DS is a pretty good sleeper - always has been - but since Feb/March time frame he will not go to sleep if H or I aren't sitting in his room until he does. If we leave, he cries (and gets out of bed). It's not just regular crying for mom and dad, its like "I'm scared" type of cry so I can't let him just cry, it kills me.
Anyways my parents recently moved and so DS got the small TV that was mounted in my Parent's Master Bathroom. Since we just switched providers we went ahead and had said TV mounted and hooked up in DS's room. He hasn't watch it yet or anything but I am super tempted to turn it on and set the timer for 30 min and see if that helps him go to sleep on his own. In my head - I know I shouldn't but also in my head I have the "how the hell can I sit in his room for 30ish min while he falls asleep when I will have a newborn to take care of?!!?" (this is more for nights when H is working).
I really am at a loss. I want DS to be able to go to bed on his own again (which he did for a whole year), I just don't know how to go about it without doing CIO.
I'm concerned that maternal love won't come naturally and immediately to me.
Ooh, that got a little real.
I've had this fear too. I don't like being pregnant and I am not really bonding with baby yet, so, how do I know that will magically happen just because its outside - screaming at me, hurting my nipples, keeping me from sleeping, etc. It's a little overwhelming.
I'm concerned that maternal love won't come naturally and immediately to me.
Ooh, that got a little real.
I've had this fear too. I don't like being pregnant and I am not really bonding with baby yet, so, how do I know that will magically happen just because its outside - screaming at me, hurting my nipples, keeping me from sleeping, etc. It's a little overwhelming.
+1 to all of this. This has been a source of anxiety for me lately; that baby is going to arrive and I'm not going to feel an instant connection/bond with him. It's nice to know I'm not the only one worried about this.
bibliothecary, No flaming from me. I had the same concern. And you know what? It didn't just "come to me" right after dd was born like everyone says it will. It took some time before I really felt it with her.
Agree.
This may sound weird but I feel like I love my DS more than ever right now. I have always loved him - fiercely loved him, but when they start to get their own personality, start to talk, are purposely sweet and are just these little adorable (though frustrating at times) humans - I can't really explain it, but the bond and love just grows and grows.
I'm pretty sure I am going to formula feed DD2 from the moment we leave the hospital. BFing was a huge emotional struggle with DD1 and while part of me wants to "win" at it this time, the closer I get to the end the more I just don't want that clouding my early postpartum days. The FFFC part is that I will still attempt breastfeeding in the hospital knowing full well I won't continue, just because I don't feel like dealing with judgey nurses or explaining the choice to anyone. Guts, I have none.
I'm actually pretty sure I'm going to do exactly the same thing, for exactly the same reasons. Don't want to deal with explaining the choice to nurses or doctors or family (ahem, my mom) while I'm in the hospital, but don't want to deal with the emotional and physical turmoil that came with BFing last time once I'm home. Especially since I'll also have a toddler to take care of this time. I'm getting a lot of pressure from family to at least pump, but I'm really trying to figure out how the hell I could feed/burp/change the infant, pump, and take care of the toddler by myself and still be left with any semblance of sanity.
I figure at least the kid will get some colostrum in the hospital. I might try pumping for a few weeks, but I'm not putting any pressure on myself. And frankly, when I go for my second PP check with my OB I'll probably just tell him to put me on my regular OCPs, which are not BF-friendly. So that gives me 6-8 weeks, no more (I made it 9 weeks with DS). And I'm not even sure I'll make it that long before switching completely to formula.
So, are you thinking of maybe pumping a little bit because of the pressure you're getting or because you actually want to try it? I get the impression from your post that you don't want to try it, and pumping seems to me like a lot of work to do on top of taking care of an infant and toddler just to make other people happy/comfortable with your decision. Just my 2 cents.
Post by tmclawchick on Jul 17, 2015 9:55:50 GMT -5
bibliothecary no flames here either... in fact I'm having the same fear this time around, which seems weird to me since I didn't have any issues/concerns with DS... but this time feels different and I don't know why. But I don't like it. Meh.
