Dressing 6yo for school

[ShamyCooler]

Ex-H and I got into a disagreement recently and I thought I'd ask here if I'm the wrong one.

Long story short is Ex feels like I let DD dress like a hobo for school, and doesn't like it. I let her pick out whatever she wants to wear, as long as it's weather (and school) appropriate. I don't really care if she's mismatched.

Am I wrong here? Should I still be picking out her clothes for her (like Ex's wife does) or is it age appropriate for her to be picking out her own clothes (within reason)?

[Poppy]

Day to day I'd let the kid pick. Events or important days I pick.

I also don't really have much that would be really offensive together. Boys clothing is much easier that way.

As long as she's happy and getting dressed on her own I'd call that a win. He sounds overbearing.

[Deleted]

Would you be open to giving her 2 options for outfits that way she still gets to choose between those 2 outfits but at least they match?

With DS I show him 2 T shirts and 2 pants and he chooses between those options provided.

[ShamyCooler]

Poppy he actually is pretty controlling and overbearing, which is a reason we're no longer married lol!

He doesn't get a say in what she wears on my weeks, I'm more just wondering if I'm odd or weird for not caring about a 6yo mismatching. (And for special occasions she does have to wear what is picked out).

[angelashly]

We have uniforms but I let her choose what one she wants to wear.

On the weekends I let her choose but they have to match. I do often give her 2 choices so she feels she has a say

[Deleted]

I personally lean towards the happy medium of picking out a couple outfits (that match) for her to pick from ... she still feels like she's choosing, but also matches

[ShamyCooler]

Feb 11, 2017 13:50:02 GMT -5 @LakerMama66 said:

And layers. I don't know what it is about layers, but apparently they're cool like shorts layered over leggings and tanks over tees.

See, it's more like this. She wants shorts, but it's cold so I tell her she has to wear leggings under. Then she picks out a shirt that clashes with the leggings and I'm very :meh: about that fact. I see it more as her evolving her own style.

(She doesn't have any offensive or inappropriate for her age)

[cadien]

I wince at mismatched outfits but I think it's a harmless kind of empowerment, which is more important in the long run.

[fancynewbeesly]

Day to day she picks. If it is weather appropriate. Most of the time she tries to create a "costume" with real clothes. One day she wore all white and silver because she wanted to be Luna Girl from PJ masks. Yesterday she wore a cheetah print tutu, black pants and a black shirt because she was a cat. She is 5.5. 

I also work at her school, so I see what the other kids are wearing. 

Events? Big things? Etc. We always have the final say.


In our logic, DH is getting ready, I am getting ready and she is getting ready at the same time--she is old enough to take control of her own morning routine. She picks out her clothes, gets dressed, "attempts" her hair and brushes her teeth. She knows that on gym and health days she has to wear sneakers. She isn't a HUGE dress fan. She prefers skirts (tutus), leggings and a t-shirt. Most of her clothes are from the Cat and Jack line at target so they kinda of match. 

Honestly most of her combos aren't bad. We buy her clothes so we know what she has exactly. Nothing is dirty, wrinkled, stained, etc. All summer clothes are on the top of her closet where she can't reach.

[ShamyCooler]

Feb 11, 2017 14:05:16 GMT -5 @LakerMama66 said:

Tell your XH the style is alive and to get with the times!

This is it exactly!!

[spooko]

Around 2-3yo, kids start picking out and getting dressed on their own at my house. 1)less for me to deal with 2)fosters independence. Yes, I know McBenny thinks it looks like a crayon box puked on DD but oh well. I say let her do her thing at your house and let him do his thing. Not a big enough deal to argue over and I do think both sides are really common approaches.

[ShamyCooler]

Feb 11, 2017 14:07:58 GMT -5 donnamoss said:

It's not a battle I'm interested in fighting so I let my 5.5 yr old girl pick, as long as weather appropriate and leggings on PE days. She doesn't like jeans so it's either leggings or dresses in our house. I do not care if she doesn't match. If she is really clashy, I will gently offer an adjustment option. But if she has her heart set on it then I let it go. Soon enough mean girls will force her into a box in terms of her clothing choices so I'm letting her have more of a free reign now.

This is pretty much my thoughts on it exactly!

[akafred]

My kid is very very strong willed. I know everyone says that. No one says "my kid is weak willed." But really. If I offer 2 things she demands a third choice. This has been true forever. I don't fight it. There are lots of opportunities for DD and me to clash on a daily basis. I don't waste my options on clothes.

Of course I may be more firm on special occasions. She isn't wearing a princess dress or shorts and a tank top to a wedding, period. But I will let her pick out a nice dress and choose how she does her hair.

Your H sounds super controlling. I hope your daughter is safe from emotional abuse.

[ShamyCooler]

Feb 11, 2017 14:45:15 GMT -5 akafred said:

My kid is very very strong willed. I know everyone says that. No one says "my kid is weak willed." But really. If I offer 2 things she demands a third choice. This has been true forever. I don't fight it. There are lots of opportunities for DD and me to clash on a daily basis. I don't waste my options on clothes.

Of course I may be more firm on special occasions. She isn't wearing a princess dress or shorts and a tank top to a wedding, period. But I will let her pick out a nice dress and choose how she does her hair.

