@scoutnumbers I am in agreement. My Kindergartner is very independent and her clothing choices are important to her. I had a proud mama moment when we were planning Disney. We were going to have lunch at Cinderella's castle and I suggested she dress like a princess. When I told her that other girls might be dressing up as princesses, she said "well, if that is what they choose to do, that's okay." She is also the same kid who refused to wear PJs during spirit week because PJs are just not right outside the house.
Letting my kid pick out their own outfit doesn't mean they have to look awful. I am the one buying the clothes. My kid just likes to match different patterns and has her own style. I am going with it for now.
I throw out anything with stains or holes. Anything on the small side gets pulled out with laundry too. But if DD wants to wear everything that sparkles, get it girl. Maybe if she was getting teased we would talk. But the only comments she gets are positive. So yeah, not dimming her shine.
If you are buying your kid's clothing you are already telling what's appropriate. It's not like your throwing complete caution to the wind.
This - none of the kids clothes are dirty or don't fit or have holes. Mostly I buy neutral pants for DS so it's not a major issue. Yes he has a black shirt with brown pants and DD sometimes wears a pattern with a pattern but the colors coordinate. Most of her stuff is mix and match capsule wardrobe esque.
And I do teach them how to match but I'm not dressing them. Nor am I in the camp of the have to be perfectly turned out to avoid bullying. I mean kids made fun of the girl whose mom dressed her and did her hair and everything she wore was beautiful and never worn twice. Kids know when mom dresses them and that's not great either bullying wise.
I can't make assumptions but most kids and parents fall into this category around here just normal kids clothes. Most kids aren't fashion plates or wearing totally ugly clothes.
I am SO with @scoutnumbers on this. Thank goodness my kid's school is all a little quirky so this isn't the sort of thing that gets made fun of. She has been teased at gymnastics camp because she dressed like a boy... we talked and SHE decided to dress like a girl THERE but she wears boy clothes other places often. This will probably get me flamed but I think that if the other kids want to make your kid a target, and if your kid is the type to react the way the bullies like when teased, they will find *something* to tease. If not clothes then weight or hair or name or any number of things cruel kids say. I was a target. If I changed my clothes then they found something else I couldn't change. We need to teach our kids not to BE bullies and work with them how to handle it if they are bullied.
I do agree with McBenny that we need to teach our kids how to put together an outfit. I just choose a different method. I take the slow road and make suggestions rather than shutting it down. We'll all get there. DD is 7.5 and matches more often than not now. And when she doesn't, it's so flagrant I think it is intentional, and I am ok with that.
I will say I assume we are talking about more or less neurotypical kids here. If your kid has special needs like autism or ID and can't really understand the social nuances etc and are therefore more of a target than a typical kid, then "don't make your kid a target" probably makes a lot of sense. Also more explicit teaching of what matches and why, what doesn't match and why might be needed. My kid has ADHD but "gets" social things most of the time so I have faith it will sink in over time with the subtle approach.
I totally have some stained shirts and leggings with holes and jeans with holes. Many times the jeans with holes get cut into shorts. They are in their own separate drawer and get taken out to wear to my dad's house. I know this is not the norm for everyone else. The girls go to my dad's regularly when not in school. He takes them outside, fishing, Berry picking, gardening, just digging in dirt, etc. They get filthy! And they love it! I'm not ruining good clothes for play at my dad's house and he rarely takes then anywhere, although he has carseat/booster seat in case of an emergency or if he decided he wanted to go somewhere. And they would look like hobos.
If this is the standard then I fail constantly in the summer. DD may look cute and matchup and clean and hair brushed when she leaves the house in the morning but when she gets off the camp bus she looks like she has been playing in the mud all day -- because she has! But sometimes we go somewhere for dinner (like Moe's tacos, not fine dining) or stop at a grocery store. Oh well. I figure most people can guess why I look like I came from work in an office and she looks like she crawled out of the woods.
