ceejay's AMA (foster parenting, Chicago, and more!)

[ceejay]

Hi guys!!!!!!!


I'm going to be honest... I'm pretty excited to have an AMA today!


My "official" topics for the AMA are foster parenting and the city of Chicago. But feel free to ask me about my job (I'm a scientist for a large biotechnology/diagnostics company), my dogs (the cuties in my siggy), running (I've done many half marathons and 1 full marathon), or anything else you can think of! 

[peaseblossom55]

Favorite dessert? Do you have a favorite dessert you like to bake?

[ironbaby]

I'm sorry to say I don't know enough about fostering to be able to ask intelligent questions. Could you just give us a rundown of the general process and how long it took? What kinds of things would exclude you from fostering (other than obvious criminal background)?

[teachermomtobe]

I have a friend who is fostering and in her situation she said the girl may go to school one day and then go back home with her biological family that afternoon so they have no real warning. Is that true of most fostering situations?

[ceejay]

Mar 10, 2016 10:15:19 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

Favorite dessert? Do you have a favorite dessert you like to bake?

Tie between cherry pie and cheesecake. But truthfully, I would eat just about any dessert at any time. I definitely have a sweet tooth!

I don't bake desserts often but I enjoy making fruit cobblers and crisps.

[ceejay]

Mar 10, 2016 10:23:48 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

I'm sorry to say I don't know enough about fostering to be able to ask intelligent questions. Could you just give us a rundown of the general process and how long it took? 

Sure! 

The process took about 6 months from contacting the foster care agency to getting our license in the mail. Here's a general overview:

1) Contact local foster care agencies and decide which one to work with. Fill out initial paperwork.
2) First visit from caseworker. She talked with us for a while and did a quick tour of our home to make sure we had enough space and bedrooms to be licensed.
3) PAPERWORK. Lots of it. Biographical questions, parenting essays, lots of forms to sign. Also requested references from 3 friends. Background checks and fingerprinting. CPR training.
4) Second visit from caseworker. Discuss paperwork and other steps in the process.
5) PRIDE training. Our state's required 27 hours of training classes (plus homework) for all foster/adoptive parents. (we did the "fast track" version and did two 3-hour classes a week for 4.5 weeks!) 
6) Home study. Two more (lengthy) visits from our caseworker. These were more like formal interviews where she asked us a lot of questions about our histories, personalities, parenting styles, and what types of children and how many at a time we were willing to foster.
7) All paperwork and official homestudy submitted to the state. Then we waited about 3-4 weeks until our foster care license came in the mail!
8) Then we sat on pins and needles with our phones constantly on and with us because we knew we could get a call at any time about a placement! (we were open to taking up to 2 kids at a time, ages 0-4)
9) 3 weeks after receiving our license, we got a call around 12:30 pm on a Tuesday for 2 little boys (ages 5 weeks and almost 2 years at the time). We asked a ton of questions and then agreed to accept the placement. Two hours later they arrived at our home and have been there ever since!

[ceejay]

Mar 10, 2016 10:23:48 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

What kinds of things would exclude you from fostering (other than obvious criminal background)?

I don't have a full list of everything that could exclude someone from fostering but obviously like you mentioned having a criminal background, especially anything related to children.

Other requirements for being a foster parent include being a US citizen, having a home with adequate square footage and bedrooms for the number of children you want to be licensed for (the square footage requirements vary by state), having stable income, and being in good health (again this can be defined differently in each state).

[butlerfan]

Mar 10, 2016 11:14:33 GMT -5 ceejay said:

Mar 10, 2016 10:23:48 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

What kinds of things would exclude you from fostering (other than obvious criminal background)?

I don't have a full list of everything that could exclude someone from fostering but obviously like you mentioned having a criminal background, especially anything related to children.

Other requirements for being a foster parent include being a US citizen, having a home with adequate square footage and bedrooms for the number of children you want to be licensed for (the square footage requirements vary by state), having stable income, and being in good health (again this can be defined differently in each state).

