Anyone planning to be a SAHM?

[katelou]

Speaking of daycare, is anyone planning to be a new SAHM?


I went back to work FT after my daughter was born and just about fell apart for a number of reasons. I was given an opportunity to work PT (3 days/week) and my mom became our free childcare provider for 3 years til DD started preschool.

I don't love my job but I generally do like working PT and was glad I'm still in the workforce. But we're at a point where we just don't think it's going to work anymore with 2 kids. It's no longer feasible for my mom to provide childcare. So we'd have to find part-time infant care, which basically doesn't exist, have 2 drop-offs and pick-ups that I'd have to do because DH can't, find care for our older DD for summers, school breaks, holidays, snow days, and occasional days my job calls me in to work at the last minute. I won't be bringing in much money after paying for childcare and it doesn't feel worth the stress and constant scramble to make back-up arrangements. We're about 75% sure I'm going to SAH.

I really love being at home with littles and the SAHM life and won't miss the stress of working, but I also have a lot of feels about leaving the workforce.

Anyone else planning to SAH, or thinking about it?

[cavewmn]

I get to be a SAHM. Very excited about it!

[beebe918]

I'm toying with the idea only because I work part time right now and don't get benefits. H has free health care through work but to add us to his policy is very expensive. We currently spend about half my gross pay on health ins for me and ds1, working won't make much sense when we have to add another baby to our policy. I have the opportunity to go full time but I'm not sure the pay will be worth it, I'll have to decide closer to the baby's due date.

The only thing really stopping me is I really value the three days a week I get out of the house now, I don't think I could handle being home with the kids 7 days a week.

[rungirlrun]

I'm currently a SAHM so I'll offer my thoughts. When I was working and decided to become a SAHM when DS was born, I was ecstatic about not having to work anymore. I thought it would be fun all day every day and so much easier than working (naive FTM thoughts). The pros and cons in my opinion:

Pros
-get to do so much with DS and don't feel like I'm missing any of his childhood. And I'm very active in mom groups and other activities so we get out of the house everyday so I definitely get adult interaction too. I've met great mom friends.
-I really enjoy working out, and it's important to me and I can do it during the day either in a stroller class or at the gym which has free childcare. So I workout, and DS has fun while I'm working out so there's no guilt on my part.
-We have enough trouble getting out the door to get to our activities (which are for fun and there are no repercussions for being late) so I am glad I don't have to experience the stress of getting everything ready the night before and running around like crazy just to get the kids to school/daycare and then me to work.
-I can wear workout pants everyday!
-This isn't exciting and certainly isn't easy to do with a toddler, but I get most of the house chores and errands done during the week so our weekends/nights are more relaxing as a family.

Cons
-the comments I receive from people about me staying at home. I know I should ignore them, but I get so sick of people asking if I found a job yet or basically giving me the "bless your heart" attitude when I say I'm currently staying at home. I feel like there is very little respect for SAHMs, and it's frustrating. I have a Masters degree so clearly I'm educated and can find a job - it's just a choice I'm making for the time being.
-I want to go back to work when my kids are in school, and I'm scared to death of how difficult that is going to be since I'll have been out of the workforce for so long.
-Staying at home gets boring. Yeah, I get to go to music classes, the zoo, playdates, etc, but sitting around singing the Wheels on the Bus for the 10th time that week gets a bit old. Doing activities with DS isn't novel like it is for my H so it's hard to get too excited for many of them.  Being a SAHM isn't the same as taking a day off of work randomly and having fun with your kids.  When you do it everyday, it does lose some appeal.
-Our family personally would have more money if I worked.
-I get to experience ALL of the tantrums/skipped naps/food throwing/general not so fun kid stuff. There is no other childcare to deal with it.
-I definitely go out with friends and do my own stuff, but for the most part, I'm "working" 24/7 and it's the same job the whole time.
-I still have stress that I had when working - it's just different stress.

So those are my thoughts. It's definitely not an easy decision and one I question often. Ideally, I think I'd love to work part-time, but that's difficult to find at a new job and not just lessening hours at the job you had pre-kids.  

Good luck with your decision!

[lovegrilledcheese]

I'm planning on SAM at least until when this lo starts preschool. I already had to resign from my job back in January due to HG. I love what I do and if I want to go back I could go back at any time as their is a shortage of professionals in my field. I'm looking forward to being a SAM.

[tikoberry99]

I'm planning on being a SAHM. I discussed with with my DH before we got married that I expected he would be the bread winner and I would stay at home with the kids and he was 100% on board....but since DH was laid off a month ago I might have to go back either part time or full time (luckily I work from home so I'll at least be in the house with little man) while he continues to look for work...FX he isn't STILL unemployed by November! Once he gets a full time job I will be back on track for quitting my job. I love my job and what I do, but I don't have aspirations to further my career since I've always planned on staying home with the kiddos.

