Post by akraus2015 on Oct 20, 2016 21:44:05 GMT -5
We just had dinner at my in-laws. H's aunt is on the Board of Directors for the cemetery where Emmett is buried. She told my MIL this week that they voted to remove all adornments that are not tombstones from all of the graves. That means they are going to get rid of all of Emmett's stuff. We are going to have to put in a tombstone. I don't know why this is upsetting me as much as it is. He deserves a tombstone, absolutely, but I'm his mother. No one should tell me how I have to memorialize my child. We didn't buy a tombstone because we can't fucking afford one. I mean, I get that they don't just want random shit being put up all over the cemetery, but still...
Sorry I just needed to vent. I'm really frustrated and caught off guard.
Is there someone on the board of directors that you could talk with and contest this decision? Are there any other options they would let you keep on his grave besides just the full size tombstone?
Engaged May 2003 Married June 2005 TTC #1 since October 2014 H-1% morph, low motility, low count Me-.1 AMH levels, low AFC, DOR/POI, perimenopause Foster Care journey begins March 2016-licensed 11/7/16 Foster parents to A & J 1/31/17 www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5525ef
There's nothing I can do about this, is there? My choices are literally pony up for a tombstone immediately, or let me son rest in an unmarked grave?
I doubt there's anything you can do about it. How long do you have?
i have no idea, that's the shitty thing. H's mom found out through his 78 year old aunt who still sits on the board. I need to let myself calm wayyy down before I call auntie in a rampage.
Is there someone on the board of directors that you could talk with and contest this decision? Are there any other options they would let you keep on his grave besides just the full size tombstone?
I need to call H's aunt and see how much time I have. I can probably get a small tombstone for like $800, but it's the principle. I am his mother. I chose to memorialize him with a wooden cross. Don't take that away from me so the landscaping looks better.
Is there someone on the board of directors that you could talk with and contest this decision? Are there any other options they would let you keep on his grave besides just the full size tombstone?
my great grandma has a stone type bench instead of a headstone. I wonder if they would allow other options "with board approval"
I'd love to buy him something nice like that. We just weren't in the position to do it. We had to make tough decisions about how we would spend our money. Tombstone for Emmett, RPL testing, adoption applications, we couldn't do it all. I'm not sorry for what I chose, I think the memorial we built for Emmett is beautiful.
I'm so sorry It is totally understandable that you are feeling blindsided by how sudden this is. The emotions must be overwhelming, heartbreaking, and paralyzing.
I wish I could offer some advice or comfort, but I'm sending love and good thoughts.
I'm so sorry It is totally understandable that you are feeling blindsided by how sudden this is. The emotions must be overwhelming, heartbreaking, and paralyzing.
I wish I could offer some advice or comfort, but I'm sending love and good thoughts.
Thank you. I know I'll calm down in the morning. I'm just reacting right now. I never would have expected to hear something like this.
I'm so sorry It is totally understandable that you are feeling blindsided by how sudden this is. The emotions must be overwhelming, heartbreaking, and paralyzing.
I wish I could offer some advice or comfort, but I'm sending love and good thoughts.
Thank you. I know I'll calm down in the morning. I'm just reacting right now. I never would have expected to hear something like this.
I'd love to buy him something nice like that. We just weren't in the position to do it. We had to make tough decisions about how we would spend our money. Tombstone for Emmett, RPL testing, adoption applications, we couldn't do it all. I'm not sorry for what I chose, I think the memorial we built for Emmett is beautiful.
oh! No! I wasn't trying to imply what you didn't was in ANY way "less"!! I'm so sorry if it came across that way. I think what y'all did was very special.
I didn't take it that way at all, I knew what you were saying. My anger is just strong right now. Having all the feels. I'll be better when I sleep a bit and let my blood pressure go back down.
Post by LadyNymeria on Oct 21, 2016 1:00:34 GMT -5
I'm sorry. Sending hugs your way.
Give yourself plenty of time to react, then give the aunt a call for the specifics. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that it is not as limiting as it initially sounds.
