This isn't a bad thing because they are entitled to feel how they want but hardcore BF'ers probably didn't think you did all you could even though YOU DID what you could.
I'm not saying that to make anyone feel bad (you included) but unless they were oblivious to your struggles (whoever you are referring to), then they probably didn't say anything because some people believe there is ALWAYS a way to BF if you really try.
I agree with this. There are people who will always tell you to BF at all costs, sacrifice your sanity for BF, etc. as someone who has weaned, it is hard, it is emotional, and I sure as hell didn't try as hard as you did to keep going. And you're right. Only you can tell yourself that you've done enough and it's okay to stop. Nine months is a serious accomplishment.
You guys are great. I really mean that. I appreciate all of you
And hey nicb13! I really miss seeing you around the other parts & your grounded sense of advice! I miss seeing pics of M & S too. I hope things are good with you & the fam.
This makes me sad for you. I don't know, but I think it's hard for the gurus. They have taken on the role of helper and problem solver. And probably feel like that's what everyone wants from them. So switching gears to not give more advice is foreign. If that makes sense??
It does make sense. I know I just have to come to terms with it and nobody can do that for me. I don't know how to word my thoughts really.
And I quit about 2 months ago, felt solid about my choice but still get a little weepy wishing I was still nursing. But more often than not I know I did the right stuff for me all along.
And hey nicb13! I really miss seeing you around the other parts & your grounded sense of advice! I miss seeing pics of M & S too. I hope things are good with you & the fam.
Also, look. I didn't have issue with you for a while kellrr (and I really still don't). But it bothers me that you instigate in various threads like UO and FFFC then never address the people that specifically try to debate with you. No one is saying that you can't be busy, but if you want to start a discussion you actually have to be willing to participate instead of just instigate and not ever address the results.
Ok, I can count on one hand the number of times I've been involved in a thread like that, and if I don't respond to everyone, it's usually because someone else has made a similar point or because the conversation has moved on. I'm a trial attorney; I'm definitely not afraid of a lively, or even ugly, debate. I don't respond to name calling and I don't respond to SG77 because I don't even know her and she comes here and jumps all over my shit.
Oh, I have a serious one. I've been super emotional about my breastfeeding/pumping situation. I feel like all I wanted was for the breastfeeding gurus to tell me that I really did everything I could have, and it wasn't my fault and it was okay. I got that from everyone else, but not them. And now I think that they think that I wasn't doing enough.
Not that it even matters, really. But I just feel guilty and I wanted that release that it was okay. I don't really think anyone can give that to me. It has to come from me. But still.
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Dude I feel you. I was in your situation with my second baby. You are right the release has to come from you so just close that chapter. You did it! You did everything you could and you did a great job!! And don't even care what anyone else thinks. You do you
You rock as well. You've been supportive throughout my troubles and our babies are similar clingons.
I did say that, I was just going to lay low after the today. In any event, I would have to post and run now, and I know how awful that is. I do think it would provoke spirited debate. Oh hell, I'll go for it: DH and I fight in front of DS. I'm not happy about it, but I justify it for a couple reasons and I'm looking for a better solution. Reason 1. The baby is asleep about 1 hour of our time together most days, so we don't have time to discuss everything away from him. And if I we don't work it out then, DH accuses me of bringing up old stuff when I bring it up later, even if we never resolved it when it first came up. 2. I don't want DS to think either of us is a doormat because one of us doesn't say anything back. Like I said, I wanted to get this out there as much to get people's opinions on why you should or shouldn't argue in front your children, and also ideas on how to deal with issues that come up in your marriage without having to fight in front of your kids.
I'm all about not fighting in front of the kids. My parents fought with me literally, physically in between them a lot and it was awful. DH's parents fought a lot too. We are going to do our best to present a unified front when DD or any future kids are around. I think it's possible to temporarily concede the point and agree to discuss something later without anyone looking like a doormat.
To be fair we are both pretty easy going and don't fight often but if that changes I hope we will be able to stick to our plans on this. We've also agreed to avoid using the phrase "just wait until your dad/mom hears about this" as we feel it takes authority away from the parent saying it. A little off topic but this made me think of it for some reason.
I don't know about fighting but I think it's important to disagree in front of your kids so that they see its normal and that they can resolve it and still love eachother at the end of the day
Oh, I have a serious one. I've been super emotional about my breastfeeding/pumping situation. I feel like all I wanted was for the breastfeeding gurus to tell me that I really did everything I could have, and it wasn't my fault and it was okay. I got that from everyone else, but not them. And now I think that they think that I wasn't doing enough.
Not that it even matters, really. But I just feel guilty and I wanted that release that it was okay. I don't really think anyone can give that to me. It has to come from me. But still.
I could tell that's what you were looking for so that's why I said what I did.
I agree with this. There are people who will always tell you to BF at all costs, sacrifice your sanity for BF, etc. as someone who has weaned, it is hard, it is emotional, and I sure as hell didn't try as hard as you did to keep going. And you're right. Only you can tell yourself that you've done enough and it's okay to stop. Nine months is a serious accomplishment.
You guys are great. I really mean that. I appreciate all of you
Dude you know how I feel about all you have done! I really hope you can get to a place of peace and knowledge that you went above and beyond for DS. It does not matter if the BF gurus don't say it, you know you did all you can and then some!
Ok are we talking about disagreements between couple ie I am mad because mil is butting in our lives or lets say is Bernie Sanders a better candidate than Hillary? Because I think of both as diff situations. I wouldn't do the first in front of my kids but I would certainly debate the second in front of them. I do not mind them seeing healthy debate, but not personal disagreements between a couple.