[cabbagecabbage]

I'm already a SAHM since DD was born 3 years ago but I'll be leaving my 2 little jobs (I currently babysit 16 hours a week and work 3-6 hours at a paint and sip place) for at least a few months. Choosing to SAH was a wonderful blessing but it has also been harder than I imagine. For us, it makes money tight. It's doable but my budget for fun stuff is almost nothing, so it takes creativity and work on my part to stay busy. If I could do gymnastics and music lessons and just go to the bounce house place whenever it snowed, it would be so much simpler.

Creating my own world, schedule, motivation to shower, social groups, etc. It's hard and I'm type B, so I need to push myself to try.

While I don't miss my work, it was still a huge adjustment to my self image to be "just" a mom. I didn't even know how much I had relied on the prestige of my career to feel valuable. That sounds so conceited typed out but it's a big change and your self-esteem needs to adjust. Also, a cold winter with very little adult interaction can come close to making me crazy. I've relied on mom friends so much for my sanity.

I'm still very glad I did it but it was a mixed blessing for sure.

[mrss44]

I'll be a (mostly) SAHM but I'll also have my nephew. I am very excited. Right now I keep 5 kids (including my nephew) but I've been wanting to cut down for a while. Finally getting pregnant just came at the perfect time.

[glaze]

As long as DH finds a job sometime before baby comes I'll be a SAHM. Which is pretty likely but you never know.

In the past 5 years since my son was born I've worked full time, part time, and I've been a SAHM (still worked some weekends to get out of the house). There's perks and downsides to each I've learned but now that we're going to have 3 kids me SAH is the best option for us!

[comicSans]

I'm a sahm, but I also run a little freelance design business. When DD was born I took a few months off and slowly accepted small projects, working mostly in the evening.

Being home was especially great with an infant. She'd be up a couple times a night, but in the morning she'd wake, nurse, be up for like an hour, and back to sleep. So I could sleep too and in those early days my day didn't really get started until 10 or 11, and I could shower while she slept too.

6 months ago I accepted an ongoing monthly project and put DD in daycare 2 mornings a week. That's really not enough time to get my work done and I still spend naps and evenings working and often feel like I'm neglecting one area of my life in favor of another. When this baby is born, I'll stop that project and take a complete break again. We'll take DD out of daycare too because there won't be regular income to offset it and because I don't see myself dragging both kids out of the house in the morning just to have her at school for 4 hours. We may put DD in 2 yr old preschool in the fall though because she really likes school and entertaining a toddler all day erryday is hard.

I'm looking forward to setting my juggling act aside and focusing on the kids.

[lostinfaith225]

I am currently a sahm. I stopped working early in my pregnancy with ds due to hg.

I loved what rungirlrun said! I say, what she said x2.

I love being here for ds when he reaches a new milestone. It was so nice during the baby stage, tons of snuggles! I highly recommend getting out of the house once a day. A walk, target, the park. When ds was 4-6 months, I would take him and the dog to the park. We would go for a walk and then park it in the shade on a blanket for awhile.

Also, if you can swing it, Gymboree, little gym, rec center classes, library story time, etc. great way to connect with other moms!

It can get lonely and monotonous, but the good outweighs the bad.

[harlowjune1984]

I was a SAHM a bit after having DD, and then I ended up going back to work (a job where I could take DD with me), and have been working ever since. This time, I am actually going to be a SAHM, but help MH out with the company that he started (so I will be working from home, setting my own hours, etc). I had PPA and mild PPD after having DD, and I started to feel isolated while I was at home, because I was trying to be conscious about money I spent and felt bad going out and doing fun things while MH was home working (he was telecommuting at the time). By going back to work, it forced me to get up and get ready for the day by a certain time, I was more productive in my non-working hours, and then I didn't feel bad about doing something fun in my off time, because I felt like I was contributing more since I was working as well. That being said, I could take this baby to work, but it just wouldn't be a good fit any longer. DD is going to be in her last year of preschool, and I want to spend more time with her, before she is in school full time. I will also be EP-ing, and that was a huge hassle when I went back to work after having DD, that I gave up after a couple of months (I would like to go longer this time). MH's business is doing well enough that he could use an extra set of hands here and there, so I think staying home would be a better fit for now. This time around, I will be making sure that I get out once a day (which will be easier since it is summer time, DD was born right at the start of a 9 month rain season), and my plan is to give it a minimum of a year....and see how I feel about going to work after that.