TTCAL Check In 3/29

[peaseblossom55]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW: You get 3 wishes from a Genie any wishes? What are they? You can not wish for more wishes!!! :-)

[ellabee]

How are you doing? Meh. I have some crappy days and some better days.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched until 1st post d&c AF.

Diagnosis (if applicable): None, CP, MMC

Updates/questions: For those who had d&cs, how long did it take for your hcg to hit 0, or for you to get AF back? I POAS last night and it was still positive. I'm 16 days post d&c and didn't expect it to be 0 yet, but just curious what others experiences were.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Easter was when we planned to announce to DHs family. Had a pretty bittersweet weekend. Also, I got 2 baby shower invites in the mail yesterday. Cue jealous crying.

QOTW: You get 3 wishes from a Genie any wishes? What are they? You can not wish for more wishes!!! :-)
Can I wish for more Genies?
I wish all the TTCAL ladies would GKU soon and have fabulous uneventful pregnancies.
I wish for good health for my family.
I wish for the financial stability to pursue a meaningful and fun career.

[doodler]

How are you doing? Awful

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Still benched. HCG was still 0 at the draw last week but the doctor wants to wait another month and do one more draw.

Diagnosis (if applicable): RPL, AMA, MTHFR

Updates/questions: My RE appointment is next week. I'm anxious to see what he has to say.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): My due date is next week. It hit me on Easter that I should be 39 weeks pregnant. I was really sad that morning but I was able to get it together once the festivities started because I was distracted. Then that night I got on Facebook and DH's cousin put up a pregnancy announcement. They have the same last name as us so all I see is Baby Doodler due September 2016!!! My other due date is September 2016 so that hit me like a brick wall. I had an awful day trying to manage my emotions yesterday but somehow I really didn't cry. Then this morning I found out that a friend just had a miscarriage at 12 weeks. I sat in my car this morning and cried for 25 minutes. The floodgates just opened up and wouldn't close. I just want to go home and crawl in to bed and hibernate.

QOTW: You get 3 wishes from a Genie any wishes? What are they? You can not wish for more wishes!!! :-) I can't even wrap my brain around this question right now. Maybe when I am in a better mood...

[doodler]

ellabee my D&C acted just like CD1 for me. I O'd on CD16(normal for me) and got my period on CD 27.

[ellabee]

I'm so sorry doodler. So many ((hugs)) for you today. I know what it's like when the waterworks start and you just have to let it all out. I can definitely relate to wanting to go into hibernation.

[peaseblossom55]

ellabee, no wishing for more wishes. I'm sorry I completely understand about the jealous crying. I've been there too many times
doodler, It's so hard to not think about what should be and that alternative universe. It really sucks. I do it all the time.

How are you doing? I feel down

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Me; PCOS DH: inversion

Updates/questions: IVF #2 was a complete failure, we are doing IUI this cycle. RE think a gentler stimming cycle and keeping the process internal will help get me KU. Hopefully this leads to our rainbow this month. I also have consults with 2 other RE groups in the area in about 2 weeks to get second opinions. So I am just waiting for my period I hope it gets here soon I really hate waiting.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Easter was hard. It was so sweet though my dad bought a stuffed animal Easter bunny for Anne.liese as her Easter gift. It made me so happy he thought of her. My dad is the best. I feel read sad and down right now. I hope my mood shifts when I start the IUI process.

QOTW: 3 wishes
1. I wish this cycle of IUI will give us our rainbow.
2. I wish both H & I made double what we do. We are doing great now, but it would be nice to go on vacation or do a home renovation without budget worries.
3. I wish soon there will be no one left to do this post once a week because we will all be KU very very soon!!!

[mosdub]

How are you doing? Really well! I posted in WTDS yesterday that I finally got the all-clear from my doctor. No more blood tests and we can ttc when we are ready!

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): NTNP/TTCish -- H and I decided we'd play it casual for a while. I'm not going to temp or do OPKs, but we aren't going to prevent so we will see! I might get back into temping again but don't really feel like it yet.

Diagnosis (if applicable): I had a prior Partial Molar Pregnancy so technically I have a higher chance of another one (1/100). Otherwise no other known Dx.

Updates/questions: I'm happy and excited to be back to ttc! I little nervous but I'm trying to make this my mantra:

SPOILER: Click to show

Debbie downer (a place to vent):  Not much.  April 15th/16th are the anniversary days of finding out about our loss and PMP + the D&C. I can't not remember the day.  It also happens to be when my next FW will be.  A little part of me is putting more hope on this upcoming cycle but I know that isn't healthy or helpful.  Trying to not put much significance on it. 

