NGKUR: Funny date stories

[icedtea]

It's Monday and it feels like it, I need a pick-me-up. What entertaining tales do y'all have? 

Mine, for now (I'll try to remember more entertaining ones):

I almost ditched my first date with my now-husband. I had done a Jillian Michaels video and pulled something, so was going to use that as a reason to stay in. My mom convinced me to go, and now here we are. I made the mistake of telling H that at some point, and he has never let it go.

[doodler]

On one of my first "real" dates with DH(we knew each other for years before), I was headed to his house and ran out of gas. I had just bought my new car and I guess I thought the new ones didn't need gas? I was literally stranded on the side of the highway. I had to call DH and tell him that I would be late because I was waiting for my father to bring me some gas. Somehow he still stayed with me....

[rablissful]

On my first date with my SO, his car handle on the inside of the door fell off. Oops.

[doodler]

Also, about a month after we started seeing each other I invited him to my work holiday party. I wore stockings and apparently when I took off my shoes he thought I had webbed toes and he was appalled. I have no idea how he couldn't figure out that they were stockings. Anyway, I took them off at the end of the night and he started cracking up. That was when he told me he thought I had webbed toes and was so relieved that I didn't. We still laugh about that one.

[peaseblossom55]

After being with H for over 6 years I feel like I forgot most stuff about my dating life.

I don't remember many funny dates moments, but I have a few WTF moments. Probably more than a few.

[icedtea]

peaseblossom55, I will also take WTFs!

doodler, the webbed feet thing is killing me.

[ladytiffany24]

On one of my very first dates with now H, he let out a silent but deadly fart in the car after leaving the restaurant. It was a killer. I sat there and didn't say a word although I was secretly really disgusted. I waited for him to acknowledge it and he didn't. I told him about it probably like a few months into dating him and he claims to not remember it but sums it up to probably just being nervous and blaming it on the steak he just had eaten too. He cray, cuz that thing was bad enough to remember. I still give him a hard time about it to this day.

[kawaiikitsune]

The only one that sticks out to me is one of my first dates with MH. We were eating at a local restaurant and there was a guy at a table on the other side. He kept looking at me, like he recognized me but couldn't place from where. MH & I started joking about it and he was all "Oh, you cheatin' on me with this guy" etc. etc. because that is our humor. When we got our food, he was given a steak knife and he grabs it and says something like "Perfect, I'm gonna go stab that guy for eyeballin' you." We cracked up about it and I still bring it up every time we go out to eat. "Please don't threaten to stab anyone this time."

[kleigh]

Remember my hotel story with the anal shit sheets guy (aka coworker hook up guy). Same guy.

First time hanging out with his friends we went to a restaurant across from Fenway for drinks before a Sox game. All I had eaten earlier in the day was a granola bar because I was rushing around doing errands before I went out, that included a long run at the gym and I thought they were getting food at this place too. Nope just drinks. And shots.

Three drinks and a shot in I went to the bathroom to rally myself - my eyes had the fuzzies - where you have to stretch them open to see right. When I came back to table (which was outdoor seating - visible to everyone loading into the stadium) I went to sit down and only caught the edge of the seat. I fell so hard on my ass! Between the wedges I had on and my drunkeness I couldn't get up without help. When I finally did we left and they were all laughing. I had dirt/mud stain on my ass (in white jeans) that looked like shit.

There's also the time I fell asleep in the romantic horse and carriage ride (NYC) on MH and my first date. I was out cold when he went to kiss me.

[requiressnacks]

I had a guy "forget" a wallet on a date. That was WTF-worthy.

And I once had a date with a guy and we met at a local bar/grill. When I got there he was hammered and had clearly been drinking all day. So I stayed for one drink and got the hell out of there.

[pivot]

I have only really dated DH and we were young so I don't remember if we have had any bad dates.

However, I started dating MH when I was 15. He was 18 so luckily he could drive. But one of our first dates we went to dinner and a movie. Apparently, my dad came and saw the movie to "check up on us" and sat in the back of the theater. He did not tell me this until after DH and I got married. We think it's funny now, but if he would have told me that back then there would have been some major silent treatment in our house.

[ladytiffany24]

Mar 21, 2016 10:08:11 GMT -5 pivot said:

I have only really dated DH and we were young so I don't remember if we have had any bad dates.

However, I started dating MH when I was 15. He was 18 so luckily he could drive. But one of our first dates we went to dinner and a movie. Apparently, my dad came and saw the movie to "check up on us" and sat in the back of the theater. He did not tell me this until after DH and I got married. We think it's funny now, but if he would have told me that back then there would have been some major silent treatment in our house.

OMG! I would've killed my dad.  Did you guys kiss?! Or makeout or any other funny business?

