Post by crawford411 on Jul 10, 2015 13:38:42 GMT -5
I don't think arguing in front of kids is bad unless you undermine, yell, or become disrespectful. I want my kids to see that you can love your partner without always being on the same page.
Post by crawford411 on Jul 10, 2015 13:49:28 GMT -5
Also, look. I didn't have issue with you for a while kellrr (and I really still don't). But it bothers me that you instigate in various threads like UO and FFFC then never address the people that specifically try to debate with you. No one is saying that you can't be busy, but if you want to start a discussion you actually have to be willing to participate instead of just instigate and not ever address the results.
Post by applegrape on Jul 10, 2015 13:51:46 GMT -5
I absolutely argue in front of the kids, in certain situations. DH can have a really short fuse, and I make a point to call him out on it if he's being unnecessary. I think it's important for my kids to see that I recognize when DH overreacts and that I have the kids' backs. My dad would be over the top with his anger, and my mom just sat there and let my dad turn into this angry monster because she didn't want to upset him more. I lost respect for both of my parents because of this.
We save arguments over money, politics, in-laws, and all the other stupid shit for after the kids go to bed.
Ok are we talking about disagreements between couple ie I am mad because mil is butting in our lives or lets say is Bernie Sanders a better candidate than Hillary? Because I think of both as diff situations. I wouldn't do the first in front of my kids but I would certainly debate the second in front of them. I do not mind them seeing healthy debate, but not personal disagreements between a couple.
So many rules. On PB and FB. Rules blow. If you don't follow the rules, you will be HATED!!!! NOOOOOO!
kellrr I've always liked you. I'm an old school reg who has shit on the floor AND used TP to break it up in the toilet so it can be flushed. BAM!
I feel like your avatar was your actual face while you read this thread
Ha! I think that IS the face I was making. I leave FB, disappear from PB and the day I decide to come back, all the haters come out to play. I picked the wrong day to see what my peeps were up to!
I think it's important to let the children see you disagree, discuss it, and come to a unified decision as to how you will proceed
My grandparents believed that you argue behind closed doors. As such my Mom and her brother never saw them disagree. When my parents got married they had a loud disagreement (::ahem:: loud Hispanic father... All disagreements are loud). My Mom was devastated and thought they were doomed for divorce because she thought married couples always agree.
On the other side: fighting in front of the kids? Like screaming, yelling, throwing things, getting physical, etc? No. With or without kids couple need to learn how to disagree and resolve conflict in constructive ways. Violent fighting does nobody any good.
Ok are we talking about disagreements between couple ie I am mad because mil is butting in our lives or lets say is Bernie Sanders a better candidate than Hillary? Because I think of both as diff situations. I wouldn't do the first in front of my kids but I would certainly debate the second in front of them. I do not mind them seeing healthy debate, but not personal disagreements between a couple.
I feel like your avatar was your actual face while you read this thread
Ha! I think that IS the face I was making. I leave FB, disappear from PB and the day I decide to come back, all the haters come out to play. I picked the wrong day to see what my peeps were up to!
When I pick up the kids at daycare, I have the baby in a snap and go stroller and carry our toddler. I don't trust our toddler to stand in a parking lot while locking in the baby so I sit him in the car seat, then lock in the baby and then go back and buckle in our toddler.
Yesterday I do my thing and pull out of the parking lot. Toddler tells me "I no get buckled mama?" I pulled into the gas station, buckled him and praised the heck out of him for being so smart.
I did the same thing at daycare the other day, but toddler yelled at me before I moved the car. That's what I get for doing it in a different order than usual. (Though I don't use a stroller).
Ok are we talking about disagreements between couple ie I am mad because mil is butting in our lives or lets say is Bernie Sanders a better candidate than Hillary? Because I think of both as diff situations. I wouldn't do the first in front of my kids but I would certainly debate the second in front of them. I do not mind them seeing healthy debate, but not personal disagreements between a couple.
Ha! I think that IS the face I was making. I leave FB, disappear from PB and the day I decide to come back, all the haters come out to play. I picked the wrong day to see what my peeps were up to!
I miss you so much dude. I am so sad. For real.
I miss you lots too. We can be IRL BFF's via FB! I miss a lot of these awesome gals including you.
I don't think arguing in front of kids is bad unless you undermine, yell, or become disrespectful. I want my kids to see that you can love your partner without always being on the same page.
