I need a life coach

[weeklyplanner]

I just feel that I'm really sucking at certain things in life. To give myself credit, I think I'm a damn good mom and tend to LOs needs very well. I also manage to squeeze in making homemade baby food for most of his solids and the gym 2-3 times a week. But, due to holding him for all his naps, I literally never get a break. DH works long hours and comes home after DS is in bed. He's super helpful around the house, but it just stresses me out more. I want him to bf able to unwind a little after work, not do the dishes I didn't get to all day.

I want to be able to keep my house cleaner. I swear the floors get dirty so fast and the dust (probably because of our heat) if freakin out of control. I usually clean the whole 1x a week and it's never enough. Also, I need to be get better at grocery shopping, meal planning and cooking. Oh and my poor dogs need more walks, but it's freezing out so I can't bring LO along.

So, who wants to be my life coach? Got any pointers?

I love SAH, but I think I suck at being my own boss.

[yogini kiki]

Feb 5, 2015 13:36:28 GMT -5 weeklyplanner said:

I just feel that I'm really sucking at certain things in life. To give myself credit, I think I'm a damn good mom and tend to LOs needs very well. I also manage to squeeze in making homemade baby food for most of his solids and the gym 2-3 times a week. But, due to holding him for all his naps, I literally never get a break. DH works long hours and comes home after DS is in bed. He's super helpful around the house, but it just stresses me out more. I want him to bf able to unwind a little after work, not do the dishes I didn't get to all day.

I want to be able to keep my house cleaner. I swear the floors get dirty so fast and the dust (probably because of our heat) if freakin out of control. I usually clean the whole 1x a week and it's never enough. Also, I need to be get better at grocery shopping, meal planning and cooking. Oh and my poor dogs need more walks, but it's freezing out so I can't bring LO along.

So, who wants to be my life coach? Got any pointers?

I love SAH, but I think I suck at being my own boss.

Weed.



Just kidding....but my advice is to let it go for a little while.  This phase wont last forever....you can be a rockstar housekeeper later.

[weeklyplanner]

Feb 5, 2015 13:37:52 GMT -5 yogini kiki said:

Feb 5, 2015 13:36:28 GMT -5 weeklyplanner said:

I just feel that I'm really sucking at certain things in life. To give myself credit, I think I'm a damn good mom and tend to LOs needs very well. I also manage to squeeze in making homemade baby food for most of his solids and the gym 2-3 times a week. But, due to holding him for all his naps, I literally never get a break. DH works long hours and comes home after DS is in bed. He's super helpful around the house, but it just stresses me out more. I want him to bf able to unwind a little after work, not do the dishes I didn't get to all day.

I want to be able to keep my house cleaner. I swear the floors get dirty so fast and the dust (probably because of our heat) if freakin out of control. I usually clean the whole 1x a week and it's never enough. Also, I need to be get better at grocery shopping, meal planning and cooking. Oh and my poor dogs need more walks, but it's freezing out so I can't bring LO along.

So, who wants to be my life coach? Got any pointers?

I love SAH, but I think I suck at being my own boss.

Weed.



Just kidding....but my advice is to let it go for a little while.  This phase wont last forever....you can be a rockstar housekeeper later.

I totally miss my pothead days.

[acorn99]

[sweeetp812]

Dotn be so hard on yourself. You don't have to give everything 100% all the time. For the time being concentrate on your LO. In a few months you'll be able to do more.

[sweetpies]

Relax. Dust bunnies won't kill anybody. I wish I had spent more time enjoying the snuggles, and less time cleaning while I was on leave.

But if you insist on being a busy bee, try wearing LO for your chores and when you take the dogs for a walk.

[tinkl0ver]

I'm paying my unemployed friend some money to help out around our house. 5 bucks an hour for about 3 hours, 2 or 3 times a week. Today will be her first day, and it will probably only be until she finds a job but she gets gas money and I get an extra set of hands. Know any unemployed people who are childless and willing to work for less than minimum wage? if not you can probably find a mothers helper- usually a kid who wants to get babysitting experience.

[cdseno]

Ok, first of all you need to not worry about your H doing some stuff around the house if it needs to be done. Mine also works long hours and random days and it took me a long time to not feel bad about him doing the dishes or cleaning the bathroom, but then I realized that though I SAH, I don't just sit around eating bon bons and watching tv. I do a lot even when it looks like I haven't, and I (and you too) don't get a chance to unwind. When J would nap on me as a baby it was hard to get stuff done for a few months but you will start to figure it out. In between naps pick a task to tackle. Dishes, laundry, paying bills, whatever it is. If I had errands to run I would do it when he needed to nap because then it was killing 2 birds with one stone and he would nap in the car and in the store. I still do this now. If I know Max is getting tired and I need to go somewhere then he gets to nap while we are out. I consider doing house stuff to be like playtime too. Max likes to sit in a laundry basket in the kitchen while I cook or do dishes. J likes to help me put laundry in and fold clothes. We sing songs while we fold laundry and do dishes.

