Vent. I can't set boundaries

[hoosiermama76]

If he were paying you rent, I would think that he should be able to have dates over; but, even then, I would think he would have the situational awareness to just put off dating for a while. If he is not paying rent, he is a house guest, and I am not sure the last I heard of a houseguest hosting something at the host's home.

[annapunkalunka]

I can see why you're uncomfortable. I would be, too. But... You're also renting your basement. I think that's part of the deal when you rent. Unless you're doing him more of a favor and just letting him stay there as opposed to formally renting. If that's the case, I think you have every right to tell him to stop with the guests.

[weeklyplanner]

Mar 7, 2016 15:21:29 GMT -5 annapunkalunka said:

I can see why you're uncomfortable. I would be, too. But... You're also renting your basement. I think that's part of the deal when you rent. Unless you're doing him more of a favor and just letting him stay there as opposed to formally renting. If that's the case, I think you have every right to tell him to stop with the guests.

Exactly this! If he's paying rent, then I think you don't have a leg to stand...especially since you say he's being respectful and not doing anything crazy. If he's just crashing at your place and not paying rent, then it's your rules or he goes.

[puffandstuff]

Mar 7, 2016 15:21:29 GMT -5 annapunkalunka said:

I can see why you're uncomfortable. I would be, too. But... You're also renting your basement. I think that's part of the deal when you rent. Unless you're doing him more of a favor and just letting him stay there as opposed to formally renting. If that's the case, I think you have every right to tell him to stop with the guests.

This. Also if you didn't have this discussion beforehand than he just doesn't know.

[mimsy]

Could you be diplomatic and approach him about dating?
It's not unreasonable for him to bring a date back, but maybe request no overnight guests out of respect?

[starrynight14]

Poof.

I'm an introvert and this all goes against my nature. Then I usually feel guilty and selfish for being an introvert. Like I should be able to snap out of it. Which is why I always put myself in these situations. 

[ice61313]

I agree with PP. I know what you're saying about not being 100% comfortable in a place where you should be. But remember, this isn't a forever situation. It will end hopefully sooner rather than later.

[minervamae]

Mar 7, 2016 16:26:39 GMT -5 starrynight14 said:

Mar 7, 2016 15:21:29 GMT -5 annapunkalunka said:

I can see why you're uncomfortable. I would be, too. But... You're also renting your basement. I think that's part of the deal when you rent. Unless you're doing him more of a favor and just letting him stay there as opposed to formally renting. If that's the case, I think you have every right to tell him to stop with the guests.

He originally moved in because he needed a place to live after breaking up with his girlfriend. He offered to pay rent although we didn't want to take it at first because we wanted to help him out. Now we do take the rent because it seems fair at this point.

I'm an introvert and this all goes against my nature. Then I usually feel guilty and selfish for being an introvert. Like I should be able to snap out of it. Which is why I always put myself in these situations. 

Unfortunately, while I would feel the same way, I'd just live with it. It sounds like your husband's family is more out going than you and I'm afraid you could cause a long running problem over a temporary situation.  Maybe you could ask for a heads up, but if he's entertaining often, I doubt it would last long.

[starrynight14]

All of your advice is a good motivator for me to be more patient. I guess I feel like I've been stepping out of comfort zone for a while now (I think it's been about 2 years) and I guess I'm just itching to have some privacy back. But, patience, patience, patience! #introvertProblems 

Anyway, thanks for all the input!

[aaemommy]

I'm a little late but I wanted to add my thought really quick. I don't know if this would be feasible since I don't know your basement setup but what if you had a conversation and agreed that if he decided last minute to have someone over, then he entertains them in the basement? That way if you don't have time to process/ prepare/ whatever you need to do for company (which is totally legit) then you wouldn't have to worry about seeing you and maybe it wouldn't tense you up so much. Again, I have no idea if that would work or not depending on your setup but it's just a thought. Good luck!