This. We will argue in front of M and I don't think that arguing in and of itself is bad. If there's a bigger issue that might get emotional or turn into a big fight H and I try to wait to discuss it until he's asleep. That being said, I know we have slipped once or twice.
Oh, I have a serious one. I've been super emotional about my breastfeeding/pumping situation. I feel like all I wanted was for the breastfeeding gurus to tell me that I really did everything I could have, and it wasn't my fault and it was okay. I got that from everyone else, but not them. And now I think that they think that I wasn't doing enough.
Not that it even matters, really. But I just feel guilty and I wanted that release that it was okay. I don't really think anyone can give that to me. It has to come from me. But still.
I think that there is a difference between fighting/arguing and discussing/disagreeing/debating etc. I will most definitely disagree with DH in front of my kids at some point but that's not necessarily negative. I think that we can teach our kids that you can disagree with someone and discuss it to come to a compromise or find a solution without having to have a full on argument about it. Fighting to me is screaming, yelling, getting irrational, slamming doors etc. But DH and I have never even fought like that. We've disagreed on many things of course but never to the point screaming at each other.
Oh, I have a serious one. I've been super emotional about my breastfeeding/pumping situation. I feel like all I wanted was for the breastfeeding gurus to tell me that I really did everything I could have, and it wasn't my fault and it was okay. I got that from everyone else, but not them. And now I think that they think that I wasn't doing enough.
Not that it even matters, really. But I just feel guilty and I wanted that release that it was okay. I don't really think anyone can give that to me. It has to come from me. But still.
This makes me sad for you. I don't know, but I think it's hard for the gurus. They have taken on the role of helper and problem solver. And probably feel like that's what everyone wants from them. So switching gears to not give more advice is foreign. If that makes sense??
Oh, I have a serious one. I've been super emotional about my breastfeeding/pumping situation. I feel like all I wanted was for the breastfeeding gurus to tell me that I really did everything I could have, and it wasn't my fault and it was okay. I got that from everyone else, but not them. And now I think that they think that I wasn't doing enough.
Not that it even matters, really. But I just feel guilty and I wanted that release that it was okay. I don't really think anyone can give that to me. It has to come from me. But still.
Big big hugs friend! I know you've been struggling for a while, don't be so hard on yourself! You made it 9 months, NINE FREAKING MONTHS, that's huge!
Oh, I have a serious one. I've been super emotional about my breastfeeding/pumping situation. I feel like all I wanted was for the breastfeeding gurus to tell me that I really did everything I could have, and it wasn't my fault and it was okay. I got that from everyone else, but not them. And now I think that they think that I wasn't doing enough.
Not that it even matters, really. But I just feel guilty and I wanted that release that it was okay. I don't really think anyone can give that to me. It has to come from me. But still.
This makes me sad for you. I don't know, but I think it's hard for the gurus. They have taken on the role of helper and problem solver. And probably feel like that's what everyone wants from them. So switching gears to not give more advice is foreign. If that makes sense??
This isn't a bad thing because they are entitled to feel how they want but hardcore BF'ers probably didn't think you did all you could even though YOU DID what you could.
I'm not saying that to make anyone feel bad (you included) but unless they were oblivious to your struggles (whoever you are referring to), then they probably didn't say anything because some people believe there is ALWAYS a way to BF if you really try.
Oh, I have a serious one. I've been super emotional about my breastfeeding/pumping situation. I feel like all I wanted was for the breastfeeding gurus to tell me that I really did everything I could have, and it wasn't my fault and it was okay. I got that from everyone else, but not them. And now I think that they think that I wasn't doing enough.
Not that it even matters, really. But I just feel guilty and I wanted that release that it was okay. I don't really think anyone can give that to me. It has to come from me. But still.
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Dude I feel you. I was in your situation with my second baby. You are right the release has to come from you so just close that chapter. You did it! You did everything you could and you did a great job!! And don't even care what anyone else thinks. You do you
Oh, I have a serious one. I've been super emotional about my breastfeeding/pumping situation. I feel like all I wanted was for the breastfeeding gurus to tell me that I really did everything I could have, and it wasn't my fault and it was okay. I got that from everyone else, but not them. And now I think that they think that I wasn't doing enough.
Not that it even matters, really. But I just feel guilty and I wanted that release that it was okay. I don't really think anyone can give that to me. It has to come from me. But still.
