I have a short one. Today my MIL is on her way to our house. She wants to spend the weekend. We both found out by her calling and saying she left at 3am this morning. I am assuming there is some family drama and she needs to get away... But really? Call first.
DS1 went to spend the day with the IL on Wednesday and came back bleeding out of his eyebrow. When I called MIL and asked what happened she said that "he split it open a few hours ago, but it NBD". I'm the first one to admit that kids get hurt, but tell me!!!
hconner3 She should definitely call first! When my in laws lived closer, it would be pretty normal for me to get home from work on a Friday afternoon and them be in my garden or doing something in my house. ILs need to learn boundaries sometimes!
twaffle She definitely should have called. As a teacher, my rule is always "if I am not returning your child looking like they did when you brought them to me, you will get a call."
My rant is that my ILs are coming in town this weekend to help paint the baby's room and the room we are using as a playroom. While I am super grateful for the help, I know my OCD isn't going to like them having free reign of the house. Plus I know DH isn't going to let me help much. Like I said before, they kind of have boundary issues. My favorite story is when my FIL was going around my house vacuuming my CEILING because we hadn't cleaned it well enough before their visit. I already have the feeling that I will be in for a SUPER fun weekend.
Post by sunshyneshay on Jan 22, 2015 7:44:15 GMT -5
We went over to my in laws last night, and per usual, FIL was drunk cause he always is by 5-6pm. Our 10 month old nephew just learned how to walk and we were all watching him dance to music DH had playing on his phone. Of course FIL has to keep trying to talk to me/tell me some dumbass story over everyone from across the room so I can't continue to watch our nephew because I don't want to be rude and ignore him. Like STFU you drunk idiot, I don't care to listen to you trying to be an AW over your grandson. I swear if he does some of this shit with our son he isn't going to like me very much.
My MIL is so overbearing sometimes. H and I work opposite work schedules so the only time we are able to spend together are Sundays (all day) and Monday evenings after I get home from work. MIL acts like she is going to die if she doesn't see us every other week or so. We are going over for dinner this Monday and I'm already dreading it, like when I have free time I want to spend it with my H, not my in-laws. This will be the first time we've seen them since Christmas so I did succeed in putting our visit off for awhile but I had to finally give in.
@ashtastic I don't get along with my M at all. I never tell her when I'm in town. She has borderline personality disorder, and dealing with her is just a struggle. However, I have been trying to include her more for the baby. I'm close with my MIL too but she lives 8 hours away. I consider my step mom my mother.
sunshyneshay I feel your pain, that's exactly how my FIL is except his stories are always perverted or blonde jokes. It's seriously disgusting. STFU because I don't want to hear the newest and trashiest joke you heard at work today while I'm trying to talk to the family. I told DH that I don't want our son to hear any of that shit once he's here. Classless...
My MIL asked me if my mother and sister would mind scheduling my baby shower around her spring break so she could fly in to be here; she's a teacher in Georgia. So being as sweet as they are, of course they booked the venue and planned around her break. MIL sent me a text yesterday to say that she wasn't going to make it because she and her boyfriend scheduled a vacation together instead but wanted me to send her the "most expensive item that I need that no one else will buy me" so she can send me the money for it. WTF. It's not about the gifts or the money. But thanks anyway.
My inlaws live on a lake in Alabama, I'm in Ohio. They are mostly great. However they keep trying to say they are coming up beginning of June to meet the baby (which is fine) and take my 9 year old home with them for a couple weeks so I can rest. That's not ok with me. She goes for a couple weeks every summer but she does swim team year round now and would have to give up summer swim to go in June. She can still go end of July/early August but they think she should come in June. Plus my husband will be going back to work and my daughter would be a huge help with the dog and help keep me company. She is so excited about the baby she doesn't want to leave right after he is born. I talked to her about it, if she wanted to go we would allow it, but she doesn't.
I'm not afraid of them wearing us down or anything, we've made up our mind, it's just become really annoying when I hear my mil on the phone with my daughter trying to talk her into it.
Post by Starbuck128 on Jan 22, 2015 10:09:54 GMT -5
Mine is from my own family a few weeks ago. My brother, grad student and 30 this year, came to visit for a week. My parents bought him the plane ticket and he stayed at their house. My mom was so thrilled to have her baby home again. *eye roll*
I invited my brother out to lunch with DS and me, and then out to the park. My mom overheard and invited herself along. We agreed on a time, which was 30 minutes after DS's usual lunch time, but my brother likes to sleep in so it had to be later. Fine, whatever.
