*PgAL/PAIF check in 3/15*

[sophiegrace]

Good morning, 

Although we are a smaller group it seems as though we have an unfair amount of us who have not has an easy journey.  This weekly thread is to get out your thoughts and release your fears in a safe area.  Trigger warnings are not necessary.
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If you are new to this thread and feel comfortable sharing, please include a brief history that the group can reference as we get to know each other. 

Please tag me if you want to be added to the check in.

How far along are you?

How are you doing mentally?
Physically?

Any appointments this week?

Any questions, comments, or topics you would like to discuss this week?

QOTW: What are some of your strengths? Weaknesses? 

tgrimes1980 - PgAl, MMC 10 wks
peanutmuse - PgAL, m/c 1/13, 6/13, 9/15
sophiegrace - PgAl, loss at 25 wks
legitlizard - PgAL, early loss, Crohn's
robinbird - PgAl, MMC 13 wks
danib - PgAL/PAIF, loss at 5.5 wks
shedreamsincolor - PgAL, 16 wks

[kleigh]

sophiegrace would you add me please ? CP and infertility.

How far along are you?
5 weeks 1 day

How are you doing mentally ? Physically?
Mentally I'm better today than yesterday but still worries of a MC creep up in my mind. I knew I was experiencing a CP a few months ago bc of the loss of my symptoms - granted that time my hcg and progesterone levels were extremely low. But ever since my symptoms from last week (bloating, tender breasts, and fatigue) went away on Friday my mind immediately goes to MC even though my initial numbers were good. I asked my nurse at the RE and she said symptoms can come and go but this much? I literally feel nothing. I want her to repeat blood work, is this an ok thing to request ? I don't want to get to U/S Monday and God forbid have my breakdown there, I'd rather do it in private.

Any appointments this week?
U/S is Monday 21st

Any questions, comments, or topics you'd like to discuss this week?
I am curious if anyone else has had loss of pregnancy symptoms and gone on to have healthy pregnancies ?

QOTW: What are some of your strengths? Weaknesses?
My weakness is very easily anything sweet. My strength is that I love to listen and be there for people.

[goldenlove3]

Can you add me sophiegrace?

I'm PAIF/PGAL. It took us 18 months to get our first BFP and we found out it was ectopic right around 6 weeks.


How far along are you? 5+6

How are you doing mentally? I'm getting really nervous for our next ultrasound. It was such a huge relief last week to see that this baby was in the right spot, but now I need to see the heartbeat. I'm a little traumatized by my ER experience last year when they did the ultrasound and there was nothing there.

Physically? I feel pretty good. Besides a little nausea and boob tenderness, I feel pretty normal right now.

Any appointments this week? Ultrasound and bloodwork on Friday.

Any questions, comments, or topics you would like to discuss this week? Nothing right now.

QOTW: What are some of your strengths? Weaknesses? I tend to get overly worked up about things immediately. Half the time they end up not being a big deal.

[calindi]

Can I join? I am an IF grad twice over.

How far along are you?
4 weeks

How are you doing mentally? Physically?

I am sick, and have been for a week. Big swollen eye with discharge, fever, body aches, chills, swollen glands. Just miserable! I went to the opthomologist today who seems to think I have a virus, but that the eye actually is its own thing - he thinks my immune system is flaring up due to pregnancy and attacking the tissue around my eye. They put me on prednisone drops, despite being class c for pregnancy, because they fear vision loss if I don't treat it.

Emotionally, I am struggling a little bit. The idea that we are done TTC forever if this works out is a bit strange - we have been so focused on having a family since even before our wedding in 2012 - so 4 years of trying, being pregnant, and then trying again. Who am I without TTC?! Sex for... Fun?! We tried for 22 cycles and then 4 cycles with the RE to get DS, and then tried 11 cycles on our own before going back to the RE. I was expecting a few cycles again, but I was very happily shocked that our first treatment cycle worked! Even that has its own feelings - like it was "too easy," though I know compared to most people, Follistim isn't exactly "easy."

Any appointments?
Yup, my first beta was yesterday (102 at 13 dpo) and my second beta is tomorrow.

kleigh - I had very mild symptoms at first, then absolutely no symptoms. I got sore boobs around week 8 (more nipple pain than anything else, it was strange). I had a very normal pregnancy! It's hard not to worry, but as long as you aren't bleeding, you have absolutely every reason to believe things are going well.

