TTCAL Check In 03/01

[littlelion]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

GTKY: What's a current way that you relax, destress? What's a new way that you'd like to try?

[doodler]

How are you doing? Actually, I'm ok.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched for (I think) 2 more months to rule out the Partial Mole.

Diagnosis (if applicable): RPL, MTHFR

Updates/questions: So we met with the doc last week and she doesn't want to do more testing. I'm up in the air about what I want to do now. You may have seen my post about the MTHFR yesterday. My doc is unconcerned and I'm trying to figure out what to do now.

Let me get your opinion: If I want a second opinion but I'm not ready to go to an RE, would it be totally ridiculous to have a consultation with another doctor in the same practice? I literally switched to this practice the day I got my BFP this time and I really don't have an allegiance to this particular doctor, who I only met on the day of my miscarriage. I spoke to another one of the doctors on the phone right after my BFP and during my miscarriage and I seemed to click with him better. That doesn't mean he will give me different answers but at this point I just don't know what to do. So is it ridiculous to see another doc in the same practice for a second opinion?

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nothing right now. I'm working on being more positive!

GTKY: What's a current way that you relax, destress? What's a new way that you'd like to try? Running always works best for me. I injured my knee and can't run right now so I'm working on getting an elliptical.

[peaseblossom55]

How are you doing? Better

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, H pericentric inversion

Updates/questions: So after a lot of talking with my RE and a consult with another. MY current RE & I are using a different protocol this month for IVF. I am really hoping it yields better results for us. I am hopeful, but we will see

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Friday was 6 month since Anne.liese was born, it feels like yesterday and forever ago at the same time. I miss her so much and the recent IVF failure made it much harder. I cried in the elevator leaving work yesterday because I wanted to hold her so badly.

GTKY: What's a current way that you relax, destress? What's a new way that you'd like to try? I try to relax with yoga and also massages. I vowed to get one monthly now. There is really nothing new I would like to try acupuncture failed.

[peaseblossom55]

doodler, it doesn't seem to hurt to get another doctor's feeling especially if you perhaps clicked with that doctor more. I'd almost consider a second opinion better coming from a different place altogether, but I don't think it can hurt.

[littlelion]

doodler I 2nd that of another practice although if this dr is an easy appt, then the more 2nd opinions the better. I also believe an RE is a better 2nd opinion because they're the specialist. Is there a specific reason you'd rather not do an RE?

[doodler]

Mar 1, 2016 13:20:20 GMT -5 littlelion said:

doodler I 2nd that of another practice although if this dr is an easy appt, then the more 2nd opinions the better. I also believe an RE is a better 2nd opinion because they're the specialist. Is there a specific reason you'd rather not do an RE?

Honestly, I'm not really sure.  I really don't like seeing new doctors.  I just left my old OB practice because of a bad experience with my first loss and had to start at a new one.  Then my recent experience at the counselor was terrible.  I'm also sort of afraid that a RE is going to agree with what my OB said and tell me that I don't need any additional testing and that it was stupid to come there.  I don't know.  I just have a ton of anxiety about it(and everything else right now).  I was considering it but when the OB this week was so firm that I don't need additional testing it made me think that she is probably right.  I don't like questioning doctors and I'm super non-confrontational when I am talking to them.  Like....is she going to confront me about seeing a RE after she sent me home?  I don't know.  This just became a bit of a stream of consciousness moment for me so thanks for bearing with me.

TLDR- Maybe I'm just crazy...

[daystardreams]

doodler I don't think that's ridiculous at all. I live in a rural area that is surrounded by other rural areas so it's pretty common here to hear somebody say they are trying a different doctor in the same practice.

peaseblossom55 I hope the upcoming IVF is much better for you. I always feel like my losses were just yesterday but forever ago too.

How are you doing? Ok.

Status: TTA for now

Diagnosis: RPL, MTHFR, & PCOS

Updates: Not really, still just confused about where we are going in this process.

Debbie Downer: I just can't help but think, what if this never happens for us? I know we still have plenty of options. We're looking into foster care, surrogacy (my sister offered) and fertility treatments. No matter which way we turn, it just seems daunting. I just want to stick my head in the sand, pretend like the last two years never happened and start TTC over. Be naive, giggly newlyweds like we're supposed to be. That would probably be counterproductive though, huh?