DS and I show up on time as planned and my mom says my brother is still asleep and come back later. We leave and come back, and by the time my brother is ready, it's an hour and a half past DS's lunch time and he's really cranky about it. As a result, I'm really cranky.
I snapped at my mom when she started dragging her feet about finally leaving the house, and she snapped back and got this defensive attitude about how we needed to be more accommodating to my brother's sleep schedule. Um, no. He's a grown man who can wake up at a reasonable hour every day. He can also be responsible enough to be ready on time for any appointments he makes. I'm tired of him acting like a child and my mom being all giddy that she still gets to baby him.
Post by linegirl313 on Jan 22, 2015 10:28:57 GMT -5
FIL and his fiancee have more money than anyone I know. For Christmas, most of the clothes they gave LOs were from consignment shops. When I tried to return them to Baby Gap (as many of them were too small, which they would know if they visited more often), the cashier said that some of them were from four years ago.
Post by brittneysandra on Jan 22, 2015 10:32:17 GMT -5
So My Mom and MIL are planning my baby shower together...Im not involved at all except for people who I want invited and I did mention places I didn't want the shower, ex. At a house or hall..Just my preference... ANYWAYS .. My Mom and me are very close and she called me and said that my MIL suggested having it at MY HOUSE ...... How can I have a surprise shower at my own house? I would never want that ever! And than she says: "Well Brittney wants a shower at a place and not a home, which will cost me more money and that means I won't be able to get her the crib that she wants thats $600 so that will be less presents for the baby".... 1. I never ever asked for a $600 crib? where the fuck did that come from? The one I want is $200 2. Are you saying I'm selfish and a bad mom because I want it at a place & not my home? (a place would make it possible to invite more people) 3. I never asked you to buy me anything, in fact I said throwing the shower would be plenty 4. I hate you.
Post by rocksforludo on Jan 22, 2015 10:56:43 GMT -5
beebe918 This is also our continuing struggle with my MIL. I was not at all prepared for the way the MIL relationship would change after our having a baby and her retiring. She went from seeing us at holidays and maybe a dinner here or there to wanting to be at our house with DD every other weekend. We both work full-time and the weekends are the only time we have to see friends, do projects around the house, prepare for baby #2, or just spend time as a family on our own.
Starbuck128 My mom and brother (also 30) have the exact same dynamic....buying him plane tickets, babying him when home, etc. She tried to make me switch around my work schedule by multiple days at Christmas so I could drive him from where I live to where she lives because the flights into the airport where I live are cheaper. I told him and her that I was saving up PTO for baby and to get his ass a Megabus ticket if he wanted to leave two days before we were driving down. It makes me crazy.
sunshyneshay And that's why I'll stop complaining right now - I'm pretty lucky all considering. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
beebe918 This is also our continuing struggle with my MIL. I was not at all prepared for the way the MIL relationship would change after our having a baby and her retiring. She went from seeing us at holidays and maybe a dinner here or there to wanting to be at our house with DD every other weekend. We both work full-time and the weekends are the only time we have to see friends, do projects around the house, prepare for baby #2, or just spend time as a family on our own.
Yes, things really changed when she retired. Dreading to see how the baby affects things. My SIL is also local and has 2 kids. MIL is at her house several times a week, that will not be us!!
rocksforludo I should be used to it by now, but he annoys the hell out of me!
No, I totally get it. I find it nearly impossible to just smile and nod when people are acting like assholes. It really hard to figure out what the right thing to do is when they're a family member who is always going to be around. Do you just ignore the behavior and feel like you're letting them get away with it? Or do you call them on it and create drama? I recently called my MIL on some of her passive-aggressive behavior and it blew up over the holidays. I'm now back to trying to stay out of her orbit as much as possible and just let DH deal with his side of the family. But I can't avoid her forever...
rocksforludo I should be used to it by now, but he annoys the hell out of me!
No, I totally get it. I find it nearly impossible to just smile and nod when people are acting like assholes. It really hard to figure out what the right thing to do is when they're a family member who is always going to be around. Do you just ignore the behavior and feel like you're letting them get away with it? Or do you call them on it and create drama? I recently called my MIL on some of her passive-aggressive behavior and it blew up over the holidays. I'm now back to trying to stay out of her orbit as much as possible and just let DH deal with his side of the family. But I can't avoid her forever...
I'm sorry you have to deal with this crap too! i hate the saying "When you marry someone you marry their family too" but it is kinda true!
