Planning for Birth

[ashleysyn]

I know it's still really early for most of us, but has anyone started thinking about what type of plan they'll have for their birth? 

This is something that I have been thinking about since probably September. It was discussed with intended parents so I could be confident that I matched with someone who had the same views as I did, then we had to go through almost every scenario when we drafted our contract.

Our ideal plan would be a midwife-assisted hospital VBAC with both parents and my husband present.  However, we might only be allowed 2 people in the L&D room, so this could get tricky. I would like to avoid another C-section because I hated the recovery compared to my vaginal delivery, and it would mean only 1 person in the room with me.  I want to see both parents meet their baby for the first time.

I should be a good candidate for a VBAC since the only reason I had a C-section with my twins was because they were transverse/breach.  My daughter was an uncomplicated vaginal birth.  I just bought the Hypnobabies home study program to start preparing again.  I highly recommend it to anyone, whether you plan on going unmedicated or not.

What are your thoughts so far?

[kleigh]

ashleysyn Will your hosp let you rotate visitors? Just thinking.. I was in the delivery room for my sisters birth last year and she was allowed three people. Her husband stayed the whole time and then me, another sister, and my mom all rotated. My thought was if only two are allowed maybe your H can stay there with the wife for most of it and just have H switch out with Intended father toward the end. I am def gonna check out that book you recommended!

Afm, most of my expectations went out the window when I found out we were having twins. I think I just realize that more can go wrong, there's a bigger chance I'll need a c-section, and that I need to be more open and flexible than I originally was thinking. My OB will attempt natural (if I want) even if one baby is breach (I don't remember what he said about transverse). My OB is the same OB that I watched deliver my sisters baby last year so even though it's my first (and second) I have a level of comfort (hoping I get him for delivery) and trust in what he's comfortable with - he did EVERYTHING in his power to give her the VBAC she so badly wanted, there were a lot of scares but ultimately after an intense emergency-or-not ride she delivered a healthy girl naturally as she hoped for.

If possible, I would like to deliver naturally and hopefully without pain medication using meditation and breathing techniques. However I think I heard that with multiples they require you to have pain med and deliver in OR in event of emergency c-section. If I can deliver naturally, I'd like my husband and one sister there. My mom will want to be there (as will sister who I watched deliver) but they tend to show their fear and anxiety on their face and my mom will drone on and on and try to tell the Drs what to do because "she had six kids without pain medication, she knows childbirth" lol.

[ashleysyn]

kleigh, I will have to talk to my midwife about it. I am hoping that since these are kind of special circumstances they'll allow one more person. There were 12 people in the room when I delivered the twins (far cry from the home birth I had planned!) I don't see why 3 people plus a midwife and a nurse couldn't work for this one.

And I'm not sure that I knew you were expecting twins. Congrats! And yah, birth plans definitely change. It took me a very long time to come to terms with my change in plans. I hope you get as close to the birth as you hope!

[aggiebug]

I hope for an ob guided hospital birth with an epidural. I don't have high expectations I will do what is best for the 2 of us as guided by my medical team. I am pretty vocal and knowledgeable so I don't forsee being pushed into a plan I don't agree with or think is too aggressive, but I also trust them.

[kleigh]

Apr 27, 2016 15:28:45 GMT -5 aggiebug said:

I hope for an ob guided hospital birth with an epidural. I don't have high expectations I will do what is best for the 2 of us as guided by my medical team. I am pretty vocal and knowledgeable so I don't forsee being pushed into a plan I don't agree with or think is too aggressive, but I also trust them.

Love your response!

[ClassyMrsA]

I'll do what I did last time. Ob will deliver baby. I'm hoping to make it without an epidural again, but I know things happen and I might want it this time. I also hope I'm not induced so I can take a shower if I want and not have to roll around the IV thing with me everywhere. One thing I'm changing is that only DH will he with me for delivery. My mom was there last time which was fine but I really want it to just be us this time.

[calindi]

I did really well with managing my pain with breathing, without any training, last time until the epidural kicked in. It was a great experience, and I hope to have a similar birth.