Sigh. This really sucks. The whole bfing/weaning issue is more emotional than I ever realized. Whatever happens just realize you've already done so much for DS and remember that ultimately he is going to be 100% fine either way. I'm just barely keeping up and I'm trying to keep on keepin' on but I empathize with you. Don't feel guilty for wanting them to tell you what you want to hear. That's human nature.
This makes me sad for you. I don't know, but I think it's hard for the gurus. They have taken on the role of helper and problem solver. And probably feel like that's what everyone wants from them. So switching gears to not give more advice is foreign. If that makes sense??
This isn't a bad thing because they are entitled to feel how they want but hardcore BF'ers probably didn't think you did all you could even though YOU DID what you could.
I'm not saying that to make anyone feel bad (you included) but unless they were oblivious to your struggles (whoever you are referring to), then they probably didn't say anything because some people believe there is ALWAYS a way to BF if you really try.
I agree with this. There are people who will always tell you to BF at all costs, sacrifice your sanity for BF, etc. as someone who has weaned, it is hard, it is emotional, and I sure as hell didn't try as hard as you did to keep going. And you're right. Only you can tell yourself that you've done enough and it's okay to stop. Nine months is a serious accomplishment.
Ok are we talking about disagreements between couple ie I am mad because mil is butting in our lives or lets say is Bernie Sanders a better candidate than Hillary? Because I think of both as diff situations. I wouldn't do the first in front of my kids but I would certainly debate the second in front of them. I do not mind them seeing healthy debate, but not personal disagreements between a couple.
Personal disagreements; ie, you didn't leave work on time, and it made me late; you are supposed to get up with the baby; etc.
Oh, I have a serious one. I've been super emotional about my breastfeeding/pumping situation. I feel like all I wanted was for the breastfeeding gurus to tell me that I really did everything I could have, and it wasn't my fault and it was okay. I got that from everyone else, but not them. And now I think that they think that I wasn't doing enough.
Not that it even matters, really. But I just feel guilty and I wanted that release that it was okay. I don't really think anyone can give that to me. It has to come from me. But still.
Sigh. This really sucks. The whole bfing/weaning issue is more emotional than I ever realized. Whatever happens just realize you've already done so much for DS and remember that ultimately he is going to be 100% fine either way. I'm just barely keeping up and I'm trying to keep on keepin' on but I empathize with you. Don't feel guilty for wanting them to tell you what you want to hear. That's human nature.
The lactation gurus are what the are. You do you.
I'm literally reading these as I pump, after missing a pumping session. Solidarity. I'm just over it sometimes, and I only pump 3-5 times a week. I'm in awe of you gals that have been pumping every day all day for 6 months. I would never have made it hat long.
SS. I've been around since the early days on TD and don't belong to any other groups, but I don't post enough to consider myself a reg. I hand out love tits and try to give advice/stories when I have something worth sharing, but don't keep up with the GIFs and coffee.
And hey nicb13! I really miss seeing you around the other parts & your grounded sense of advice! I miss seeing pics of M & S too. I hope things are good with you & the fam.
Oh, I have a serious one. I've been super emotional about my breastfeeding/pumping situation. I feel like all I wanted was for the breastfeeding gurus to tell me that I really did everything I could have, and it wasn't my fault and it was okay. I got that from everyone else, but not them. And now I think that they think that I wasn't doing enough.
Not that it even matters, really. But I just feel guilty and I wanted that release that it was okay. I don't really think anyone can give that to me. It has to come from me. But still.
This makes me sad for you. I don't know, but I think it's hard for the gurus. They have taken on the role of helper and problem solver. And probably feel like that's what everyone wants from them. So switching gears to not give more advice is foreign. If that makes sense??
It does make sense. I know I just have to come to terms with it and nobody can do that for me. I don't know how to word my thoughts really.
Oh, I have a serious one. I've been super emotional about my breastfeeding/pumping situation. I feel like all I wanted was for the breastfeeding gurus to tell me that I really did everything I could have, and it wasn't my fault and it was okay. I got that from everyone else, but not them. And now I think that they think that I wasn't doing enough.
Not that it even matters, really. But I just feel guilty and I wanted that release that it was okay. I don't really think anyone can give that to me. It has to come from me. But still.
Big big hugs friend! I know you've been struggling for a while, don't be so hard on yourself! You made it 9 months, NINE FREAKING MONTHS, that's huge!
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