I don't think dad's should be expected to participate in MOTN newborn parenting if the baby is BF. Like, why would I make him get up and change the diaper when I have to feed anyway and the diaper takes about 1 min? One of us may as well be rested to deal w whatever. Once DS was night weaned, that's when we started doing 50/50 MOTN.
I don't think dad's should be expected to participate in MOTN newborn parenting if the baby is BF. Like, why would I make him get up and change the diaper when I have to feed anyway and the diaper takes about 1 min? One of us may as well be rested to deal w whatever. Once DS was night weaned, that's when we started doing 50/50 MOTN.
Expected to? Not necessarily. But they should definitely offer and not assume they don't have to do anything. The first few weeks we all slept in the living room together because we didn't know what we were doing. H would help with diaper changes because I was still recovering and it gave me a chance to sit up and get comfortable, plus I was a tad scared of hurting DS with the circumcision.
After I got the hang of it I took care of everything. It bit me in the ass because H assumed I was getting up with DS every single time gonig forward.
I don't think dad's should be expected to participate in MOTN newborn parenting if the baby is BF. Like, why would I make him get up and change the diaper when I have to feed anyway and the diaper takes about 1 min? One of us may as well be rested to deal w whatever. Once DS was night weaned, that's when we started doing 50/50 MOTN.
Very rarely did I ever have DH get up while DS was breastfeeding. I think if they're not getting up they should be doing a lot during the day/evening(cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc). My H was good about that.
I don't think dad's should be expected to participate in MOTN newborn parenting if the baby is BF. Like, why would I make him get up and change the diaper when I have to feed anyway and the diaper takes about 1 min? One of us may as well be rested to deal w whatever. Once DS was night weaned, that's when we started doing 50/50 MOTN.
Very rarely did I ever have DH get up while DS was breastfeeding. I think if they're not getting up they should be doing a lot during the day/evening(cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc). My H was good about that.
Agree and my H is too. And now w a toddler we are doing a lot of dividing and conquering w the kids. He is great about that too.
A rarely gets up at night. Half the time he doesn't even hear her. Maybe it's an antiquated view but I SAH and he works a physical job. I got over being irritated over him not getting up too when I realized how much else he does (like cooking, bill paying, outside maintenance).
I don't think dad's should be expected to participate in MOTN newborn parenting if the baby is BF. Like, why would I make him get up and change the diaper when I have to feed anyway and the diaper takes about 1 min? One of us may as well be rested to deal w whatever. Once DS was night weaned, that's when we started doing 50/50 MOTN.
I did majority of the MOTN when the kids were newborns. However, if it was a rough night, and I had been up awhile, it was always understood that I could wake DH up and he would take the baby after I had nursed, of course. DH would ask why I didn't wake him the next day if I had said I was up often.
My husband is off work now too, so I expect help. I feed her, which takes about 30 to 40 minutes. He can do the diaper and rock her to sleep so I get an extra 15 minutes each time. I don't think that's unfair. When ds was a baby, he was working, so I did everything. It was too much.
I don't think dad's should be expected to participate in MOTN newborn parenting if the baby is BF. Like, why would I make him get up and change the diaper when I have to feed anyway and the diaper takes about 1 min? One of us may as well be rested to deal w whatever. Once DS was night weaned, that's when we started doing 50/50 MOTN.
This isn't what works for our family but no judgement, I recognize that there is no "one size fits all" solution to parenting. I am curious though - do you and baby sleep and breastfeed in a room separate from your husband or how do you manage your MOTN routine without disturbing his sleep so that he can remain well-rested?
I don't think dad's should be expected to participate in MOTN newborn parenting if the baby is BF. Like, why would I make him get up and change the diaper when I have to feed anyway and the diaper takes about 1 min? One of us may as well be rested to deal w whatever. Once DS was night weaned, that's when we started doing 50/50 MOTN.
This isn't what works for our family but no judgement, I recognize that there is no "one size fits all" solution to parenting. I am curious though - do you and baby sleep and breastfeed in a room separate from your husband or how do you manage your MOTN routine without disturbing his sleep so that he can remain well-rested?
I'll chime in too because I have a similar situation as @becominggold. DS slept next to our bed in a bassinet. When he got up I brought him to another room to change him and feed him, and then brought him back. I need a recliner, TV and my phone to nurse at night. I am not one who can stay awake nursing in bed at night or change diapers in the dark.
