Am I being a jerk?

[hotcoconuts82]

Ok, lets see if this makes sense...

6 years ago when I was pregnant for the first time dh and I picked out a boy name and a girl name (we had a girl).  So, now we are having a boy and the boy name (first and middle) is still the same that we picked 6 years ago.  The first name Bennett is sort of an homage to dh's grandfather.  Not that same name, but similar.  And the middle name is a family name of dh.  And of course the baby will have his last name. 

I know we set this name 6 years ago, but now I'm like "hey I want something from me into this baby's name!".   Only one out of three of our kids have a middle name from my family.  My maiden name would make a really great middle name for a boy...but I feel like a jerk for wanting to change it.  But, like I said the first name would still be sort of based on his grandfather's name and he gets the last name.

Opinions?

[soyboy]

I think that's very fair. Have your brought this up with your husband yet? What was his response? I personally love maiden names as middle names, if they work!

[mariisz]

No! It's reasonable to want something from the both of you in your child's name. I would suggest it to your H. I am sure he will be on board with it. You're allowed to change your mind, specially after 6 years.

[t1green]

I don't think you're being a jerk at all. Talk it over with you DH. I'm willing to bet that he'd understand.

[Deleted]

Well do your other kids have your maiden name? If not it would be weird to give this one your maiden name. I understand using a name from your side of the family (i.e. father's name), but the maiden name would be sort of just thrown in there.

Do you have any names you like from men in your family, or a deviation? I don't think you are a jerk btw.

[jezebk]

I think it is totally okay for you to want to change it. I feel the same way about wanting something from my family to be passed on to my child. The kids all get my husband's last same so in my eyes, it is completely fair to have the middle name be something from my side. And 6 years is a long time to have decided on a name set in stone (this coming from a person who picked their son's name after he was born!).

[hotcoconuts82]

Feb 4, 2015 9:21:21 GMT -5 @ajzmommy said:

Well do your other kids have your maiden name? If not it would be weird to give this one your maiden name. I understand using a name from your side of the family (i.e. father's name), but the maiden name would be sort of just thrown in there.

Do you have any names you like from men in your family, or a deviation? I don't think you are a jerk btw.

My maiden name would be the baby's middle name and it's a name that is commonly used as a first name.  All the kids have dh's last name. 

[shmee]

Feb 4, 2015 9:21:21 GMT -5 @ajzmommy said:

Well do your other kids have your maiden name? If not it would be weird to give this one your maiden name. I understand using a name from your side of the family (i.e. father's name), but the maiden name would be sort of just thrown in there.

Do you have any names you like from men in your family, or a deviation? I don't think you are a jerk btw.

I disagree. My husband is the 3rd of 3 boys, and his middle name is his mother's maiden name. I think it's fairly common practice.

[Deleted]

Feb 4, 2015 9:27:41 GMT -5 shmee said:

Feb 4, 2015 9:21:21 GMT -5 @ajzmommy said:

Well do your other kids have your maiden name? If not it would be weird to give this one your maiden name. I understand using a name from your side of the family (i.e. father's name), but the maiden name would be sort of just thrown in there.

Do you have any names you like from men in your family, or a deviation? I don't think you are a jerk btw.

I disagree. My husband is the 3rd of 3 boys, and his middle name is his mother's maiden name. I think it's fairly common practice.

No What I mean is if the others did not have the maiden name wouldn't it look strange that just one of them did. I know it common practice, I've seen it before. Usually I would see all the kids with the maiden name. Does that make sense? Maybe I'm not explaining myself too well? 

[Starbuck128]

I think that's fair to want your name in the mix. I'm insisting the middle names come from my family. DH isn't a fan of the names, and digs his feet in, which is why DS didn't have an official name until he was 3 days old. I have many frequently used family names on my side of the family, and DH doesn't. Plus, who pays attention to middle names??

As for the maiden name as a middle name, it was very traditional in early U.S. history for one child to have the mother's maiden name as a middle name. DH has his mom's maiden name. I think that's a sweet idea.

[mlbrooks]

I don't think that you are being unfair at all. Six years is a long time and your tastes and opinions change over time. I would just simply have a conversation with your DH and say that you would really like to incorporate a part of your family heritage into this baby's name and give him your suggestion. IMO, it's just a MN and you are still incorporating the first name to DH family, which is what the child will be known as anyways.

[beebe918]

I do not think you're being a jerk at all, it sounds like a great compromise.

[shmee]

Feb 4, 2015 9:35:13 GMT -5 @ajzmommy said:

Feb 4, 2015 9:27:41 GMT -5 shmee said:

I disagree. My husband is the 3rd of 3 boys, and his middle name is his mother's maiden name. I think it's fairly common practice.

No What I mean is if the others did not have the maiden name wouldn't it look strange that just one of them did. I know it common practice, I've seen it before. Usually I would see all the kids with the maiden name. Does that make sense? Maybe I'm not explaining myself too well? 

Do you mean as a last name or as a middle name? It would be weird to have only one kid use the maiden name as a last name, but I don't think it would be weird at all for only one to use the maiden name as a middle name.

[mrstwiddy]

A lot can change in 6 years!!! Talk to your husband about it--you never know, he may not be as attached to the original pick as you think!

[Deleted]

Feb 4, 2015 9:38:40 GMT -5 shmee said:

Feb 4, 2015 9:35:13 GMT -5 @ajzmommy said:

No What I mean is if the others did not have the maiden name wouldn't it look strange that just one of them did. I know it common practice, I've seen it before. Usually I would see all the kids with the maiden name. Does that make sense? Maybe I'm not explaining myself too well? 