The biggest part of our plan is what to do about DS, especially if it's another middle-of-the-night thing (I realized it was the real deal at 11pm but told no one so DH and my Mom would sleep some, and we left the house at 1am, DS was born at 11am). We live easily 20 minutes or more from any of our friends who we'd feel comfortable asking to come over and stay here so we wouldn't have to wake DS. So while those friends are our primary plan (either drop off with the SAHM wife if it is daytime or have the husband come over and sleep in our guest room if it's nighttime and then he'd bring our kid to his wife in the morning until my parents can fly in later that day), we also need another backup plan, so we may ask our neighbors. They're sweet and would likely be willing to help. It's just one of those things when you miss living near family. Thanks military life haha.

[cookswithwine9]

Apr 27, 2016 15:28:45 GMT -5 aggiebug said:

I hope for an ob guided hospital birth with an epidural. I don't have high expectations I will do what is best for the 2 of us as guided by my medical team. I am pretty vocal and knowledgeable so I don't forsee being pushed into a plan I don't agree with or think is too aggressive, but I also trust them.

This is also my plan.

[sophiegrace]

*loss mentioned*

I have no clue. With my loss I was induced and spent 72 hours in labor high off my ass to the point where I couldn't tell you where I was and why I was in so much pain. I eventually got taken back for an emergency D&E because of blood loss and fever.

So I guess I'm absolutely terrified of the whole how to get the baby out part. starbuck27 recommended a really great book awhile ago that I skimmed, but fully need to read. And I'll take any and all suggestions. I'm not concerned about interventions, I won't even bat my eyes at a c-section. What I'm worried about is the fear and how I'm going to control that. And I want to be coherent enough to know what's happening. I'm not sure if any of this means I should toss out any idea of a birth plan or make a stricter one. I'll definitely be following this to see what everyone else is planning.

[aggiebug]

sophiegrace have you thought of hiring a doula? They are they for you and you alone (OK maybe for your H too) they help you focus on controling pain and you fear. Many will offer support before, help you come up with a 'plan' be an advocate for said plan and be a go between for you and the doctor. Many will even come after birth to help you sort out your feelings about your birth experience. They definitely aren't for everyone but with your history you may find one incredibly valuable.

[sophiegrace]

Great idea aggiebug! Thank you so much!

For the STM+, how much would you say the hospital staff affected how well you were able to stick to your original plans? In your experiences do they generally seem to be good support system?

[rory5280]

I have been thinking about this too. I am planning for an OB assisted delivery with an epidural. With my son, my husband and my parents were in the room. My husbands family waited outside. I loved having my parents there. My husband is amazing but not really an "under pressure guy" he tends to clam up and get a little anxious. I really felt that my parents took charge and kept things calm and soothing for me. Prior to delivery I was pretty certain it would be just my husband and I but as things progressed it just felt right to keep them in the room.

So I would like to have them in the room again but I need to talk with my h. I don't think he minded one bit, I've gotten the impressions his parents gave some guilt for my parents being in the room and not them. So we'll need to see. I can honestly care less what they think but they put my h in the middle a lot and I don't want to do that to him if I can help it.

[peanutmuse]

I was hoping to be able to at least try for a VBAC. Unfortunately, an unexpected laparotomy at ~10 weeks squashed that idea. Repeat c/s for me.

[tallblonde]

Mostly focused on what to do with our son so far. We have neighbors in our building that maybe we could have come over until my mom could arrive (45min). Otherwise she'd be on the hook for daycare pickup.

I tried to go without the epi last time and got to 8 and then got it and it was time to push. I think I'd get one again a little earlier, but I hope I get a different anesthesiologist, he had to do it twice and could feel the spot on my spine for weeks.

[aggiebug]

Apr 27, 2016 19:14:47 GMT -5 sophiegrace said:

Great idea aggiebug! Thank you so much!

For the STM+, how much would you say the hospital staff affected how well you were able to stick to your original plans? In your experiences do they generally seem to be good support system?

I had DD and will have this LO in a hospital with an incredible reputation. And it lived up to it. The staff was so kind and just plain wonderful. They made our life easier from beginning to end. Having only had that experience and an uncomplicated birth I have nothing at add to the contrary. However when we ended up back in the hospital with DD at 3 days old we were at a different hospital and it was auch newer and nicer facility however the experience was awful. The nurses kept contradicting each other. It took constant hounding to get things done and the lc wouldn't listen to me and it was just plain stressful.

Generally what I have heard is the baby friendly hospitals can be incredibly difficult on mom's. While the intent is good the execution isn't always. (refusing formula, refusing to take baby to the nursery is mom is overwhelmed and needs some rest etc). So ask questions of friends and other moms that gave birth there now about their experiences. Have upfront discussions with the hospital now (you can take a tour and ask questions) that way you can be prepared. <- this is another place the doula might have great feedback. Personal experiences at local hospitals as well as being there to push for what you need.

