I need to vent about MH. Feel free to vent with me.

[quietdownfish]

So a little background on MH.  He is an amazing father and does SO much for us.  He has OCD.  Not to the point of rituals, but to the point that everything has its own place and if it's not where is belongs, he cannot relax.

I have been SO sick with this baby.  To the point that I can barely pick myself up off the couch.  I am trying very hard to be an attentive mother to my son and be a wife to my husband.  Last night, after puking 3 times during the day, all I wanted to do was lie down.   So after dinner and baby went to sleep, that's what I did.  I laid in bed and watched TV after taking my unisom/B6 concoction.   Then MH starts making passive aggressive comments about doing all the chores.   He literally cannot sit down until everything is done and in its place.  IDGAF if there are underwear laying in MY bathroom floor.  But he does.  SO he mumbled and scuffled his way around the house until it was spic and span.  I didn't do shit.  I WAS SO PISSED at him.  He does NOT understand the first trimester at all.  He keeps pushing food on me (last night was fish and asparagus. FUCK THAT.)  I just don't know what to do other than explain to him for the billionth time that I feel like shit and am doing the best I can. 

Ok, vent over.  Thanks for listening to me bitch and moan.

[lawndog1216]

So not my husband - but I can commiserate on the opposite end of the spectrum. Last night I had so much work to do for my job that once DD was asleep I went in to the office and worked for two solid hours. MH had been playing video games in the basement, and then went upstairs and went straight to bed. HOW IS IT that he can just walk through a family room that looks like a tornado hit it and waltz himself up to bed? Seriously, help a sister out, dude. My husband loves a neat and orderly house -- just as long as he's not responsible for keeping it neat and orderly. He has no problem with clothes and toys and crap everywhere. I drives me bat shit. I'm more like your husband, in that I can't go to bed with the house a disaster - mostly because I know it'll piss me off in the morning and make things harder to find.

HARD LIVIN', man. Hard livin'.

[oopsiedaisies]

My H is the same quietdownfish. Kitchen has to be clean before he goes to bed. I told him if he'd just take over with his daughter when he gets home, so I can relax for a few, I'll get it done, but he doesn't listen.

[quietdownfish]

Thanks for the commiseration. I just get so frustrated with him sometimes.

I need to take a step back and breathe.

I miss wine.

[nbalkin]

Jan 16, 2015 8:37:05 GMT -5 quietdownfish said:

Thanks for the commiseration. I just get so frustrated with him sometimes.

I need to take a step back and breathe.

I miss wine.

Wine would make everything so much nicer. I miss it too!

[quietdownfish]

Jan 16, 2015 8:49:23 GMT -5 @aliam20 said:

Jan 16, 2015 8:37:05 GMT -5 quietdownfish said:

Thanks for the commiseration. I just get so frustrated with him sometimes.

I need to take a step back and breathe.

I miss wine.

I hear you... I miss beer... and margaritas.. and wine.. and alcohol in general... That is the hardest thing. I liked my beer or 2 after dd went to bed. It relaxed me. Now I'm just stuck.. MH is all "try meditating, try this try..." but he doesn't fully get it because he has his own recreational methods of relaxing himself that he doesn't have to just stop doing. I'm just stuck here like, OK I'm just going to go to bed. lol

I know.  I typically had a glass of wine every night or so.  MH still has his wine and I just longingly stare at it.  I will be happy when I get into late second tri so I can have a glass here and there! Although I had an aversion to it last pregnancy...

[elizabeth11]

quietdownfish MH is exactly the same. He has mild OCD and everything has to be in it's place. He hasn't freaked out on me yet about cleaning but it gets annoying when something of his is moved and he demands to know how it got somewhere else.

We have 2 older kids, they move things sometimes!

Anyways, I understand.

[yogisews]

I am sorry. DH is very very similar. The problem is that he doesn't contribute to chores so it is just complaining to me about how i am not doing mine. In his defense, I am pretty bad about keeping the house neat but I wish he would help. He will only help if I ask him and if it is a small task.

[Deleted]

I wish my DH was a little more like that. I lose my dinner every time I do the dishes so they are still on the counter. He is taking a winter class, so two weeks, 4 hours a day and a ton of homework while still working full time, so everything has fallen to me. Since I have felt like crap our house is in chaos and I don't kn ow when it is going to get in order.