I think you are probably doing a better job than you think you are. Remember though, just because H works it doesn't make him any less a part of your household. I'm sure the dirtiness you see in your house isn't all from you. Let him help. If you are feeling overwhelmed then tell him. I finally had to break down crying one night for H to understand the kind of stress I was under. School, kids, cleaning, and cooking. It was too much and even though he works outside the home, he wasn't pulling his weight here. Since then we have developed a new routine, where I do as much as I can, but then he picks up the slack either when he comes home at night, or the next day before he goes in.

[Deleted]

Hugs mama! I am relating to what you are saying. Is there any way you could swing having a housekeeper for awhile? We have a cleaning service that is at our home for about 2 hrs every Friday. They do all the floors, the kitchen, bathrooms, dusting. Each week they rotate a deep clean of one of four zones. I do all the basic chores in between of course, but this is a lifesaver. DH and I consider it well worth the $$ even if we have to cut back on other things at times. I also usually try to do a quick pick up in the am and pm....even squeezing in 15 min for a couple small things helps so much.

[sosayweall]

I was going to suggest a cleaning service too. We have someone who comes every other week and I so look forward to it!

[Deleted]

Feb 5, 2015 13:36:28 GMT -5 weeklyplanner said:

I just feel that I'm really sucking at certain things in life. To give myself credit, I think I'm a damn good mom and tend to LOs needs very well. I also manage to squeeze in making homemade baby food for most of his solids and the gym 2-3 times a week. But, due to holding him for all his naps, I literally never get a break. DH works long hours and comes home after DS is in bed. He's super helpful around the house, but it just stresses me out more. I want him to bf able to unwind a little after work, not do the dishes I didn't get to all day.

I want to be able to keep my house cleaner. I swear the floors get dirty so fast and the dust (probably because of our heat) if freakin out of control. I usually clean the whole 1x a week and it's never enough. Also, I need to be get better at grocery shopping, meal planning and cooking. Oh and my poor dogs need more walks, but it's freezing out so I can't bring LO along.

So, who wants to be my life coach? Got any pointers?

I love SAH, but I think I suck at being my own boss.

If you can afford it, pick something to hire out.  Cleaning, meal delivery, dogwalks, etc. All of those things are super easy to pay for and might help lessen the load. I know you said you feel like you shouldn't use childcare as a SAHM, but even just a few hours with a "mothers helper" or someone else to hold him during his naps could make a huge difference. 

Also, I'm just going to share something that I thought of when I read your post (not saying this directly relates to you).  My mom worked the first few years of my life, and then stayed home full time when she got pregnant again.  She was always a very driven, organized, type A person, and took the whole "staying at home is my job" thing very seriously.  She was convinced she should be able to juggle everything (3 kids, a  house, dogs, a husband who commuted 2 hours each way every day).  And for the most part, she pulled it off.  But when something didn't go as she planned, she would flip out. And honestly, I think it made her resent her family and the choices she made.  So this is just my long-winded way of saying that sometimes cutting yourself some slack is beneficial not just for you, but for your whole family.  You're doing a great job!

[Deleted]

No practical advise since I don't SAH. But FWIW I think that you are doing better than your realize.

FYI. When you mention life coach I automatically though of Jeremy (aka Jez) from Peep Show. I think I'm the only American that watches that show.   

[puffandstuff]

Lower your expectations. As your LO gets older you'll get into a better routine and be able to accomplish more. Also, outsource.

[Deleted]

When I was in high school I was a mother's helper for a few months. A mom paid me $5 per hour to play with her kids, clean her kitchen, and help with laundry. Usually she went in her bedroom and closed the door now I understand! !

[kimberlyb]

I'm sure you are doing better than you think. Besides, the most important thing of all is taking care of your baby and it sounds like you are rocking that I also have a crap napper so I don't have any great advice other than I baby wear a. lot. Something else that helps me is to create small lists every day of things I want to get done. It helps keep me focused and not get overwhelmed. Hang in there! It gets easier so they get older

[those3words]

I agree with PPs. Don't be so hard on yourself. You have a young baby - your floors just aren't going shine...probably not for years. Is there any way you can hire someone for some help? If not a housekeeper, what about a local late high school/early college age person to watch your son for a couple hours each week - like a regular day or two. You can use that time to take care of errands, planning, or just give yourself a break.
BTW - I'm really impressed you can make it to the gym regularly.

