TTCAL Check-In 4/19

[doodler]

The Trying to Conceive After a Loss thread is posted once a week (generally on Tuesday) for those of us who have unfortunately experienced a loss. No matter what type of loss you've experienced, from miscarriage to stillbirth to the loss of a child, it is heartbreaking. This thread is to help us commiserate, get support, and to try to navigate trying to conceive after a loss every week.

Out of respect to all the ladies here, please add a trigger warning if you decide to talk about any living children and please hide your signature if it contains pictures or tickers of babies or children. We also kindly ask for grads to refrain from commenting in this thread.

**If this is your first check-in, and you would like to provide a gtky loss history intro go for it. If not, no worries!**


How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched):

Diagnosis (if applicable):

Updates/questions:

Debbie downer (a place to vent):

QOTW:  Pretend that money, education, time, etc..are not an issue:  What is your dream job?

[caer]

How are you doing? Not great.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTA

Diagnosis (if applicable): unexplained IF/AMA

Updates/questions: I updated last week about my RE appointment. RE said we could TTC when my beta was > 5. I had blood taken that day and it came back at 5.13. So she had me come back yesterday for another test. I got my results yesterday and they fucking went UP. Just to 6.3 but still up. RE claims this can happen when the levels are so low (she said they can "bounce around") but I'm still freaking out that something is wrong.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm just feeling really sad. I was so excited yesterday for my beta, absolutely convinced that my level would be under 5 and I could move on from the physical aspect of this. It was really crushing to hear the number went up.

QOTW: Pretend that money, education, time, etc..are not an issue: What is your dream job?
Something with horses, I think. I wanted to make it my career when I was younger but life happened. I would like to be a trainer or instructor.

[doodler]

caer I'm so sorry! When will they test again?

How are you doing? Not good. Yesterday was my bday. You might remember the obnoxious "friend" that I have who always made rude comments after my losses. Well yesterday I had my last blood draw for the loss. I walk into the OBGYN and GUESS who was there with her husband. Yup, she's pregnant. Then I left there and went to the grocery store. I end up running into a friend who got pregnant at the same time as me and was wearing her 3 week old. I should have one of those. Then when I went home and told DH he basically acted like I was being a jerk for getting upset about both things. Whatever.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched. My last blood draw was yesterday and hopefully I will be cleared to TTC. However, see below for other updates. We're going to wait until we meet with the RE on May 6 before doing anything.

Diagnosis (if applicable): Unicornuate Uterus, AMA, RPL

Updates/questions: I posted on the main board about it, but I was diagnosed with Unicornuate Uterus on Friday. WTF. I'm at a loss and literally feel like my whole world is just spinning now. I'm anxious to speak to the RE about it and hopefully settle myself down about it.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I think I have vented enough above.

QOTW: Pretend that money, education, time, etc..are not an issue: What is your dream job? I want to be a teachers assistant for kids with severe disabilities. No more writing IEP's, no more dealing with parents, no more bullshit. Just working with and helping the kids who need it the most.

[peaseblossom55]

caer, I'm sorry about the betas I hope they stay low going forward.
doodler, Happy belated birthday! I am so sorry you had to run into those situations it sucks. I'm so sorry.
How are you doing? I am doing ok.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): Me: PCOS DH: inversion

Updates/questions: IUI went great on Saturday 72.9 million sperm 65% motility. I go in on Friday for a u/s to check on any cysts and progesterone blood work. So in the meanwhile I just wait.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): None really I am trying to stay optimistic and hope this IUI works for us. I don't want to have to decide on switching RE's. I just want our rainbow baby. This Sunday we are going to a memorial ceremony at the hospital where we had Anne.liese where they honor babies lost in 2015.

QOTW: I would have been a dancer or actress professionally on Broadway. I didn't have the guts to really try to make it.

[wannabmama]

caer I'm so sorry. I'm actually at the doc right now getting betas drawn to make sure they're going down right. I took an hpt this weekend and it didn't register so I hope this is almost behind me. Everything takes so damn long and there are so many appointments and it just doesn't end.
doodler that's rough, both the news about the unicornuate uterus and the friends with babies all over. I hope you're cleared to TTC again soon!

Have everything crossed for you peaseblossom55 !!