QOTW: You get 3 wishes from a Genie any wishes? What are they? You can not wish for more wishes!!! :-)  I'm going to go selfish here:

1) To instantly learn how to play an instrument flawlessly...maybe the guitar?  
2) For all of my family's houses to be paid off and have enough money in the bank for emergencies
3) For a healthy happy pregnancy! 

[kayladawn91]

How are you doing? I'm alright.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Currently WTO in Cycle 10, Month 12 AL, considering TTA

Diagnosis (if applicable): n/a

Updates/questions: So I need my wisdom teeth out really badly and they can't get me in until The middle of April for a consultation and who knows when for the actual extraction. I keep getting an infection and it comes with a fever. A fever/infection is obviously not good to have while KU and the prescriptions I've been on to get rid of it aren't safe either. I've been considering TTA until I get the teeth out to avoid a situation where I could be pregnant and have to worry about an infection harming the baby. This is a hard decision for me to make since we've been trying for over a year and I want a baby so badly.

Debbie downer: Probably the above can count

QOTW:
1. I wish to GKU soon and have my healthy rainbow baby.
2. I wish I could find a full-time teaching job soon so we could do better financially
3. I wish our student loan debt was gone

[mosdub]

ellabee I can't share my hCG journey because it's not comparible, but I've read that it can take up to 8 weeks for you to hit negative hcg. Any more than that make a call to the doc just to be sure. So sorry you find yourself here

doodler so many hugs. I hope you can take the time you need today to feel the feelings, even if that means going out "sick" if you can. We all need mental health days. Take care of yourself. The due date is such a hard time.

peaseblossom55 It is so nice that your Dad and H thought of baby A this Easter. You have an amazing support system. Hoping and praying this next cycle will give you your rainbow baby

So much love to you girls today.

[mosdub]

kayladawn91 with all of those infections I'm shocked they are making you wait so long for a consult. I'm so sorry and hope they can get you in sooner - do they know you're experiencing all of these infections?

[kayladawn91]

ellabee sorry you're still waiting for your hcg to go down. Also sorry for the baby shower invites. I hate those. Hugs!

doodler sorry for the milestone and the announcement from YH's cousin. Sending hugs.

peaseblossom55 I hope the IUI is it for you!

mosdub yay for being cleared by the doctor to TTC again!

[kayladawn91]

Mar 29, 2016 11:06:01 GMT -5 mosdub said:

kayladawn91 with all of those infections I'm shocked they are making you wait so long for a consult. I'm so sorry and hope they can get you in sooner - do they know you're experiencing all of these infections?

I told the lady on the phone that the infection kept coming back and it was an emergency and she said this was as soon as she could do. I also called my dentist to see if he could call me in some more medication for it and when he calls back I plan to tell him they're making me wait. He won't be happy, he told me on Thursday that if I told them it was an emergency they would rush it. Nope.

[mosdub]

Mar 29, 2016 11:10:09 GMT -5 kayladawn91 said:

Mar 29, 2016 11:06:01 GMT -5 mosdub said:

kayladawn91 with all of those infections I'm shocked they are making you wait so long for a consult. I'm so sorry and hope they can get you in sooner - do they know you're experiencing all of these infections?

I told the lady on the phone that the infection kept coming back and it was an emergency and she said this was as soon as she could do. I also called my dentist to see if he could call me in some more medication for it and when he calls back I plan to tell him they're making me wait. He won't be happy, he told me on Thursday that if I told them it was an emergency they would rush it. Nope.

Maybe your dentist can give them hell  

[peaseblossom55]

mosdub, yay for starting to TTC again. My support system is pretty amazing.

[hydrangea1019]

Good morning!!

SPOILER: Click to show

Thanks for starting peaseblossom55. FX for the coming IUI.
ellabee my first post d/c AF came about 4 weeks after. I remember POAS and being surprised it was still positive. I didn't do betas, but my period came pretty much right when I expected it to.
I'm sorry doodler good luck with the RE. I'm finding it all a bit easier now that I'm with an RE. ((Hugs))
mosdub yay for burning the bench!!!!! That's a really good mantra. I may have to steal that!
kayladawn91 since your teeth are causing medical issues, I'd be inclined to TTA until it was corrected. Good luck with you decide to do. It'll be hard to decide either way

how are you doing? Ups and downs, but ok overall
Status: WTO, + opk
Diagnosis: not official, but probably MFI
Updates: my obgyn appt got rescheduled to discuss removal of this polyp.
Debbie Downer: I feel like ever since DH got the bad news about his SA, sex hasn't really been a priority for him, especially now that I have a + opk. We agreed to Monday morning and this morning, and both times he's backed out. I'm just about to give up on this cycle. Trying to stay positive, but it's hard.
QOTW:
1) to pay off all debt of ourselves and friends/family
2) DH to get his dream job
3) that my ladies here (and myself lol) GKTFU and have happy uneventful 9 months!