[weeklyplanner]

Feb 5, 2015 15:40:39 GMT -5 those3words said:

I agree with PPs. Don't be so hard on yourself. You have a young baby - your floors just aren't going shine...probably not for years. Is there any way you can hire someone for some help? If not a housekeeper, what about a local late high school/early college age person to watch your son for a couple hours each week - like a regular day or two. You can use that time to take care of errands, planning, or just give yourself a break.
BTW - I'm really impressed you can make it to the gym regularly.

[b

The gym is like therapy for me. I drag my ass there (unwilling sometimes) because I know I will feel so much better and energized. when I leave.

Thanks for the pep talk ladies. You all have some great ideas.

Also, just wanted to clarify that DH is a huge help, but somehow it makes me feel more guilty. Like I'm not pulling my weight or something. It's probably all that Catholic schooling coming back to bite me in the ass. DH is all "screw the house and cooking...just be a mom." So, I put all the pressure on myself unnecessarily. Gotta work on that!

[daisylola11]

First I want to say I so relate to you OP!! It's so hard to feel like you're doing a good job when it feels like every day you do the same thing over and over again sometimes! But I think we need to remember that we live in our houses lol it's not gonna stay clean 24/7 and doing a simple pick up (vs deep cleaning) makes a difference. I agree with making a list of tasks you would like to do either each week or day so you can check off and see that you did get things done besiiiiides taking care of your LO. All the other stuff is "bonus" right now, later it will be easier to do more. From what you wrote you are doing amazing!!!


Second of all I love you ladies I think we all should have a group hug!

[redhorizon343]

I'm in your boat! Except my husband does not help around the house and actively makes more work (throws clothes on floor next to hamper, takes out trash on the wrong day, etc.)

First, as others have said, don't be hard hard yourself.
Second, if you're like me, and that is not possible and also you're a neat freak then I have some suggestions based on how I'm pretending to keep my life together.

1. Make yourself a schedule for housekeeping. This has helped me feel more in control and given my week some structure. Every day I clean the kitchen, pick up, do one load of laundry, and do one other chore. (M= dusting, Tu= sweep & mop, W=vacuum, Th= bathrooms + trash pick up, F= Grocery shopping Sa/Sun= wild card - like washing the dog, cleaning out the car, etc.)
2. Forget about walking the dog. It's cold as fuck out. I've been keeping the dog exercised by throwing a tennis ball down the stairs. I can play with LO on the floor at the same time. She loves seeing the dog run away and come back. Everybody wins.
3. Leave the house every day. I go to the library every Monday and music class every Friday. The rest of the days I make sure just to get out. Even if it's only to starbucks.
3. The time to put the baby down for naps is now - if you're ready. There are a lot of nap methods. Read up and try different things and try whatever you're comfortable with. I did CIO for naps. Even when she just cried and didn't nap, at least I was able to empty and reload the dishwasher while I waited.

This is what works for my super type-A personality.

Baby is a big priority, obviously, and it sounds like you're happy with how you're doing there. You are a priority too, and a bigger one than the dishes in the sink. Hang in there!

[shevacc]

When I first got married I joined Flylady.net. She sends out a ton of motivational and reminder emails helping you develop daily routines around home maintenance that work for you. It really helped me, but it's not for everyone. Maybe try it out and see if it's for you? The biggest change for me was "doing it now". Putting the dishes in the dishwasher when dirty, not just on the counter. Washing the dishes right away, not leaving them for later. Putting stuff away instead of dumping it wherever I am. It helped a ton since when I pick up as I go along much less mess accumulates and I feel less overwhelmed by it. I used to be really lazy so this was a big change for me.

I either hold or babywear DS during naps so I totally get that. If I'm sitting anyway I try to at least spend a few minutes planning while he naps. Then I can play on here guilt free. On Fridays I meal plan since Saturdays we do our shopping and errands. We only grocery shop once a week. That encourages me to plan and helps our budget.

For meal planning, it really depends on your status quo. Maybe think about what you ate for the last two weeks and also what your family's favorite meals are. Over the years I've had theme nights (one pasta dish, one soup, one stir fry every week) to make planning easier. I've worked from a list of favorites. I've also worked from the sale ads. Recently we subscribed to Fresh20 for some new ideas.

You can do this! Just start somewhere. You don't need to change everything at once. You've got this!