Status: waiting
Diagnosis: MFI, AMA
Updates/questions: waiting for my beta draw and also need to get a shot bc I'm negative blood type, whatever that thing is. I was supposed to be seen at 9 and instead I'm sitting here listening to nurses congratulate someone who just found out she's having a girl...loudly. When I checked in they asked if I wanted to pay my balance for all the u/s and blood work I had for this last IVF. No thanks...I think I'll wait to pay for the privilege of losing my baby at least until I'm not here literally testing to make sure it's over. I haven't had any bleeding or anything yet, I know it's coming...probably right when I get to work or on my way to dinner with my 5mo pregnant friend.
I just really hope we can start up soon!
Debbie downer: I've been holding it together ok but get hit suddenly with sadness. Oh, and if MH complains one more time about how long it's been since we've had sex, he might be living in his car from now on. I'd like to point out that the boy has had plenty of, er, other releases courtesy of wife of the year...so he should zip his mouth.
Also...why does the fertility waiting room have a magazine called "countdown" (to your baby) in the waiting room?!

QOTW: I'm with you caer I'd run a horse farm! I'd run a nonprofit bringing kids out to work and ride...board and train horses and riders and rescue horses and kids

[caer]

doodler - thank you. They retest on Thursday, mostly because we're leaving for vacation on Saturday. Happy belated birthday. I'm so sorry that it was a difficult day. I'm also sorry about the diagnosis you received. I imagine that must be scary and overwhelming to hear. I hope your RE can provide you with some comfort about moving forward. (((Hugs)))

All the things crossed for you peaseblossom55! I'm glad the IUI went well.

I've been thinking of you wannabmama. I hope the blood test and your body allow you to move on physically. I hate this so much for you. (((Hugs)))

[daystardreams]

caer I'm sorry. It sucks to have to wait.

doodler I'm sorry you had to deal with those situations. You definitely aren't just being a jerk for getting upset.

peaseblossom55 Everything crossed for you!

How are you doing?: Good

Status: TTC, WTO

Diagnosis: RPL, MTHFR, PCOS

Updates: none

Downer: Eh, not this week.

QOTW: Stay at home mom, I always said I wanted to work with kids or animals. I'm a preschool teacher now which is definitely where I want to be since being a stay at home mom isn't really working out for me.

[ellabee]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr post fail. I wrote up a big post tagging everyone and then for some reason it wouldn't let me post.

[ellabee]

Take 2....

I'm so sorry about the betas caer. Hopefully Thursday's results will make more sense. How utterly frustrating.

doodler - happy belated birthday! Boo for running into people you'd rather not see. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Fx for good numbers from your draw.

peaseblossom55, so many fingers crossed for your IUI round. It's so special that your hospital honors lost little ones with an event like that. I'll be sending squishy hugs and peaceful thoughts your way this Sunday.

So many hugs for you wannabmama. I also hate how there isn't a way to avoid all the expectant people and babies in the OB waiting room. It's like salt in the wound. Fx your draw comes back with good results.

Glad you're doing well this week daystardreams!

[ellabee]

How are you doing? I’m doing alright. I wouldn’t say I feel good, but it does feel nice to not feel shitty…if that makes sense.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Still benched. AF where the heck are you??

Diagnosis (if applicable): None. CP, MMC.

Updates/questions: I’m 37 days out from my d&c. I had a whole bunch of EWCM about 10-15 days ago. I’m hoping AF will show in the next few days. I really really really want to be able to move onto a new cycle. I need this fresh start.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Went to my bffs baby shower over the weekend. Had to endure lots of “what about you’s”. I’m trying to cool my anxiety over not getting AF yet. I’m trying so hard focus on the future with optimism.

QOTW: Pretend that money, education, time, etc..are not an issue: What is your dream job? Something arts & craftsy, like cake decorator, or woodworker. Or scuba diving instructor.

[wannabmama]

I hope AF shows soon ellabee don't you just wish there was a way to get a status update on what's going on in our bodies?!?

[hydrangea1019]

Hi guys

SPOILER: Click to show

doodler I'm so sorry you had all of those triggers on your bday and H wasn't very supportive. Sending you love, ((hugs)), and happy belated birthday wishes
peaseblossom55 FX so hard for you this cycle!!
wannabmama im sorry your stuck waiting at the obgyn. I honestly find the most insensitive staff at my obgyn and it makes my blood boil sometimes. I hope you can be seen soon so you can get the heck outta there!
caer that's so frustrating! ((Hugs))I'm so sorry your numbers keep bouncing around. Do you have another beta scheduled?