[spacepotatoes]

ellabee, I hope you don't have to wait too long for your levels to go back down. The feeling of being stuck in a holding pattern can be so frustrating.

doodler, I'm sorry.

mosdub, yay for the all clear!

peaseblossom55, good luck with the IUI!



How are you doing? In a better place this week. My beta was back down as of last Wednesday and not having to think about that anymore has been helpful. Trying to focus on moving forward.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTA this cycle, waiting to O.

Diagnosis (if applicable): none, CP at 5w2d

Updates/questions: thinking about starting Circle + Bloom again to manage anxiety. I was going to wait until next cycle but might start sooner. It has been very helpful in the past.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm actually ok at the moment.

QOTW: You get 3 wishes from a Genie any wishes? What are they? You can not wish for more wishes!!! :-)
1. We find a house we love and can sell our existing place quickly and easily. Is that two wishes? Oops.
2. Time and money for a vacation.
3. A short TTC journey.

[akraus2015]

ellabee , my period came back about 6 weeks after my D&C. After my natural MC, I think it was 4 or 5 weeks.
doodler , I wish I could wrap you up in giant squishy hugs, and then take you to the bar and buy you some wine. Sending you thoughts and prayers instead.
peaseblossom55 , I'm sorry the IVF was a bust...keeping my fingers crossed that the IUI works for you guys! I think it's so sweet that your dad got an Easter gift for Anne.lise.
mosdub , hooray for getting the all clear...I love your mantra!

How are you doing? Pretty good this week!

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC, currently WTO.

Diagnosis (if applicable): MTHFR and unrelated RPL.

Updates/questions: Not too much going on here. The Clomid makes me absolutely crazy. PSA: Do NOT drink while taking Clomid. I had two glasses of wine last Saturday at lunch and lost about 20 hours of my life that I'll never get back. I have no idea how it even happened. It was really scary.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Not too much here, either. My MIL asked me on Sunday if I thought that you became multi-lingual in Heaven, because she wonders if Emmett got to meet her grandmother, who only spoke Czech. I'd like to think the answer is yes, but either way it's a bittersweet thought.

QOTW: You get 3 wishes from a Genie any wishes? What are they? You can not wish for more wishes!!! :-) This is a tough question to ask of a group of ladies who have gone through so much recently, but I'll play along anyway. I'm choosing 3 wishes that are unrelated to babies though.
1. I wish St. Louis suddenly had the climate of Los Angeles.
2. I wish 4-day work weeks were the norm in America.
3. I wish I could fly!

[caer]

(((Hugs))) ellabee. My HPT was (faintly) positive as of yesterday. I wish it wouldn't take so long to return to normal.

I'm so sorry doodler. Wrapping you in the biggest hugs.

peaseblossom55 - that was so sweet of your dad. That made me tear up. What a wondeful person he must be.

Congrats again on burning the bench mosdub!

I'm so sorry you have to wait until the middle of April kayladawn91. That seems unreasonable to me. I'm sorry you have to consider TTA. I'm TTA now and also a year into trying and it's so, so hard not to be upset about it. I hope you can reach a decision that makes you happy.

I'm sorry about your DH hydrangea1019. (((Hugs)))

[akraus2015]

kayladawn91, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with your wisdom teeth...I hope you can find someone to get those bad boys out!!
hydrangea1019, I'm sorry YH is blowing you off for sex. Any chance you can go home and put on some ligierie and jump his bones??
spacepotatoes, I'm glad to hear that your betas are down!

[peaseblossom55]

hydrangea1019, I'm sorry your H is backing out of sex lately. I hope he starts to change his mind
spacepotatoes, thanks. I had to google circle and bloom, looks interesting
akraus2015, I think when our babies went to heaven, they become all knowing. They can know and understand so much more, than we think. We will never know but the thought gives me so much comfort.

[caer]

How are you doing? I'm having a rough day.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): waiting for first AF after D&C/TTA

Diagnosis (if applicable): none yet

Updates/questions: HPTs are still lightly positive so I'm not sure what that means for AF. My D&C was 4 weeks ago this Friday. I'd love to get this show on the road.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I was doing really great and thought the worst had passed. But IDK, I kind of hit a wall. I cried over a pregnancy announcement yesterday and it makes me feel like a bad person. But I can't figure out how to feel better.

QOTW: You get 3 wishes from a Genie any wishes? What are they? You can not wish for more wishes!!! :-)
Right now I'd like a bottle of wine, a box of dark chocolate and an afternoon to nap!

[akraus2015]

caer, love your wishes! I'll take one of each!

[ellabee]

That was super sweet of your dad peaseblossom55. I hope AF comes for you soon and that things start looking up with your IUI this cycle.

YAY again for being cleared to TTC mosdub! Woohoo!!