Post by veganontuesdays on Jan 22, 2015 11:35:48 GMT -5
Mine is about my FIL. I love this man but he is so bad at actually being apart of the family. He and my H's mom got a divorce when he was 8 years old and he was pretty nonexistent throughout H's childhood. He has remarried and his wife is wonderful but she has a son the same age as my H and the effort they put into THAT relationship is definitely different than the effort that is put into my H. It's almost February and we haven't done Christmas with the FIL yet (they live about 2.5 hours from us and WE make the drive so there is no excuse). It's funny though because they had the time to drive 14 hours to spend ONE day with his wife's son for Christmas... HELLO!? So frustrating because even though he denies it, it really hurts my H's feelings which makes me stabby because he is such an incredible man.
A little back story: I have never spent time alone with my MIL. My DH and I moved across country, and she insisted she come and visit to see our DS who turns one on Tuesday (GREAT! We'd be happy to have her!).
She then schedules herself a "race" while she is here in town and says "If I'm going to come 'cross country, I might as well have something to do while I'm there" (as if spending time with DS and us isn't enough). She then decides she is only staying at our house for two nights (the night she gets into town, and the following night) because it's "more convenient" for her to stay downtown (which is a good 30 minutes from where we live) so she can sight-see (Okay, that's fine...). BUT - when she gets here, she doesn't book a rental car. She expects us to drive her back and forth every where she wants to go (including stopping by the store every night so she can buy herself a bottle of wine). Then, on my DH's only day off from work, she expected him to get up at 4am, drive downtown to pick her up from her hotel, and then drive another 20 minutes to drop her off at the airport. Oh, and the icing on the cake?! She expected me to wake DS up and put him in the car so she could say "goodbye" to him at the airport. IF SEEING HIM WAS SUCH A PRIORITY - YOU WOULD HAVE SPENT MORE TIME WITH HIM!!!!
Post by purpleroses on Jan 22, 2015 12:11:55 GMT -5
Renarene, your ILs sound a lot like mine. They got in their head that we were all going to go on a family vacation this year -- me, DH, DS, my BIL and his family, and my MIL and FIL. We hadn't announced I was pregnant yet when my FIL sent out an email about rental places he had found in the Dominican Republic. They wanted to go in February, when DS will be around 23 months. We travel a lot, but have never taken him out of the country or on a flight longer than 3-4 hours. But, what really got me about the email was that my FIL said we all needed to respond ASAP so he could proceed with making plans and I don't recall anyone ever having asked me if I was even interested in going on a vacation with them this year, much less flying 7+ hours out of the country with a 2 year old, etc. Luckily since we already knew about the pregnancy, we just said can't swing the amount of vacation time (the places he found had a minimum 8 day stay) and weren't prepared to take a 2 year old on that sort of trip.
Well, fast forward several months and through several follow-up conversations in which my husband clearly told them different variations of the vacation weren't going to happen, but they still kept talking about it and pressing us to give them input on a trip we had already said we didn't want to go on and that was not going to work for us. Among other reasons, we don't take a ton of vacation every year and I run my own legal practice, so most of my "vacation" this year will be for maternity leave after the LO comes. I pretty much did the same thing the year DS was born, so none of this should be a new concept to them. They're also coming to visit us the first week in March and will undoubtedly be back a couple of other times this year after the LO is born, so it's not like this was the last and only opportunity for them to see us and spend time with us. During a recent phone call, my MIL finally said in a snippy tone "well, I guess we aren't going on vacation before the baby is born!" I wanted to congratulate her for finally catching on.
They did this a lot with our wedding too -- we would have a conversation that, from our perspective was resolved, but then a few weeks later they would bring it up as if we still needed to make a decision and get back to them. DH and I aren't shy about being straight with them, so I can assure you it's not a communication issue. They just seem to think that the way to get their way is to keep ramming the same concept down our throats over and over again (actually the worst approach for getting me to agree to anything). I can't wait until DS is old enough for them to try to enlist him in this game.
purpleroses (I hope I did that tag right! My first time! Lol). Anyways, they do sound a bit alike! Luckily mine aren't typically that pushy! I did find out from my sil that they were planning a big family vacation and she told them we should wait until the baby is a little older. First I was hearing of a family vacation! Lol. We had to miss the one to Germany because I was 8 months pregnant. They were planning it before we got pregnant so not their fault we missed! I do wish now that I would have insisted my husband went without me.
Renarene, your ILs sound a lot like mine. They got in their head that we were all going to go on a family vacation this year -- me, DH, DS, my BIL and his family, and my MIL and FIL. We hadn't announced I was pregnant yet when my FIL sent out an email about rental places he had found in the Dominican Republic. They wanted to go in February, when DS will be around 23 months. We travel a lot, but have never taken him out of the country or on a flight longer than 3-4 hours. But, what really got me about the email was that my FIL said we all needed to respond ASAP so he could proceed with making plans and I don't recall anyone ever having asked me if I was even interested in going on a vacation with them this year, much less flying 7+ hours out of the country with a 2 year old, etc. Luckily since we already knew about the pregnancy, we just said can't swing the amount of vacation time (the places he found had a minimum 8 day stay) and weren't prepared to take a 2 year old on that sort of trip.