I do agree with everyone else that it can be overwhelming at first. Give it time and be gentle with yourself.
I'm actually pretty sure I'm going to do exactly the same thing, for exactly the same reasons. Don't want to deal with explaining the choice to nurses or doctors or family (ahem, my mom) while I'm in the hospital, but don't want to deal with the emotional and physical turmoil that came with BFing last time once I'm home. Especially since I'll also have a toddler to take care of this time. I'm getting a lot of pressure from family to at least pump, but I'm really trying to figure out how the hell I could feed/burp/change the infant, pump, and take care of the toddler by myself and still be left with any semblance of sanity.
I figure at least the kid will get some colostrum in the hospital. I might try pumping for a few weeks, but I'm not putting any pressure on myself. And frankly, when I go for my second PP check with my OB I'll probably just tell him to put me on my regular OCPs, which are not BF-friendly. So that gives me 6-8 weeks, no more (I made it 9 weeks with DS). And I'm not even sure I'll make it that long before switching completely to formula.
So, are you thinking of maybe pumping a little bit because of the pressure you're getting or because you actually want to try it? I get the impression from your post that you don't want to try it, and pumping seems to me like a lot of work to do on top of taking care of an infant and toddler just to make other people happy/comfortable with your decision. Just my 2 cents.
Nope, don't want to do it. Pumping is a huge pain in the ass. Like I said, I really have no idea how to find the time for that while taking care of a toddler and infant at the same time. It would really just be to appease my husband that I "tried." And you're right, that's stupid. But I'm really tired of the guilt trips and know they would just get worse if I didn't even try. I need to get to the point where I can tell everyone to fuck off. I'm fine doing that with strangers, and I'm really close with my mom; my husband is proving to be more difficult.
Bah, I've been wrestling with this since I turned the stick pink.
bibliothecary, and all other concerned moms to be. The love will come. Maybe not right away but it will. And you will love like you have never loved before. You just have to trust that you will bond and love your LO.
@piedpiper07, I lasted 2 weeks until my LC told me it was time to make a decision and whatever that decision was I would have to supplement with formula because I was starving my daughter. It was a hard decision but I stopped trying to bf and went to ff'ing. I had all kinds of quilt that came from not being able to vaginally deliver (I tried) to not being able to feed my daughter. I thought I was a failure. It took awhile to come to terms but I have a better understanding this time around. I too am going to give it a shot - but I will also have formula on hand if needed. By god I am going to give bf'ing my best shot and work at and with LC's but I will not starve my LO this time.
Post by waterqueen on Jul 17, 2015 10:11:05 GMT -5
My boss is on vacation next week. His boss keeps a fairly public calendar for those of us that normally need to schedule meetings that he would be invited to. Since I know when he will be in the office, that is the only time next week I plan to be in the office. The rest of the time I'm going to be at home, Netflix on, packing up my house for the move. Everyone has my cell phone and it is totally plausible that I'm out checking projects, no fucks given.
We bribe too. Since DD is 5 we have started taking the time to explain the situation and the consequences. Something like "If you decide you want to play right now, instead of after supper than you will lose your chance for XYZ and run out of time before bed." Sorry I don't have a better example right off the top of my head this morning.
Re. Breastfeeding in the hospital: Is this a regional thing to be judged? Here all the ladies in my mommy group act like the hospital doesn't do enough to encourage ladies to breastfeed. I've always wondered though, if they are but they can also take a hint and realize when I mom just wants to formula feed. The nurses aren't there to tell you how to feed your child, they are just there to make sure the child is getting fed and you have the tools you need to do that before going home.
lemon200, right there with you. Went and had it cut last week so it would be more presentable styled too. Priorities, mine are messed up.
jabs, I'm having a hard time coming to terms with a baby blanket that can't be washed. How is that useful?
Post by waterqueen on Jul 17, 2015 10:16:43 GMT -5
bibliothecary, I wasn't worried and though I adored my DD when she was born I was not immediately attached to her. I did not feel the overwhelming love that other moms talk about. I loved her and I wanted her, but my entire universe did not shift to only focus on her. BUT, as I got to know her and she started to get a distinct personality I found myself falling in love with her again and again on a daily basis. Even now I'll look at her sometimes and I just can't love her enough. Motherhood, at least for me, is a bond that develops over time and grows.