[pivot]

Mar 21, 2016 10:10:16 GMT -5 ladytiffany24 said:

Mar 21, 2016 10:08:11 GMT -5 pivot said:

I have only really dated DH and we were young so I don't remember if we have had any bad dates.

However, I started dating MH when I was 15. He was 18 so luckily he could drive. But one of our first dates we went to dinner and a movie. Apparently, my dad came and saw the movie to "check up on us" and sat in the back of the theater. He did not tell me this until after DH and I got married. We think it's funny now, but if he would have told me that back then there would have been some major silent treatment in our house.

OMG! I would've killed my dad.  Did you guys kiss?! Or makeout or any other funny business?

I honestly can't remember and neither can my DH! My dad couldn't remember either so it was probably just innocent hand holding (thank god). I don't think we've ever fooled around in the movie theater now that I think about it lol. 

[peaseblossom55]

WTF: The guy who would text me at 6am every morning to wish me a good day, even after we stopped dating two months later he started up with the good morning texts again. I blocked the #

WTF: To the guy we went on a date at a fairly expensive restaurant encouraged dessert, a nice drink or two. At the end of the meal proceeded to tell me what I owed. I never have an issue with splitting the check or paying my way but I could have been given a heads up before we went out and ordering all of this stuff.

[spacepotatoes]

Funny: the first time DH and I stayed in to watch a movie together at his place, we ordered pizza and for whatever reason, I thought ginger ale would be a great idea to drink with it. I ended up having to burp and couldn't keep it in. DH thought it was hilarious, thankfully.

WTF: totally my fault. Back in undergrad, a guy asked me to see The Matrix Reloaded with him. I said sure and then called another guy friend who I knew would be interested and invited him along too. It didn't occur to me until we all got there that I had actually cock blocked the first guy. And I never even saw the first Matrix movie so really, I don't know hwhat the hell I was thinking.

[kawaiikitsune]

Wow peaseblossom55. That is some next level douchery.

[wildflower810]

H is the only guy I've dated, and we didn't have many date dates since we did long distance most of the time. But, our first real date after I moved to his college town we went out to eat. Somehow the waiter got the wrong impression and upon bringing back the paid bill said "I hope you have a good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Flower." We kinda blinked and he goes "oh, are you not married?" and H goes "not... *yet*" so then the waiter goes "well, congratulations!!" and walks off. I look at H and go "I think we just got congratulated on our nonexistent engagement." It was 9 more months before H proposed!

[peaseblossom55]

Mar 21, 2016 10:56:33 GMT -5 kawaiikitsune said:

Wow peaseblossom55 . That is some next level douchery.

He was nice but I was irritated by what happened so much. He called me to ask me on another date I said no and I was honest in how the last date just rubbed me the wrong way. If you refer to the douchery around the date with the splitting the check anyway.

[rooskie]

Mar 21, 2016 10:19:45 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

[
WTF: To the guy we went on a date at a fairly expensive restaurant encouraged dessert, a nice drink or two. At the end of the meal proceeded to tell me what I owed. I never have an issue with splitting the check or paying my way but I could have been given a heads up before we went out and ordering all of this stuff.

I had a guy take me out for hibachi and do this. I was an intern in undergrad and he was a manager at his company. Dude, you make 3x what I do, cover the bill.

Same guy also was super into himself and had his too tight jeans rip in the middle of a date.

[kawaiikitsune]

Mar 21, 2016 11:03:16 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

Mar 21, 2016 10:56:33 GMT -5 kawaiikitsune said:

Wow peaseblossom55 . That is some next level douchery.

He was nice but I was irritated by what happened so much. He called me to ask me on another date I said no and I was honest in how the last date just rubbed me the wrong way. If you refer to the douchery around the date with the splitting the check anyway.

Yeah, that was who I meant. I mean, the least he could have done was let you know you'd be paying for it. I have no problem with splitting the bill but a heads up would have been cool.

[peaseblossom55]

Mar 21, 2016 11:05:32 GMT -5 rooskie said:

Mar 21, 2016 10:19:45 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

[
WTF: To the guy we went on a date at a fairly expensive restaurant encouraged dessert, a nice drink or two. At the end of the meal proceeded to tell me what I owed. I never have an issue with splitting the check or paying my way but I could have been given a heads up before we went out and ordering all of this stuff.

I had a guy take me out for hibachi and do this. I was an intern in undergrad and he was a manager at his company. Dude, you make 3x what I do, cover the bill.

Same guy also was super into himself and had his too tight jeans rip in the middle of a date.

Ha ha that is funny. The pants part not the splitting the bill part.