[peanutmuse]

sophiegrace , can you add PAIF to my list? We needed IUI to have a successful pregnancy for my son, and this was cycle #23 for number two.

How far along are you? 5 weeks

How are you doing mentally? Doing better than Sunday, but still nervous.

Physically? cramping and bloating

Any appointments this week? Only betas M, W, F

Any questions, comments, or topics you would like to discuss this week? Does anyone have any links to good info about progesterone fluctuations? Mine went down slightly. It's still in a good spot, but the fact that it went down makes me all sorts of nervous, even though I have been reading that fluctuations can happen.

QOTW: What are some of your strengths? Weaknesses?
Strengths - creative, articulate, organized
Weaknesses - anxious, argumentative, stubborn

[kleigh]

peanutmuse GL at the rest of this weeks betas! I don't have a resource for you but hopefully someone else does.

calindi thank you so so much for the reassurance. I will probably be kicking myself in a few weeks lol.

I'm going to share this in the event it can ever help anyone else when they are searching for reassurance very early on.

I wanted to do something before Monday's U/S so that I could ease my mind and get on with things since I was freaking out that my disappearing symptoms or no symptoms automatically meant miscarrying. I bought one of the clear blue digis with weeks estimator, it doesn't tell much but I knew my hcg was ~2,000 Wednesday and my symptoms began to lessen/disappear Thursday/Friday. I assumed (not sure if ithis part is correct) that between Thursday/Friday and today (Tuesday afternoon) my hcg would be decreasing at least a little bit if I were M/C.

The test works by reading level of hcg where hcg:

< 200 = 1-2 weeks
200 - 2,000 = 2-3 weeks
2,000+ = 3+ weeks

If I came up with a 1-2 or 2-3 weeks then I'd know the outcome wasn't looking good, that's really the point of doing this. It turned out to be 3+ so while I can't tell if it's still increasing which is what matters, I know that since I lost the symptoms the day after my blood draw the hcg hasn't gone down either so I'm not going to tie hcg and symptoms together anymore.

Edit to add today's day

[robinbird]

How far along are you? 4w6d

How are you doing mentally? I'd say ok mentally. I mean I have a little bit of pgal brain, but I'm managing it fairly well. We're going on vacation next week. So I've been excited about that.
Physically? I'm exhausted, and I finally got morning sickness today. Yay?!

Any appointments this week? No, not until 3/29

Any questions, comments, or topics you would like to discuss this week? Can't think of anything at the moment. I'm about to walk into work.

QOTW: What are some of your strengths? I think Im a good mom. Im also usually very punctual. I dont know. Lol Weaknesses? I have a lot of these. Haha. I have a lot of anxiety so a lot of them are related to that. I have a hard time making decisions sometimes. I'm a worrier.

[shedreamsincolor]

How far along are you? 5w1d

How are you doing mentally? Honestly, not great. Super anxious about lack of symptoms. I physically feel really different than my prior pregnancies, which I of course assume means I'm going to have a loss.
Physically? Really good. Peeing more than usual. Sore boobs. Very mild nausea but I take Unisom daily for sleep so I assume that's helping.

Any appointments this week? Confirmation appointment tomorrow. I'm hoping that means they'll check my beta hcg but I'm not sure.

QOTW: What are some of your strengths? I am very self motivated and organized. I'm generally very empathetic. Weaknesses? I struggle consistently with perfectionism and anxiety which just makes PgAL feel impossible sometimes!

[hangry]

sophiegrace Add me to the list. PgAL, loss at 8 weeks

How far along are you? 6w2d

How are you doing mentally? Better now that nausea has started. I hadn't been feeling really anything until yesterday.
Physically? As above, nausea. Otherwise, I feel gross, like I've already gained weight. I need to start working out.

Any appointments this week? Dating ultrasound Friday!!

Any questions, comments, or topics you would like to discuss this week? Just eagerly waiting to see a heartbeat.

QOTW: What are some of your strengths? Weaknesses? Strengths: loyal, practical. Weaknesses: stubborn, prematurely dismissive, hangry

[sophiegrace]

@kleightcc goldenlove3 calindi hangry I got you added and peanutmuse I'll update make sure to update your hx.

