2nd parent adoption

[Stringy]

Hey Everyone - does anyone know if it is still necessary to do a 2nd parent adoption now that marriage is technically legal anywhere? We are in MA, so everything is good here and we are both on the birth certificate. But when we had M, prior to that, we did a second parent adoption just in case we were traveling or anything like that.

I do plan to call our lawyer and ask but my wife wonders if they'll just say yes its needed for the money (I have a little more faith in them than that).  Anyone with recent experience?

[karlamo]

Hey Stringy, As we speak, I have L's adoption paperwork in my car needing to be notarized. We used the same lawyer for L that we did for R. I contacted her with the same question you had and she recommended that we adopt because it will protect us indefinitely and internationally. As she pointed out, laws change all the time and there can always be a repeal or new law that could affect us if we didn't adopt L. Plus adoption protects us for when we travel internationally.
We had our own personal reasons for wanting to adopt L and would have done it no matter what our lawyer suggested. The biggest reason was it would have felt weird to have one child adopted but not the other. Our lawyer gave us a discount for using them again. In all honesty, my wife and I have spent plenty of money on way useless stuff than this, so the money was never a concern for us.

[Stringy]

Thanks - I've thought about that too - that it might be odd that only one was formally adopted, and also if that leaves my wife out in the cold since she didn't get to formally adopt this baby when I did the one she carried. I suppose I should send an email...

[kh826]

What karlamo said!

We just mailed the paper work for Lucie's adoption on Saturday. We did it for pretty much the exact same reasons as karlamo already mentioned. Our lawyer also gave us a discount this time around.

[karlamo]

Apr 11, 2016 12:32:58 GMT -5 Stringy said:

Thanks - I've thought about that too - that it might be odd that only one was formally adopted, and also if that leaves my wife out in the cold since she didn't get to formally adopt this baby when I did the one she carried. I suppose I should send an email...

This. My wife carried R and I ofcourse was/am the genetic mother but with me carrying L, she has no biological connection to him.  She feels very strongly, as do I, that we need to adopt L. 

[Stringy]

Thanks everyone - I will also ask for a repeat discount haha

[kh826]

Apr 11, 2016 13:54:05 GMT -5 Stringy said:

Thanks everyone - I will also ask for a repeat discount haha

We didn't ask, and we were pleasantly surprised when the price was significantly lower this time around. We also used this same attorney for all of our estate planning (Wills, POA, Health Directives, etc.), so we have given her/her firm A LOT of business over the last few years. I think, if we are lucky enough to have a number 3, they should just give us that adoption on the house! HAHA

[kona]

Related question, are you all having to have home studied done as part of the adoption? Anyone in NY?

[kh826]

We did not have to have a home study based on the County we live in and the fact that it is actually considered a "step parent adoption" instead of a "second parent adoption" now that our marriage is legally recognized (same outcome, but cheaper and less invasive process in PA). I know for a second parent adoption in PA, some counties require the home study and some counties don't.

[karlamo]

kona, Because we were living together before we decided to have a baby and because one of us is biologically related to the baby, Mass law allows that part to be waived. Not sure on NY law.

[rikkiandjulie]

We will do one, simply because a birth certificate doesn't guarantee parental rights to a non biological partner. So if you were a hetero couple, and had a baby, your husband could get a paternity test and prove the child was his, lesbians can't do that. Same thing in hetero couples, if a man who wasn't the biological father wanted to adopt a newborn, he should actually complete a SPA, bc he can't prove paternity. If you can prove paternity by a blood test you don't need an adoption.

That's just how bluntly our lawyer explained it.

[sdfonz619]

I am in CA, we are currently in the process of MW adopting DD and have been told a home study won't be required since it falls under step parent adoption.

[cetcar]

I just downloaded the forms for CA's adoption process. Hoping I can sort it out on my own, even though I don't really practice family law. Seems fairly straight forward so far, and I'm very familiar with the courts here. We'll see. Helps that there's no study or hearing requirement.