Well, fast forward several months and through several follow-up conversations in which my husband clearly told them different variations of the vacation weren't going to happen, but they still kept talking about it and pressing us to give them input on a trip we had already said we didn't want to go on and that was not going to work for us. Among other reasons, we don't take a ton of vacation every year and I run my own legal practice, so most of my "vacation" this year will be for maternity leave after the LO comes. I pretty much did the same thing the year DS was born, so none of this should be a new concept to them. They're also coming to visit us the first week in March and will undoubtedly be back a couple of other times this year after the LO is born, so it's not like this was the last and only opportunity for them to see us and spend time with us. During a recent phone call, my MIL finally said in a snippy tone "well, I guess we aren't going on vacation before the baby is born!" I wanted to congratulate her for finally catching on.
They did this a lot with our wedding too -- we would have a conversation that, from our perspective was resolved, but then a few weeks later they would bring it up as if we still needed to make a decision and get back to them. DH and I aren't shy about being straight with them, so I can assure you it's not a communication issue. They just seem to think that the way to get their way is to keep ramming the same concept down our throats over and over again (actually the worst approach for getting me to agree to anything). I can't wait until DS is old enough for them to try to enlist him in this game.
My IL's do that too! It's like if they don't get the answer they want, they think they can try again later and hope we don't remember what we already said? My DH insists it's just them being spacey and getting older but I don't think so.
Post by SassyPants150 on Jan 22, 2015 13:42:23 GMT -5
Why do my ILs always call to Facetime at like 8:30-9:00? Then FIL acts all butthurt that he can't see DD. It now makes sense why she's cranky as fuck when she comes home. She clearly gets sleep deprived and off schedule at their house.
I have complained about my mother in other threads. She just sucks, I ask her to come out her and offer a plane ticket and she can't come out here because she doesn't have the money. She also calls me every day because she is afraid I am going to die because of my incompetent cervix. She tells me during these phone calls all of the things I shouldn't be doing but when I say if I had help I wouldn't have to do any of it she changes the subject.
Added family drama, my cousin is on his 4th baby mama, he has a 20 year old son with baby mama 1. She was underage at the time and didn't want to admit to her mom who the father the her baby was because he was a family friend so she claimed my cousin was the father. My family took the girl and the baby in and have raised him as our family member, everyone now knows the truth but his is still my aunt's first grandson. Baby Mama 2 he was with for a while and they have 17 and 16 year old daughters, they have split custody. Baby Mama 3 was a friend of mine they have 9 and 7 year old sons, that relationship is crazy to say the least. He cheated on her and there maybe a baby mama 4, she is 19 years old and my sister can not confirm if she graduated high school last year or if she is a senior this year but we don't know if he is the father and he is denying everything.
No offense: but this reminds me of the video that someone posted on TB where the guy is like "why are they locking up condoms in the stores? They should be giving them out for free!"
Renarene, your ILs sound a lot like mine. They got in their head that we were all going to go on a family vacation this year -- me, DH, DS, my BIL and his family, and my MIL and FIL. We hadn't announced I was pregnant yet when my FIL sent out an email about rental places he had found in the Dominican Republic. They wanted to go in February, when DS will be around 23 months. We travel a lot, but have never taken him out of the country or on a flight longer than 3-4 hours. But, what really got me about the email was that my FIL said we all needed to respond ASAP so he could proceed with making plans and I don't recall anyone ever having asked me if I was even interested in going on a vacation with them this year, much less flying 7+ hours out of the country with a 2 year old, etc. Luckily since we already knew about the pregnancy, we just said can't swing the amount of vacation time (the places he found had a minimum 8 day stay) and weren't prepared to take a 2 year old on that sort of trip.
Well, fast forward several months and through several follow-up conversations in which my husband clearly told them different variations of the vacation weren't going to happen, but they still kept talking about it and pressing us to give them input on a trip we had already said we didn't want to go on and that was not going to work for us. Among other reasons, we don't take a ton of vacation every year and I run my own legal practice, so most of my "vacation" this year will be for maternity leave after the LO comes. I pretty much did the same thing the year DS was born, so none of this should be a new concept to them. They're also coming to visit us the first week in March and will undoubtedly be back a couple of other times this year after the LO is born, so it's not like this was the last and only opportunity for them to see us and spend time with us. During a recent phone call, my MIL finally said in a snippy tone "well, I guess we aren't going on vacation before the baby is born!" I wanted to congratulate her for finally catching on.