So, are you thinking of maybe pumping a little bit because of the pressure you're getting or because you actually want to try it? I get the impression from your post that you don't want to try it, and pumping seems to me like a lot of work to do on top of taking care of an infant and toddler just to make other people happy/comfortable with your decision. Just my 2 cents.
Nope, don't want to do it. Pumping is a huge pain in the ass. Like I said, I really have no idea how to find the time for that while taking care of a toddler and infant at the same time. It would really just be to appease my husband that I "tried." And you're right, that's stupid. But I'm really tired of the guilt trips and know they would just get worse if I didn't even try. I need to get to the point where I can tell everyone to fuck off. I'm fine doing that with strangers, and I'm really close with my mom; my husband is proving to be more difficult.
Bah, I've been wrestling with this since I turned the stick pink.
1. Screw all the other people and what they think.
2. Pumping is way more work than just breastfeeding (at least in my experience) and take way more time.
3. I don't know anything about what your problems with breastfeeding were the first time, but sometimes a second baby is different from the first and breastfeeding works perfectly despite past difficulties. So if you want to try, or try to appease your husband, this time might be different. If you don't want to try or you know that the issue will reoccur then refer back to #1.
Nothing wrong with a healthy formula fed infant, especially if that is what makes you a happier mommy.
Along with my FFFC from last week (tutus). I also now find those headbands with large flowers super cute too.
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME??
I love tutus, probably bc of my love for EDM and festivals and drunken shenanigans, but I am completely aware I look ridiculous in them. I always thought they were silly on kids. Something happened where I neeeeed a blue sparkly one for DD. Need.
I love 90s-alt rock. And NYSNC. and nickleback don't shoot me.
There's a huge EDM festival outside of ATL end of September, camping for 3 days. I've gone both years since it started in 2013 with a huge group of friends and I'm surprised at how bummed I am that I can't go this year. The lineup is amazing. I don't know if I'll ever go again though. I think I'm getting too old for that kind of stuff, last year was not as fun as the first year.
I'm pretty sure I am going to formula feed DD2 from the moment we leave the hospital. BFing was a huge emotional struggle with DD1 and while part of me wants to "win" at it this time, the closer I get to the end the more I just don't want that clouding my early postpartum days. The FFFC part is that I will still attempt breastfeeding in the hospital knowing full well I won't continue, just because I don't feel like dealing with judgey nurses or explaining the choice to anyone. Guts, I have none.
This is me. Oliver had a terrible tongue-tie that no one bothered to mention until he was 6 mos old. I saw 3 LC's and nothing helped his latch. I thought pain and bleeding nipples was normal. I've been told otherwise. It got to the point where I was resenting him and pumping was doing nothing. The only person who has really tried to convince me is the lady at the WIC office and that's her job.
So I'm right there with you. Do what you gotta do!
DS is a pretty good sleeper - always has been - but since Feb/March time frame he will not go to sleep if H or I aren't sitting in his room until he does. If we leave, he cries (and gets out of bed). It's not just regular crying for mom and dad, its like "I'm scared" type of cry so I can't let him just cry, it kills me.
Anyways my parents recently moved and so DS got the small TV that was mounted in my Parent's Master Bathroom. Since we just switched providers we went ahead and had said TV mounted and hooked up in DS's room. He hasn't watch it yet or anything but I am super tempted to turn it on and set the timer for 30 min and see if that helps him go to sleep on his own. In my head - I know I shouldn't but also in my head I have the "how the hell can I sit in his room for 30ish min while he falls asleep when I will have a newborn to take care of?!!?" (this is more for nights when H is working).
I really am at a loss. I want DS to be able to go to bed on his own again (which he did for a whole year), I just don't know how to go about it without doing CIO.
When we were trying to train DH to sleep we got a baby Einstein aquarium. It plays classically music and has lights and fish. He loves that damn thing still. Maybe something like that might help without it being TV?