If I get it sorted out, I'm happy to share/answer questions informally with folks in CA.

[JustJudy]

Apr 11, 2016 16:44:16 GMT -5 cetcar said:

I just downloaded the forms for CA's adoption process. Hoping I can sort it out on my own, even though I don't really practice family law. Seems fairly straight forward so far, and I'm very familiar with the courts here. We'll see. Helps that there's no study or hearing requirement.

If I get it sorted out, I'm happy to share/answer questions informally with folks in CA.

I'll definitely take you up on this when we finally get pregnant!

[kona]

Yeah, I feel like I contacted a few lawyers in NY after O was born and they told me that the adoption was unnecessary. It seems like that is not the case. I will have to look into it further. I didn't realize that it would be a step parent adoption but I guess that makes sense.

[karlamo]

Apr 12, 2016 5:30:58 GMT -5 kona said:

Yeah, I feel like I contacted a few lawyers in NY after O was born and they told me that the adoption was unnecessary. It seems like that is not the case. I will have to look into it further. I didn't realize that it would be a step parent adoption but I guess that makes sense.

Each state is different. Ours is not a step parent adoption. My wife and I both adopted our kids. Mass doesn't allow for second parent adoption so what we did is whoever gave birth, they surrendered their legal rights and then we both had to adopt the baby together. So on paper it looks as if we both are the adopted parent.

Just yesterday I was reading how Trump wants to repeal same sex marriage. I feel like this issue is going to be like abortion; always being challenged and threatened.

[esquette]

Seems like we have a lot of repeat adopters here :-) so I have a question for you: what does the timeline look like for this? We are a little halfway through the pregnancy and haven't sought out a lawyer yet... Are we screwed? Should this be something I get working on immediately? (Briefly) what has the process been like where you are?

PS - Anybody in Colorado want to recommend a good lawyer?

[humorme00]

If there's anyone who doesn't mind sharing, how much did the second parent adoption end up costing?


esquette, I'm glad you asked this. It wasn't even on my radar as something we should start before the baby gets here.

[karlamo]

Apr 18, 2016 21:51:54 GMT -5 esquette said:

Seems like we have a lot of repeat adopters here :-) so I have a question for you: what does the timeline look like for this? We are a little halfway through the pregnancy and haven't sought out a lawyer yet... Are we screwed? Should this be something I get working on immediately? (Briefly) what has the process been like where you are?

PS - Anybody in Colorado want to recommend a good lawyer?

[br


Totally not screwed. You can adopt at any time. For our first baby, we started the paperwork process 4 months before my wife was due. We needed an affidavit from our fertility clinic, marriage certificate, two letters from people supporting our adoption, birth certificate, and ss card of the baby. Obviously we needed to wait till after the birth for the bc and ss card. Also you can't file any paperwork with the court till after you have a live birth. Once the paperwork is filed with the court it just depends on when they can schedule you in for the adoption date. R was adopted at 4 months old.
Now in typical second child fashion, we JUST sent in all of L's paperwork. We now wait on our court date. My guess is he'll be adopted at 1;)

Our first adoption cost $3,000 and the second was $1,500.

[kh826]

Per usual, agree with karlamo!

The first time around we started the process with our attorney right away, and we have paper work filed by the second trimester and then just waited for baby to be born to complete. Some of the paperwork obviously cannot be finalized until after baby is born. William's adoption took place when he was 5.5 months old.

This time around, we procrastinated and didn't start the process until a few weeks before Lucie was born. We just mail all of the paper work about 2 weeks ago, and our attorney just filed with the Court this week.

Soup-to-nuts, the whole process takes about 6 months give or take, in my experience. The longest part is just waiting for the court date.

If you are concerned with the "in between" time between birth and the finalization of the adoption, there are temporary guardianship documents that an attorney could draw up to give your sweetie some rights in the meantime. We did this with William.