Thursday Fam/In-law Vent

[Deleted]

Feb 5, 2015 3:04:15 GMT -5 bwisco123 said:

So DH and I both have family members going through chemo right now for various types of cancer. Back in 1st tri, my grandma told everyone that she is unable to be around pregnant women due to her treatment and my ob pretty much said better to be safe than sorry.
It created a very different atmosphere during the holidays but was fine (minus my aunt who thought I should have just taken a chance).

Flash forward to DH talking to his mom last night. He mentioned that his aunt, who is going through chemo, can't be around me right now. MIL argues with him for about 5 minutes saying she thinks our doctor is wrong. (MIL has zero background in the medical field...just likes to disagree).
Bitch please. It's my baby and my body and the last thing I am going to do is take any chances on endangering my unborn child's health. I'm just so annoyed. Obviously I would love to spend time with my relatives who are going through this but I'm not sorry to say that having a healthy baby is more important to me right now!!!

DH pretty much repeated himself over and over trying to get her to understand. MIL invited the aunt to the baby shower so we will see what happens. I'm not counting on mil to be supportive.

It's really sad that she's not repeating your decision and could possibly be putting your LO in danger. If the aunt is going to the baby shower that would put you in an awkward position whether to go or not; and it's YOUR baby shower. I hope MIL comes around soon!

[Deleted]

Last night I had to tell my mother about herself. She desperately needed a reality check and she got one. I'm now expecting a month or two of silence treatment. It may be more. Let's see how this plays out.

[mylittleladiesandlad]

Last night my mother in law calls and me asks me if I would let her throw me a baby shower....for my THIRD child that I've had in 2 years. She totally took me by surprise and I tried to sound appreciative that she wanted to throw me another shower, but all I could stammer out was, "Ummm, yeah I don't think that's cool to do, but I appreciate the offer!" She sounded so disappointed, but I would be BEYOND embarrassed to have another baby shower. Her point of view was that I had my baby shower for my twins while I was in the hospital and it wasn't a "real" shower. Well, the gifts sure were real, not to mention my mom threw me a shower in my home town before I went into the hospital. Now I'm gonna have to deal with some attitude next time I see her. Fun!

[rocksforludo]

Feb 5, 2015 6:29:44 GMT -5 @ajzmommy said:

Last night I had to tell my mother about herself. She desperately needed a reality check and she got one. I'm now expecting a month or two of silence treatment. It may be more. Let's see how this plays out.

Ha, I love the way you phrased that.  I told MIL about herself last week and now we are on a little break from each other.  I'll be honest, it's a bit of a relief because she's exhausting.

[meandmylove]

No family but DH's dipshit boss. DH has depression and is a suicide risk. Or at least his doctors want him to come in and be monitored for it. His boss tells him today that he just needs to cheer up and he only comes to work for the paycheck (his boss knows he has depression). We also live in an area where it snowed bad this last weekend and got snowed in at my parents house. According to his boss we could of drove home in whiteout conditions with our 2 little kids so DH could of came in Monday morning. Instead of taking a half day. DH also has a compromised immune system and gets shit every time he is sick. I'm just getting tired of the bad attitude. DH is only 27 and would love nothing more than to not have these issues with his health.

[silentsara]

meandmylove

I'm so sorry for his boss's crappy attitude. Depression is a serious problem, not something to blow off.

[shmee]

This is so miniscule, but my MIL has shared 6links on my FB timeline in less than 24 hours. Holy fuck.

[meandmylove]

silentsara. Thank you

[Starbuck128]

@meandmlove That is truly terrible behavior. I hope your DH has been given lots of advice on how to ignore those types of remarks from his boss. That must be so stressful for him.

Mine is silly. My mom and brother do not mail me things, they mail things for me to each other first and then one of them gives it to me. For example, when my brother lived here, my mom sent DS a bunch of postcards from her travels, but sent them to my brother to give to me. Now that my brother lives out of state, all gifts and cards for us are sent to my mom to give to us. Why? I need to know why they do this!

[bethypoo83]

Feb 5, 2015 11:23:12 GMT -5 meandmylove said:

No family but DH's dipshit boss. DH has depression and is a suicide risk. Or at least his doctors want him to come in and be monitored for it. His boss tells him today that he just needs to cheer up and he only comes to work for the paycheck (his boss knows he has depression). We also live in an area where it snowed bad this last weekend and got snowed in at my parents house. According to his boss we could of drove home in whiteout conditions with our 2 little kids so DH could of came in Monday morning. Instead of taking a half day. DH also has a compromised immune system and gets shit every time he is sick. I'm just getting tired of the bad attitude. DH is only 27 and would love nothing more than to not have these issues with his health.