Post by shannonabigail on Jul 17, 2015 10:43:55 GMT -5
I'm getting very frustrated with how high and sideways this baby is living. It is getting uncomfortable and painful and I feel like he is never going to drop. It's like he doesn't realize there is a lower half to my abdomen that he is supposed to be in.
waterqueen, it's was crocheted. Maybe it was the drier that ruined it... And really it's not like completely ruined, there are just a few good sized holes in it now...
waterqueen, it's was crocheted. Maybe it was the drier that ruined it... And really it's not like completely ruined, there are just a few good sized holes in it now...
That means it wasn't made very well. There should never be holes even if it is run the dryer accidentally. Crochet or knitted will have ends scattered, but if it's the correct gage and tension it will last forever.
My ob is on call this weekend but then she's on vacation all next week. I'm going to rest up this weekend and Monday is operation get this baby out of me. Full on any old wives tale there is. Even...castor oil if it comes to it. *runs and hides*
Post by lawndog1216 on Jul 17, 2015 11:13:11 GMT -5
re: bonding with your newborn -- I remember worrying about with DD1, and then even though I was fascinated by her those first few days when we were at the hospital, my feelings had more to do with her health and well-being and not this immense "motherhood" love I was expecting. I remember thinking "is this the feeling?" "Is THIS the feeling?" "maybe THIS is the feeling...." And then one day (and I don't even remember when it was or what it was that triggered it) my heart actually felt like it was about to explode out of my chest. For me, I knew we were good and bonded.
I'm VERY worried about it this time around -- I didn't think twice about it last time, with the first, because I just knew it'd come eventually. But (and this is probably my FFFC) because our plan was One and Done, and that turned out to NOT be the actual plan due to some bad math and a horny H (oh, and hey, MOM -- thanks for the heads up that I was conceived extremely early in your cycle, too -- that would have been handy info to have when trying to stick with NFP), and I sometimes get upset that we've altered our (especially DD1's) lives so very much with this new plan, that I won't feel what I felt for DD1, and that scares the shit out of me. I already feel like a shit mom half the time (see the Work From Home post earlier in the thread), and would prefer to NOT hold that feeling full time once DD2 arrives.
Post by RandomName on Jul 17, 2015 11:44:42 GMT -5
On a similar note of bonding: I am worried I won't love this LO as much as DD. My bond with DD took some time, but now I can't imagine how I could love another kid the same amount. I don't feel attached to this LO yet, I mean sure I love him/want him, but its not the same feelings. Also, even worse, I worry that if he is difficult at all it will add to this worry because DD is such an easy kid.
DS is a pretty good sleeper - always has been - but since Feb/March time frame he will not go to sleep if H or I aren't sitting in his room until he does. If we leave, he cries (and gets out of bed). It's not just regular crying for mom and dad, its like "I'm scared" type of cry so I can't let him just cry, it kills me.
Anyways my parents recently moved and so DS got the small TV that was mounted in my Parent's Master Bathroom. Since we just switched providers we went ahead and had said TV mounted and hooked up in DS's room. He hasn't watch it yet or anything but I am super tempted to turn it on and set the timer for 30 min and see if that helps him go to sleep on his own. In my head - I know I shouldn't but also in my head I have the "how the hell can I sit in his room for 30ish min while he falls asleep when I will have a newborn to take care of?!!?" (this is more for nights when H is working).
I really am at a loss. I want DS to be able to go to bed on his own again (which he did for a whole year), I just don't know how to go about it without doing CIO.
I think this will create a really terrible habit in your little guy. Also, if he's anything like our daughter...he'd just throw a fit when the tv clicked off. It doesn't relax her at all.
I hope this is just a phase and he works through it without needing the tv on.
I know lots of people have had success with the Sleep Lady Shuffle when their LO has separation anxiety.
Thanks, fogleer. Lol.. On the candy topic, at night I also tell her she'll get a candy for potty and then quickly shove a raisin in her mouth. She still hasn't fully caught onto that one yet. I tell her the candy coating melted off it if she does ask.
When DD#1 was just starting out and only making the potty a few times a day I would wait to give her her gummy vitamin as her "candy".
