Are you the breadwinner? How do you deal?

[ladylonghorn]

This is an interesting thread. I have always made more than DH, although he is starting to catch up. Overall, we both have very nice salarys, full benefits, etc. He is the spender, I'm the saver. How I deal...for the most part, it doesn't really both me other than the fact that DH is very materalistic. He doesn't fully grasp how much things cost, nor the fact that a once we have no more child care, it will make a huge difference in our left over income each month. I do wish that he would be supportive of me reducing my hours so I could spend more time with the kids. He knows that I'm still hopeful there will come a day when his income is at a place where dropping my hours/salary by 20% is not a big deal.

On the flip side, how does he handle...I think it's hard on his ego. He was the top sales guy in the region this year and one of the top in the US overall. He told his boss (and me) all that matters is he makes more money than me.

[cocopuff]

I am not only the breadwinner but I'm the sole breadearner since MH is a SAHD. But even before I had DD, I've always made at least twice as much as MH. He was a social worker when we met and I'm an attorney. I actually had a hard time when we were getting married accepting that I'd always be the breadwinner. That's not at all because I thought he should make more than me. It was more that, at the time I was a public internet lawyer and loved my job. But I knew to have the life we wanted and live where we lived, I would have to move to the private sector. since my earning potential is so much greater than MH it didn't seem fair to sacrifice our family goals by not earning my potential.

That actually has worked out beautifully in that I love my private sector job and have a lot of room for upward mobility. I'm also lucky that I have great benefits. We bought our house and planned on our life based on my income alone, with the intent that he'd be a SAHD. I've never had the desire to be a SAHM and know I'm a better mother because I work.

I think it bothers MH in that by not working he feels like he's not contributing at times. However we have a team approach. All the money goes into a joint account and he manages our finances. I'm the spender and it's so much better for me not control the budget. We couldn't have DD home if he wasn't happy and willing to be a SAHD. His salary would have barely covered day care regardless.

I'm extremely fortunate that he's so supportive of my career and so willing to fully embrace taking care of our home on a daily basis. I get to come home and spend quality

time with DD without worrying about making dinner, doing laundry and all that stuff. So we each gives 100% and it works for us.

[harperandco]

DH and I both work full-time, but I'm the breadwinner. He doesn't have an issue with making less than me and either do I because his employer covers health insurance 100%, matches his 401k contributions, and gives us a 45% discount on childcare (when we enroll her). Even though I make significantly more than him, my benefits are terrible, which is why I am so grateful for his job. He also takes care of DD full-time while I'm at work so in reality, his job is much harder.