Do you mean as a last name or as a middle name? It would be weird to have only one kid use the maiden name as a last name, but I don't think it would be weird at all for only one to use the maiden name as a middle name.

Here we agree. I guess the middle name wouldn't be as strange. 

[staccajaye]

I think it makes you a horrible person, how could you even think that you could get to suggest one of the names from your family!!!!

KIDDING!! Bitch do it, he's your husband. There have been names that I've mentioned to FI and he says it in his head for a few days and he likes them, they work.

[robotpcr]

It's been a while. I think it would be expected to want to revisit the issue.

[hotcoconuts82]

Ugh, it didn't go well. He freaked out. I wasn't aware that I signed a contract in blood 6 years ago. He said I picked the first name and he didn't even like it at first. it's just frustrating that he couldn't even take 30 seconds to understand where I'm coming from. And then I cried, because everything makes me cry.

[mayflowers]

Ha if you're a brat then I'm I don't even know what, because I had these feelings over just the first and last name being from DHs side. MN will be my fathers name. I think if your maiden name works that is a totally reasonable request!

[mayflowers]

Well then can you maybe ask to start from scratch on the whole name and he can pick the first name and you the middle?

[CTri17]

I think it is totally fine so long as you both like the name

[veganontuesdays]

Feb 4, 2015 10:00:39 GMT -5 hotcoconuts82 said:

Ugh, it didn't go well. He freaked out. I wasn't aware that I signed a contract in blood 6 years ago. He said I picked the first name and he didn't even like it at first. it's just frustrating that he couldn't even take 30 seconds to understand where I'm coming from. And then I cried, because everything makes me cry.

Really!? I thought you were being completely reasonable. Maybe you need to change the whole damn name then. Start fresh. 

[CTri17]

Feb 4, 2015 10:09:08 GMT -5 veganontuesdays said:

Feb 4, 2015 10:00:39 GMT -5 hotcoconuts82 said:

Ugh, it didn't go well. He freaked out. I wasn't aware that I signed a contract in blood 6 years ago. He said I picked the first name and he didn't even like it at first. it's just frustrating that he couldn't even take 30 seconds to understand where I'm coming from. And then I cried, because everything makes me cry.

Really!? I thought you were being completely reasonable. Maybe you need to change the whole damn name then. Start fresh. 

yeah, that is completely uncalled for, there was no need to freak out. 

I would definitely start fresh 

[lgsdesigner]

Do it. A lot can change in 6 years, especially opinions, so I say go for it.

[lgsdesigner]

Feb 4, 2015 10:19:24 GMT -5 CTri17 said:

Feb 4, 2015 10:09:08 GMT -5 veganontuesdays said:

Really!? I thought you were being completely reasonable. Maybe you need to change the whole damn name then. Start fresh. 

yeah, that is completely uncalled for, there was no need to freak out. 

I would definitely start fresh 

As you can see-- I am behind on here today (busy work day), and just saw this part.

Yep. Time to think of all completely new names, then. If he wants to be a brat about it (because he IS being a brat), then start from scratch. 
Sorry he is acting that way.

[jil]

Feb 4, 2015 10:00:39 GMT -5 hotcoconuts82 said:

Ugh, it didn't go well. He freaked out. I wasn't aware that I signed a contract in blood 6 years ago. He said I picked the first name and he didn't even like it at first. it's just frustrating that he couldn't even take 30 seconds to understand where I'm coming from. And then I cried, because everything makes me cry.

I'm sorry that didn't go well. If you don't love the name you shouldn't feel pressured to use it just because you liked it 6 years ago. I think it is perfectly reasonable to want some part of your family heritage included in your child's name.

[freddyisready]

Feb 4, 2015 10:00:39 GMT -5 hotcoconuts82 said:

Ugh, it didn't go well. He freaked out. I wasn't aware that I signed a contract in blood 6 years ago. He said I picked the first name and he didn't even like it at first. it's just frustrating that he couldn't even take 30 seconds to understand where I'm coming from. And then I cried, because everything makes me cry.

Give him some time. This has been decided for 6 years, he is probably attached to it. I would revisit this issue in a week or two, after he has had some time to mull it over.

Thats what I did with my DH and it worked. It wasn't a 6 year old name, but we had it picked out for prob 2 years. Then he suggested something even better and I loved it.

Good luck!

[Powermom]

I don't think you are being unreasonable AT ALL. I would actually be really pissed that he wouldn't even talk about it!!

[psmomma718]

I'm sorry he reacted this way. I thought you were being very reasonable. I agree with PP that maybe he grew attached to the name, and just needs some time. If he doesn't come around to the idea, I think you need to start fresh with some new names that you both can agree on. GL.

[hotcoconuts82]

Feb 4, 2015 10:09:08 GMT -5 veganontuesdays said:

Feb 4, 2015 10:00:39 GMT -5 hotcoconuts82 said:

Ugh, it didn't go well. He freaked out. I wasn't aware that I signed a contract in blood 6 years ago. He said I picked the first name and he didn't even like it at first. it's just frustrating that he couldn't even take 30 seconds to understand where I'm coming from. And then I cried, because everything makes me cry.

Really!? I thought you were being completely reasonable. Maybe you need to change the whole damn name then. Start fresh. 

Yeah, that's what I said.  Ugh, I'll just go with my daughter's suggestion of Elsa.