I have a 'normal office environment' and when I get home from work I am exhausted. Sometimes I just want to sit on the couch and watch mindless TV because I had a hard day. But I can't because H has to go to work so I am solo parenting for the rest of the night or the entire weekend. It gets really fucking hard and it makes me angry that you have a hard time believing something like that.
I could be wrong, but I think @bazi45 was referring to the previous posts on people not doing anything motn because they have "work" the next day. I think she was trying to say that an office job is not any more tiring than the duties of the person staying at home the next day, so the person with an office job doesn't need more sleep than the other.
A good example, my friend who is a working mom says her husband doesn't do anything at night because he has a commute...on a train...where he admit he naps. How is that more tiring than her 9-5 or a SAHM? Everyone has duties and tasks that need to be done.
This really bothers me. I have a 'normal office environment' and when I get home from work I am exhausted. Sometimes I just want to sit on the couch and watch mindless TV because I had a hard day. But I can't because H has to go to work so I am solo parenting for the rest of the night or the entire weekend. It gets really fucking hard and it makes me angry that you have a hard time believing something like that.
I could be wrong, but I think @bazi45 was referring to the previous posts on people not doing anything motn because they have "work" the next day. I think she was trying to say that an office job is not any more tiring than the duties of the person staying at home the next day, so the person with an office job doesn't need more sleep than the other.
A good example, my friend who is a working mom says her husband doesn't do anything at night because he has a commute...on a train...where he admit he naps. How is that more tiring than her 9-5 or a SAHM? Everyone has duties and tasks that need to be done.
If that is the case then I misunderstood what she was going for. But in that same argument, it is something I struggle with all of the time with my H. He is a cop and I KNOW that his job is more demanding than mine more often than not and I get it, but that doesn't mean I should have to have more responsibilities than him. The comment just hit too close to home.
It's not that I don't trust my mil, it's that I feel like I shouldn't need a break. I don't generally have a difficult kid. Don't understand the NEED to be away at this age. Daycare is costly, there isn't a church babysitting around here. I just, miss my side of the family I guess. It's not that I don't trust his side. I just don't want it to seem like I want to pawn off my kid to get some "me time".
I feel the same way. DS is my responsibility and I want to take care of him. Yes it is exhausting at times but he is still my child. You also posted that you don't like being TOLD you should take a break, and I feel the same way. It is a lose lose situation either way. You are with your child too much and people say shit, or you are away from your child too much and people say shit.
I literally mean this with the most respect. I just want to say that upfront so it's not taken the wrong way. But you do get time away from DS at work. I'm not saying work is a break at all because it's not and I genuinely admire working mothers. For me, I actually started applying for PT jobs because I needed a mental break from 13-14 hours straight with a baby, all alone, 5 days a week. I was yearning for a mental break and more stimulation. I still apply from time to time, but nothing has come up. I know it will be more stress on so many other levels, but it will be a break from 24/7 "mom mode." I would be able to put on a different hat, even though I know ds would be in the back of mind at all times.
I hope this isn't taken the wrong way. I just want to reiterate that I don't think going to work is a break and you're relaxing. But, I do feel it's a break from children. Unless you're a teacher....and God bless you if you teach early childhood and them come home to toddlers!
I could be wrong, but I think @bazi45 was referring to the previous posts on people not doing anything motn because they have "work" the next day. I think she was trying to say that an office job is not any more tiring than the duties of the person staying at home the next day, so the person with an office job doesn't need more sleep than the other.
A good example, my friend who is a working mom says her husband doesn't do anything at night because he has a commute...on a train...where he admit he naps. How is that more tiring than her 9-5 or a SAHM? Everyone has duties and tasks that need to be done.
If that is the case then I misunderstood what she was going for. But in that same argument, it is something I struggle with all of the time with my H. He is a cop and I KNOW that his job is more demanding than mine more often than not and I get it, but that doesn't mean I should have to have more responsibilities than him. The comment just hit too close to home.
Cop, firefighter, surgeon, truck driver....I'm sure the list goes on. Those are tough ones! It's true, some jobs definitely require more alertness, but then again, should that be a free pass on so many parenting things? Having kids is tiring and people know that singing up! It's a tough one...
