Announcing at a Wedding?

[kate61487]

What are your thoughts on telling friends at a wedding?  Is it thunder-stealing?  I'm not meaning, like, in the middle of a MOH speech or something, just verbally telling those guests you're close to.  

We've got back-to-back wedding weekends right at 13/14 weeks, one with friends, one with family, so it seems a good time to tell those who will be in attendance whom we don't see often, but we could try to do it separate from the actual festivities if saying something at the wedding itself seems selfish.

In other news, my uncle, who I only see like twice a year, will be in town with his wife and four daughters the same weekend we'll be OOT for one of the aforementioned weddings, so I'm majorly bummed that I'm missing my opportunity to tell him in person / tell my whole family at once.

[mrsmuq]

Don't do it.

Yes, announcing your pregnancy at another person's party, especially a wedding, is thunder-stealing.

[kelle017]

If you do it quietly I don't see the big deal but I still don't know if I would do it.
My cousin announced via facebook the morning of my wedding that she was pregnant (and the pee stick wasn't even dry) and although I'm sure people talked about it I don't feel as if she stole my thunder.

[mishy2010]

My first pregnancy was announced at a family wedding. Not by myself. It was DH's cousins wedding which he was in and the cousin told us we weren't allowed to tell any extended family that we were expecting until after they were married. I was 14 weeks by then so after the ceremony DH's grandmother told everyone she could since she was pissed cousin wouldn't let us tell people before. It was awkward.

I would spread it quietly before the wedding just so people don't bombard you at the reception and take attention from the couple. TBH I wouldn't have noticed if someone made a pregnancy announcement at my own wedding and it wouldn't bother me.

[akraus2015]

We went to a wedding last weekend with all my college girlfriends. They knew we were trying and noticed immediately that I wasn't drinking. Someone called me out before dinner was even over. I don't think the bride even noticed, she was busy being a bride. We didn't make a big deal of it, and she was definitely the one everyone was focused on all night.

[rivers and roads]

We are going to a good friend's wedding this weekend and will be together with a bunch of our friends for the first time in about 8 months/the last time for the foreseeable future. It would be awesome to announce to them, but we will not do it at the wedding. Possibly at the hotel after party, and that's only if the bride and groom are gone for the night. It's their day, we've had ours already.
I'm sure a friend or two might be suspicious/ask how TTC is going. I'll brush it off until after the wedding festivities. If anyone asks after that, I'lll answer, but definitely not during the wedding.

[alwaysnc4me]

Nope, nope, nope.

[EatsRitz]

My SIL announced her pregnancy at my son's christening, and I was annoyed enough by that. Just don't take someone else's event and make it about yourself.

[dreadpiratebuttercup]

I think it's poor form to announce at someone else's party, especially a wedding. I would either quietly tell over the phone/email/whatever before the wedding weekend, or wait until the weddings are over.

[empireceo]

Thunder stealing. Absolutely don't do it.

[apunicorn]

Yeah, i wouldn't do it during the wedding. Maybe the next morning if there's any sort of gathering? I would have hated someone to drop a bomb like that during my wedding.

[kellybenelly83]

absolutely not. Its their day, let them have it.
Make personal phone calls after the wedding to those you want to tell. Thats it.

[auchick913]

Sorry, I think it's tacky.

[piperhalliwell]

I agree with most that I don't think you should tell at someone else's big event. Maybe the day after, but I don't even know that I would do that personally.

[danabsd]

I told friends at a wedding with my second. The bride and groom weren't even around, but all of our close friends were, I would far from consider it thunder stealing. I didn't make a big deal just --
"You, want a drink?"
"Nah, I,m KTFU B."

[skylark002]

I think it's different telling friends at a wedding vs. telling family. Family would always be thunder stealing. Friends frankly care less, so it's not as much of an "announement." I personally wouldn't do either though.

[britterrss]

I would seriously not do that ever. Coming from a former stressed out bride, that would be so upsetting to me as a bride. It's their one day - you could tell those people any other day. I'd suggest waiting until after the wedding is over or trying to arrange a brunch the next day with those you feel need to know.

[mellymel15]

I wouldn't. My SIL was pregnant with my niece at our wedding, but waited until a week or two later to tell us and my husband's side of the family. I really appreciated that. If family and friends notice you're not drinking and say something, that's one thing, but I would be hesitant to do anything that would potentially take attention away from the bride and groom on their big day.

[lazyreader]

I would not have given a single blink to think someone was "stealing my thunder" on my wedding day.
So I'm on the side of, depending on the bride/groom and how you tell people (quietly vs OMG IM KTFU) I see no issues. Just maybe not do it when people are supposed to pay attention to the wedding events.