I don't think dad's should be expected to participate in MOTN newborn parenting if the baby is BF. Like, why would I make him get up and change the diaper when I have to feed anyway and the diaper takes about 1 min? One of us may as well be rested to deal w whatever. Once DS was night weaned, that's when we started doing 50/50 MOTN.
This isn't what works for our family but no judgement, I recognize that there is no "one size fits all" solution to parenting. I am curious though - do you and baby sleep and breastfeed in a room separate from your husband or how do you manage your MOTN routine without disturbing his sleep so that he can remain well-rested?
MH stayed sleep the whole time. With the light on and diaper change.
This isn't what works for our family but no judgement, I recognize that there is no "one size fits all" solution to parenting. I am curious though - do you and baby sleep and breastfeed in a room separate from your husband or how do you manage your MOTN routine without disturbing his sleep so that he can remain well-rested?
I'll chime in too because I have a similar situation as @becominggold . DS slept next to our bed in a bassinet. When he got up I brought him to another room to change him and feed him, and then brought him back. I need a recliner, TV and my phone to nurse at night. I am not one who can stay awake nursing in bed at night or change diapers in the dark.
That makes sense, I was confused because I am the same way - no way can I stay awake nursing in bed without TV or phone and both of those would wake DH.
I don't know how it will work with this LO but if I'm up in the MOTN chances are I have to pee so it just worked out well last time that I would pee while DH changed LO. I think we only did it that way for the first few months though - I forget how old they are when they stop needing changed at every feeding.
If I could nurse and get M right back to sleep, H didn't need to get up. But I'm not nursing for 30 minutes and then spending another 30-60 rocking a newborn while he gets his beauty sleep. Especially while I was on maternity leave.
This isn't what works for our family but no judgement, I recognize that there is no "one size fits all" solution to parenting. I am curious though - do you and baby sleep and breastfeed in a room separate from your husband or how do you manage your MOTN routine without disturbing his sleep so that he can remain well-rested?
MH stayed sleep the whole time. With the light on and diaper change.
OMG I am jealous of his deep sleeping ability. And I maybe also would punch him if it were my husband haha. That's amazing.
If I could nurse and get M right back to sleep, H didn't need to get up. But I'm not nursing for 30 minutes and then spending another 30-60 rocking a newborn while he gets his beauty sleep. Especially while I was on maternity leave.
I agree with this completely and that is kind of what we did last time but it was really hard to change the routine at that point in time so this time I am hoping to get some help so DH is involved from the very beginning and it's not a new expectation 2-3 months in.
I don't think dad's should be expected to participate in MOTN newborn parenting if the baby is BF. Like, why would I make him get up and change the diaper when I have to feed anyway and the diaper takes about 1 min? One of us may as well be rested to deal w whatever. Once DS was night weaned, that's when we started doing 50/50 MOTN.
This isn't what works for our family but no judgement, I recognize that there is no "one size fits all" solution to parenting. I am curious though - do you and baby sleep and breastfeed in a room separate from your husband or how do you manage your MOTN routine without disturbing his sleep so that he can remain well-rested?
Baby and I sleep in the bedroom. I go to the living room to feed her. I am more comfortable there and want to turn on a light. I usually hear her before she really cries, so most of the time he doesn't even wake up. If he does he will ask if I need anything. Even when he gets up w DS, I usually have to wake him. He is a very sound sleeper.
If I could nurse and get M right back to sleep, H didn't need to get up. But I'm not nursing for 30 minutes and then spending another 30-60 rocking a newborn while he gets his beauty sleep. Especially while I was on maternity leave.
During mat leave is when I need the least help....he is still working. I can stay in my pjs if I want, don't get up nearly as early, and can usually nap.
It's times like these where I thank Jesus that DH will be on nights when baby is born. He works 2 on 2 off 2 on 3 off and then cycle repeats but opposite. Nights can be handy sometimes
If I could nurse and get M right back to sleep, H didn't need to get up. But I'm not nursing for 30 minutes and then spending another 30-60 rocking a newborn while he gets his beauty sleep. Especially while I was on maternity leave.
During mat leave is when I need the least help....he is still working. I can stay in my pjs if I want, don't get up nearly as early, and can usually nap.
I will take going to work on 4 hours sleep over child care on that much sleep any day.
