*HOLIDAY BITCHFEST*

[obi]

I've decided to start this up early for those of us who are celebrating already or currently at/heading to family homes.



I am staying put until Christmas day so I hope I wont have any stories to share until Sunday.
Life is tough this time of year and we cant even drink our pain away so let's embrace the spirit of giving and share our ridiculous families with one another.

[moutonrouge]

This is a good idea. My complaints are small.

1. My brother emailed me months ago, asking when DH and I would be at the 1 family gathering we are going to so he could be sure to arrange things/buy plane tickets to be there at the same time. I told him the most likely dates (the days my office is closed). He replied oh okay, we're going there these dates [dates that don't overlap], sucks that it couldn't work out. WTF? If you're not actually flexible about when you'll be there, why did you bother asking?

2. My dad's side of the family does an annual gift exchange. At the last minute some people said they wanted to change how we organize it. Once the bickering and bitching and moaning was over, we just got our assigned person yesterday. I'm so irritated, and I wish they would've just called it off when we got down to a week before Xmas and things weren't settled.

[obi]

Those may be small, but I wpuld definitely be irritated by both situations moutonrouge!

I think you need to run into a pharmacy for some chocolates or a gift basket and call it a day as far as the gift exchange is concerned. Hell no to shopping at a mall or putting in any more thought the week of.

[obi]

Omg @justinslovo. Sounds like your mom fails at geography.
This was my for real expression reading through your post up to the 10hrs/8hrs part

[ladytiffany24]

My mother is my issue, which happens every year. She's the only single parent on both sides and she thinks the world should revolve around her. Like, she's the only one worth seeing. So every year, she gets pissed off that she only gets a certain amount of time with us because we're running around trying to make sure we see everyone. We live 4 hours away and drive our asses up there on Christmas Day (after opening presents at home), so we can maximize time. And mind you, I ABHOR leaving my house on Christmas day. ESpecially when it's never enough for my mother. There always ends up being a huge argument, because between me and my sister, we never make enough time with her. EVEN THOUGH...we accommodate her more than anyone. We schedule other family shit around when we know she'll want to see us. But, it's never good enough. My brother lives with her so he's usually never part of the drama except for siding with her when there's an argument.

At any rate, my sister and I are pretty sure we're going to break the news to her after this Christmas that we're done doing anything on actual Christmas day. That we'll do our stuff another weekend before or after Christmas. We'd like to be able to stay home on Christmas day and start our own traditions. I don't think this is too far out of the question as I know tons of families that do this. But please be praying for me because my mom will act like I just told her I'm disowning her.

[obi]

Thats rough ladytiffany24. At least you have a sibling to break the news with. Id hate to be alone on that one.
There is no reason you cant celebrate on another day with her. The thing I see as being less/non negotiable is changing Christmas morning for the kids.
You cant do Christmas at your house another day so she is the one that will have to be flexible in this situation. Boo hoo.

[ladytiffany24]

Dec 20, 2016 12:56:45 GMT -5 obi said:

Thats rough ladytiffany24. At least you have a sibling to break the news with. Id hate to be alone on that one.
There is no reason you cant celebrate on another day with her. The thing I see as being less/non negotiable is changing Christmas morning for the kids.
You cant do Christmas at your house another day so she is the one that will have to be flexible in this situation. Boo hoo.

Exactly! We've made it very clear that Christmas morning will always be ours no matter what. That is sacred time that I'm not willing to give up. I just want the ability to not rush through opening gifts to try and get out of the house to make it up to my mom's house at a decent time. I want to savor that time. Hell, as it is, DD will open her presents and won't even have any time to play with any of them. I hate that!

[obi]

Dec 20, 2016 13:06:07 GMT -5 ladytiffany24 said:

Dec 20, 2016 12:56:45 GMT -5 obi said:

Thats rough ladytiffany24. At least you have a sibling to break the news with. Id hate to be alone on that one.
There is no reason you cant celebrate on another day with her. The thing I see as being less/non negotiable is changing Christmas morning for the kids.
You cant do Christmas at your house another day so she is the one that will have to be flexible in this situation. Boo hoo.

Exactly! We've made it very clear that Christmas morning will always be ours no matter what. That is sacred time that I'm not willing to give up. I just want the ability to not rush through opening gifts to try and get out of the house to make it up to my mom's house at a decent time. I want to savor that time. Hell, as it is, DD will open her presents and won't even have any time to play with any of them. I hate that!

What you want is totally normal and should be respected by your mom. I hope it goes over better than you are anticipating.
This year we are rushing through xmas morning as well. I am a bit stressed but ok with it because MIL agreed to trade hosting duties each year, so next year we get to stay home.

[glb30]

@justinslovo I hate the "you can't bring your dogs" policy.

And the driving.... omg. Pregnant with 2 young kids....no way.

[kristhegirl]

Someone needs to write a "holiday boundaries" book for family, sheesh. Do they bend over backwards for their parents/in-laws? Why are adult children expected to be at their beck and call??

[kristhegirl]

This is not a gripe, just a great example of my MIL being accidentally hilarious.