Personal disagreements; ie, you didn't leave work on time, and it made me late; you are supposed to get up with the baby; etc.
I feel like arguing about baby duties could easily turn into arguing about child raising duties in general down the road. Which means that you could potentially be arguing about the kid in front of the kid. To the ears of a child that could sound like you are fighting because of them. They could potentially blame themselves for it, you know? Also, it can be just plain scary for a kid to hear mommy and daddy fighting. So no, definitely not cool IMO. I realize that it may never get to that point for you and I'm not trying to give you a hard time, I just have kind of strong feelings on this issue.
I'm all about not fighting in front of the kids. My parents fought with me literally, physically in between them a lot and it was awful. DH's parents fought a lot too. We are going to do our best to present a unified front when DD or any future kids are around. I think it's possible to temporarily concede the point and agree to discuss something later without anyone looking like a doormat.
To be fair we are both pretty easy going and don't fight often but if that changes I hope we will be able to stick to our plans on this. We've also agreed to avoid using the phrase "just wait until your dad/mom hears about this" as we feel it takes authority away from the parent saying it. A little off topic but this made me think of it for some reason.
I don't know about fighting but I think it's important to disagree in front of your kids so that they see its normal and that they can resolve it and still love eachother at the end of the day
And I feel that it's super important to hug or be affectionate in front of your kids too.
Oh, I have a serious one. I've been super emotional about my breastfeeding/pumping situation. I feel like all I wanted was for the breastfeeding gurus to tell me that I really did everything I could have, and it wasn't my fault and it was okay. I got that from everyone else, but not them. And now I think that they think that I wasn't doing enough.
Not that it even matters, really. But I just feel guilty and I wanted that release that it was okay. I don't really think anyone can give that to me. It has to come from me. But still.
I could tell that's what you were looking for so that's why I said what I did.
I feel like you are my notch soulmate. If that's not creepy. if it's creepy, then I'm just glad you're here.
On the topic of weaning. I am really starting to dread it and look forward to it at the same time. I've said all along that I'm done at one year and I plan to stick to that. I have nothing against anyone who weans or has weaned sooner. We've all had different experiences and live very different lives. If I were working full time I don't know how I would have ever kept up with it! In any case, I'm pretty ready to be done but I'm pushing on because I want to meet my goal and really I have no good reason to stop. Also, it has saved us a ton of money. The reason that I'm dreading it is because I've used nursing as such a crutch. I nurse DD to sleep. I nurse her when she's crying. I've let myself become a human pacifier and I'm afraid I wont know how to make my kid happy without it. But I'm also pretty excited to have a bit more freedom. So yeah, I'm pretty torn over it.
Personal disagreements; ie, you didn't leave work on time, and it made me late; you are supposed to get up with the baby; etc.
I feel like arguing about baby duties could easily turn into arguing about child raising duties in general down the road. Which means that you could potentially be arguing about the kid in front of the kid. To the ears of a child that could sound like you are fighting because of them. They could potentially blame themselves for it, you know? Also, it can be just plain scary for a kid to hear mommy and daddy fighting. So no, definitely not cool IMO. I realize that it may never get to that point for you and I'm not trying to give you a hard time, I just have kind of strong feelings on this issue.
I really appreciate this, as I had nto thought of it that way. I appreciate all the input! I need to have a sit down with DH about a way to table the argument to another time.
On the topic of weaning. I am really starting to dread it and look forward to it at the same time. I've said all along that I'm done at one year and I plan to stick to that. I have nothing against anyone who weans or has weaned sooner. We've all had different experiences and live very different lives. If I were working full time I don't know how I would have ever kept up with it! In any case, I'm pretty ready to be done but I'm pushing on because I want to meet my goal and really I have no good reason to stop. Also, it has saved us a ton of money. The reason that I'm dreading it is because I've used nursing as such a crutch. I nurse DD to sleep. I nurse her when she's crying. I've let myself become a human pacifier and I'm afraid I wont know how to make my kid happy without it. But I'm also pretty excited to have a bit more freedom. So yeah, I'm pretty torn over it.
I liked before I saw all the angst. This is exactly how I feel! Solidarity. My mom said with us, when we were done it was just easy for the babies. I think in here we only see the mom-side of it, and overlook that all the babies are fine. I totally have that lens on. I'm starting to think about weaning (more like, planning for that 1-year mark) and my first thought was to ask the LC how to do it and then I realized she'll probably talk me out of ever weaning because she BF for 2 years.
I kind of said this, but thanks to starybmrsc22crawford411applegrapepuppyspitapk4happyin14 and sweetsurprise for the thoughts on arguing in front of LO. I absolutely agree with healthy debate and problem solving skills in front of kids, anything that is degrading should never be said ever, but especially not in front of kids. It's an aspect of parenting I never anticipated; another human will be in our house all the time, and we'll have to schedule time to argue.
On the topic of weaning. I am really starting to dread it and look forward to it at the same time. I've said all along that I'm done at one year and I plan to stick to that. I have nothing against anyone who weans or has weaned sooner. We've all had different experiences and live very different lives. If I were working full time I don't know how I would have ever kept up with it! In any case, I'm pretty ready to be done but I'm pushing on because I want to meet my goal and really I have no good reason to stop. Also, it has saved us a ton of money. The reason that I'm dreading it is because I've used nursing as such a crutch. I nurse DD to sleep. I nurse her when she's crying. I've let myself become a human pacifier and I'm afraid I wont know how to make my kid happy without it. But I'm also pretty excited to have a bit more freedom. So yeah, I'm pretty torn over it.
I feel I could have written this word for word! Liked for solidarity.
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