@akafred not the norm as in not everyone gets to ship there kids off to their grandparent's house for non school days
Oh I know. I'm just saying I was all like "my kid may not match but at least she's clean" and then you reminded me that goes out the window at the end of the day, especially in summer. OMG she gets SO FILTHY.
I totally have some stained shirts and leggings with holes and jeans with holes. Many times the jeans with holes get cut into shorts. They are in their own separate drawer and get taken out to wear to my dad's house. I know this is not the norm for everyone else. The girls go to my dad's regularly when not in school. He takes them outside, fishing, Berry picking, gardening, just digging in dirt, etc. They get filthy! And they love it! I'm not ruining good clothes for play at my dad's house and he rarely takes then anywhere, although he has carseat/booster seat in case of an emergency or if he decided he wanted to go somewhere. And they would look like hobos.
We are the family who lives like your dad. I think kids should play outside. Indeed, we went to the doctor's office directly from a playdate where the kids found a fluffy bush they could get underneath to make a house. They rode bikes in the mud that day and ate a picnic. DS had some jam on his ear and the doctor was like, oh, just sticky, not a rash. That was kind of embarrassing, but I'm glad we were able to have a fun morning rather than sitting around all day staying clean. I don't care if the kids wear things that have stains or are a bit worn. Sure, I put away things that are ratty, but it just doesn't seem like a big deal.
DD is on a dress kick and I try to accommodate it. I insist they wear things that are appropriate for the weather. I want my kids to look clean enough that parents don't judge them to be unfit friends for their children... And I don't want to neglect their desires--if it's spirit day and they want to wear college gear, we'll make it happen. But I think it's ethical to wear hand me downs and I just don't think it matters that much.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
@lakermama66 or a convent. I haven't ruled that out
Half of the appeal of private school is the uniforms, man. I wish our district would adopt them.
So you don't want parents to squash independent thought and finding their own style so kids should wear what they want but you are ok with the school telling the kid exactly what to wear as a uniform?
Kids aren't born knowing how clothes go together. That is part of my job to teach them that. Doesn't mean they have to be mini me and wear my same style.
School uniform proponents say that showing a polished and dressed up look at school helps children to take school more seriously. So if s patent chooses to enforce that themselves absent school uniforms there is value in that as well
And all people judge. Kids teachers employers everyone judges. Some are mean and do it to your face or its whispered behind your back. Dealing with that can be easier if you have on a nice outfit rather than dressing as a dork lol
Lol my kid totally picks out most of her own clothes in the store. Yeah I veto some things but if I don't allow her to choose most of it then she just won't wear what I choose for her and she'll be wearing the same few outfits she likes. Some of that is sensory for her.
I feel like I can try to influence her without controlling her. Like, she was choosing all boys athletic pants and shorts. So I have bought a few girls athletic shorts and leggings and she loves those. So I'm steering her my way but not demanding it.
McBenny, clothes don't make or break a person goes both ways though.
True. However out of somewhere it's evolved long before me that there is a standard neatness. As in they don't make mismatched lengths or designs. Clothes patterns are standard for whether it's tops and or bottoms with some variations. They don't make quilt type clothes pulling shit from here or there.
We have a small window to teach these norms as we do anything else. We don't kit our food on the floor and eat off that. We don't shit on the floor etc. We teach our kids how to conduct themselves at different places, how to sit down and eat a meal, how to behave at other people's houses. So all I'm saying is I find the whole I don't want to crush my child's spirit by suggesting clothes that match and vetoing shit that clashes as a weak argument.
Again I was never talking about runway Vogue ready. My comments hAve been based on the OP and being mismatched.
Again if you are OK with you and your H stepping out in clothes that are coordinated within that outfit but your kid looks like they got dressed in the dark than that's cool for you.
Don't make it seems S though someone else who makes sure their kid is coordinated is dashing spirits here.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
Lol my kid totally picks out most of her own clothes in the store. Yeah I veto some things but if I don't allow her to choose most of it then she just won't wear what I choose for her and she'll be wearing the same few outfits she likes. Some of that is sensory for her.