GTKY: I wish I could say something awesome like yoga or running but right now it's watching dumb TV with H or soaking in the tub for hours.

[peaseblossom55]

daystardreams, I feel the same way. I keep thinking what if this never happens for us and Anne.liese was the closest we ever get. I try not to think about that. Like you said you have a lot of options in front you as daunting as it may seem.

[littlelion]

Mar 1, 2016 13:35:05 GMT -5 doodler said:

Mar 1, 2016 13:20:20 GMT -5 littlelion said:

doodler I 2nd that of another practice although if this dr is an easy appt, then the more 2nd opinions the better. I also believe an RE is a better 2nd opinion because they're the specialist. Is there a specific reason you'd rather not do an RE?

I don't like questioning doctors and I'm super non-confrontational when I am talking to them.  Like....is she going to confront me about seeing a RE after she sent me home?  I don't know.  This just became a bit of a stream of consciousness moment for me so thanks for bearing with me.

TLDR- Maybe I'm just crazy...

I totally understand. I was very much like that too. Esp since I worry about the cost and the insurance. But seriously, I get all of what you said.  But since starting my TTC journey, I think I've learned a lot about the importance of being your strongest advocate.  Not just for my sake, but for Dh and DS. And I know many people who don't have access to better medical options so I can't let authority figures intimidate me. I have money, good insurance, speak English and I'm pretty smart too. And my FIL is an inspiration. He lives in a rural part in mexico and last month he traveled to another state just to get a second opinion. 

Do what's best for you, drs provide a service that you pay for. 

[requiressnacks]

doodler, I don't think you're crazy. I would probably go to another practice, but if that is a huge PITA, I would see a doctor in the same practice. I have honestly never even met the other REs at my RE practice. They could be fabulous! (although I actually like my RE)

peaseblossom55, daystardreams, it's a slippery slope for me if I start thinking about if this never happens for us. Try to stay out of that dark place.

How are you doing? I am OK.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC - 3rd cycle after my loss

Diagnosis (if applicable): unexplained IF

Updates/questions: none

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I just find it so hard to keep up my motivation to do this. Each month is such a fucking roller coaster.

GTKY: What's a current way that you relax, destress? What's a new way that you'd like to try?

Currently, it's wine and Bravo. I WISH I were one of those people who turned to exercise or something productive to distress. I don't think it will ever happen.

[littlelion]

peaseblossom55, big hug for missing your baby girl. And GL with your new IVF approach! 

daystardreams, I'm so sorry your feeling so hopeless. It's normal I think. I had a lot of guilt because I felt like I failed as a wife to my husband. It's amazing that your sister offered surrogacy. I hope you find your way soon.   

requiressnacks, I'm sorry your last IUI didn't work. It is exhausting to go thru the ups and downs of each cycle. 

[akraus2015]

doodler , I’m sorry you still haven’t figured out a plan with your testing. Any particular reason you don’t want to see a RE? I don’t know if it works this way in every practice, but there are two OB’s in my old doctor’s office, and they tend to confer with each other and come to mutual agreements on things that are questionable. I don’t know if it would be the same with your place, but in my case, I’d get the same answer if I went to the other doctor, probably.

peaseblossom55, I’m sorry to hear that this is a rough time right now. 6 months was hard for me, too. I didn’t consciously realize it had been that long, and one day it just hit me, and it really threw me. I was pretty emotional, too, because I was sure I’d be pregnant again by then. Hugs to you today!! Also…now I want a massage…

daystardreams , I totally get where you’re coming from on the “want to start over” thoughts. When people ask me things like, “Are you LOVING being newlyweds?! Can you believe it’s been almost a year?? I bet you’re having so much fun!” I have to just smile and grit my teeth a little bit, because our honeymoon phase ended real quick. MH always tells me that it brings us closer together, and that it feels good to know we have a partner in each other who can handle anything…

requiressnacks , I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time staying motivated. Sending you hugs!!