My MIL was asking her oldest daughter when HER daughter was going to be home. This granddaughter just moved away and got married this year, and is a teacher in another state. When she was told, "they'll get in on the 26th," my MIL just stared incredulously at her daughter and said in disbelief, "but... Christmas is December twenty-fifth!" Now my husband and I can't stop repeating it.

[erinshelley21]

Dec 20, 2016 14:21:09 GMT -5 kristhegirl said:

Someone needs to write a "holiday boundaries" book for family, sheesh. Do they bend over backwards for their parents/in-laws? Why are adult children expected to be at their beck and call??

I'll do it. This is how I'll make my millions.

[obi]

Dec 20, 2016 14:06:38 GMT -5 glb30 said:

@justinslovo I hate the "you can't bring your dogs" policy.

And the driving.... omg. Pregnant with 2 young kids....no way.

Co-signed.

I dont have a dog but as long as yours are well behaved they are totally welcome here. So what I need to vacuum when you leave. Id be doing that anyway so...
This policy just does not compute, barring allergies or condo rules etc.

[amacbaby]

corinne, My FIL always does the same with my kids! It is constantly "no, she wants ___, or she is just ____ you need to do ___" And it is a mix of trying to be funny and he really believes it. It gets on my nerves.

Otherwise my brothers who have shunned my family in the past (on account of the gay) are all excited we are here and want to hang out. I am letting all the past go and happy to re-connect but now our travels are a lot more packed. We are staying with IL's for another two weeks so I'm sure I'll have more to say later!

[callmeKD]

When we first got married we decided we would host Christmas and that anyone who wanted to join was welcome. (For the sole reason of setting precedent for when we have kids). My h and I both grew up spending Christmas in our own houses. We want the same for DD and the babies.

[britab]

Dec 20, 2016 18:18:12 GMT -5 corinne said:

The in laws are over at our place for Christmas. They make me roll my eyes so much, so I'm sure I will have some stories. They both just had surgery, so we are making Christmas dinner. stepFIL offered to make his rolls (which are not good). We insisted that we would make everything.

stepFIL loves to tell and retell long pointless stories (with far too much detail) about things that usually are unrelated to whatever we are talking about. He also likes to make up all kinds of lies, so I trust nothing he says.

MIL always tries to butt in with DD. "Oh no, she didn't say that she wants food, she said that she pooped". Uh no, I can translate my child's toddlerese thank you very much.

Last year at xmas I got to hear about FIL's first colonoscopy and and bleeding. Good times!

[kristhegirl]

Dec 20, 2016 19:26:43 GMT -5 britab said:

Dec 20, 2016 18:18:12 GMT -5 corinne said:

The in laws are over at our place for Christmas. They make me roll my eyes so much, so I'm sure I will have some stories. They both just had surgery, so we are making Christmas dinner. stepFIL offered to make his rolls (which are not good). We insisted that we would make everything.

stepFIL loves to tell and retell long pointless stories (with far too much detail) about things that usually are unrelated to whatever we are talking about. He also likes to make up all kinds of lies, so I trust nothing he says.

MIL always tries to butt in with DD. "Oh no, she didn't say that she wants food, she said that she pooped". Uh no, I can translate my child's toddlerese thank you very much.

Last year at xmas I got to hear about FIL's first colonoscopy and and bleeding. Good times!

Well this is horrifying.

[cosmicav]

I wish we could hibernate for the next few weeks because I just don't have the energy for traveling, and I REALLY don't want to see my mom, and somehow I ALWAYS get guilted into a visit with her and her shitty husband.

[cosmicav]

Regarding dogs... my SIL brings her giant (and I mean GIANT) untrained dog (a malamute, I think?) to the holidays, and that dog goes ballistic whenever someone has food or whenever someone is holding a toy. It also likes to jump up on people. Did I mention that the dog is literally bigger than me while standing? (I'm 5'0) So this is all great when you are hugely pregnant and have a toddler. I had several heart attacks over Thanksgiving over this dog being way too rough trying to either grab my toddler's toys or jump up on him or take his snack...

I don't mind pets at the holidays. I'm not Scrooge. But if your dog cannot handle being around people, or food, or babies.......

[Quinstar]

cosmicav, agreed on the dog bit. My brother has an American Bulldog that attacks any dog she can physically get to. And he just has to bring her whenever he visits. (Because no dog boarding place would take her) She almost killed my female pup last year, it took three people and our 75 lb dog getting involved before we got her to stop. We don't take our dogs to holidays if we can avoid it, mostly because we have three very high energy dogs, and everyone in my family has at least 3 dogs in their homes.

It gets to be a lot of dogs. Luckily he's flying this year, so no bulldog.

[erinshelley21]

This is like the opposite of bitching, but I don't know where else to put it. I feel sad for my mom this year. We are doing our Christmas with her on Christmas Eve then she will be alone all of Christmas. I have fil's Christmas at 1 then dh's fire dept said something about doing a Christmas dinner down there. Ds and I could stay all night with her but then I'd have to bring the dog and he sleeps like shit there because it's "new" to him. I might see if my mom can join us at the FD.

I need that woman to find a boyfriend so I don't worry about her being lonely.