In our state you have to be age 21 unless you are doing this for a relative then you have to be 18.  Don't know if IL is the same as WI... but you can be single, living together and not married, same sex relationship which is nice to see. 

[kayladawn91]

Favorite thing about living in Chicago?

Favorite restaurant in Chicago?

[butlerfan]

Do you have a good relationship with the birth parents? How much do the boys get to see their biological parents (if at all)? Obviously if this is confidential please don't share.

[ceejay]

Mar 10, 2016 10:33:43 GMT -5 teachermomtobe said:

I have a friend who is fostering and in her situation she said the girl may go to school one day and then go back home with her biological family that afternoon so they have no real warning. Is that true of most fostering situations?

This is absolutely not true of most fostering situations (at least in my state). I'm surprised that your friend is in that situation and that would be so hard to deal with!

In most fostering situations, there is A LOT of advance warning before kids are reunified with their biological families. Foster families should be kept in the loop with how the bio parents are doing with their service plans and should know if/when the children returning home is even an option. There are usually also increasingly longer visits that happen gradually to "re-introduce" the children to their bio family: first bio parents get regular supervised visits, then regular unsupervised visits, then overnight visits, then weekend visits... There should be a long and well defined process in which kids are transitioned back to their bio family.

That's the way it works in my state but foster care laws and procedures vary a lot by state, so it's possible that your friend's state has a different procedure for reunification. But in most situations and states that I'm aware of, there is a lot that needs to happen before foster children are allowed to return home.

[butlerfan]

Are you allowed to go to court hearings or submit updates on the boys to help plan their next steps?

[ceejay]

Mar 10, 2016 11:18:43 GMT -5 butlerfan said:

Mar 10, 2016 11:14:33 GMT -5 ceejay said:

I don't have a full list of everything that could exclude someone from fostering but obviously like you mentioned having a criminal background, especially anything related to children.

Other requirements for being a foster parent include being a US citizen, having a home with adequate square footage and bedrooms for the number of children you want to be licensed for (the square footage requirements vary by state), having stable income, and being in good health (again this can be defined differently in each state).

In our state you have to be age 21 unless you are doing this for a relative then you have to be 18.  Don't know if IL is the same as WI... but you can be single, living together and not married, same sex relationship which is nice to see. 

Yep, those are all true in IL as well. Pretty much anyone can be a foster parent if they are interested! We had a very wide range of people in our PRIDE training class.

[peaseblossom55]

Mar 10, 2016 10:54:11 GMT -5 ceejay said:

Mar 10, 2016 10:15:19 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

Favorite dessert? Do you have a favorite dessert you like to bake?

Tie between cherry pie and cheesecake. But truthfully, I would eat just about any dessert at any time. I definitely have a sweet tooth!

I don't bake desserts often but I enjoy making fruit cobblers and crisps.

I never made any fruit cobblers that is something to try! I won't turn down any dessert either.

[butlerfan]

My brother and SIL live in Brookfield and they had their rehearsal at an old style bowling alley where they manually set up the pins and you could pay the pinsetters to knock more of yours down/keep your opponents up. It was a cool setting.

[ceejay]

Mar 10, 2016 11:20:58 GMT -5 kayladawn91 said:

Favorite thing about living in Chicago?

Favorite restaurant in Chicago?

Favorite thing: That's tough. I love most things about Chicago. I love just walking around downtown on a nice day. I love the museums and the lake. I love that you can walk around surrounded by people and not have to interact with anyone. (I'm an introvert that likes being around other people as long as I don't have to talk to them!)    I also love the public transportation system and appreciate how easy it is to get around by train and the El.

Favorite restaurant: I'm not really a foodie and there are probably tons of amazing restaurants in Chicago that I haven't tried. I love a good Chicago deep dish pizza (Gino's and Lou Malnati's are my favorites). My favorite restaurant experience in Chicago was probably at the Signature Room. It's a very fancy restaurant on the 95th floor of the Hancock building. H and I have been there for a few anniversaries. The food is great and the views of the lake are even better.