[buckyb]

Apr 27, 2016 19:14:47 GMT -5 sophiegrace said:

Great idea aggiebug! Thank you so much!

For the STM+, how much would you say the hospital staff affected how well you were able to stick to your original plans? In your experiences do they generally seem to be good support system?

The nurses at my hospital were very supportive. I wanted a med free birth and changed my mind after getting stuck at 9.5 cm. They offered suggestions and gave me time to confirm my change of plan.

My plan is to try for med free again but I will be open to other options depending on how labor goes.

[LizInFL]

Apr 27, 2016 16:13:47 GMT -5 tgrimes1980 said:

Apr 27, 2016 15:28:45 GMT -5 aggiebug said:

I hope for an ob guided hospital birth with an epidural. I don't have high expectations I will do what is best for the 2 of us as guided by my medical team. I am pretty vocal and knowledgeable so I don't forsee being pushed into a plan I don't agree with or think is too aggressive, but I also trust them.

I feel the same way.  I'll be happy as long as I can get an epidural at some point.

+1. (2?) Just give me the drugs and I'm good. 

eta: DH will be there, and hopefully my mom (Dad or my aunt could watch DS). Mom was there when DS was born and I really was glad to have her. 

[sweetmelissa5]

rory5280, I can understand not wanting your H to get grief from his parents, but the birth is about you and what will make you more comfortable, so it makes complete sense that you would want your parents in the room and not his. Do whatever you need to do to get the birth you want; hopefully your husband will understand and support you in this.

[sophiegrace]

Such wonderful responses, thank you! I think I need to start remodeling myself now into thinking about a positive upcoming experiences, because it seems like some of you had wonderful births. Thank you for sharing.

[sweetmelissa5]

I'll most likely be induced, which will actually be kind of nice since it will give us a definitive date to have my mom here to watch the rest of the kids. Last time, things happened so quickly that my husband was still home with the older kids when I gave birth (it didn't help that my mom was rear-ended on her way down). I had an epi with the first three, but didn't have time with the last one; I'm thinking that with an induction I'll most likely want the drugs again. Other than that, I don't really have any particular plans.

[sophiegrace]

ashleysyn I wonder if your doctor would be willing to make an exception for you as far as room occupancy barring any complications. Maybe a long shot, but wouldn't hurt to ask to come to an agreement ahead of time? Once again...you're awesome.

[sophiegrace]

Apr 27, 2016 22:00:47 GMT -5 tgrimes1980 said:

There is no way in hell I'd let my mother in the room while giving birth.

Just me?

+1 times infinity.

[calindi]

Apr 27, 2016 19:14:47 GMT -5 sophiegrace said:

Great idea aggiebug! Thank you so much!

For the STM+, how much would you say the hospital staff affected how well you were able to stick to your original plans? In your experiences do they generally seem to be good support system?

A good nurse is worth her/his weight in gold.

I don't think I ever was at risk of interventions besides the epidural that I planned on and some pitocin when it stalled my contractions. But when we first checked in, my nurse told me NPO (nothing by mouth) even when I explained repeatedly my blood sugar felt low and no, not GD but I had a history of hypoglycemia and passing out. Sure enough, I did. The next nurse that came with the shift change allowed me to have popcicles and told me I could take Tums for my horrible reflux from lying in the hospital bed. She made the experience so much more pleasant, and she guided me through laboring down and pushing.

So nurses can make the difference between a good and bad (or at least less pleasant) experience.

My personal philosophy is the word "plan" when it comes to birth is an oxymoron - there's so much you can't plan. But "preferences" are important, just I think referring to them as such might help philosophically approach any changes to the process that you may not have anticipated. It may help mitigate disappointment if it doesn't go exactly as hoped.

I thought I'd labor in the shower and walk through contractions and roll on a yoga ball. I did none of that. I preferred not to be stuck in the bed when planning my labor - in the actual moment, I wanted the epidural ASAP and if that meant laying in the bed then fine by me! Small potatoes in my case but still.

[ClassyMrsA]

Apr 27, 2016 19:14:47 GMT -5 sophiegrace said:

Great idea aggiebug! Thank you so much!