Ugh kayladawn91, I'm so sorry about the wisdom teeth. That sounds terrible to have to deal with. Fx they can get you in super quickly after your consult.

((hugs)) hydrangea1019. I'm sorry your H isn't coping that well with the SA results. I know it's so frustrating to have a cycle where you can't seem to get on the same page with DH to HIO.

spacepotatoes, I have never heard of Circle+Bloom before - care to give a quick run down? I'm curious!

How scary about the clomid and wine akraus2015! Glad you're okay!

[ellabee]

((hugs)) caer. Hopefully a negative test will come soon for both of us. I have my fingers crossed that that will be a good mental milestone for helping to move on a bit. It's hard to put myself in a better emotional place when I still feel like I'm in the loss-follow-up phase. I know being cleared to actively TTC will allow me to feel some more positive and optimistic thoughts.

[caer]

akraus2015 - that's scary about the Clomid and wine! I had no idea that could happen. And your MIL's question made me smile. How sweet.

I'm glad your beta was down and you can put those thoughts behind you spacepotatoes. I'm also interested in hearing more about Circle + Bloom.

[kayladawn91]

hydrangea1019 I'm sorry that you and YH seem to be on different pages right now. I hope you can HIO today so you have a chance this cycle.

spacepotatoes what is circle+bloom?

akraus2015 sorry for the clomid+alcohol scare!

caer I hope you get AF soon so you can move on. Hugs.

[caer]

Mar 29, 2016 11:59:26 GMT -5 ellabee said:

((hugs)) caer. Hopefully a negative test will come soon for both of us. I have my fingers crossed that that will be a good mental milestone for helping to move on a bit. It's hard to put myself in a better emotional place when I still feel like I'm in the loss-follow-up phase. I know being cleared to actively TTC will allow me to feel some more positive and optimistic thoughts.

Thank you. Me too. I agree, I think it's hard to move on when I know my body still thinks I'm pregnant. Hopefully it won't be much longer for either of us.

[daystardreams]

ellabee It took 39 days the first time and 38 days the second time for my period to come back after my D&Cs.

doodler I'm so sorry you are getting hit with so much all at once.

peaseblossom55 I really hope IUI will get you better results or that the other REs give you some ideas. Also it is so sweet that your dad thought of your beautiful daughter.

mosdub I'm glad you are back at TTC! I love the mantra!

kayladawn91 I'm sorry about the tough decision and the wisdom teeth pain!

hydrangea1019 I'm sorry your H is having such a tough time.

spacepotatoes Glad you are in a better place!

akraus2015 I'm glad you are doing well but that is crazy about the Clomid+wine!

caer I still cry over pregnancy announcements and I definitely get all kinds of bitter and jealous too. It doesn't make you a bad person!

How are you doing?: Average, I guess?

Status: TTC Cycle #20, TWW

Diagnosis: PCOS, MTHFR, & RPL

Debbie Downer: I'm definitely starting to feel like TTC is a waste of time for us.

QOTW: I thought way too hard about this.

Wish #1: I don't want to say that I wish people who weren't TTC would never get pregnant because I know a lot of wonderful mothers with accident pregnancies. (Plus, I myself was an accident!) Also this would eliminate most adoption situations too. I also don't want to wish away infertility because that would take away a lot of adoptive mothers also. I guess I wish women especially those that are planning an abortion could somehow transfer the pregnancy to infertiles...does that make sense? It'd be even cooler if the fetus could then absorb the new gestational carrier's DNA...and somehow the new Dad's too. Yeah I thought way too hard about this, lol.

Wish#2: I wish every infertile woman had infertility insurance coverage or could purchase it for a reasonable price.

Wish #3: I wish for a normal, healthy pregnancy and I want it to start right now!

[Deleted]

How are you doing? OK mostly. Been feeling kind of blah and have definitely put on some weight since Xmas which is stressing me out.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC just about to hit month 7 but only cycle 4 because my cycles have been insanely long. CD7

Diagnosis (if applicable): AMA, CP in December

Updates/questions: none really. This is my first month temping, hopefully it helps give me a clearer picture since I've been having super long cycles and several positive OPKs in each cycle.

*trigger LC mentioned*
Debbie downer (a place to vent): a family friend just had twins and my mom is obsessed. It's starting to get annoying. I don't even think she gushed this much about my kids when they were born (her first and only grandchildren). Not to mention anytime I bring up TTC she changes the subject. Thanks, mom.

QOTW: You get 3 wishes from a Genie any wishes? What are they? You can not wish for more wishes!!! :-)

BFP's and sticky babies for everyone!

More money then I could ever need (call me greedy, but it'd be nice to not have to worry about money! Lol)

Eternal happiness for everyone?
I really don't know lol.

[Deleted]

It's so hard to tag everyone on tapatalk so hugs to all of you