[2dumbdogs]

My husband has been pretty great. However he is a mistake jerk when he is tired. This morning he was irritated at me because I was making breakfast. I don't even know what to make of that. And I'm dreading dealing with a cranky husband and cranky infant in a few more months. Uggghhhhhhhh

[quietdownfish]

Jan 16, 2015 9:36:09 GMT -5 2dumbdogs said:

My husband has been pretty great. However he is a mistake jerk when he is tired. This morning he was irritated at me because I was making breakfast. I don't even know what to make of that. And I'm dreading dealing with a cranky husband and cranky infant in a few more months. Uggghhhhhhhh

Did he want to starve himself this morning?

[2dumbdogs]

Jan 16, 2015 9:39:24 GMT -5 quietdownfish said:

Jan 16, 2015 9:36:09 GMT -5 2dumbdogs said:

My husband has been pretty great. However he is a mistake jerk when he is tired. This morning he was irritated at me because I was making breakfast. I don't even know what to make of that. And I'm dreading dealing with a cranky husband and cranky infant in a few more months. Uggghhhhhhhh

Did he want to starve himself this morning?

Oh, I wasn't cooking for him. He had already eaten. Guess i should be the one starving here?

He always has this "list" of things running in his head and I'm supposed to read his mind and stay out of the way or something.

[quietdownfish]

Jan 16, 2015 9:59:31 GMT -5 2dumbdogs said:

Jan 16, 2015 9:39:24 GMT -5 quietdownfish said:

Did he want to starve himself this morning?

Oh, I wasn't cooking for him. He had already eaten. Guess i should be the one starving here?

He always has this "list" of things running in his head and I'm supposed to read his mind and stay out of the way or something.

MH gets mad if I am "in his way".  For example:  I'll be cooking in the kitchen and have the fridge open to look for something.  He will stand there and stare at me until I close the fridge and he can get to the cabinets behind me. 

When I know he is doing this, I spend extra time lurking in the fridge just because. Passive aggressive, I know, but sometimes I just have to!!!

[skylark12]

Oh quietdownfish that's frustrating. DH is sometimes like that. I go to bed first and he usually cleans up stuff after I've fallen asleep. And then I feel guilty cause he gets so much more done than me. I'm lazy, I'll be the first to admit it. I just try and remember to say thank you for when he spends time cleaning up, especially if it was my mess.

[ampaints]

The only thing my husband doesn't get is that on weekends I can't just eat brunch and then dinner. I need 3 meals and snacks. He's slowly getting on board with having breakfast early so I don't die of hunger.

[motownthrowdown]

I was supposed to have an appointment with the ob this past Tuesday but it got canceled after I was approved to take off work. I've been kind of burnt out so I decided to keep it and just chill out. The entire day, my phone is blowing up with texts of did I clean the kitchen yet, have I gone shopping yet, did I vacuum yet. NO. It will get done when it gets done. Then it turns out he's just jealous because he didn't get a day to himself.

[Deleted]

My house is different. H got let go NYE and has been job hunting since then. He fills out applications most/all morning. Then he plays his computer games. Well I'm full time teacher, so 40-ish hrs a week contract, and another 20-30 grading, prepping . . . So I asked if he could do the dishes each afternoon, as its finals, and I'm starting to coach little league(his idea) and have no time to do any house work.
He did really good for 2 days. Since Tuesday night, there have been no dishes, laundry, or general picking up done that wasn't by me.
I'm going to make him grade this weekend, hide his computers, and clean with me.

[quietdownfish]

Jan 16, 2015 11:30:27 GMT -5 motownthrowdown said:

I was supposed to have an appointment with the ob this past Tuesday but it got canceled after I was approved to take off work. I've been kind of burnt out so I decided to keep it and just chill out. The entire day, my phone is blowing up with texts of did I clean the kitchen yet, have I gone shopping yet, did I vacuum yet. NO. It will get done when it gets done. Then it turns out he's just jealous because he didn't get a day to himself.

Fuck that nonsense.

I had the same thing happened when I was home sick for 2 days before Christmas.  I had a fever and he said "So, are you taking E to daycare?"  Then he gets home "What did you do all day?"

I feel your pain motownthrowdown.

[heavenwhip]

My husband is in the oilfield, so when he's gone he's staying in camp. For those who don't know, camp is shitty but they feed you and clean up after you. So when my husband comes home he still acts like he's at camp. Grrr.... I'm your wife not your camp cleaning lady, put your effin coffee cup in the GD dishwasher! Clean up after yourself ffs! And once, just once, so you think you could maybe take some initiative and go change your daughters bum without being asked....10 times!!!!