[sophiegrace]

AFM I've been a shit board member this week. The morning sickness is more than I ever imagined it could be. I'm having a good moment so I'm going to try and get up to speed.

How far along are you? 6w1d

How are you mentally? I'm close to my breaking point. If I was just sick than I would probably just be miserable, but I keep thinking (irrationally I'm sure) that what if none of this means a healthy baby is in there. What if I'm going through this for nothing. My go to for de-stressing has always been exercise, cooking, and a few extra hours of work and I can't do any of that.
Physically? 'Morning' sickness from hell. It doesn't go away and I'm now so dehydrated from it. I dreamt about getting sick last night. Rude. OB still won't see me until Tuesday and won't call anything in until then, but suggested the ER if I can't get 64 oz of fluid down between today and tomorrow night.

Appts are next Tuesday (7wks) for paperwork and the following Tuesday (8wks) for ultrasound

No Q/C/T bug I'll try to get on here to join the conversation if anyone else had them.

Strengths? Weaknesses? I'll try to come back in a bit and add something. I'm going to go sit on my bathroom floor for a bit again. Can lack of iron stomach be my weakness....

[calindi]

sophiegrace - that seems damned irresponsible of your doctor! Can you try Unisom since its OTC?

[kleigh]

I'm so sorry sophiegrace that you're in MS hell right now

[sophiegrace]

Thanks guys. I appreciate it, especially since I'm not exactly reciprocating with the support. I'll get there, I promise.

calindi I could go on about my OB's office for days. I've been doing the unisom at night..but just realized I could have been doing it during the day too since I haven't been to work since Monday. I also got some b6 off of amazon that will be here tomorrow so I'm crossing all crossables that those two make a difference. We're losing two back end workers in a few weeks for 2+ months so I need to get myself functional again.

[artmusiclife]

sophiegrace , can you add me to this check in?

My history is in my siggy, but briefly, I've been trying since Sept 2012, early loss in Nov 2012 then no luck for years. 5 IUIs in 2015, IVF w/ICSI & PGS testing in Jan, with a FET in Feb resulting in a BFP. Dx: MFI morphology.

How far along are you? 6w2d

How are you doing mentally?Physically? I'm hanging in there. I am fearful of cramps because of my previous loss... I'm welcoming nausea this week because I didn't feel any last time around. I feel hunger mixed with nausea mostly in the evening. I have TONS of temporary food aversions like mushrooms, tomato based soups, garden burgers...all things i normally like. I'm super tired, and any time I get cramps I have the urge to go hide in bed. Friday I had a tiny bit of spotting and a little more today. Scary, but it's brown and super light, so it's most likely nothing.

Any appointments this week? Thank goodness I have my first u/s this week. FX it will make me feel better.

Any questions, comments, or topics you would like to discuss this week? I must admit I am a little afraid to join the November 2016 group because it will include women who aren't as aware of IF. I'm happy that this check in began, so that I can ease my way in.

QOTW: What are some of your strengths? Weaknesses? Strength: Confidence, Weakness: Over-Analyzing

[artmusiclife]

Mar 15, 2016 11:33:44 GMT -5 calindi said:

 as long as you aren't bleeding, you have absolutely every reason to believe things are going well.

Actually bleeding can be common in a successful pregnancy, especially for IVF patients.  There is even a poll:


www.goodbyecb.proboards.com/thread/11024/spotting-poll-helpful-show-newbies

[hangry]

Mar 20, 2016 1:41:08 GMT -5 artmusiclife said:

sophiegrace , can you add me to this check in?

My history is in my siggy, but briefly, I've been trying since Sept 2012, early loss in Nov 2012 then no luck for years. 5 IUIs in 2015, IVF w/ICSI & PGS testing in Jan, with a FET in Feb resulting in a BFP. Dx: MFI morphology.

How far along are you? 6w2d

How are you doing mentally?Physically? I'm hanging in there. I am fearful of cramps because of my previous loss... I'm welcoming nausea this week because I didn't feel any last time around. I feel hunger mixed with nausea mostly in the evening. I have TONS of temporary food aversions like mushrooms, tomato based soups, garden burgers...all things i normally like. I'm super tired, and any time I get cramps I have the urge to go hide in bed. Friday I had a tiny bit of spotting and a little more today. Scary, but it's brown and super light, so it's most likely nothing.