So sorry to hear that your husband has to deal with this. He should definitely be discussing this treatment with his designated HR person because that is just unacceptable. Individuals with mental health concerns should never be made to feel this way. The boss sounds like he needs to disciplined, and educated!

[laur1020]

DH and his older sister talk on the phone probably once or twice a week. It's usually done really early in the morning while I'm sleeping, so I don't really know what they talk about. In my opinion, his sister is kind of controlling and always thinks her ideas/suggestions are the greatest and offers them freely. DH and I recently purchased a car seat from Costco. It was a really good price and the sale was ending the next day, so we bought it and decided to do our research later. We could always return it. Well apparently DH told his sister about the car seat during one of their conversations. DH tells me this morning "SIL wants us to return the car seat." I said "why?" And he said "she doesn't think it's safe. She looked on Consumer Reports and it's not on their top rated list". To which I said "well maybe they didn't test that car seat!". I found the car seat on Amazon and read the reviews of people who actually purchased and use the car seat. Two people said they were in pretty bad accidents and the car seat saved their kids from injury. We used SIL's login for Consumer Reports to look up info on baby monitors, cribs, thermometers, etc, and honestly I found the site to be confusing and I didn't really benefit from doing so. I just don't like when people just do something to "help" ...I realize she wants the baby to be safe, but who doesn't?!

[laur1020]

bwisco123 your MIL sounds like a pill! Even if she does think the doctor is wrong, she should respect your decision to stay away from the family members who are sick.

[rocksforludo]

Feb 5, 2015 16:09:02 GMT -5 laur1020 said:

DH and his older sister talk on the phone probably once or twice a week. It's usually done really early in the morning while I'm sleeping, so I don't really know what they talk about. In my opinion, his sister is kind of controlling and always thinks her ideas/suggestions are the greatest and offers them freely. DH and I recently purchased a car seat from Costco. It was a really good price and the sale was ending the next day, so we bought it and decided to do our research later. We could always return it. Well apparently DH told his sister about the car seat during one of their conversations. DH tells me this morning "SIL wants us to return the car seat." I said "why?" And he said "she doesn't think it's safe. She looked on Consumer Reports and it's not on their top rated list". To which I said "well maybe they didn't test that car seat!". I found the car seat on Amazon and read the reviews of people who actually purchased and use the car seat. Two people said they were in pretty bad accidents and the car seat saved their kids from injury. We used SIL's login for Consumer Reports to look up info on baby monitors, cribs, thermometers, etc, and honestly I found the site to be confusing and I didn't really benefit from doing so. I just don't like when people just do something to "help" ...I realize she wants the baby to be safe, but who doesn't?!

Some people live and die by what Consumer Reports says (my grandpa is one) but I just see it as one source amongst many.  If SIL is like this already, you will probably be getting lots of "helpful" parenting advice down the road.  Probably a good idea to get on the same page with DH about it now (however you decide to deal with it). 

I can do a lot of bitching about MIL, but I'm pretty lucky with SILs.  They just want to buy cute clothes for DD and play with her every now and then.  Otherwise, they don't really care, or if they do, they keep their opinions to themselves.

[snapdragon]

I have put my foot down that no one is to come visit and stay with us for at least the first two weeks PP because I want quiet, private time with my family, but SIL is coming to visit anyway like a week after my EDD because it's the only time she could get off work because her boss is on vacation exactly at that time and that time only, and really she never gets a chance to visit us and is always whining about never getting to see the kids, so I couldn't say no without more drama than it was worth.

When I suggested that she come over the second week of the two she had available rather than the first, she tried to argue that it would be more helpful if she were there in the beginning. Girl, please, this isn't my first rodeo. Then she went on to try and convince me that we should all fly out to CA for a Disneyland trip next year (because she lives there), and it would totally be NBD for us with a 5yo, 3yo, and 1yo because other people will watch the kids for us while we go on the big rides. I tried to explain why that might be more stress than fun for us with kids at those ages, but she's seriously impossible to reason with. I had a headache after a 15 min phone call, so I can only imagine what her visit will be like.