[aelias]

We're both a little lax on the cleaning front so, bottom line, my house is not as clean as I'd like. We had a big fight a few months ago because I desperately wanted to hire a cleaning lady, and he just couldn't. Something about man pride and cleaning his own damn house. I relented. And the house is messy.

He sort of gets how out I am, because I'm usually pretty tough when I'm sick. Last weekend I took a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day, then konked out at 8PM, and he was like "Man, you must be exhausted all the time."

Yes, dear. I am. Thank you for noticing.

[flippinchica]

Jan 16, 2015 8:51:30 GMT -5 quietdownfish said:

Jan 16, 2015 8:49:23 GMT -5 @aliam20 said:

I hear you... I miss beer... and margaritas.. and wine.. and alcohol in general... That is the hardest thing. I liked my beer or 2 after dd went to bed. It relaxed me. Now I'm just stuck.. MH is all "try meditating, try this try..." but he doesn't fully get it because he has his own recreational methods of relaxing himself that he doesn't have to just stop doing. I'm just stuck here like, OK I'm just going to go to bed. lol

I know.  I typically had a glass of wine every night or so.  MH still has his wine and I just longingly stare at it.  I will be happy when I get into late second tri so I can have a glass here and there! Although I had an aversion to it last pregnancy...

I do this too.  I miss my wine as well.  My H is also the "cleaner" one and I have definitely done less in the last few weeks.  If he says one word about it, I will be irritated.  This week I am away and in a hotel.  While I miss my H, it is nice to be as messy as I want and IDGAF.  Plus when I leave I can just thrown it all in my suitcase.

[divinemsbee]

Jan 16, 2015 11:56:05 GMT -5 aelias said:

We're both a little lax on the cleaning front so, bottom line, my house is not as clean as I'd like. We had a big fight a few months ago because I desperately wanted to hire a cleaning lady, and he just couldn't. Something about man pride and cleaning his own damn house. I relented. And the house is messy.

He sort of gets how out I am, because I'm usually pretty tough when I'm sick. Last weekend I took a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day, then konked out at 8PM, and he was like "Man, you must be exhausted all the time."

Yes, dear. I am. Thank you for noticing.

I told H screw jewelry for a 'push present,' if he wants to get me anything, I want a cleaning lady for at least the first couple to 6 months. And I love sparkly things, but I hate cleaning more.

Neither of us are great cleaners, H was basically raised by hoarders, so he really doesn't see dirt. Which is frustrating. I was actually raised by a super-type-A mom who loves to clean, but it's just not something I chose to do given other options. Which is probably why our Christmas stuff in down, but in piles and needs to get stored this weekend.

[aelias]

Jan 16, 2015 13:11:40 GMT -5 @aliam20 said:

Jan 16, 2015 13:06:49 GMT -5 divinemsbee said:

I told H screw jewelry for a 'push present,' if he wants to get me anything, I want a cleaning lady for at least the first couple to 6 months. And I love sparkly things, but I hate cleaning more.

Neither of us are great cleaners, H was basically raised by hoarders, so he really doesn't see dirt. Which is frustrating. I was actually raised by a super-type-A mom who loves to clean, but it's just not something I chose to do given other options. Which is probably why our Christmas stuff in down, but in piles and needs to get stored this weekend.

People do push presents? Shit, MH said my push present was that dd was finally out of my vag.

I'm not going to call it a "push present" because . . . gross.  But before my son was born, I got a thin sapphire and diamond eternity band to wear next to my wedding band, and I've worn it every day of his life.  I plan to do the same for this little one.  I like it

[divinemsbee]

Jan 16, 2015 13:11:40 GMT -5 @aliam20 said:

Jan 16, 2015 13:06:49 GMT -5 divinemsbee said:

I told H screw jewelry for a 'push present,' if he wants to get me anything, I want a cleaning lady for at least the first couple to 6 months. And I love sparkly things, but I hate cleaning more.

Neither of us are great cleaners, H was basically raised by hoarders, so he really doesn't see dirt. Which is frustrating. I was actually raised by a super-type-A mom who loves to clean, but it's just not something I chose to do given other options. Which is probably why our Christmas stuff in down, but in piles and needs to get stored this weekend.

People do push presents? Shit, MH said my push present was that dd was finally out of my vag.


Edit - Not that I didn't enjoy my first pregnancy, but the pressure on my nether-region got SOOO bad right at the end! Holy crap was I glad that pressure was gone.