[butlerfan]

What is your favorite place in Chicago?

Have you been to the Shedd aquarium?

[ceejay]

Mar 10, 2016 11:21:32 GMT -5 butlerfan said:

Do you have a good relationship with the birth parents? How much do the boys get to see their biological parents (if at all)? Obviously if this is confidential please don't share.

We don't have much of a relationship with the bio parents. My H met them once at court and he had (what seemed to be) a good conversation with the dad. But they have said and done some things since then that suggest that they don't like us and certainly don't want to have a relationship with us.

The bio parents are entitled to a 1 hour visit per week if they pass their weekly drug screens. They don't always go to the screen and they don't always pass when they do go, so visits don't happen every week. 

[butlerfan]

Is it hard not being able to share pictures of them? How do you let people know not to post pictures of them on Facebook, etc?

[ceejay]

Mar 10, 2016 11:23:10 GMT -5 butlerfan said:

Are you allowed to go to court hearings or submit updates on the boys to help plan their next steps?

Yes! We are allowed to go to all court hearings. We didn't attend any for a while because it's difficult for one of us to get there... I'm working full time and H is home with the boys most days, and sometimes you have to wait 1-2 hours before court even begins. But then the bio parents started saying things about us in court, so we feel it's very important for one of us to always be there. Our caseworker and CASA rep have always been there to defend us and speak to the boys best interests, but going forward we plan to have at least one of us present at every court hearing. You also get to hear all the details of the case firsthand when you attend court, which is nice because otherwise you just hear bits and pieces secondhand from the caseworker.

We don't submit updates on the boys but we could if we didn't feel the caseworker and CASA were submitting enough details and information. We have great relationships with our caseworker and CASA and are confident their reports are accurate and informative.

[butlerfan]

Mar 10, 2016 11:41:47 GMT -5 ceejay said:

Mar 10, 2016 11:23:10 GMT -5 butlerfan said:

Are you allowed to go to court hearings or submit updates on the boys to help plan their next steps?

Yes! We are allowed to go to all court hearings. We didn't attend any for a while because it's difficult for one of us to get there... I'm working full time and H is home with the boys most days, and sometimes you have to wait 1-2 hours before court even begins. But then the bio parents started saying things about us in court, so we feel it's very important for one of us to always be there. Our caseworker and CASA rep have always been there to defend us and speak to the boys best interests, but going forward we plan to have at least one of us present at every court hearing. You also get to hear all the details of the case firsthand when you attend court, which is nice because otherwise you just hear bits and pieces secondhand from the caseworker.

We don't submit updates on the boys but we could if we didn't feel the caseworker and CASA were submitting enough details and information. We have great relationships with our caseworker and CASA and are confident their reports are accurate and informative.

that's great that your caseworker and CASA have your back!

[ceejay]

Mar 10, 2016 11:29:55 GMT -5 butlerfan said:

What is your favorite place in Chicago?

Have you been to the Shedd aquarium?

Favorite place is probably downtown near the lake. I've always enjoyed the tall buildings and the skyline, and the lake is beautiful. My favorite place to take visitors is Millennium Park (the Bean and the face fountains). I also really like the Museum of Science and Industry!

Yes! I like the Shedd. I have early memories of visiting there with my 2nd grade class for a field trip. I've been there a few times since then too!

[teachermomtobe]

What made you decide to foster?
Any chance/hope/plans that you could end up adopting the boys?
Best and hardest part about fostering?

[ceejay]

Mar 10, 2016 11:41:06 GMT -5 butlerfan said:

Is it hard not being able to share pictures of them? How do you let people know not to post pictures of them on Facebook, etc?

YES!!!!!!!! I'm probably biased but I think our foster sons are the cutest kids in the whole world, and I wish I could share pictures of them with everyone we know.  We can share pictures privately so I have emailed a few to close friends and text pictures to my mom and sisters all the time. Our families know not to post pictures to facebook.