Semi related UO: 90% of 9 to 5 office jobs are easier than caring for children. I get teachers/nurses/cops/physical labor jobs are different. But if you are in a normal office environment, I have a hard time believing you are too exhausted to help with childcare on nights/weekends.
This really bothers me. I have a 'normal office environment' and when I get home from work I am exhausted. Sometimes I just want to sit on the couch and watch mindless TV because I had a hard day. But I can't because H has to go to work so I am solo parenting for the rest of the night or the entire weekend. It gets really fucking hard and it makes me angry that you have a hard time believing something like that.
vk that's my whole point. I get you are tired from work. I am too sometimes. But you don't come home and say "nope, I can't care for my kid. I work". Once again weeklyplanner says it better than I do.
I feel the same way. DS is my responsibility and I want to take care of him. Yes it is exhausting at times but he is still my child. You also posted that you don't like being TOLD you should take a break, and I feel the same way. It is a lose lose situation either way. You are with your child too much and people say shit, or you are away from your child too much and people say shit.
I literally mean this with the most respect. I just want to say that upfront so it's not taken the wrong way. But you do get time away from DS at work. I'm not saying work is a break at all because it's not and I genuinely admire working mothers. For me, I actually started applying for PT jobs because I needed a mental break from 13-14 hours straight with a baby, all alone, 5 days a week. I was yearning for a mental break and more stimulation. I still apply from time to time, but nothing has come up. I know it will be more stress on so many other levels, but it will be a break from 24/7 "mom mode." I would be able to put on a different hat, even though I know ds would be in the back of mind at all times.
I hope this isn't taken the wrong way. I just want to reiterate that I don't think going to work is a break and you're relaxing. But, I do feel it's a break from children. Unless you're a teacher....and God bless you if you teach early childhood and them come home to toddlers!
Oh I get that I am away from him and everything, and ironically coming to work is kind of like a break for me. Not a fun break lol, but like you said, a mental break away from being a mom. I don't think I could ever be a full time stay at home mom, and because of that I know I have guilt issues. That makes the whole "you need some time away from DS" conversations difficult for me and that was what I was going for. I feel bad for going to work, feel worse for wanting to work so in my mind I don't more time away from him.
This really bothers me. I have a 'normal office environment' and when I get home from work I am exhausted. Sometimes I just want to sit on the couch and watch mindless TV because I had a hard day. But I can't because H has to go to work so I am solo parenting for the rest of the night or the entire weekend. It gets really fucking hard and it makes me angry that you have a hard time believing something like that.
vk that's my whole point. I get you are tired from work. I am too sometimes. But you don't come home and say "nope, I can't care for my kid. I work". Once again weeklyplanner says it better than I do.
Okay, I am sorry for misunderstanding. I took it as you were judging me and saying I don't deserve to come home and just want to sit because of my job. So I am sorry, it is a touchy subject for me apparently lol.
I literally mean this with the most respect. I just want to say that upfront so it's not taken the wrong way. But you do get time away from DS at work. I'm not saying work is a break at all because it's not and I genuinely admire working mothers. For me, I actually started applying for PT jobs because I needed a mental break from 13-14 hours straight with a baby, all alone, 5 days a week. I was yearning for a mental break and more stimulation. I still apply from time to time, but nothing has come up. I know it will be more stress on so many other levels, but it will be a break from 24/7 "mom mode." I would be able to put on a different hat, even though I know ds would be in the back of mind at all times.
I hope this isn't taken the wrong way. I just want to reiterate that I don't think going to work is a break and you're relaxing. But, I do feel it's a break from children. Unless you're a teacher....and God bless you if you teach early childhood and them come home to toddlers!
Oh I get that I am away from him and everything, and ironically coming to work is kind of like a break for me. Not a fun break lol, but like you said, a mental break away from being a mom. I don't think I could ever be a full time stay at home mom, and because of that I know I have guilt issues. That makes the whole "you need some time away from DS" conversations difficult for me and that was what I was going for. I feel bad for going to work, feel worse for wanting to work so in my mind I don't more time away from him.
While I've never been in your shoes, your thinking hits home with me. I think I'd be the same way if I worked. Moms: Damned if we do, damned if we don't!
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