I feel like I can try to influence her without controlling her. Like, she was choosing all boys athletic pants and shorts. So I have bought a few girls athletic shorts and leggings and she loves those. So I'm steering her my way but not demanding it.
Yeah, I'm pretty amused at the idea that you can't influence and educate without imposing non-bending will.
I can parent pretty effectively, and try to guide, without being a hard ass about all aspects of their existence.
I'm pretty sure nobody here said they were hard ass about all aspects of the kids existence. McBenny might be closest but still her kids have some say in what they wear every day.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
Don't make it seems S though someone else who makes sure their kid is coordinated is dashing spirits here.
That's an exaggeration of what I was saying, but okay. My larger issue is that telling your kid to confirm to avoid teasing is bullshit. And I'm not going to bend on that one.
I don't like the underlying motivation that was put forth in the teasing article, and that is what I have been primarily addressing.
I also never said this. However if your kid is being teased horribly due to high water pants, you'll say nothing? Suggest nothing? No, well baby the pants RE very short?
OK that's you.
Also example here Before the umpteen posts about I remove the clothes that don't fit.
If you do, why? Styles is alive and all that. Why do you remove high waters, too tight clothes, etc.
We all adhere to a standard. To say you don't is not reality.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
Post by fancynewbeesly on Feb 12, 2017 11:54:05 GMT -5
@scoutnumbers,
I agree with you. School clothes are not my hill to die on. If Reese came to me in tears because someone made fun of her for clothes/hair/etc. we would talk about an acceptable solution. But luckily my kid is one of those DGAF kids about what others say/do. If it makes her comfortable and she feels good in it, she has no problem wearing it. Sometimes I wish I had her confidence.
I do think that all her medical issues boosted her confidence. She got called a boy a few times for hair being SO short or "why is a boy wearing a dress?" from kids passing by her in the store. She has told other kids/adults that medicine made her hair fall out/short. And then went right back to doing whatever she was doing.
However for formal events/weddings/graduations/etc---we always choose and she knows that. During school and going around town on weekends she always chooses. But big things? We always do.
I will say my mom can't stand that she chooses her clothes. She is very controlling about clothes and being put together. Honestly? She picked out/laid out my clothes throughout my entire childhood--and I feel that as an adult, I have never developed a sense of style because I never had to. Now I feel lost in a store trying to buy clothes for myself.
I just do a simple "that doesn't match" or "you have too many colors on."
There's no fussing or fighting. Kind of like with meals. You either eat or you don't no fuss. Just don't ask for other food. It's always been so it's a non issue.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
Judging and even teasing is pretty much a given. It happens and we deal with it.
if you try to head some of that off at the pass by advising and teaching your child to do or wear certain things in certain environments that is good too Like you snicker and point at the clothing choices of the people of Walmart or the what not to wear. You'd talk about the mil wearing white to the wedding.
If you found your kid being talked about or avoided for always picking his nose you'd deal with that. If he was talking to people too loud or right in their face you'd deal with that too. You teach them manners and not to always interrupt their friends when talking. All sorts of things we teach our kids so they will fit in better. And hopefully that means they won't be teased.
Similarly Clothes can help a kid to fit into their peer group a bit easier. Yes it's stupid but pretending that it isn't important to view the world around you and adjust to that world is redic.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
Post by ShamyCooler on Feb 12, 2017 11:58:32 GMT -5
I know this has veered away from my specific situation but I just wanted to say I do gently let her know the outfit she's picked out may not match or really go together. If she still chooses to go with it, then I'm ok with it.
And DD has dealt with a couple mean kids in class and it has never been about her clothes, so it's really a "they'll find anything to tease about" in my experience.
I'm at a 2 on this topic and not remotely upset about it.
Once again, dress your kids how you want. You think it's cute. OK.
Bullshit on the 2.