I'm assuming that you're not still doing this because you said "when DD was just starting out..." but, for anyone else reading this:
Please do not ever, under any circumstances, refer to medicine as candy. So many kids mistakenly take medications because they already look like candy and end up with pretty severe poisoning. It is important that children know the clear difference between candy and medicine. It's even harder with the gummy vitamins because they look, taste, and function like your average gummy candy. It's very confusing.
waterqueen, it's was crocheted. Maybe it was the drier that ruined it... And really it's not like completely ruined, there are just a few good sized holes in it now...
That means it wasn't made very well. There should never be holes even if it is run the dryer accidentally. Crochet or knitted will have ends scattered, but if it's the correct gage and tension it will last forever.
So, are you thinking of maybe pumping a little bit because of the pressure you're getting or because you actually want to try it? I get the impression from your post that you don't want to try it, and pumping seems to me like a lot of work to do on top of taking care of an infant and toddler just to make other people happy/comfortable with your decision. Just my 2 cents.
Nope, don't want to do it. Pumping is a huge pain in the ass. Like I said, I really have no idea how to find the time for that while taking care of a toddler and infant at the same time. It would really just be to appease my husband that I "tried." And you're right, that's stupid. But I'm really tired of the guilt trips and know they would just get worse if I didn't even try. I need to get to the point where I can tell everyone to fuck off. I'm fine doing that with strangers, and I'm really close with my mom; my husband is proving to be more difficult.
Bah, I've been wrestling with this since I turned the stick pink.
Oh dude that sucks. I think someone else just mentioned that sometimes it is different the second time around, so it's possible you'll have a different experience if you choose to try (I'm saying you because it's your choice not anyone else's whether or not you want to try this time around.)
What is it about this that your husband is so attached to? Is he just saying "I want you to try" or is he more specific? For example, if it's the mother/baby bonding that he's trying to get at you guys can talk about how when it comes to bonding, a bottle of breastmilk is pretty much equivalent to a bottle of formula.
And I breastfed for a long time, but loathed pumping so I totally get where you're coming from. Honestly, I don't think people realize that breastfeeding is actually the easiest way to go as long as it's working. Like, no bottles, no sterilization, nothing extra to pack if I left the house - I used to literally roll over in bed, take a boob out and doze while my baby breastfed next to me (older baby, not a newborn), which means sleep was 100% easier for me than it was for my friends who had to wake up and pump or prep a bottle, or even breastfeed in a chair or something etc. Anyone who has formula fed or pumped knows this, but people talk about it like it's the easy way out and it makes me all kinds of stabby.
I've gotten to the point of getting mad/ragey when my DH wants to do things I can't do. Like go in the neighbors hot tub after a night of drinking, while I get to stand there completely awkward while everyone has a great time. The following day he told he was going on the neighbors boat and I can come. I'm 8.5 months pregnant, I don't want to be on a bumpy boat with a bunch of people day drinking in the 100 heat. He responds with oh so I'm suppose to be miserable and bored because you are? Which leads to all the tears and rageyness from me. He didn't go on the boat. Instead he helped me paint her letters for the nursery. Good DH.
@aliam20, my SIL bribes my nephews with temporary tattoos. It's seriously a great bribe for them too. Most people are very forgiving about tattoos now. It's not the 50's!
I would love to be a SAHM but it would be horrible for my marriage. DH would totally be resentful. He would love to be a SAHD himself, so for us, it's just not in the cards. Also, I wouldn't be a very good SAHM. I have little patience and would use the time to serve on every committee out there and workout and clean and get other shit done and would hardly even be home with my kids. Plus I like spending money when I have too much free time.
On a similar note of bonding: I am worried I won't love this LO as much as DD. My bond with DD took some time, but now I can't imagine how I could love another kid the same amount. I don't feel attached to this LO yet, I mean sure I love him/want him, but its not the same feelings. Also, even worse, I worry that if he is difficult at all it will add to this worry because DD is such an easy kid.
I could have written this, totally in the same position.
Then Comes Family, LLC is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising
program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.