Money Matters 12: Ever just feel like...

[lo95]

Well guys, I'm spent.  (Pun intended.)

We had a long day of house cleaning, staging, hiding from prospective buyers, trying to entertain a baby, and wondering how we will afford housing costs in a more expensive city if someone actually does buy our house.  I had an idea for a bunch of questions related to home costs and money, but I'm tired.  

So, one question this week- ever have arguments with your spouse over money?  DH and I go back and forth between being on the same page and then being on different planets.  Sometimes it seems like being a SAHM contributes to the money conversations and arguments in a more personal way than it ever did before.  Probably just me.  But yeah...this week anyone want to just chat about the dynamic of money in your relationship?

[brachysira]

We are too tired. Seriously, we cannot even fight because these kids are killing us. DH always says "buy it." His view is that we can afford things and it's time wasted to discuss and worry about spending. But we have not even set up a college fund for the younger kid because we are too busy and we don't regularly contribute to older child's because we are too tired to find her forms and remember how. I think what keeps us from overspending is being to busy to shop and me being to anxious to even click "buy." So that is our dynamic now. I do wish he liked to discuss these things. I want to debate the pros and cons of different summer camps and discuss when we'd use the gym if we joined one and go over all the programs and hours. He just says "whatever you think, if you think so, do it." Grr. I agree that if I worked, I would not feel like I had to worry as much and we'd probably just spend completely separately and still not talk much because I think we'd be just as tired.

[ashiscute]

Of course! Compromising is hard sometimes and money is always a compromise somewhere (unless you're rich I guess).

My H doesn't like to spend money. Cheap is a good word for him sometimes. And then other times he's surprisingly loose with money. It can be frustrating for me because I still don't get quite when things are different for him. And I find myself getting defensive about spending money because I'm worried he'll be annoyed even if he isn't. Ugh.

lo95 are you moving back to my city?

[luvboston]

I run the show because DH is terrible with money he has no concept of what to do and has made some pretty bad mistakes. Also he comes from a socialized country so healthcare costs are a foreign concept to him, I constantly have to remind him you have to pay for medications etc and our bills aren't pretty.
We have arguments about how much to spend on a house because I hate owning a house and just want a condo and for someone else to do everything. I would be a renter but it's ridiculous here.

[namastebiotches]

Honestly, we don't.
It's really corny to say but we literally did start from the bottom as teenagers & have learned so much along the way/appreciate every penny we have so we are on the same page. I do our finances & keep dh involved/updated.
We aren't big spenders & I'm pretty frugal so it's a good combo. lol

[mrsmuq]

Honestly, not really. But that's probably because we're in a pretty financially stable place. They things we discuss ad nauseum are: where should be we investing, how much money/time/resources should we "pump" into DH's side business, how much do we save for the kids' college vs. put money into retirement, how much do we spend on the kids in general because we both grew up without vs. winding up with spoiled, entitled children, when/where should we buy a second piece of property.

On a side note, I paid just under $6,000 in hospital bills for DS2's delivery this week. Talk about a gut check. Never had a medical bill that high. At least it wasn't the $8,000 I predicted it would be...

[vettymama]

Not really. We are both on the same page, financially. DH has wonderful excel sheets that have our budget broken down in great detail. We've always done monthly and yearly budgets together as well as deciding large purchases, farm bookwork, taxes, insurance, etc. It probably takes more time but I like that we are both so involved.

[Deleted]

We used to fight about money because DH is a huge spender, and I am not. Well, after having my son and fighting, I realized I was tired of being resentful, so I stopped fighting with him and let him do whatever he wanted even though some of the things were ridiculous.

We have moved more to the middle ground where we both approve or on the same page, but there is still some things that he has to have that he did not discuss with me that made me mad in the past. Right now, we are doing OK, but he is re-entering a spendy cycle. Some things like a new work wardrobe for him is probably essential, but he still needs to keep his head in the game because we have our last big expense coming up in June. After that we can coast a little more, but we need to pay the new roof off in June.

[tincupchalice]

We are very much on the same page. The only small difference is that I'm more willing to cut back on the small things than he is.

[murran13]

We never argue about things, but I'm definitely the practical one. H is a technoholic and has to have all the newest coolest things; I'm the dream killer for sure!

[mishy2010]

We are mostly on the same page and don't argue over money but we do have different view points. I want to be as debt free as possible and save when we want to buy something. He thinks everything he wants to buy is a need and will use a cc to buy it now. Eating out is our big disagreement point. He would eat out every meal if he could and I meal plan and make lunches.
H would say I'm too uptight about money. I just want to feel secure and plan ahead.