I'm sorry this has been sprung on you and that you now have to worry about this.
TTC since July 2014. CP March 2015. IVF #1 March 2016, 5R, 3M, 2F with ICSI. Transferred 2 on day 3. CP. Surprise BFP and then CP August 2016 (prep cycle for IVF). IVF #2: zero eggs retrieved IVF #3: 6R, 5M, 5F, 3 (2 8A and 1 11A) transferred, one "B" graded embryo frozen on day 5. BFP (at home 7dp3dt, confirmed 14dp3dt with 1552 beta) and U/S at 5w5d, 2 sacs and 2 yolks!
GDI akraus2015. I am just seeing this now. I am so sorry this is happening. I hope that the second-hand information was more harsh and that you can work something out with the board.
I'm so very sorry for this painful new rule. I hope that you can find a way to incorporate or memorialize you're original cross into something that the committee approves of.
I'm sending all the internet hugs and mom to mom tears for you right now. 😥
I am so so sorry 😞 Not that you should have to, but is it possible to temporarily remove it and then return your memorial to his grave and the Board just turn the other way kind of thing?? Not that one persons loss is more important or greater than another's but just the idea that this is a baby, and a cross is hardly an eyesore etc etc etc. Why is this conversation even necessary, I am so freaking sorry ❤️❤️
Thanks for hearing me out last night guys. I slept on it and I'm still upset, but not so irrationally so. My plan is to call H's aunt and find out more details, like if they even plan to notify people. She was there at Emmett's funeral, she's very close to H, I can't imagine that she didn't speak up on our behalf during the meeting. I will definitely be speaking on behalf of other bereaved families and letting them know that I don't think it's okay to just take down people's stuff.
As for a tombstone or plaque, our families will get together and buy one as a Christmas gift for Emmett. He needed a nice, permenant one anyway. I think I'm going to take his cross and keep it at home.
doodler, can I mail you the heart rock for your baby? (Assuming it's still there today when I get there...). I'm going to put Emmett's in the yard, I think.
Thanks for hearing me out last night guys. I slept on it and I'm still upset, but not so irrationally so. My plan is to call H's aunt and find out more details, like if they even plan to notify people. She was there at Emmett's funeral, she's very close to H, I can't imagine that she didn't speak up on our behalf during the meeting. I will definitely be speaking on behalf of other bereaved families and letting them know that I don't think it's okay to just take down people's stuff.
As for a tombstone or plaque, our families will get together and buy one as a Christmas gift for Emmett. He needed a nice, permenant one anyway. I think I'm going to take his cross and keep it at home.
doodler , can I mail you the heart rock for your baby? (Assuming it's still there today when I get there...). I'm going to put Emmett's in the yard, I think.
That would be wonderful. I hate that this is happening. Sending PM now.
Post by housecarder on Oct 21, 2016 10:10:25 GMT -5
I am so sorry that you are facing this. I know the cemetery where my grandfather is buried throws out anything left on the tombstones every so often (Maybe once a month?) so the policy doesn't shock me, but we knew that before burying him there, not later in a decision randomly made that would affect peoples' memorials. Hopefully they can work with you on "accepted" markers, although it still seems silly that there have to be rules.
akraus2015, I am absolutely horrified and raging for you. I saw your FB post, and your memorial is beautiful and appropriate. I am aghast that they now have this blanket ruling. I am sending you lots of love and strength as you navigate this tough situation.
Post by ldubhawksfan on Oct 21, 2016 12:03:51 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. That is horrible if it truly is such a blanket rule that only tombstones are approved. I hope that your inquiry sheds light on it whether there was a miscommunication, or at least makes them think twice about such stringent criteria. I've heard of cemeteries clearing flowers and such every week, but I can't imagine one removing a memorial. I hope it isn't the case. ((Hugs))
TTC #1 starting July 2013, RE last 2014 First Angel baby lost July 11, 2014 IUI #1 with injections successful: EDD 11/24/15 Rainbow baby DD born 11/14/15 TTC#2 October 2016 Second Angel baby lost Jan 5, 2017
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