[redhorizon343]

Feb 5, 2015 17:50:39 GMT -5 shevacc said:

When I first got married I joined Flylady.net. She sends out a ton of motivational and reminder emails helping you develop daily routines around home maintenance that work for you. It really helped me, but it's not for everyone. Maybe try it out and see if it's for you? The biggest change for me was "doing it now". Putting the dishes in the dishwasher when dirty, not just on the counter. Washing the dishes right away, not leaving them for later. Putting stuff away instead of dumping it wherever I am. It helped a ton since when I pick up as I go along much less mess accumulates and I feel less overwhelmed by it. I used to be really lazy so this was a big change for me.

I either hold or babywear DS during naps so I totally get that. If I'm sitting anyway I try to at least spend a few minutes planning while he naps. Then I can play on here guilt free. On Fridays I meal plan since Saturdays we do our shopping and errands. We only grocery shop once a week. That encourages me to plan and helps our budget.

For meal planning, it really depends on your status quo. Maybe think about what you ate for the last two weeks and also what your family's favorite meals are. Over the years I've had theme nights (one pasta dish, one soup, one stir fry every week) to make planning easier. I've worked from a list of favorites. I've also worked from the sale ads. Recently we subscribed to Fresh20 for some new ideas.

You can do this! Just start somewhere. You don't need to change everything at once. You've got this!

I do copymethat.com for meal planning. It's kind of time consuming to get started on it, but once you're up in running meal planning is easy. And a lot of recipe sites have a copy me that link so you don't need to input the recipes manually. Lets you put recipes on a calendar, exports a grocery list, etc.

[weeklyplanner]

shevacc. You hit the nail right on the head. I totally procrastinate or let things sit and stress over doing it. Working on doing it right away would probably be a great skill for me to practice. Also, theme nights during the week for dinner is a great and simple way to get started with planning meals. Thanks!

[gingy]

I totally felt like this today. I felt like there were so many things to do, but I had no motivation to do them. I knew I was going to half ass anything I did, so I convinced myself it wasn't worth bothering to do anything. Then I felt like a big lazy ass for not doing anything. So I spent the whole day with a big case of the woe is me's. I definitely had an image in my head of what SAHM would be, and it is like a million times harder on every level than I thought, especially when you don't have one of those babies that just sit in their bouncy chair for hours like some people claim. I think as long as you have a good mix of productive vs nonproductive days, you're good.

I feel the same way about having H do stuff. But then, I think I don't get any more or less time to myself than he does. We're both doing things we don't want to do, and that's kind of just the season were in. It's not going to be like this forever and I'm slowly reconciling the vision of SAHM and the reality of it. And I'm sure just when I figure out how to do everything, that will be the day I get my BFP for LO #2, and I will be right back in this spot again!

All this to say I think you're totally normal and in good company. Also, can you teach me how to make myself go to the gym. I'm tried of being fat, but I don't want to participate in any activity that is going to reverse it.

[weeklyplanner]

Feb 5, 2015 21:44:33 GMT -5 gingy said:

I totally felt like this today. I felt like there were so many things to do, but I had no motivation to do them. I knew I was going to half ass anything I did, so I convinced myself it wasn't worth bothering to do anything. Then I felt like a big lazy ass for not doing anything. So I spent the whole day with a big case of the woe is me's. I definitely had an image in my head of what SAHM would be, and it is like a million times harder on every level than I thought, especially when you don't have one of those babies that just sit in their bouncy chair for hours like some people claim. I think as long as you have a good mix of productive vs nonproductive days, you're good.

I feel the same way about having H do stuff. But then, I think I don't get any more or less time to myself than he does. We're both doing things we don't want to do, and that's kind of just the season were in. It's not going to be like this forever and I'm slowly reconciling the vision of SAHM and the reality of it. And I'm sure just when I figure out how to do everything, that will be the day I get my BFP for LO #2, and I will be right back in this spot again!

All this to say I think you're totally normal and in good company. Also, can you teach me how to make myself go to the gym. I'm tried of being fat, but I don't want to participate in any activity that is going to reverse it.

I basically pick 3 gym classes and treat them as nonnegotiable. I love my Saturday am class, so that's actually fun to go to. The other two are just "meh," but I go because it's an not really a choice. Also, it gives my week structure. If I'm planning other things like LOs swim lessons or a library story time, I won't sign up for ones that conflict with the gym. Just make it a habit. And, I highly recommend classes at the gym. If I had to go and just work out alone, I'd probably never get there and I definitely wouldn't be lifting as much weight as I do. I need to be pushed!