Anyway, I will say this piece and then I'm taking a break because, as happens once in a blue moon, this place has really kicked me deep in the feels tonight.
I wish Pobre never dropped that fucking bomb on here and I wish I didn't allow myself to get pulled down into this, especially this deep.
Second, I absolutely and sincerely apologize to Brux. My intentions were never ever malicious but my execution was horrible and I see that in hindsight. I'm very sorry I hurt her as I consider her a friend and would never want to hurt her, ever. She is great people.
Listen. You both are great people.
@bruxannie, you hear me?
You are both valued here. This would be a lesser place without you. I'm nobody's mom and I can't tell anyone what to do so I'm asking you both to come back when you're ready.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
I feel @bruxannie's was honest. She said what a lot of people were thinking.
Come on now, some of the responses were soft. Sure you don't treat her like a bitch off the street. Like she said, though this is new to us info.
You're right. Although, the actual cheating thing wasn't known to me. But I've been on the other side with a spouse that was having an emotional affair and it is almost worse than real cheating.
I don't agree with HE's approach or example but I seem to recall Brux dragging my shit up on the board somewhat recently. So I don't necessarily see how this is so different.
Yes but wasn't the consensus then that it wasn't ok?
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
Post by sassypantzz on Aug 11, 2016 22:50:22 GMT -5
I have not been as active like I have been in the past but I lurk. Brux if you are around I think you are the bomb. And I hope you come back. This place will not be the same without you.
In light of some personal stuff happening in my family I will not comment my very hateful thoughts on the rest.
I think my friend throwing it back in my face would hurt me almost as much as the incident itself. Every time someone has thrown something back at me like that I always feel this betrayal where I can't even function speak or cry. Just stare and try to process.
@bruxannie I hope you stick around.
This is a great description of how it feels. Like you take my words during my darkest moment and then just sling it in my face.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
@bruxannie I understand completely how you feel. The last few pages brought back some terrible memories for me. It took me a long time to stop having panic attacks every time I thought about it. I remember sitting in the closet sobbing because I came across the shirt he wore on the day I found out. And that was 2 years later, when I thought I was somewhat over it. So yeah, it hurts to see the "other woman" being comforted. I was shaking right along with you. And it's been 7 years now (I'm no longer with him). I feel you. Like you said, it's not an attack on pobre. This shit is just hard.
Take some time and feel better.
I'm sending you lots of creepy internet stranger hugs, and you can tuck my collar in anytime you want. Please don't go away forever, because I have a couple more poop stories to tell.
Omg I can't believe he kept that fucking shirt after I told him it made me cry. "But it's brand new, tho. I really like this shirt." Fuck yo raggedy-ass polo shirt, asshole. You bought it from tjmaxx. On clearance.
I'm feeling rage all over again.
Example of how this shit can hit you years later, out of nowhere.
redlamp, those triggers are serious fucking business. The worst.
I hope you burned that shirt.
Nah, I just let it be. But anytime I feel guilty for leaving, I remind myself that a shirt was more important to him than my feelings. I hope it reminds him, too.
i am shocked anyone would receive hair pats for cheating (even emotionally) anywhere on this board, but especially on a site wide FFFC / UO thread specifically designed for flaming people.
Like this just goes against anything I've ever thought about this board or its participants. Wow.
I think that if you come into a UO/FFFC thread full of married women and drop a bomb that you're getting divorced because you fell in love with another person, you're doing so knowing and fully expecting to be flamed.
My personal thoughts on affairs are this: it absolutely is black and white. You don't fall in love with other people if you actively stay away from temptation. I am not going to develop close friendships with other men. I am not going to cross that line of being inappropriate. I am married and my job is to remain committed to this relationship first and foremost. I think that there is a lot of gray area when it comes to being on the receiving and forgiving end of cheating, but as far as being the cheater - nah, that's pretty black and white as far as I am concerned.
Do I personally care that pobre cheated on her husband? No. Not my life, not my problem. But all the adulterer sympathizing is a bit weird, IMO.
I considered the bisexual angle and for me, I wouldn't be at risk because I am heteroromantic. But from a perspective of someone who is biromantic or pan, the line would be developing close friendships with people you're attracted to, I suppose.