Any appointments this week? Thank goodness I have my first u/s this week. FX it will make me feel better.

Any questions, comments, or topics you would like to discuss this week? I must admit I am a little afraid to join the November 2016 group because it will include women who aren't as aware of IF. I'm happy that this check in began, so that I can ease my way in.

QOTW: What are some of your strengths? Weaknesses? Strength: Confidence, Weakness: Over-Analyzing

Welcome, I'm glad you made it over here. And although I can't understand your journey, I think we are all open to learning. And at the very least, there are many other wonderful things in this process that we can hopefully relate to!

[calindi]

Mar 20, 2016 2:12:26 GMT -5 artmusiclife said:

Mar 15, 2016 11:33:44 GMT -5 calindi said:

 as long as you aren't bleeding, you have absolutely every reason to believe things are going well.

Actually bleeding can be common in a successful pregnancy, especially for IVF patients.  There is even a poll:


www.goodbyecb.proboards.com/thread/11024/spotting-poll-helpful-show-newbies

Oh I know, bleeding does not mean miscarriage. Just that someone who is NOT bleeding has every reason to assume everything is going well. No bleeding means a much lower chance of miscarriage.

ETA: For anyone curious, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2828396/

[sophiegrace]

artmusiclife and @sarahwitganh you ladies are added

[sophiegrace]

And I just wanted to throw in a reminder that this is a safe place for everyone. We have all been through experiences we shouldn't have had to go through and we all grieve and fear differently. Some rely on facts to ease their mind while others prefer mantras and other tools. Neither are wrong. I just don't want anyone to feel excluded. We can all learn a lot from each other during this very emotional and confusing time.

[elliecat17]

sophiegrace do you mind adding me in? Thanks!

How far along are you? 4 weeks and 3 days according to LMP.

How are you doing mentally? I'm so darn excited, and yet worried, though I am a lot calmer this time. However I have been peeing on sticks every day just to reassure myself. It's been fun to see the 2nd line get darker and darker.
Physically? Some slight cramping, but it keeps switching sides and it's often when I move or stretch a little. My boobs hurt and I have some nausea in the evenings.

Any appointments this week? Hopefully betas.

Any questions, comments, or topics you would like to discuss this week? Any one know of a good prenatal that has folate instead of folic acid?

QOTW: What are some of your strengths? Weaknesses? Strengths: Give my all and always trying to help everyone. Weaknesses: always trying to help everyone. I stretch myself to thin sometimes. I am also very insecure at times.

[artmusiclife]

Mar 20, 2016 9:01:06 GMT -5 @sarahwithanh said:

Mar 20, 2016 8:10:46 GMT -5 calindi said:

Oh I know, bleeding does not mean miscarriage. Just that someone who is NOT bleeding has every reason to assume everything is going well. No bleeding means a much lower chance of miscarriage.

ETA: For anyone curious, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2828396/

You know I find this to be not very helpful. I had a MMC aND didn't bleed until 6 weeks after when they believe my baby stopped growing. What I do find helpful are the mantras shared over at CAR.

Particularly:
"Today I am pregnant and I love my baby." And "I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise."

I can definitely see your point of view based on your experience.  However, I am finding the poll VERY COMFORTING since I had spotting yesterday and the day before.  Knowing it is so common makes me freak out less.  

Mantras are awesome.  I used "you find your strength" to get thru some very difficult fertility times.  It put me in a better mood and mindset instantly.  


@sarahwithanh, hope you get your tests and more piece of mind soon.  I also hope your OB can be understanding of your needs so that you can possibly get an extra u/s when you are feeling insecure.  I felt the exact same way when POAS.  I suddenly realized I was hyperventilating waiting for the results.

[artmusiclife]

Mar 20, 2016 9:54:24 GMT -5 sophiegrace said:

And I just wanted to throw in a reminder that this is a safe place for everyone. We have all been through experiences we shouldn't have had to go through and we all grieve and fear differently. Some rely on facts to ease their mind while others prefer mantras and other tools. Neither are wrong. I just don't want anyone to feel excluded. We can all learn a lot from each other during this very emotional and confusing time.

Thanks for the reminder! I agree 100%.