I need opinions on a preschooler problem

[mrsmuq]

DS1 will be 4 in June. He's in preschool two half days a week with 13 other kids. He's known about half the kids for 2-3 years now. The last few weeks (basically since we brought DS2 home), he's been having difficulty socially at school.

We've had a few mornings where he didn't want to go at all. He's had three different boys now get physically agressive with him. He's retaliated against two of them. I am aware that he also has a sharing problem, both with toys and people (he doesn't like to share grandpa, his best friend, his brother, etc.). Two of the three boys have a behavioral issue that we (the other parents) are aware of because the parents themselves have mentioned it. One child is getting help, the other is not. 

Today DS1 came home with a bite mark on his hand (I didn't notice til we got home), and told me no one plays with him.

I know, he's only 3 still. He could be embellishing. His teachers are very attentive and didn't mention the bite. I assume they did not see it.

I am concerned about him socially - that he isn't playing with other kids, that he's being excluded, that other kids are physically aggressive and he won't tell them no, won't stand up for himself, won't tell an adult.

I am waiting for a callback from the teacher.

Thoughts? Opinions? WWSAHMD?

[mishy2010]

Apr 19, 2016 14:30:46 GMT -5 mrsmuq said:

DS1 will be 4 in June. He's in preschool two half days a week with 13 other kids. He's known about half the kids for 2-3 years now. The last few weeks (basically since we brought DS2 home), he's been having difficulty socially at school.

We've had a few mornings where he didn't want to go at all. He's had three different boys now get physically agressive with him. He's retaliated against two of them. I am aware that he also has a sharing problem, both with toys and people (he doesn't like to share grandpa, his best friend, his brother, etc.). Two of the three boys have a behavioral issue that we (the other parents) are aware of because the parents themselves have mentioned it. One child is getting help, the other is not. 

Today DS1 came home with a bite mark on his hand (I didn't notice til we got home), and told me no one plays with him.

I know, he's only 3 still. He could be embellishing. His teachers are very attentive and didn't mention the bite. I assume they did not see it.

I am concerned about him socially - that he isn't playing with other kids, that he's being excluded, that other kids are physically aggressive and he won't tell them no, won't stand up for himself, won't tell an adult.

I am waiting for a callback from the teacher.

Thoughts? Opinions? WWSAHMD?

I'm of the mindset to let the kids work it out amongst themselves. I don't see anything wrong with mentioning to the teacher what DS is telling you so that she can keep an eye out. Otherwise, I would just keep communicating with DS and teach him what he should do if someone is mean to him.
DD has had issues with being passive when another kid is being aggressive with her. I just tell her to get away from them and tell an adult.

[Deleted]

I think its one of those things you have to keep repeating to him to absorb and he will as he gets older- retaliation is not OK (hitting etc.) and that he needs to get a grown up or say no I don't like that.

I had a child with a lot of issues in DS's class. I mentioned it to the teachers, and they already knew about it, but they made every effort to work with the child and make us more comfortable.

[brachysira]

Well, I think it's reasonable to talk to the teacher and I would be concerned about "no one plays" but I would also assume it is an exaggeration. I'm sure the teacher can provide insights, your call will help her pay more attention to the violence issues, and she will probably do more to help your son integrate into play situations. You can ask her if your son is safe or might he be feeling victimized or something and as long as she assures you, I'd let it go for now.