[peaseblossom55]

Mar 21, 2016 11:05:48 GMT -5 kawaiikitsune said:

Mar 21, 2016 11:03:16 GMT -5 peaseblossom55 said:

He was nice but I was irritated by what happened so much. He called me to ask me on another date I said no and I was honest in how the last date just rubbed me the wrong way. If you refer to the douchery around the date with the splitting the check anyway.

Yeah, that was who I meant. I mean, the least he could have done was let you know you'd be paying for it. I have no problem with splitting the bill but a heads up would have been cool.

Exactly a heads up would have been fine.

[thechickencoop]

Mar 21, 2016 9:45:14 GMT -5 kleigh said:

Remember my hotel story with the anal shit sheets guy (aka coworker hook up guy). Same guy.

<--- does not remember this story. Please share.

[Deleted]

When I was in college my friend worked at this cool nightclub and while I was out with her this bouncer asked me out. She said he was nice so I agreed.

We set a day and agreed I would meet him at his house. I get there and it's kind of a shit hole. He opened the door in shorts and no shirt and said he had to get ready. His room was a disaster. I immediately felt awkward and could tell I was never going to be into this guy. But I didn't want to be rude so I continued the date.

Instead of dinner or something he took me to a nightclub near the one where he worked. But it was like 8pm so it was dead. He brought his "bouncer" shirt to try and get us in free which was so embarrassing. I think I paid and bought half the drinks. Then we just sat at a table. I was just thinking, how do I end this. Once this place started picking up people he knew started showing up. I didn't want anyone I knew to see me with him by this point because now I've realized what a total weirdo he was. So I told him I was really tired. He took me back to my car and I met up with my friends somewhere else. Lol

[Deleted]

Mar 21, 2016 12:56:41 GMT -5 thechickencoop said:

Mar 21, 2016 9:45:14 GMT -5 kleigh said:

Remember my hotel story with the anal shit sheets guy (aka coworker hook up guy). Same guy.

<--- does not remember this story. Please share.

+1

[icedtea]

Damn ******! I'm glad you were both okay in the end.

I thought of another one, though it was probably funnier in person. H was stationed in Guam for a bit while we dated, and I went to visit for a couple weeks. Diving and such kind of freaks me out, but H loves it so I compromised and went snorkeling. We're out there and I see a bunch of ~medium silver fish with big ass teeth. I ask H later and he goes "oh, they were probably barracuda, it's fine to swim with them." Which is mostly true, except that they like shiny things and H had just bought me a new *very shiny* navel ring and didn't tell me to take it out. We were fine, but I still joke that he tried to off me via barracuda.

[kleigh]

Mar 21, 2016 13:35:23 GMT -5 @irish said:

Mar 21, 2016 12:56:41 GMT -5 thechickencoop said:

<--- does not remember this story. Please share.

+1

It's not even Friday and I'm sharing poop stories. Also if you haven't eaten lunch yet skip ahead.

Me and coworker were getting it on at a hotel and he wanted to go anal. Against my better judgement I obliged. When he pulled out there was shit on his dick. He freaked out and grabbed the white sheets off the bed and wiped his dick with them. The sheets with shit sat in the corner of the room all evening/overnight shaming me with each glance.

[pibblemom]

I think I have more wtf moments than truly hysterical but here's 2 of my favorites:

WTF: I guy I had dated but had been friend zoned drove from Boston to NJ to "surprise me" for Valentines day. I already had plans and he just showed up from 250 miles away with flowers. I knew he'd expect me to let him stay the night but i was furious. He has honestly turned into one of my best and longest lasting friends, but at that point I was so mad I didn't speak to him for about a month. He got the hint that we would never be more than friends eventually.

Funny: one of my first road trips with H I got awful gas on the way home, letting out SBD farts left and right. First few times he asked what the smell was and I blamed it on the cow fields we were passing through Amish country. Eventually we ran out of fields but I didn't run out of stink. He caught on and called me out by about the 5th time. He married me anyhow, and we fart freely, probably a little too much.

[kawaiikitsune]

kleigh I mean, really, what did he expect? Poo comes outta there.

[thechickencoop]

Mar 21, 2016 15:20:24 GMT -5 kleigh said:

Mar 21, 2016 13:35:23 GMT -5 @irish said:

+1

It's not even Friday and I'm sharing poop stories. Also if you haven't eaten lunch yet skip ahead.

Me and coworker were getting it on at a hotel and he wanted to go anal. Against my better judgement I obliged. When he pulled out there was shit on his dick. He freaked out and grabbed the white sheets off the bed and wiped his dick with them. The sheets with shit sat in the corner of the room all evening/overnight shaming me with each glance.

Right, chocolate coins story, I remember now lol.