Telling Work

[goldenlove3]

So when do you guys plan on telling your work about your pregnancy (if they don't already know)?

We recently did our yearly goals and now have to fill out "personal aspirations". This is pretty much where they want to know if you'd like to become a manager, switch to a different group, relocate, etc. My boss mentioned setting up one-on-ones with everyone to discuss. He only met with a couple people last week and is on vacation this week. So if we meet next week, I'll be 10 weeks. I feel like it'd be weird to have this whole discussion about what I want to do then come back in a couple weeks and tell him the news. Ideally, I'd love to come back from leave part time and wouldn't mind going to a different group. I'm bored of this job and have no interest in taking on a new project. This would probably be the best time to tell him that.

Do you guys think there is any reason not to tell him? I would probably wait a few more weeks before I tell the rest of my group.

[nuggetrn]

goldenlove3 I think that sounds like a perfectly reasonable plan. Do you feel like he would keep t to himself until you were ready to announce to others or will he want to start sharing your news?

[nuggetrn]

I think mayyyyybe I will tell the girls I work with after our first appt. DH is actually kind of surprised I haven't told them already. It feels a bit weird though because I have only worked there since November. It sucks my EDD is just before the year mark of me being there.

One of the girls is strangely obsessed with the idea of me being pregnant though... I don't know if I accidentally said something suspicious or if somebody saw my phone?? But in the last week she has brought it up twice.

[goldenlove3]

Apr 7, 2016 9:51:23 GMT -5 nuggetrn said:

goldenlove3 I think that sounds like a perfectly reasonable plan. Do you feel like he would keep t to himself until you were ready to announce to others or will he want to start sharing your news?

He has his quirks but he seems professional enough not to say anything if I tell him not to. We had a girl transfer to our group at the beginning of the year and she is pregnant. He didn't say anything to us.

[goldenlove3]

nuggetrn That's weird. What does she say? I feel like even if you are suspicious, you shut up until the person brings it up.

[cheshie6]

I'm a lifeguard so I already told work because if I ned to go to the bathroom or God forbid I have to do a rescue, I need them to know should something happen to me.

[nuggetrn]

Apr 7, 2016 9:56:01 GMT -5 goldenlove3 said:

nuggetrn That's weird. What does she say? I feel like even if you are suspicious, you shut up until the person brings it up.

Agreed.

The first time she said something was on April Fool's Day. The whole office knows that DH just lost his job and they have been asking how the job hunt is going. So after this particular conversation she was like oooh!! You should go home and tell him that you're pregnant. Because of course adding more stress on top of an already stressful situation is just hilarious. I told her that's not a funny joke and she should stop.

Then on Tuesday she had to take a class for some point car testing and one of the things they did was pregnancy tests. So of course she comes back to the office and is like hey, I almost brought you some pregnancy tests today. To which I asked why and she really didn't give an answer.

What the heck are you getting at here?!? Why are you obsessed with my uterus?

[tallblonde]

I laugh when conservatives in the US say they will move to Canada if the Democrat wins. Umm, pretty sure by default they are more liberal in social policies in every aspect.

On the note, sign me up. My pathetic 8 weeks is barely a blip. I'll prob tell my director after my 12 week appt unless I'm showing beforehand. Thankfully team drinking events aren't as popular as last time, I had to get creative at happy hours.

[cookswithwine9]

Wow a year of mat leave... I can't even imagine. We get 12 weeks unpaid (unless you have std or your company covers a portion).

I told 1 friend at work. Which I kinda regret because she sometimes talks loudly about it and we sit in cubes. (So everyone can hear everything.) I plan on telling my boss and everyone else after the first trimester.

[goldenlove3]

I'm definitely jealous of you guys with one year of paid maternity! FMLA is kind of a joke except it at least protects your job (or A job). I'll have to use vacation and STD to get some income and I have a bad feeling I'm gonna lose all the holidays we get at the end of the year. We get 4 in November and 5 in December this year. ETA: Also 2 in January.

[jubilantsquirrel]

I don't know when I'll tell work. Maybe next month. I did tell one coworker that I'm close with, but I know she won't say anything to anyone.

[dashook]

I told one close friend at work, someone I've known since before we both worked at this firm and who I was friends with during my pregnancy with DS. I trust him not to tell anyone else.

Other than that, my hope is to keep this entirely to myself until June if possible, or maybe longer, until I absolutely cannot hide it anymore. This is mainly because I am the one of only a handful of women at my firm, and the only one currently reproducing, so I want to avoid having the old white male partners look at me differently for as long as possible prior to my one year work anniversary there, which is in mid-August.

[dashook]

Actually, reading back what I just wrote, it occurs to me that the fact that the old male partners in my firm are white is irrelevant to why I don't want to tell them. I think I was just trying to paint you all a picture of the kind of law firm I work in lol

ETF typo

[peanutmuse]

I have told one of my co-workers. I am trying to avoid telling my boss until she plans the schedule for next year's classes. (I am a dance instructor, FYI.) I don't want it to impact the classes that I teach.

[tallblonde]

goldenlove3 I have the exact same due date as last time and my HR let me tack on the holidays at the end of mat leave, so it was almost 2 extra weeks. They are paid days, and since you aren't getting to use them and STD is paid by another source - they may let you do the same. Don't go down without a fight!

[goldenlove3]

Apr 7, 2016 12:58:31 GMT -5 tallblonde said:

goldenlove3 I have the exact same due date as last time and my HR let me tack on the holidays at the end of mat leave, so it was almost 2 extra weeks. They are paid days, and since you aren't getting to use them and STD is paid by another source - they may let you do the same. Don't go down without a fight!