It's meant in a joking manner between us, I wouldn't expect anything specifically as a reward for having our baby, except, you know, the baby. But he found out about 'push presents' a while back and thinks they're hilarious so he teases me about it. The cleaning lady thing is happening either way, we just jokingly call it that.

I will admit that I'm pretty spoiled by H and will probably get some birth stone jewelry or somesuch. But that's because he likes giving presents.

[quietdownfish]

Jan 16, 2015 13:31:05 GMT -5 divinemsbee said:

Jan 16, 2015 13:11:40 GMT -5 @aliam20 said:

People do push presents? Shit, MH said my push present was that dd was finally out of my vag.


Edit - Not that I didn't enjoy my first pregnancy, but the pressure on my nether-region got SOOO bad right at the end! Holy crap was I glad that pressure was gone.

It's meant in a joking manner between us, I wouldn't expect anything specifically as a reward for having our baby, except, you know, the baby. But he found out about 'push presents' a while back and thinks they're hilarious so he teases me about it. The cleaning lady thing is happening either way, we just jokingly call it that.

I will admit that I'm pretty spoiled by H and will probably get some birth stone jewelry or somesuch. But that's because he likes giving presents.

Color me green with jealous.  MH bought me a tool kit for my birthday.  Needless to say, I have to direct him to the proper gifts.

[flippinchica]

Jan 16, 2015 13:34:20 GMT -5 quietdownfish said:

Jan 16, 2015 13:31:05 GMT -5 divinemsbee said:

It's meant in a joking manner between us, I wouldn't expect anything specifically as a reward for having our baby, except, you know, the baby. But he found out about 'push presents' a while back and thinks they're hilarious so he teases me about it. The cleaning lady thing is happening either way, we just jokingly call it that.

I will admit that I'm pretty spoiled by H and will probably get some birth stone jewelry or somesuch. But that's because he likes giving presents.

Color me green with jealous.  MH bought me a tool kit for my birthday.  Needless to say, I have to direct him to the proper gifts.

Yeah, I love my H but he is a terrible gift giver.  He says straight out that i just need to tell him what to get me!  If I can ever get a FT job we are totally getting a cleaning lady.

[tmclawchick]

Jan 16, 2015 8:37:05 GMT -5 quietdownfish said:

Thanks for the commiseration. I just get so frustrated with him sometimes.

I need to take a step back and breathe.

I miss wine.

PREACH.

[2dumbdogs]

Jan 16, 2015 13:11:40 GMT -5 @aliam20 said:

Jan 16, 2015 13:06:49 GMT -5 divinemsbee said:

I told H screw jewelry for a 'push present,' if he wants to get me anything, I want a cleaning lady for at least the first couple to 6 months. And I love sparkly things, but I hate cleaning more.

Neither of us are great cleaners, H was basically raised by hoarders, so he really doesn't see dirt. Which is frustrating. I was actually raised by a super-type-A mom who loves to clean, but it's just not something I chose to do given other options. Which is probably why our Christmas stuff in down, but in piles and needs to get stored this weekend.

People do push presents? Shit, MH said my push present was that dd was finally out of my vag.


Edit - Not that I didn't enjoy my first pregnancy, but the pressure on my nether-region got SOOO bad right at the end! Holy crap was I glad that pressure was gone.

I don't want a push present but if my husband says something like that he will be getting a punch in the face!

Although if a cleaning lady counts as a push present I'll take that in a heartbeat.

[hurricaine]

Jan 16, 2015 11:56:05 GMT -5 aelias said:

We're both a little lax on the cleaning front so, bottom line, my house is not as clean as I'd like. We had a big fight a few months ago because I desperately wanted to hire a cleaning lady, and he just couldn't. Something about man pride and cleaning his own damn house. I relented. And the house is messy.

He sort of gets how out I am, because I'm usually pretty tough when I'm sick. Last weekend I took a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day, then konked out at 8PM, and he was like "Man, you must be exhausted all the time."

Yes, dear. I am. Thank you for noticing.

Are you me? This is totally our situation, except that DH is willing to get someone to clean if we have the money. We want to pay off a bit of debt before we do it, but oh man I'm so incredibly excited for that. If we can stay on top of it, we'll be able to do it somewhere around the start of my maternity leave, which would just make life so much easier.  

[astheria]

I want a cleaning lady . Hubs doesn't like chores. He works from home but I also see, t find it messier than when I left for work. And often it all just stays that way until I g nuts and force us both to clean buy disconnecting our modem on a weekend. That will likely be this weekend at the rate our house is getting.