How are you doing? I'm good. I was teetering on only 'okay' for a while. But I'm good today
Status: TTC- WTO
Dx: MFI probably
Updates: no real updates. Just chillen through this cycle until my period comes next and I'll schedule my next test. H is waiting to confirm O this cycle and then he'll schedule his second SA
Debbie downer: yesterday a friend posted on fb about how awful it was to be however many weeks pregnant. Then of course, I click on the comments and read all her friends commenting about how awful it is.... Blah blah blah. I was thisclose to commenting, but didn't.
QOTW: stay at home mom. Even as a child, all I ever said I wanted to be was a mom.

[doodler]

peaseblossom55 good luck girl! I have all the things crossed for you!
@wannabemama all the hugs. It sucks so bad to go back for HCG monitoring. There are so many triggers.
ellabee I really hope your period comes soon. I know the feeling about just wanting to move on and get a fresh start. Lucky me, I had two periods this month! That has never happened before, ugh.

[doodler]

hydrangea1019 I just did all that testing. Good luck dear. I only know a few of my results so far. The rest I will get at my next RE appointment.

[peaseblossom55]

wannabmama, Sorry you are still going in fore beta monitoring. I hope they drop and you can start up again soon. Will be a FET or do you need to do another ER?
daystardreams, I really hope your goal of being a SAHM comes true soon
ellabee, I hope you get your period soon
@samrs22,TTC post loss can be so hard. That is awesome you are working towards your dream career!
hydrangea1019, I hope this cycle goes by quickly. Nothing saddens me more than people complaining about pregnancy. I would do anything right about now to be pregnant.

[wannabmama]

peaseblossom55 will have to do the whole thing over again. I only had five eggs at ER and two were discarded before ICSI. So I'm freaked out that we have egg quality issues on top of everything else. Once I'm 38 (next month) my doc does PGS testing usually...since we have had a couple early losses, I'd like the testing in theory but I'm nervous with so few eggs too. So many questions for my RE...

[RajahMD]

*lurker*

@wannabemama, the shot is called Rhogam. You must be Rh negative. The shot is to prevent you from forming an antibody to a specific protein in the Rh family. It'll help prevent complications with future pregnancies should those babies have the protein on their blood cells.

Feel free to page me if you have any other questions about the shot or blood types. Blood banking is part of my residency training.

[RajahMD]

Also, *hugs* to you all.

[peaseblossom55]

Apr 19, 2016 9:11:28 GMT -5 wannabmama said:

peaseblossom55 will have to do the whole thing over again. I only had five eggs at ER and two were discarded before ICSI. So I'm freaked out that we have egg quality issues on top of everything else. Once I'm 38 (next month) my doc does PGS testing usually...since we have had a couple early losses, I'd like the testing in theory but I'm nervous with so few eggs too. So many questions for my RE...

Sorry you have to go through the whole process again. I'm worried I have egg quality issues too. It sucks. I hope your RE can answer your questions and come up with a good plan. 

[ellabee]

Glad you're doing well hydrangea1019! Hope all the testing is as painless, quick and easy as it can be!

@samrs22, I also need to try to be less controlling about TTC... I just can't help it, I'm so type A. When we started trying I was all like, I'd prefer to be 9 months pregnant in the winter then the sweltering summer. Fast forward 11 months and I'd just like the universe to bless me with a healthy baby. Looking back, I feel sorta ridiculous and sad that I was so naive about what a struggle TTC could be.

[kayladawn91]

caer I'm sorry for the mindfuck your body is giving you. Hugs.

doodler I'm sorry you ran into two upsetting situations. And I'm sorry your H didn't seem to understand why you were upset.

peaseblossom55 I have everything crossed that this cycle leads to your rainbow! The memorial ceremony sounds nice, I hope it goes well for you.

wannabmama sending so many hugs, I'm sorry for the day/experience you're having.

daystardreams I'm glad you're having an okay week!

ellabee yay for feeling a little better this week! Hope AF shows up soon! The waiting stinks.