Your H sounds super controlling. I hope your daughter is safe from emotional abuse.

She is VERY strong willed! Most of the time I enjoy that she has a strong personality (I've always been shy and mild mannered) but she's tough sometimes.

Her dad's house is way more controlled & strict than mine. Her dad wan definitely emotionally abusive to me, but he truly loves his daughter and I don't see that to be the case. He's a controlling type-a police officer so it's how he operates.

[cadien]

My kid is not strong willed. Thankfully.

[dc2london]

If my 6 yo chooses a mismatched outfit, I explain to him that it doesn't match and why. He usually agrees to change, but it's not something over which I would make a big issue.

[ShamyCooler]

Feb 11, 2017 16:35:04 GMT -5 Jesslfar said:

I'm picky about outfits for school and don't do mismatched. What we have always done is pick out full outfits for the week on Sunday and hang the whole outfit including accessories on hangers. On school days they get to chose which outfit they wear when and they get free range for at home outfits.

See this would never work with DD. She picks out clothes the night before, then in the morning changes her mind. She's too opinionated.

[msdrdg]

I let him pick. I don't care if he matches, I just care that he's dressed. Honestly, who's to judge? The teachers can guess that he dressed himself and half the other kids look the same, so whatever.

[Deleted]

She picks. I do try to guide so that it doesn't completely clash, but as long as it is not completely clashing then I'm cool with the mismatched look.

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2017 15:06:27 GMT -5 dc2london said:

If my 6 yo chooses a mismatched outfit, I explain to him that it doesn't match and why. He usually agrees to change, but it's not something over which I would make a big issue.

I would do this, and if he honestly thinks it's over the top in the mismatching department I'd probably try just a little bit harder. Cause kids are notorious for not really knowing what goes together. I wouldn't fight about it, just do a little instructional time. Also when choosing things, I'd choose a pair of pants that has several tops that go with and several pants that go with each top. Like an elementary school capsule wardrobe. lol

[rvasc]

Feb 11, 2017 14:04:52 GMT -5 cadien said:

I wince at mismatched outfits but I think it's a harmless kind of empowerment, which is more important in the long run.

This.

[k3am]

DD picks her outfits. The results are usually questionable. And she's SO proud of them. We try to steer her towards matching, but it's not something I'm willing to lose sleep over.

[obscurereference]

Well I guess I have a somewhat differing approach because I think it's important to let my kid pick what she wants and wear things the way she wants to. I have learned to bite my tongue and not correct her because she gets visibly self conscious and that is the opposite of what I want for her. I want her to be who she is and if it's mismatched, so be it.

[cadien]

I also think that the fact she is only choosing her outfits every other week, and has them picked for her the other half of the time, should make a difference.

[my3gals]

Give her her a few options and let her choose from that. Don't let her be the the mismatched kid.

[bunnyfungo]

Am I an asshole? My mom let me wear what I wanted. Which was snow boots and a Starter Jacket for most of elementary. But I was also made fun of for most of elementary. So I will be choosing DD's outfits. Sorrynotsorry. You'll thank me in 30 years.

[cribs4life]

Feb 11, 2017 20:16:51 GMT -5 bunnyfungo said:

Am I an asshole? My mom let me wear what I wanted. Which was snow boots and a Starter Jacket for most of elementary. But I was also made fun of for most of elementary. So I will be choosing DD's outfits. Sorrynotsorry. You'll thank me in 30 years.

I also had a starter jacket. Probably not the best choice

[spooko]

Feb 11, 2017 20:16:51 GMT -5 bunnyfungo said:

Am I an asshole? My mom let me wear what I wanted. Which was snow boots and a Starter Jacket for most of elementary. But I was also made fun of for most of elementary. So I will be choosing DD's outfits. Sorrynotsorry. You'll thank me in 30 years.

To me, whether you are an asshole or not directly depends on how much you judge other parents/kids for doing the opposite. 

[bunnyfungo]

Feb 11, 2017 20:28:05 GMT -5 spooko said:

Feb 11, 2017 20:16:51 GMT -5 bunnyfungo said:

Am I an asshole? My mom let me wear what I wanted. Which was snow boots and a Starter Jacket for most of elementary. But I was also made fun of for most of elementary. So I will be choosing DD's outfits. Sorrynotsorry. You'll thank me in 30 years.

To me, whether you are an asshole or not directly depends on how much you judge other parents/kids for doing the opposite. 

I don't GAF what other people do. But I'm not the one judging your kid, ultimately. It's their peers. And I can't, in good conscience, put my kid in a position of being ridiculed by their peers. I've been that kid. I hated myself.

[ghostmonkey]

Feb 11, 2017 20:16:51 GMT -5 bunnyfungo said:

Am I an asshole? My mom let me wear what I wanted. Which was snow boots and a Starter Jacket for most of elementary. But I was also made fun of for most of elementary. So I will be choosing DD's outfits. Sorrynotsorry. You'll thank me in 30 years.

I was the same so I tried to dress a little more with the trends at the time and got mocked for trying to act like I was suddenly cool.

So yeah. You do you. Not a fight I'm going to pick daily.