How are you doing? I'm okay...currently WTO, which I think I hate even more than the TWW. But overall, feeling really hopeful.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, WTO

Diagnosis (if applicable): MTHFR

Updates/questions: SHG came back normal (my RE said that my uterus was "beautiful and perfect"), so the next step is to be really intentional with our timing this month (we're currently gettin it on every night...hubby is happy about that part!) and then start progesterone supplements right after I confirm ovulation.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Not a huge Debbie downer, but I hate WTO. My cycles are no longer consistent enough to know when I'm going to ovulate exactly, so I feel like I have to be a sex machine for like 10 days straight. And I have a really hard time getting a + OPK, which makes me scared that I'm not ovulating, even though I know I am because my doctor confirmed it. I just want that temp spike, damnit!!

GTKY: What's a current way that you relax, destress? What's a new way that you'd like to try? Running helps when I can get the motivation to actually go. I get my nails and toes done every other week, and that's my happy time. I love sitting in the pedicure chair and not thinking about anything.

[peaseblossom55]

akraus2015, hugs to you too. I knew the six months was coming. It's hard because I really did think I would be pregnant again by now.
littlelion, thank you!

[requiressnacks]

akraus2015, I totally feel you on hating WTO. There's so much pressure to get it exactly right! I commend you for trying to hit ED though.

[hydrangea1019]

Hi ladies. I hope everyone is having a good week so far

doodler, I read through your post on the main board the other day. I think I'd be inclined to get another opinion and head to an RE, but if you aren't ready for that step, I would certainly schedule an appointment with the other doctor in the practice. No harm in that at all.
peaseblossom55, so many FXs for you that this new protocol for IVF works for you.
daystardreams, I feel you on wanting to run back to "simpler" times. We also are looking into other options slowly. I think if we are not pregnant by the end of the year, we may stop TTC and fully pursue the adoption route.
requiressnacks, each month is definitely a roller coaster. WTO drives me crazy trying to get it perfect and then the TWW I start off great, and then at the end jump on the crazy train only to come crashing down to start all over. Blah. it sucks
akraus2015, 100% agree that WTO sucks harder than TWW. Trying to get everything perfect is so much pressure. I am trying to withhold the pressure from DH this cycle, but it's so hard.

How are you doing? pretty good

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): WTO cd18... hoping today is O

Diagnosis (if applicable):n/a... unless a polyp is a diagnosis

Updates/questions: I recently got my full diagnostic blood work back and my red blood cell county is elevated, but not too much above the normal limit. Haven't met with the doctor yet. DH is doing his SA on Friday and then I need to call my OBGYN to see if she can do the SIS test to confirm possible polyp and see if she can remove so we don't have to pay OOP.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): nothing really.... if anyone watches Grey's Anatomy, be prepared for triggers.

GTKY: What's a current way that you relax, destress? What's a new way that you'd like to try? We have pretty much been going nonstop so my way of relaxing is doing nothing lol I am excited about doing nothing this weekend.

[pinkcat]

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, Cycle 11.

Diagnosis (if applicable): NA

Updates/questions: No updates. Just in the TWW- tested this morning at 11 DPO and it was negative. Very sad today.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm sad about entering cycle 12 with nothing to show for it. I feel overwhelmed thinking about going to an RE but also feel sad thinking about waiting another 12 months without a baby.

GTKY: What's a current way that you relax, destress? What's a new way that you'd like to try? I like to read, clean, or workout. The more stressed I am, the cleaner our house is! I would like to try getting into yoga- I have never tried it as I usually like more cardio based workouts.

doodler So many hugs. I think PPs have given you great advice about a second opinion.
peaseblossom55 I'm glad you got another protocol this cycle, and I have everything crossed for you!
daystardreams I love long baths too. I wish TTC was as easy for everyone as it is for some people...hugs. I agree with RS that it is a slippery slope to think about.
requiressnacks Wine and Bravo sounds like the perfect way to de-stress I'm sorry last cycle wasn't it for you...I hope this one is!
akraus2015 WTO is by far my least favorite part of my cycle- it's so stressful worrying about timing!! FX you get a temp rise soon so that you can feel confident you O'd.

[kayladawn91]

doodler I think it's a good idea to get a second opinion if you'll be more comfortable with hearing from another doctor about this.

peaseblossom55 I'm glad you have a new plan in place. FX so hard for you!!

daystardreams I hope everything becomes clearer for you soon.