Oh I'm definitely going to fight for them! They say it's part of my benefits and that's the majority of the holidays that we get every year. If they don't pay me for them, I'm going to start taking sick days throughout the summer (which are separate from my vacation).

[ashleysyn]

I'm actually telling my bosses today. It's earlier than I wanted, but my manager is coming out from the city (we're more rural) and I'm not sure when she'll be out again.

I probably could have told them much earlier, because it has been a big pain trying to get time off without pay for things like screening and transfer, but I like to keep some things private. Hopefully they'll have some compassion and stop dicking me around now. They'll probably just be happy that I'm taking a 15 week maternity leave as opposed to 1 year.

[dashook]

Apr 7, 2016 12:43:16 GMT -5 tgrimes1980 said:

This thread reminds me of Katherine Heigl not telling her bosses she's pregnant in Knocked Up.

I need to watch that movie again.

[dashook]

Apr 7, 2016 12:58:31 GMT -5 tallblonde said:

goldenlove3 I have the exact same due date as last time and my HR let me tack on the holidays at the end of mat leave, so it was almost 2 extra weeks. They are paid days, and since you aren't getting to use them and STD is paid by another source - they may let you do the same. Don't go down without a fight!

This is excellent. I am going to try to make this argument for myself as well.

[buckyb]

I'll probably tell my manager after my 10 week appointment. I'll share with the rest of the team after 12-13 weeks.

Trigger warning and a question....




My coworker recently lost her pregnancy and tube due to an ectopic pregnancy. I was planning on texting her the night before I announce to the team. Does that sound okay? I don't want to blindside her.

[sophiegrace]

buckyb +1 to reaching out to her a bit ahead of time. I would even go as far as letting her know where/how you'll be doing it so that if she needs to not be there she can do so. That's really thoughtful for you to be thinking ahead like that, as a loss mom I thank you.

[sophiegrace]

I'm 100% certain that at the very least my office manager knows. She's been bringing in my favorite drinks, snack crackers, and various kinds of peppermint candies for me for the past few weeks (but nothing for the rest of the staff). My H and I work together so we tried to be sneaky about getting to my first US appt, but that night she texted him to ask him if he was doing ok because she was thinking of us. We don't plan on telling staff until it's completely obvious that I'm pregnant, but we'll probably tell her after the NT scan. She was there for us like no one else during our loss and I think she deserves to know before everyone else.

[buckyb]

Apr 7, 2016 15:51:52 GMT -5 vinolove said:

Apr 7, 2016 15:50:02 GMT -5 sophiegrace said:

buckyb +1 to reaching out to her a bit ahead of time. I would even go as far as letting her know where/how you'll be doing it so that if she needs to not be there she can do so. That's really thoughtful for you to be thinking ahead like that, as a loss mom I thank you.

All of this.  She may not want to be there.

I didn't even think about that. We have the flexibility to work at home at least one day a week. I'll make sure to give her a few days notice so she can decide if she wants to WAH that day. Thanks all!

[rory5280]

I've told my direct boss and her boss and direct team mates. We're a pretty close team and it just felt natural. Plus I hate lying about things so it's taken a lot of stress off.

[dashook]

Apr 7, 2016 18:03:23 GMT -5 rory5280 said:

Plus I hate lying about things so it's taken a lot of stress off.

This. This makes it really hard for me. At least twice now I've started to make comments to my secretary about how I feel like crap or am so so tired, and then quickly catch myself; it would be so much better if I could just be open about it when I'm not feeling well. Would also make it easier to explain all the doctor appointments!

[kleigh]

My office is about 40 people, but only one woman and one man actually do the same thing as me so I consider them my colleagues and the rest of the people coworkers. That office is the subsidiary of a large financial institution (same building) that MH also works at - bc we've spent 10+ years there we are friends with a lot of people throughout the organization -some of those people will know before my coworkers.

I've told the woman colleague who I work most closely with - she's previously told me she had her children through IVF so she knew we were treating IF, I told her after my second beta. I don't plan on telling anyone else at my office until they start asking. I also have a thin frame and the bloating is already EXTREMELY obvious, plus with twins I realize I might start showing sooner. I know between looking heavier and downing ginger ale a lot people have noticed but aren't saying anything.

[artmusiclife]

buckyb, that is very considerate. I think a text is fine. If I were her (which I was in MANY situations over the past 3.5 years) I would want to know in writing in the privacy of my own home so that I could prepare myself for coping with the news. Maybe make sure she is at home first too.

[artmusiclife]

I'm pretty much dying to spread the news just so I can stop being secretive & fake drinking. I actually went so far as to drink (sips) of a non-alcoholic beer last weekend to trick people. It worked. Actually tasted okay too.

2 of my closest co-workers knew I was going thru IVF and helped me when I had to be out several mornings. They know everything, and they are very helpful and supportive. I am an art teacher at 2 schools and I love my principals, so they both knew about IVF since I was missing so much work. I haven't told them officially, but they are both super supportive. I'll tell them at around 12 weeks.

[artmusiclife]

@goldenlove, I think it would be okay to tell your boss at your meeting, as long as he keeps it quiet. Any way you could ask him to postpone your meeting to when you're at 12 weeks? He might be suspicious, but that might not matter.

[goldenlove3]

Apr 7, 2016 23:54:02 GMT -5 artmusiclife said:

@goldenlove, I think it would be okay to tell your boss at your meeting, as long as he keeps it quiet. Any way you could ask him to postpone your meeting to when you're at 12 weeks? He might be suspicious, but that might not matter.

I might get lucky and not get scheduled next week but we have a deadline to submit this stuff so I can't delay too much.