What to do with your other kids while you're in labor?

[reesarice]

STM here and we've just moved to a new state where we don't have any family living close by. About 4 hours is the closest and they've got pretty much zero baby skills. All the grandparents work full time or have their own young kids and aren't planning on coming until August to maximize time for helping until after DD is born.

Our DS will be about 17 months when DD will be born and I am just trying to figure out what to do with him while I'm in labor and after? With DS they made us stay in the hospital for three days after his birth. Ideally I'd like to have the shortest stay this time to get back home to DS.

Anyways, just looking for some advice from BTDT Moms about what worked? I haven't made any close friends or found a great babysitter yet and worry about just leaving him with anyone.

[TheTuna15]

Okay that's rough. I can tell you that MH will only be with me for labor and immediately after delivery, then he will be going home to stay with DD. He'll probably bring her to visit me in the hospital, but he won't be staying. The thought sucks, but the reality is that DD will only be 16 months and I don't want to leave her in someone else's house for 2-3 days. So that's an option.

For labor, I would probably start looking either for a family member willing to come out during that time or for a sitter who would be willing to watch your Lo on short notice. The sitter option would probably require having that person watch them a few times beforehand so all of a sudden they're not stuck with this weird person they've never met and you'd feel more comfortable leaving them.

[acorn99]

We are planning to have my parents watch DS for at least one night. Our plans are to play it by ear for the rest of the stay on whether H will stay with me or go home with DS. I realize this doesn't help you very much.

[jssymom14]

Our closest family is almost 3 hours away. Luckily we have lived here long enough to have a couple of friends on emergency call if needed (DD's godmother for instance). Also, her in-home daycare will do about anything for us and if I go into labor during the day, we will probably get her there where her godmother or DH can get her when it closes. DH is already planning on staying at home during the nights I am at the hospital post-birth to take care of the dog and DD.

[littlesthobo]

We're still trying to figure this out. It would actually work best for us with DS if I went into labour on vacation, because we'll be with extended family and can just go. At home is a different story since my ILs live an hour and a half away, and for various reasons my parents might not be available.

In your shoes, I would start looking now for someone who can help you out, whether it be making some friends and letting them know you will need help or getting to know a babysitter or two (maybe try care.com) that you can pay to come watch your DS.

Worst case you go to the hospital by ambulance and your SO stays with your DS; it's not ideal but it's an option.

[housecarder]

I lucked out that my mother lives across the street from the hospital with my grandmother. The two of them will watch my older kids while I am at the hospital delivering and bring them over to meet the girls after.

Do you have a sitter that you use currently for your son? Are they willing to be "on call" for labor and then your H can take over after your daughter is born or when a family member gets there?

Also ask your OB. She might have suggestions for an emergency. The hospital I'm delivering at has private delivery suites that allow one person to stay overnight but I bet if I went into labor while my mom was working I could keep the kids with me and H until someone arrived to get them.

[sarcaztic10]

That is a tough situation. If I were in your place I would start looking for a short notice sitter right away and setting up some times for them to watch your DS now so they can be familiar with each other and so the sitter can be familiar with your DS's basic personality and routine. I am very wary of leaving my DS with anyone so I would want to have as much time as necessary to get to know the sitter.

Since I will most likely be induced we are able to have a more set plan. My brother lives about 1.5-2 hours away so he will drive down and watch DS while H, my mom, and I are at the hospital. If I go into labor before 39 weeks then H would have to stay with DS until my brother arrives (he has agreed to be on cal as well) then H would be free to be by my side. If my brother was unable to come I would have to do it all alone, which is not a happy idea but if it happens that is our only option.

[sarcaztic10]

This has made me wonder if the hospital I will be delivering at would allow my DS to be in the room with us if I did go into labor spontaneously and my brother wasn't able to make it. I guess that is something to ask on the hospital tour. Would that be an option at your hospital reesarice? Also not an ideal situation but I would rather that than being all alone. I will admit that if I had a much younger child I might not want them in the room simply because they require so much care but since DS will be 6 and a half at the time I think we would be ok if it happened that way.

[lostinfaith225]

For me dh and my mom are in the room with me. She's a nurse and dh isn't great with hospitals. We plan to have my inlaws watch ds and the dog. They live close by.

I am pretty sure dh is going to stay with me again. I guess it depends on my labor. I was in terrible shape the last time.

I agree with pp, start looking for a short term sitter. Asking the ob, introduce yourself to neighbors, care.com, etc.

[rungirlrun]

I'm in a similar situation - closest family is 3,000 miles away. My parents are coming when I'm 39 weeks pregnant so I'm hoping to not go into labor until after that. If I do and my parents can't get here in time to watch my son, my backup is having a friend come over (definitely not ideal but at least I'd know my son was safe until my parents can get here). And I'm having a doula so worst case, my husband will at least be around with our son while we wait for someone else to come.

And with my son, my H wasn't allowed to stay in the hospital overnight with me because I had a roommate. So he stayed during the day but left at night. I had a pretty quick L&D experience so there really wasn't that much time where if I had another child at the time, he/she would need care. Obviously I liked it when my husband was at the hospital with me, but I survived even when he wasn't.

[reesarice]

I did not even think to ask the Midwife if she has a suggestion for outside care. I do know that they are open to the idea DS being at the birth but said that I must have someone who is willing to take him out if he is fussy. So I am not sure that will work for the duration of the birth since we don't have someone who will want to witness our daughter's birth and all its glory, LOL! But maybe until someone can come pick him up, DH can take him in and out.

I should start looking for a sitter, I think or maybe buck up enough courage to ask one of the new people I know if they'd be willing to let me leave DS with them until DD is born. I am also assuming that DH will not be able to stay the duration of our stay in the hospital. I think he is ok with that. He missed our son's birth altogether as he was deployed 17 days before he was born, so this part is all new to him and I don't want him to feel left out but, priorities!

[reesarice]

And thank you all for your suggestions and help!!

[ginabini]

reesarice That sounds so stressful. I can't attest to them personally, but I have a lot of friends who had great success finding babysitters on care. com. Not sure if that's available in your area? Its free to sign up but you can look for babysitters with background checks done and everything.

[cabbagecabbage]

I think I'd be interviewing a few on-call babysitters and doing some practice nights out with them putting your child to bed. I'm thinking a mother or grandmother you could find locally through recommendations or a site like care.com. I'd want to put in some good time to establish trust and make sure they're a good fit.

We are lucky that my mom is driving in three hours to stay with DD while we're in the hospital. If it's midnight or things happen quickly, we have a trusted friend or my H's grandmother close by who can take her for a few hours.