With A, I did pretty much everything. He slept in our room and I propped up in bed on pillows to nurse him and changed him right there. This was the situation for 8ish weeks. H is a heavy sleeper and although he may have stirred when we were moving around, he didn't fully wake up. After we moved him to his room, I went in there to do nighttime nursing/ changing and only woke H up if it was a particularly bad night. As he got older and didn't necessarily need to nurse every waking, H got up with him more.
Once I had a contractor tell me that it was lucky he had a spare room in his basement, because when his kids were young he could sleep without having to hear all the crying, and that way he could be perfectly rested for work. I wanted to punch him in the face.
(He is an office guy, so not like he is operating heavy machinery.)
Same guy also told me that he was so glad that he had his sister in law available to watch his kids when his wife went back to part time. That way, he never had to "do something like send them to a daycare, :::shiver:::"
He is basically a giant douche.
Both of these comments make my blood boil. What an ass.
If I could nurse and get M right back to sleep, H didn't need to get up. But I'm not nursing for 30 minutes and then spending another 30-60 rocking a newborn while he gets his beauty sleep. Especially while I was on maternity leave.
During mat leave is when I need the least help....he is still working. I can stay in my pjs if I want, don't get up nearly as early, and can usually nap.
Not everyone has the option of sending their toddler(s) to day care while they are on ML with their subsequent children.
I never expected H to help out MOTN but he did. When I protested, he said, "Look, this is OUR kid. You are doing SO much by BFing him. Let me help in my way." I never argued with him again over it. And really, the MOTN wakes were over before we knew it.
If I could nurse and get M right back to sleep, H didn't need to get up. But I'm not nursing for 30 minutes and then spending another 30-60 rocking a newborn while he gets his beauty sleep. Especially while I was on maternity leave.
During mat leave is when I need the least help....he is still working. I can stay in my pjs if I want, don't get up nearly as early, and can usually nap.
Well you're working too. Taking care of a newborn and a toddler is a lot of work. Maybe it's easier because your DS is still going to daycare some? After Max was born I was barely surviving because both boys needed me so much. Waking up with a newborn and a toddler wore me down. If I needed help then tough shit that H had to go to work, he was going to help. I didn't get to sleep in or nap regardless of how much I was up at night. I'm slightly confused by how much the husbands seem to get out of just because they "go to work."
During mat leave is when I need the least help....he is still working. I can stay in my pjs if I want, don't get up nearly as early, and can usually nap.
Well you're working too. Taking care of a newborn and a toddler is a lot of work. Maybe it's easier because your DS is still going to daycare some? After Max was born I was barely surviving because both boys needed me so much. Waking up with a newborn and a toddler wore me down. If I needed help then tough shit that H had to go to work, he was going to help. I didn't get to sleep in or nap regardless of how much I was up at night. I'm slightly confused by how much the husbands seem to get out of just because they "go to work."
Semi related UO: 90% of 9 to 5 office jobs are easier than caring for children. I get teachers/nurses/cops/physical labor jobs are different. But if you are in a normal office environment, I have a hard time believing you are too exhausted to help with childcare on nights/weekends.
It's true DS is still in daycare 5 hrs a day. But I do 10 hrs of admin asst work for my H's org (did not take mat leave from this) per week plus about 3-5 hrs of lesson planning and grading for my teaching job. So 2-3 of the 5 hrs are actually still working hrs. I think both partners have to step it up when there is a newborn. My H has done all the errands, groceries, most cooking, most toddler wrangling, etc since DD was born. That means more to me than him getting up too. And I could absolutely wake him any time and he tells me that regularly. I just don't see the point.
A does the cooking, grocery shopping and all the other stuff I mentioned previously. When he gets home from work Sage screams Daddy, goes running to the gate when he comes in, and then wants nothing to do with him.
Post by puffandstuff on Feb 25, 2016 12:30:27 GMT -5
It doesn't matter if its 50/50, 20/80, 60/40 as long as everyone is happy with the situation. If you are struggling and need help you should be able to ask you partner even if they have to get up in the morning.
It doesn't matter if its 50/50, 20/80, 60/40 as long as everyone is happy with the situation. If you are struggling and need help you should be able to ask you partner even if they have to get up in the morning.
This is why I constantly get yelled at to cal his mom if I want a break. He can't help, but she can.
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