For the STM+, how much would you say the hospital staff affected how well you were able to stick to your original plans? In your experiences do they generally seem to be good support system?

I managed to have the epidural free birth I wanted despite being asked constantly if I was sure I didn't want one. I'm glad I had my mom there to help me stay strong and say no every time they asked. But the nurses there said they had either a) never seen someone actually not get an epidural or b) hadn't seen one in a very long time. I guess they didn't believe me when I kept saying no or thought I was being stubborn despite wanting one? It is also one of the newest hospitals in my area and is very small so they don't have a high number of births.

Aside from ignoring my request to merely be told I could have an epidural and then left alone unless I asked for it, I'd say they honored our requests and were very attentive. I was extremely worried about complications both during and after birth and they really helped ease my anxiety. I never felt alone or like I was asking stupid questions. I'll probably be at a different hospital this time since I'm moving an hour away from where I live now, but if I wasn't I'd go back there for this one.

[aggiebug]

Apr 27, 2016 22:00:47 GMT -5 tgrimes1980 said:

There is no way in hell I'd let my mother in the room while giving birth.

Just me?

Add me to that list. I love my mom but only H will be in that room with me!

[ClassyMrsA]

Apr 27, 2016 22:00:47 GMT -5 tgrimes1980 said:

There is no way in hell I'd let my mother in the room while giving birth.

Just me?

I'm kind of in the middle. I loved having my mom there while I labored and right up until I started to push. She and DH took turns breathing with me, letting me squeeze their hands, etc. It also allowed DH to take breaks and get out of the hospital. He hates hospitals and really hates being trapped in them. He did really well being there for 2.5 days straight, but he needed the chance to go outside periodically and didn't want to leave me alone. I get along well with my mom so it worked for me. If it had been my MIL, hell no.

That said, I thought I'd want someone who would look and see how I was doing during the actual birth. Turns out, I didn't need that and now I'm disturbed that my mother saw it. DH is extremely squeamish so I know I don't have to worry about him peeking. I'm cool with just nurses and drs being up in there and they can tell me where the baby is...or I'll feel it.

[goldenlove3]

I think my mom is expecting to be in the room with me. I'm still deciding. It might be comforting to have her there but I also like the idea of only me and H in there. I guess we'll figure that out when the time comes.

As for a birth plan, I haven't really thought about all the details but I'm planning on using a midwife at the hospital. I'd like to go as natural as possible but I'm not totally against an epidural if I need it.

[ashleysyn]

Apr 27, 2016 21:27:36 GMT -5 sophiegrace said:

ashleysyn I wonder if your doctor would be willing to make an exception for you as far as room occupancy barring any complications. Maybe a long shot, but wouldn't hurt to ask to come to an agreement ahead of time? Once again...you're awesome.

My first appointment with my midwife is May 10 and it'll probably be the first question I ask. Then of course at the hospital tour, but ultimately I think it'll be her say.

And I agree with the others about hiring a doula. I've never had one, but have heard phenomenal things about the support they can give.

As for the hospital support, like the others have said it really depends on your hospital. Or which nurses you get even. Some shifts during our births were better than others depending on which nurses were on and assigned to us. Some are AMAZING, and worth their weight in gold like someone else mentioned. And others... not so much.

[shedreamsincolor]

If an ideal world, I would really hope to have a similar labor/delivery to what I had with DS. It was an unmedicated, uncomplicated vaginal delivery. I had been in very early labor for 2 days before (didn't know it at the time, but looking back it's obvious) and when active labor started it was 8 hours start to finish. The ONLY reason my birth was unmedicated was because of how quick it was. I asked for an epidural after I was fully dilated (lol) and they said no. I have no problem with alternative methods of pain management either and this time around the place I'm delivering offers nitrous which I will definitely use!

It will be me, DH, and hopefully a doula for the birth, same as last time. I recommend doulas to everyone but especially if you are planning for an unmedicated birth or if your labors tend to be prolonged and your partner will need someone to tag off with.

I am also hoping to do a water birth this time, which we planned for last time but my labor progressed too quickly after getting to the hospital.

I deliver with a midwife group who have full OB GYN backup in house if I end up needing an unplanned C section.

ETA: Team no way in hell would my mom be in the room

[cookswithwine9]

I don't know who I want in the room with me. My mom and I are very close but she doesn't function well under pressure or stressful situations. My sister does... So maybe her? Or maybe just H and I. I think it will become clear once we get closer.