They did this a lot with our wedding too -- we would have a conversation that, from our perspective was resolved, but then a few weeks later they would bring it up as if we still needed to make a decision and get back to them. DH and I aren't shy about being straight with them, so I can assure you it's not a communication issue. They just seem to think that the way to get their way is to keep ramming the same concept down our throats over and over again (actually the worst approach for getting me to agree to anything). I can't wait until DS is old enough for them to try to enlist him in this game.
My IL's do that too! It's like if they don't get the answer they want, they think they can try again later and hope we don't remember what we already said? My DH insists it's just them being spacey and getting older but I don't think so.
I gave my MIL the benefit of the doubt for a long time because she does seem to forget things and get things mixed up a lot. For example, she'll tell me that she did xyz based on something DH told her, and I'll recognize it as a conversation I actually had with her, but she has everything backwards from what I said. She'll insist I'm wrong if I politely try to say, "I think maybe we told you we were going to do that, but on the following day." I've wondered if there are some early signs of something going on there, but I've also noticed over time that she's just not a very good listener and/or tends to hear what she wants.
MIL had a cough for 3 weeks. Apparently been calling in sick to work (she's on a VERY limited income...) and hasn't gone to the doc.
She didn't tell any family. Both me & SIL are pregnant and asthmatic. (i'm 24 wks, she's 34.) SIL went over there on Saturday and got coughed on the whole time, ended up leaving early as MIL was clearly sick.
Monday rolls around and MIL texts us that she is going to take a leave of absence because she is "really sick. my chest hurts. lots of cough." Um, NO. You can't just ask for a leave of absence. You have to get a doctors note - dumbass.
In our group texts back and forth, we determine that: 1) she's been sick for 3 weeks 2) she called one doctor friend for advice, he gave an RX for a muscle relaxant. 3) she called another doc friend for advice, he gave an RX for Tramadol (pretty strong pain killer) 4) she is unclear if she is on antibiotics or not (WHAT? At this point, she is whacked out from her muscle relaxant, pain killer, and regular Xanax...) 5) her regular doctor, also a friend, said she could fit her in for a checkup on this coming Saturday.
I respond that she should get her ass to urgent care for a chest xray as NONE of that medicine (as we aren't even sure she's taking antibiotics...) treat a cough or chest cold symptoms. as a 64 yo woman with many health concerns that she doesn't take care of, this could be the death knell if she doesn't get it taken care of.
She caves, finds another friend (she's a widow who lives 30 miles from us by choice) to take her to urgent care. Doc eval, chest xray.
Then she calls me to PROUDLY say, "you were right! I have PNEUMONIA!" WTF. Then we can't figure out from her what antibiotics she is on, when she goes back to the doc, and how long she has to be out of work...
My sister in law looked on the bright side of things: If she still has a cough come delivery - they won't let her into the hospital to visit!
No specific in law rant today. I just despise MIL. She's here right now playing with DD and just hearing her voice makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a pen
ETA: you complain you don't get to see DD enough (at least once a week for a couple hours)-maybe you should stop texting almost the whole time you are here!! That's why she doesn't want to play with you. And no, she doesn't want to take any more pics to send to daddy. He sees her every day. Stop annoying her and maybe she would like you
A little back story: I have never spent time alone with my MIL. My DH and I moved across country, and she insisted she come and visit to see our DS who turns one on Tuesday (GREAT! We'd be happy to have her!).
She then schedules herself a "race" while she is here in town and says "If I'm going to come 'cross country, I might as well have something to do while I'm there" (as if spending time with DS and us isn't enough). She then decides she is only staying at our house for two nights (the night she gets into town, and the following night) because it's "more convenient" for her to stay downtown (which is a good 30 minutes from where we live) so she can sight-see (Okay, that's fine...). BUT - when she gets here, she doesn't book a rental car. She expects us to drive her back and forth every where she wants to go (including stopping by the store every night so she can buy herself a bottle of wine). Then, on my DH's only day off from work, she expected him to get up at 4am, drive downtown to pick her up from her hotel, and then drive another 20 minutes to drop her off at the airport. Oh, and the icing on the cake?! She expected me to wake DS up and put him in the car so she could say "goodbye" to him at the airport. IF SEEING HIM WAS SUCH A PRIORITY - YOU WOULD HAVE SPENT MORE TIME WITH HIM!!!!
This is so rude, and bitchy of her. I agree that she should have had her priorties in order.
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.