AW: Stress and Fertility

[notagoddess]

These are just some initial thoughts, so bear with me...

I am starting fertility treatment soon. I am worried about the impact of stress and mental health on the results of the treatment.

I haven't been in the best state for the past few months. I'm feeling grief, anger, and anxiety over not being able to get pregnant, which I have been counting on to heal the pain of my miscarriage. My marriage is strained because MH and I have dealt with our troubles differently. We are having a hard time being there for one another, and we can't easily agree on when to pursue treatment, which treatment to go with, and the money aspect. The last few weeks I've felt a cloud of depression descend over me. I'm seeing a therapist every other week and I am able to manage, but it still sucks.

I am wondering, will my not-so-great mental state make it harder to get pregnant? I'm dealing with a host of stress-induced physical symptoms, like headaches, an IBS flare-up, and tingling in my hands and feet (apparently from hyperventilation).

Should I put off treatment for a cycle or two and work on my stress levels, if it is mostly TTTC that is causing the stress?

Can stress really affect the outcome of a cycle?

[ironbaby]

I have no insight, but I want to offer hugs. This shit blows. Know we are in your corner.

I would advise that you and your H get into some short-term couples counseling. Whether it helps you get pregnant or not, it's a good idea in general when you're feeling like you're not seeing eye-to-eye and will certainly help you to feel more united when you do make decisions.

[butlerfan]

Apr 6, 2016 13:10:52 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

I have no insight, but I want to offer hugs. This shit blows. Know we are in your corner.

I would advise that you and your H get into some short-term couples counseling. Whether it helps you get pregnant or not, it's a good idea in general when you're feeling like you're not seeing eye-to-eye and will certainly help you to feel more united when you do make decisions.

Ditto. My thoughts exactly.

[notagoddess]

Apr 6, 2016 13:10:52 GMT -5 ironbaby said:

I would advise that you and your H get into some short-term couples counseling. Whether it helps you get pregnant or not, it's a good idea in general when you're feeling like you're not seeing eye-to-eye and will certainly help you to feel more united when you do make decisions.

I think we could really benefit from it. This situation has sucked for our marriage.

[icedtea]

I second the suggestion for couples counseling. Everything else will only be harder if you two aren't on the same page.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way

[samanthasays]

This is so tough, I am so sorry that you are going through this.

I think normally people say that stress does not affect fertility for most people. However, anecdotal I think many of us know that stress can definitely affect us physically, and it sounds like you are having physical stress induced symptoms. I would recommend asking your therapist and doctor about it, they might give you different answers, but you can use that information to make the decision that is best for you.

From personal experience, taking time off has done wonders for me, this time around. I tried it before and it just made me more stressed, like each cycle was a wasted chance at my take home baby. I have diagnosed GAD, and am on Lopram for it, so I feel you on the anxiety aspect of it. Also, I had my 2nd early loss after a successful IUI, I was so stressed with IF and treatment, the loss just pushed me over the edge. That was my breaking point and the reason for my current NTNP state.

Whatever you decide I hope you can get to a good place emotionally and physically. IF truly is the worst.

[bex15]

Hugs notagoddess, I'm so sorry for how you're feeling

[ohinvrtedworld]

I haven't done extensive research on stress and fertility or anything like that, but I'm hovering between two thoughts. On the one hand, there are women around the world who get pregnant in all kinds of dire, even life-threatening circumstances. At the same time, I know stress affects your physical wellbeing in many ways. I've "missed periods" (of course, likely didn't ovulate and had a long cycle) during more stressful times in my life when I was younger. Who knows if stress was the main factor, but I do think that stress certainly doesn't help.

It's good that you're in counseling to work through your grief and depression that is fertility-related. +1 to the PP who recommended couples counseling. It sucks that stress and the ways we handle it can be such a source of conflict and misunderstanding, but it might do wonders for getting more on the same page emotionally. Even if stress wouldn't prevent treatments from being successful necessarily, take your emotional and mental health seriously.

Biggest squishy hugs, I don't know exactly how you feel or what you're going through, but I can relate a fair bit to it and especially the physical symptoms of stress. I hate that IF happens and that it wreaks havoc on so many parts of our lives.

[JustJudy]

So many hugs. I agree that while stress may not technically affect fertility according to current scientific thought, I still personally think it does. The longer it takes to get pregnant the more stressed I've become. It's no joke how it can manifest itself physically.

If your husband will go I also would say couples counseling could help immensely. Being on the same page as your spouse while going through this is critical in my opinion. I don't know that I would be able to cope at all if J and I weren't in 100% agreement about our next steps.

[notagoddess]

I've started looking into acupuncture and it seems one of the benefits is that it can help with anxiety as well as infertility.

[peaseblossom55]

I'm so sorry sending you so many hugs. I never thought starting a family would lead me down such a stressful path. I found therapy for myself has helped so much. I try to find ways to distress and enjoy life as much as possible. It really is so hard some days. I like massages ( I did not like acupuncture it made me more anxious) and I try to treat myself to little things as much as possible. I found yoga to be so therapeutic as well.