I just know that there is a click in a person's head and they know when it happens - when a situation goes from safe zone to problematic, I know, because I've felt that click. And I think in that instant it's on you to put an end to it. Proceeding beyond the click is when it becomes an active choice you're making.
Oh FFS with the sanctimony. When you work with someone, it can be difficult to just avoid that person at all costs.
There is a difference between "avoiding at all costs" and crossing inappropriate lines. If you're keeping it professional, it's not going to be a problem.
Years ago, when I was still engaged, I was working at another office and there was this guy who was kind of goofy that I worked beside. He seemed totally harmless, like I said, he was goofy. Anyway, we started bonding over our shared love of design and we would take lunch breaks together and on Saturdays he and I would work alone updating the website. We grew close. I invited him to hang with me and my fiance outside of work and we all had fun.
Then one day it just kind of hit me like "holy shit I am starting to feel attraction to him". I knew when it happened, when the things I saw as goofy were suddenly endearing. So I immediately cut it off. I was honest with my fiancé (now husband) about it, made it very clear that we had not had any kind of conversations that were flirty, but that I could feel that the connection was growing and I was going to stop interacting with him.
I made an active decision to stop it before it went to the place of no return. I stopped having lunches with him, I stopped hanging out with him at the office. I decided that his friendship wasn't as important as my relationship.
So maybe that experience changes my perspective. I feel that others are capable of making the choice to stop, just as I was. I'm not trying to be sanctimonious, and am open to other perspectives despite the fact that it is all pretty black and white to me. But I'm all for opening my mind to other ways of thinking, so hit me.
I can see that when people are under emotional distress they can find often really unhealthy ways of managing, so yeah I could see where they would turn to affairs, just the same as some people turn to addiction or other things.
My sister did that. She sought out an affair when she started freaking out about getting older and feeling like she hadn't experienced enough in life. She was under stress and going through hormonal shit and she crashed her entire life into a wall.
I still think that she actively chose that route and could have chosen a much better path.
Shit you guys, she saw the line, tried to change things, couldn't, and is getting a fucking divorce as a result. She obviously realizes that her actions have had consequences and is now living with them. Yes, cheating is bad. Avoid cheating. Avoid circumstances that can lead to cheating. But sometimes shit happens. I have no idea what the other parties are going through here but I know from reading this board that relationships can get through a hell of a lot and persevere. I know pobre knows she fucked up, we have no further context, so maybe it's not quite as black and white as all that.
If I make no sense I'm running on 3 hours of sleep and a sick baby, plus mission critical work shit going on, so I might have lost the plot.
Okay but to be fair, I didn't have any of this backstory. All she said was "I'm getting a divorce because I fell in love with someone else". And she said it on a thread specifically dedicated to flamings as though she almost wanted to be reprimanded. Shrug.
Anyway, I don't really care one way or another, just having a conversation about cheating in general.
I'm defending my hair pats here because I think the assessment of that is completely unfair. To allude it was "for cheating" is a ridiculous thing to say. But I've seen a similar scenario firsthand with a very close friend of mine and I saw the fucking anguish and hurt and devastation it caused to herself and others. So that was where I was coming from. I also don't presume people are perfect and always do the absolute right thing so...I think I'm a bit more understanding than maybe others can be. I mean, I would never say cheating is black and white. But anyway...I'm done with the thread
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
I'm defending my hair pats here because I think the assessment of that is completely unfair. To allude it was "for cheating" is a ridiculous thing to say. But I've seen a similar scenario firsthand with a very close friend of mine and I saw the fucking anguish and hurt and devastation it caused to herself and others. So that was where I was coming from. I also don't presume people are perfect and always do the absolute right thing so...I think I'm a bit more understanding than maybe others can be. I mean, I would never say cheating is black and white. But anyway...I'm done with the thread
I apologize for upsetting you.
And yeah, I've also gone through this with my sister. It caused major destruction to her life, my nieces' lives, my ex-BIL and my mother's. We're still recovering from the devastation, tbh. So perhaps the residual damage from all of that, something I can't help but perceive as totally selfish and without any silver lining, even 5 years later, clouds my perspective. So anyway, I apologize to you or anyone else I may have upset with my own personal feelings about the subject.
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