And that last line is condescending as fuck, so good job. But we all know you are fucking perfect and should be everyone's example and the rest of us are worthless failures in your eyes. You make that quite clear on the regular.
With respect to peer groups, I don't think kids walk around clueless. My kid would not wear jeans at all before school. I wanted her to have some for school simply because they coordinate well and are warmer than leggings. She refused to wear them still even though we tried them on at the store and she went through the elaborate process of sitting criss cross applesauce (her idea) to see if they were comfortable. I was annoyed when she just flat out refused to wear them after purchasing. So...Fast forward to a few months of school, and she actually chooses to wear them. She still thinks blue jeans need to go with a blue shirt. All other colors do not coordinate in her mind. I can only assume she sees other kids wearing jeans and thinks it's okay now.
I am all for if you want to pick out clothes for your children. Whatever floats your boat. We all pay for the clothes now, so it's not like we aren't having some say.
I do have friends who have to have perfectly coordinated outfits all the time for their kids. Monograming stuff. Whatever. They enjoy it and their kids don't have a problem with it. I have other things I focus on. It's all good.
Judging and even teasing is pretty much a given. It happens and we deal with it.
if you try to head some of that off at the pass by advising and teaching your child to do or wear certain things in certain environments that is good too Like you snicker and point at the clothing choices of the people of Walmart or the what not to wear. You'd talk about the mil wearing white to the wedding.
If you found your kid being talked about or avoided for always picking his nose you'd deal with that. If he was talking to people too loud or right in their face you'd deal with that too. You teach them manners and not to always interrupt their friends when talking. All sorts of things we teach our kids so they will fit in better. And hopefully that means they won't be teased.
Similarly Clothes can help a kid to fit into their peer group a bit easier. Yes it's stupid but pretending that it isn't important to view the world around you and adjust to that world is redic.
Yes but can you not accept that there is more than one way to go about this teaching? Can you not allow that people may focus on this more as the child gets older and has more experience instead of fighting it with preschoolers or early elementary kids?
In general we aren't talking about breaking spirits as McBenny said. Telling your kid not to wear that isn't going to break their spirit most of the time. But with my kid, I save the fights for things that matter, because constant arguing could actually break her spirit. She has special needs in that area though.
And for the record I do not make fun of People of Walmart and I have always felt like the What Not to Wear people need to buzz off and mind their own business. MIL wearing white at the wedding, I guess I would notice because it's a "rule" but the better "rule" in my mind is not to try to outshine the bride. A simple white suit dress and blazer would IMO be fine at a wedding, where a bright red sequiny ball gown would probably make me side eye then more, because they might take the attention away from the bride. This world is too judgy. I try not to be part of that, at least not for cosmetic things. More important how you act IMO.
Yes I agree with the play clothes. Kids start out looking nice play in mud and then get Mac n cheese all over themselves and look like wrecks at the end of the day. Mostly in the summer. Get baths and start out with clean clothes the next day repeat into infinity.
I'm at a 2 on this topic and not remotely upset about it.
Once again, dress your kids how you want. You think it's cute. OK.
Bullshit on the 2.
And that last line is condescending as fuck, so good job. But we all know you are fucking perfect and should be everyone's example and the rest of us are worthless failures in your eyes. You make that quite clear on the regular.
Whatever. I said multiple times I dot really care what and how other people dress their kids.
I also have shared numerous times and ways my imperfections bit it's your age old argument.
I also never called anyone worthless or a failure. If that's what you're hearing then maybe you're projecting some extra personal baggage on me.
So yeah as long as you're happy with how your kid is dressed is a statement. You receiving as saying something else by an online person who has never seen your kid or been in your kid's closet then again sounds like your own issue.
I know Larry happened. Please do not try to convince me otherwise. Please don't talk to me about coffee. I don't drink it. I don't caffeine. When I state my opinion, that is me chiming in on a topic. This is not me saying you suck at life if you do or feel differently. If I want to say that, I will. If I want to speak on you, I will.
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