@reqiressnacks I'm sorry you're having trouble feeling motivated each month. Hugs.

akraus2015 my cycles are very unpredictable as well so we have to be really strategic to make sure we got at least one day in my FW. It makes WTO very frustrating.

hydrangea1019 I'm glad you're getting some testing done and hope it brings some answers!

pinkcat sorry for the BFN and that you're approaching Cycle 12. Hugs!

[kayladawn91]

How are you doing? I'm alright

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC - currently in the TWW

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: I'm currently in the TWW, expecting AF on Saturday. I just really want this cycle to work so I don't hit the 1 year mark in a couple of weeks. I'm nervous about everything that could means and the steps that may follow.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Nothing really.

GTKY: Gosh I don't know. I like to sit and read a book to relax I guess. When the weather is nice in the spring/summer I love sitting on the patio.

[kayladawn91]

Glad you seem to be doing okay this week danib!

[notagoddess]

Thank you for starting this today littlelion.

I won't be able to start this thread anymore because I'm doing my internship and I have no privacy there. It's only 2 days a week and I need to focus on the work so I can get a permanent job or at least good references.

[notagoddess]

doodler, no, it is not ridiculous to get a second opinion at the same practice. The first doctor may find it annoying, but who cares? You obviously don't feel comfortable with the first doctor's decisions. Do what you need to do.

peaseblossom55, again I am so sorry for the outcome of IVF #1. I'm glad you have a different protocol for the second one. I hope it's completely different for you. I love yoga and massages too... keep doing those during this process.

daystardreams, hugs. Dumb TV and baths are great ways of dealing with it all.

requiressnacks, I am so very sorry the second IUI didn't work. 

akraus2015, I'm glad you're feeling hopeful and focusing on what you can do. ED is exhausting, though!

hydrangea1019, best of luck getting the polyp removal covered. I hope the diagnostic process gives you a plan forward.

pinkcat, I'm so sorry for the BFN and the 12 month mark looming. Hugs.

kayladawn91, FX for your TWW. 12 months is so very scary. 

danib, +1 for yoga. I'm only doing it once a week most weeks but even that amount makes a huge difference. 

[notagoddess]

How are you doing? I'm feeling somewhat depressed, hopeless, and overwhelmed at the same time.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC - Cycle 12 AL WTO

Diagnosis (if applicable): Uterine septum

Updates/questions: I did my MRI and CD 3 / CD 21 bloodwork. MH had his semen analysis. We have to schedule an appointment for follow-up on all of those, but I just can't deal with it right now. MH is 100% opposed to any treatment for another year and I feel like I will just have to wait to really try for a baby. I also am having thoughts that my short pregnancy 1.5 years ago was the closest I'll ever be to becoming a parent.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I guess the above.

GTKY: What's a current way that you relax, destress? What's a new way that you'd like to try? Current: Eat a bunch of unhealthy food. I just polished off a brownie after doing some serious after-work drinking. New: Return to more frequent yoga and read for pleasure.

[peaseblossom55]

Thank you notagoddess, pinkcat, kayladawn91, hydrangea1019 for the well wishes this cycle. I'm feeling pretty good and I hope that this protocol leads to some good results.

[notagoddess]

Mar 1, 2016 19:51:39 GMT -5 danib said:

notagoddess just curious, why does your H want to wait another year?

I don't really understand it

He thinks it will happen naturally and he is mistrustful of doctors. He is concerned about the cost also. We have $10,000 lifetime coverage for infertility but a good amount of that was taken up by diagnostic testing.

[kayladawn91]

notagoddess I'm sorry for everything you are feeling. My BFP was 17 months ago so I'm having a similar fear of never seeing another one. I'm sorry your husband isn't open to looking into treatment.

[notagoddess]

Mar 1, 2016 19:58:05 GMT -5 kayladawn91 said:

notagoddess I'm sorry for everything you are feeling. My BFP was 17 months ago so I'm having a similar fear of never seeing another one. I'm sorry your husband isn't open to looking into treatment.

Thanks. We have fairly similar timelines.

I was so so lucky to get pregnant on my second cycle. I'm sure MH is thinking it will happen any month now. But I don't have any hope of that happening at this point.

[doodler]

Ok guys, I just scheduled an appointment with the RE. Thanks for helping me see the light and get things moving