@samrs22 I hope your mindset involving TTC makes more sense to you soon (if that makes sense...)

hydrangea1019 I'm glad you're doing good today! I have a coworker on FB who complains about pregnancy all the time. It stings for sure.

[kayladawn91]

How are you doing? Good

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTA

Diagnosis (if applicable): N/A

Updates/questions: 2 days until my wisdom tooth extraction! I've been running a fever on and off from the infection so I'm not currently temping but, based on the last year+ of temping, I'm confident that O will hold off for another week and a half. So once I'm recovered from this surgery we should be back to TTC and we can hopefully have a chance this cycle!

Debbie downer (a place to vent): My sisters' pregnancies have been upsetting me a lot lately. I've distanced myself from family events the last few weeks. I usually see my family about once a week but now I haven't seen them since Easter. All the pregnancy and baby talk is too much for me to deal with right now.

QOTW: Teaching really is my dream job! But i would love to it without all of the politics surrounding education.

[peaseblossom55]

kayladawn91, I'm glad the wisdom teeth are coming out Thursday. I'm sorry that even being with family now, is an upsetting trigger.

[ellabee]

Woohooo! Good luck on Thursday kayladawn91! I hope all goes well and that you can squeak some timing in this cycle!

[Rama]

How are you doing? Pretty good today, so far

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): T?TC

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, EP

Updates/questions: Just as I hit CD60, I started getting what I assume is fertile CM. So I've put off Provera for now and we'll see if I'm being dumb.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): None today

QOTW: Pretend that money, education, time, etc..are not an issue: What is your dream job? SAHM. I've never wanted anything more. When my hypothetical kids got older, we could volunteer at places like food banks and soup kitchens, etc. Being a mom is and has been my dream job since my little sister was born when I was 5.

[wannabmama]

I'm so glad you're getting those suckers out kayladawn91 and especially since you can TTC this cycle too!

Rama I so hope your cycle gets going on its own for you!

[caer]

daystardreams - I'm glad you're in a good place right now!

I really hope AF is here soon ellabee. This waiting stuff is the actual worst. Also, I literally could have written everything you said about being type A in this process. I kind of hate who I was a year ago when I thought this would just be "boom, baby!"

(((Hugs))) @samrs22. Like others have said, TTC is so hard if you're type A by nature. I hate how much of it is out of my control.

hydrangea1019 - I go back on Thursday for another blood draw. I feel like a human pin cushion! I'm sorry about the FB post. I struggle to be sympathetic to pregnancy complaints right now too.

Good luck with the extraction kayladawn91! I hope it all goes as smoothly and easily as possible and you can put it behind you soon.

FX that you will O soon Rama. Your post about your dream job made me tear up. I hate how hard this is and how unfair it can be. (((Hugs)))

[ellabee]

Everything crossed that this is going to be it for your cycle Rama!

[ladytiffany24]

caer, I'm so sorry. FX that number gets down below 5 soon.

doodler, You deserve all the hugs. I'm so sorry.

GL peaseblossom55!

wannabmama, Sounds like H deserves a night or two on the couch!

daystardreams, Yay for having a good week.

ellabee, FX AF shows up soon!

@samrs22, Add me to the people that need to be less controlling about TTC. I'm finding my sex life with H is not very exciting because I'm so crazy about the process.

hydrangea1019, Glad to hear you're having a good day!

kayladawn91, Why am I so excited for your wisdom tooth extraction?! lol. hope it goes well!

Rama, FX that the fertile CM is the real deal!

[ladytiffany24]

How are you doing? Today I'm good

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): CP with last BFP

Updates/questions: We were cleared to TTC this cycle and it looks like my body is actually with the program. Pretty sure I O'd on Sunday or Monday. Waiting on a couple more temps for FF to confirm.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): Just sick of seeing pregnant women everywhere and a bunch of celebs announcing their pregnancies.

QOTW: Pretend that money, education, time, etc..are not an issue: What is your dream job?
I'm sort of a celeb gossip fanatic, so I'd love to work for some sort of entertainment TV show where I got to interview celebs all the time. I think it would be so much fun and feed into my unhealthy obsession with what is going on in the world of celebrities. That's my selfish one. The more giving side of my heart would want to be a mental health counselor.