I think therapy for you both and some acupuncture would probably help get rid of some of the stress.

[icedtea]

Apr 6, 2016 13:51:10 GMT -5 notagoddess said:

I've started looking into acupuncture and it seems one of the benefits is that it can help with anxiety as well as infertility.

I go to acupuncture for stress (among other things) and 100% recommend it. 

[akraus2015]

Hugs, my friend!! I started acupuncture this cycle, and I kind of hate it, but I'm going to keep going back in hopes that it helps a little bit. Are you a fan of exercise? I feel like even just a short walk or run in the mornings helps me face my day with so much less stress and negativity.

And you know anytime you need to chat...just send a PM!!

XOXO

[ladytiffany24]

No insight here either but so many hugs. We're all here for you.

Also, +whatever to some couples counseling.

Hang in there!

[Deleted]

I don't have any insight but wanted to send you hugs. You've been through a lot and I think couples counseling would really benefit you.

[notagoddess]

Apr 6, 2016 14:18:29 GMT -5 icedtea said:

Apr 6, 2016 13:51:10 GMT -5 notagoddess said:

I've started looking into acupuncture and it seems one of the benefits is that it can help with anxiety as well as infertility.

I go to acupuncture for stress (among other things) and 100% recommend it. 

I just signed up for an appointment for next Monday.

[housecarder]

I agree that couples counseling is a huge benefit while navigating this all. Also when you start with an RE you can ask if they staff counselors. My RE had someone on staff specifically for the emotional stress IF can put on a couple. I think having someone familiar with the processes once you start can be a huge benefit.

[wilmaroo]

((((Hugs))) I definitely feel you on the looming cloud. It's crazy how ttc can take over all aspects of your life. If you can do acupuncture I would recommend it. I wasn't a fan at first but once I realized how much less anxiety I had after a few treatments I was hooked. Lurking here most days helps me, some days I still just sit and cry about it.

[teachermomtobe]

Just popping in here to send you hugs and agree that it sounds like you might benefit from couples counseling.

[notagoddess]

Thanks all. I think couples counseling would be helpful, but I'm not sure MH would be on board right now. There was a marriage self-help book he wanted me to read a while back, which I never did, that I think I will start with. If that doesn't help things immensely, I will really push for the counseling.

[JustJudy]

Apr 6, 2016 17:51:12 GMT -5 notagoddess said:

Thanks all. I think couples counseling would be helpful, but I'm not sure MH would be on board right now. There was a marriage self-help book he wanted me to read a while back, which I never did, that I think I will start with. If that doesn't help things immensely, I will really push for the counseling.

That sound like a great plan!

[mosdub]

I feel like everyone already offered such great advice. Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hope things start to shift for the better.

[mikaela20]

I'm late to this but want to leave you some big massive hugs. I'm so sorry. I think you have a good plan ahead.

I'm also curious about acupuncture , I would love to know how you like it after you go.

[easilyunamused]

Just wanted to give you hugs and let you know you're not alone in the stress. Only you can decide if you need a break, and I hope that you and YH can get on the same page.

[kayladawn91]

Hugs hugs notagoddess. I have no real advice, as MH and I have had a lot of stress on our own marriage due to TTC and we don't know how to handle not seeing eye to eye either. I think others here have given great advice though. I really hope things start to look up for you soon.

[ohinvrtedworld]

Also wanted to chime in again -- I am sorry if I missed you addressing this. If the depression and anxiety gets to be overwhelming (well, it always is, but you know), maybe talk to a doctor about medication to help as well? Either a pregnancy safe one or a low dose of a different one in the meantime? Just something to consider.

[daisy818]

Way late to the game here, but first off, big squishy hugs.

Couples counseling is great if you can find the right therapist, and I hope you can get YH on board with giving it a try. I've also been struggling immensely with depression - I had gone off my antidepressant and mood stabilizer a year ago since I was TTC, and I just finally went back on a low dose of Wellbutrin to see if it helps some. I can wean off it in less than two weeks if I do get KU.

[hydrangea1019]

I have nothing scientifically to add. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. This whole thing is hard enough, and then add on top of it loss and disagreements with SO and its a bad recipe. Sending you lots of hugs and love. I hope you both can work through this. Maybe YH will come around to counseling in time.

[mugster]

If you are this stressed out before starting fertility treatments, you should definitely look to get help. Worrying about whether stress will impact a cycle isn't productive, because it just leads to more stress and anxiety. Prioritizing your own health and happiness and ability to endure what might be multiple treatment cycles is worth it, and whatever might help you do that is worth exploring. I just wanted to mention though, that the help can be medicinal. My RE put me on lexapro after a few medicated cycles, and it really helped me. It is safe to take while TTC, and I came off of it with no problems early in the first trimester, but I could have stayed on longer if I needed it. While the medication didn't make fertility treatment easy, it made it manageable.

[notagoddess]

mugster, ohinvrtedworld, I have been on Seroquel for many years now and I plan to stay on it through any pregnancy.