Sometimes we get nervous that a picture will accidentally leak... I brought our youngest foster son to my sister's baby shower last weekend and when people started posting pictures of the shower on facebook, I was so nervous that he would be in the background of some of the pictures. Thankfully he wasn't but it's stressful and sometimes annoying to have to monitor that so closely. But it's for their safety and privacy, and we want the boys to be safe.

[wannabmama]

First, I love that you do fostering.
Second, since I'm on tapatalk and can't see your siggy...tell me all about your dogs!

[ceejay]

I need to go to the lab for a while and do some actual work today... I'll be back in a little while to answer more questions.

[butlerfan]

I know one of our rules is that you could have kids sleep over at your place but you can't have the foster child(ren) have sleep overs at other people's houses unless they get a background check...I'm assuming the same thing applies for you.

Do you qualify for respite care so you can have a break? How are the boys doing not seeing their parents? And updates on if you will be able to adopt them (or at least one step closer?)

[butlerfan]

Have you been to the Sears Tower (or whatever it is now called?)

[ceejay]

Mar 10, 2016 11:49:59 GMT -5 teachermomtobe said:

What made you decide to foster?
Any chance/hope/plans that you could end up adopting the boys?
Best and hardest part about fostering?

What made you decide to foster?

H and I have always wanted to grow our family primarily through adoption. My youngest sister is adopted, and adoption has always very familiar to me. When we started to look into it, we decided to pursue adoption through foster care (rather than international or infant adoption). After calling local agencies and finding out more about the foster to adopt process, we learned that most kids waiting for adoption in our state were a bit older (usually 8+) and that if we wanted younger kids placed with us, we should become foster parents first and then cross our fingers that we would someday be able to adopt our foster placements. So we started the process to become licensed foster parents. Throughout that process, we decided that we would also be open to "foster only" placements, but we really hope to adopt.


Any chance/hope/plans that you could end up adopting the boys?

We would LOVE to be able to adopt our foster sons. Honestly, there is nothing we want more in the whole world. But unfortunately it's not up to us, and right now their official goal is reunification with their bio parents. The only way we would be able to adopt them is 1) if their bio parents don't adequately complete their service plans and the boys' goal is changed to permanency/adoption, or 2) by some miracle the bio parents relinquish their rights to us (<--- this will never happen).  Right now, it's hard to guess what will happen with the boys. The bio parents say they want them back, but they haven't been consistent with their visits, and I don't know if they will do their required services. If they don't, we would be thrilled to adopt the boys someday. But it will be probably a year before we find out if that's a possibility. 


Best and hardest part about fostering?

Best part is every day we get to spend with the boys. They are both adorable, funny, sweet, loving kids, and we feel so blessed to have them with us.

Hardest part is not knowing what will happen in the long run. It would be nice to know right now for sure if they will return to their bio parents or be adopted by us. We would still love them just the same either way, but it would help H and I to prepare emotionally if we could know which way it would go. It's hard to make long term plans for our family and for the boys when we can never be sure exactly how long they will be with us.



*Sorry for the lengthy answers! I'm a little wordy.

[ceejay]

Mar 10, 2016 11:53:48 GMT -5 wannabmama said:

First, I love that you do fostering.
Second, since I'm on tapatalk and can't see your siggy...tell me all about your dogs!

Thanks!

We have two dogs. Arthur is a 10 year old beagle. He was a research beagle for the first 5 years of his life and lived in a laboratory setting. He "retired" when he was 5, and we adopted him through a local rescue agency. He is getting old now and primarily sleeps and eats, but he still loves to go for walks! He likes to play with his doggie sister Lucy but doesn't have the energy to keep up with her for long...

Lucy is a 2 year old Australian shepherd Bassett hound mix (we think!). We adopted her as an 8 week old puppy from a local rescue group (her puppy picture is my avatar!). She is almost 2 but still 100% puppy. She has endless energy and wants everyone (person or dog) she meets to play with her. She goes running with me and had no problem doing 6-7 mile runs with me last year. She loves to give kisses and also loves to cuddle when she (finally) gets tired.