[leahks77]

I'm going to a wedding at 12 wks, and it's going to be with all my favorite wine drinking ladies. There is no way they wouldn't notice and comment. And no excuse would work. When I'm not pregnant, I looooove my wine. I'm going to try to tell that group beforehand, either in person or by message, and also ask them to not make a big deal at the wedding. I would rather tell them intentionally than have them suspect and ask and then freak out on the wedding day.

[kh59]

I think it really depends on who is getting married, what your relationship to them is, and who you are telling. Like a couple of PPs, I would seriously not have minded one bit and would have loved the opportunity to congratulate a friend or family member on a pregnancy in person. If I were in your shoes, though, I would probably choose to tell a couple of weeks before the weddings. I don't like to have to hide such a big part of my life from the people I care about (and I'm crappy at it), but then you'd be separating your news from the couples' big days. Another consideration is that, depending on you and your body, it may or may not be easy to conceal your twins at 14 weeks.

[musicalsilver]

Jul 10, 2015 6:14:58 GMT -5 apunicorn said:

Yeah, i wouldn't do it during the wedding. Maybe the next morning if there's any sort of gathering? I would have hated someone to drop a bomb like that during my wedding.

I wouldn't do it during the wedding.

We went to a wedding last pregnancy around the time we were telling folks.

We told the bride/groom (DH's cousin that he's super close to) the night before, and told her we weren't going to be stealing her thunder or anything.  We waited to tell a few family members until the morning following the wedding when folks were on their way out.  The cousin had no issues with how we handled it as far as we know.

[bravolebrity]

I wouldn't announce at someone else's event. FWIW- even if the bride and groom wouldn't mind, you would still probably get some side-eyes from other guests.

[redfraggle]

I agree with others that you would be stealing thunder and come off poorly, regardless of the couples' feelings. Announce at a separate event, maybe dinner the night before or breakfast the next day. But don't do it at he reception or any other specific wedding event.

FWIW, I announced my 3rd pregnancy a couple months before a family wedding on FB. Apprently, very few people on that side of the family saw the announcement or took notice of any of my subsequent updates. So when I showed up with a bump, it got quite a bit of attention. I was really embarrassed to be sharing the news for the first time, even if it was inadvertent, with so many people at that wedding, even though the couple couldn't have cared less.

[notlindsrockies]

I'm actually in the same situation. H and I will be seeing his whole side of the family in two weeks for his cousin's wedding. We wanted to tell them all in person since we live in different states.

We aren't telling anyone at the wedding, but at a dinner or outing (sans-newlyweds) after the wedding. I think it's major thunder-stealing to announce at someone's wedding.

[trtlcrzy]

I wouldn't make any big announcement at the wedding. If someone came up and asked me I would tell them.

[tkford216]

I'm in the same boat in a couple weeks. I think it's *maybe* okay to spill the news (quietly and casually) the day before or the day after, but definitely not the day of and definitely not during any related festivities or in proximity to the bride and groom. I guess just feel it out. If people are going to ask and make a big stink about it because you're not drinking at the wedding, I think it's better to let them in on the secret beforehand so it doesn't become an ordeal during the event. And I think most people would understand if you say something along the lines of "We wanted you to know, but let's please keep it quiet this weekend since this weekend is about __ and __ and their big day."

[SubtleGrandeur]

Jul 10, 2015 13:01:31 GMT -5 tkford216 said:

I'm in the same boat in a couple weeks. I think it's *maybe* okay to spill the news (quietly and casually) the day before or the day after, but definitely not the day of and definitely not during any related festivities or in proximity to the bride and groom. I guess just feel it out. If people are going to ask and make a big stink about it because you're not drinking at the wedding, I think it's better to let them in on the secret beforehand so it doesn't become an ordeal during the event. And I think most people would understand if you say something along the lines of "We wanted you to know, but let's please keep it quiet this weekend since this weekend is about __ and __ and their big day."

Definitely against stealing a bride's thunder... but, I also understand the want to tell people in person.  If you feel like the wedding is going to be the only time you can tell people, then I'd take tkford's approach.  That way, you can give your good news but it keeps the focus on the couple.  There is definitely no need to gather everyone around and make an actual announcement, though.  Just be discrete and pass along the information as you're mingling or whatever.

[hham10]

Absolutely don't do it at the wedding. Quietly before or after is maybe ok.

[redfraggle]

Since others are bringing up the alcohol issue, which is pretty tell-tale, I have some thoughts. When I've been pregnant but not sharing the news at an event where I would have otherwise been likely to be drinking, here are some things I did to dodge that bullet:
I volunteered to be the DD for the night
I brought my own drinks and told people "Oh it's just a little mixer" if they asked what it was. At a wedding, you could let the bartender in on your secret and ask for a mock-tail in a regular drink glass.
I told people I wasn't feeling well and didn't feel like drinking that night or was taking a break for a NA drink
I employed either DH or another friend who was in on my secret to get me drinks and have my back if people asked