[obi]

Dec 21, 2016 6:40:00 GMT -5 erinshelley21 said:

This is like the opposite of bitching, but I don't know where else to put it. I feel sad for my mom this year. We are doing our Christmas with her on Christmas Eve then she will be alone all of Christmas. I have fil's Christmas at 1 then dh's fire dept said something about doing a Christmas dinner down there. Ds and I could stay all night with her but then I'd have to bring the dog and he sleeps like shit there because it's "new" to him. I might see if my mom can join us at the FD.

I need that woman to find a boyfriend so I don't worry about her being lonely.

I totally understand this. My parents split when I was 13 and my mom has never dated since. She just didnt want to deal with it.
She is moving in with us next year and has surprised us all by saying that she would be open to dating when she gets settled out here. Cue collective squealing by my H, brother and I.

These moms deserve a good date!!
Hopefully you can figure something out with your mom. If nothing else im sure she would appreciate a phone call so she knows youre thinking of her.

[erinshelley21]

obi they totally deserve it! She's been going on dates for a few years and has a big crush on one of her boss's clients. Her boss is leaving the firm and I think the client is too, so I'm hoping something happens between them. He seems to like her too based on stories she's told me.

She was with my dad for 28 years. He died 2 months after their divorce so I think she feels like she didn't get any closure. She has parted ways with her family for the most part, so my brother and me are it for her.

[jnow]

I feel you guys on the lonley mom. Even though my mom travels a ton and will be with her friends Christmas eve (and us christmas morning), i always feel bad leaving her. She is going to take our dog overnight this year though and i think she secretly loves that.

[obi]

Dec 21, 2016 7:43:05 GMT -5 erinshelley21 said:

obi they totally deserve it! She's been going on dates for a few years and has a big crush on one of her boss's clients. Her boss is leaving the firm and I think the client is too, so I'm hoping something happens between them. He seems to like her too based on stories she's told me.

She was with my dad for 28 years. He died 2 months after their divorce so I think she feels like she didn't get any closure. She has parted ways with her family for the most part, so my brother and me are it for her.

Thats so tough. Im sorry. My MIL is married now but when my H was young she was with someone else. He was not my Hs bio dad (he's a deadbeat) but was his REAL dad. They split when she gave him an ultimatum but she always felt theyd end up together again. He passed away in an ATV accident not long after and she has never felt that sense of closure either. I can tell he really was the love of her life. It was complicated also given that my H saw him as his father.
We named DS after him.
I hope something happens for your mom! Sounds like she needs a pep talk to make a move

[moutonrouge]

Dec 20, 2016 14:22:09 GMT -5 kristhegirl said:

This is not a gripe, just a great example of my MIL being accidentally hilarious.

My MIL was asking her oldest daughter when HER daughter was going to be home. This granddaughter just moved away and got married this year, and is a teacher in another state. When she was told, "they'll get in on the 26th," my MIL just stared incredulously at her daughter and said in disbelief, "but... Christmas is December twenty-fifth!" Now my husband and I can't stop repeating it.

This reminds me of something my stepmom said. My parents' custody agreement was always mom = Thanksgiving, dad = Christmas. When I moved away after college, my mom also moved, and it no longer made sense to try to spend Thanksgiving with her because of travel time and my vacation time. When I told my dad and stepmom I planned to *gasp* spend Christmas with my mom and Thanksgiving with them, my stepmom's actual response was, "But Christmas is our holiday!"

How silly of me to think I wouldn't have to abide by their custody agreement (that they set out when I was 4 years old) for the rest of my life. 

[Quinstar]

erinshelley21 LT for support, I completely get the feeling. When we were young my mom always got us Christmas morning, but then we all went to our dads for the rest of the day. I always felt so bad leaving her behind.

Since my mom has just divorced her first husband again, she's pretty well sworn off men. Shes bought a house for her and my brother in town near us, so she can be grandma now that we're expecting. Shes kind of lived for that role, shes been tbe primary care giver to my nephew for 12 years. Shes pretty happy with that but I feel bad she wont even consider dating.

[erinshelley21]

Quinstar my mom seems to be pretty content being grandma at the moment. I just want more for her.

[mikaela20]

My brother and SIL are hosting a potluck dinner on Christmas. I hate potlucks and when I hosted thanksgiving last time, I did the whole meal myself. So I'm already annoyed.

I originally said I would bring roasted root vegetables and homemade dinner rolls.

Then she sends a message to everyone saying there are too many carbs (dinner rolls, mash potaoes, yams- arnt these staples?)and we need to balance the meal better . So she asked for someone to bring a salad instead of a carb. Ummm, you can't make a salad at a dinner you're hosting!? Wtf. And I have Christmas brunch with my IL'S before this dinner so I already don't have much prep time to make my dishes for this thing. This is not normal right? I'm not crazy for being annoyed at this?

[britab]

Got a weird Christmas letter from DH's grandparents.

My name is spelled wrong and so is DD's and hers says girl in parenthesis. Her name is not masculine or unisex. BIL's new baby's name is spelled wrong too, as well as his fiancé's last name.

I get they are older but seriously. They get cards from us.