I'm hoping all will go well, but out of all of our relatives, she is by FAR the most difficult and high drama. I'm not looking forward to this. At least she promises to be helpful and she works as a nanny, so maybe she'll just play with the kids and everything will be fine...

[snapdragon]

alwayslastzz uggghhhhh I am feeling for you. I wish there were a way to block text messages and let the person know you're doing it, like an AIM away message that would automatically reply with "I'm not talking to you and I won't read this" every time they text you. I didn't speak with my mom for two years in high school, but she'd keep sending me cards (this was before text was really a thing), and they just made me feel angry, like she didn't respect my boundaries (which she doesn't). Later when I started speaking to her again (BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE), she told me that her shrink told her she should leave me alone, but she just HAD to show me that she loved me and that she was still there for me. Lady. If you actually love me, respect my wishes instead of trying to guilt-manipulate me into speaking with you.

bwisco123 That's unacceptable. Have you tried talking to your MIL about it yourself? If you do, maybe try it this way: Explain to her that you know she disagrees, but because of this you weren't able to see your own grandmother at the holidays, so how would it look to your family if your H's aunt was there?

@gfj48 Hugs.

[psmomma718]

Feb 5, 2015 6:25:09 GMT -5 @blackpearl08 said:

bwisco123 Your DH should call the aunt directly herself if your MIL is being that dismissive and then invited her to the shower. That's crazy!

This. That sucks bwisco123

[pinkbarebear]

My MIL posted on FB to a mutual friend that she should stop finding her husband so attractive and stop having kids because they have enough already. My cheeks were burning when I read that! I'm embarrassed to be related to her sometimes! You can't tell a married couple to stop finding each other attractive and they have enough kids. No! Just no!!!

[lolacachia]

I can't really pin point why, but my MIL has been getting under my skin lately. Actually, I do know why: it's the pregnancy and her feeling the need to argue about everything. I'm not your daughter and I'm not interested in pretending to be helpless so that you will buy me stuff.

[kmkd19]

My MIL might be the nicest person in the world, for real, but I'm such a cranky bitch these days she STILL gets under my skin. There's really no pleasing me.

[amelandre]

We FINALLY worked out a day when MIL can babysit DS. Now she can stop texting me about it every other day for at least a couple weeks! Woo!

[beebe918]

Feb 5, 2015 19:56:41 GMT -5 @allybells said:

Feb 5, 2015 16:32:15 GMT -5 @gfj48 said:

My TL;DR version - I cut my dad out of my life in April after he didn't come to my wedding & every so often it really bothers me that he has no desire to have a relationship with me...Today I'm in a mood/funk and it's bothering me.

I came here to say just about the same thing about my dad. He didn't bother to send a card, call, nothing after our wedding. We want to go visit my brother before I'm too big/uncomfortable to travel, but my dad lives on the way to my brother's so it'd be awkward to not stop there. But I don't wanna. I'm really upset with him and I wish he cared.

@allybells and @gfj48 Sorry you ladies are dealing with this.  

[SassyPants150]

So ILs have DD for the weekend and just now I get a text that says "Well on Saturday night we are going to dinner with friends so SIL is coming over to watch her". Wtf. I don't have so much of a problem with that other than I would like to know WHO is watching my child? I would be a smartass but that would make DH mad. He never "sees a problem" with anything ever.

[emilyanimals15]

@allybells and @gfj48- I am sorry you have to go through that with your respective dads.

[Powermom]

A couple weeks ago, we had a wedding for a family friend if DH's. We all drove in my car together (DH, MIL, her bf, SIL, BIL & his gf). The ride there was fine but of course everyone was tipsy/drunk on the way home while I was driving. The venue was about 40min away. I practically had to drag everyone out at the end (wedding was officially over but they were still talking/ drinking).

The way home was so annoying. MIL was by far the worst. Must you keep singing "the wheels on the bus" the whole ride home?! Then when I'm dropping everyone off at the local bar (bc obviously they didn't drink enough), MIL gets out of my 3rd row with a wine glass-filled with vanilla vodka that she left the wedding with! Are you seriously kidding me?! God forbid we got pulled over! I was SO pissed!

[Deleted]

Feb 9, 2015 0:35:39 GMT -5 @**** said:

I am late to this but my H had to explain to his sister 6 times that I am still pregnant even though my water broke. She has 2 kids and is pregnant with her 3rd. She also didn't understand how only one water broke.

I'm Sorry sweetie, common sense isn't so common.