Post by toratoratori on Jan 17, 2015 0:31:31 GMT -5
We had to take C to the emergency room the other day (yay RSV!) and were debating who was going to stay home from work with her for the rest of the week. He said I should stay home, because he can work overtime and make more money and really, this is all about money.
I had to remind him that no, it's not just about money. It's also about important projects that I have going on, meetings I need to attend, and a major event I'm in the middle of planning. And while I know he thinks a trained monkey could do my job, it actually is a legit career that I can't just walk away from because he can bring in an extra $20.
Post by thepardoner on Jan 17, 2015 9:54:00 GMT -5
My husband & I have THE EXACT SAME JOB and it's still a battle. I know my husband is more anxious then I am when the kids are sick, so he'd rather I stay home.
Post by cambury108 on Jan 17, 2015 11:52:33 GMT -5
This is the one place where I am blessed because we both work but I am the only one who works outside of the home. His job is done during naps,when I am home and at night when we are all sleeping.
I am sorry that your H made you feel that way. HUGS!
Post by toratoratori on Jan 17, 2015 12:04:47 GMT -5
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one in this boat, but at the same time, now I just feel bad for all of us :/
cambury108 That's a really awesome arrangement! I think my hubs would go crazy if he was tethered to a desk, much less our house and the baby. (I know I definitely would.)
Post by toratoratori on Jan 17, 2015 12:20:44 GMT -5
YES, @bobyn1113! I mean really, I don't mind being the primary parent for pick-ups and doctor's appointment, but I just want that to not be the expectation. Because one of these days something is going to happen and I'm NOT going to be able to leave work. And then what??
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one in this boat, but at the same time, now I just feel bad for all of us :/
cambury108 That's a really awesome arrangement! I think my hubs would go crazy if he was tethered to a desk, much less our house and the baby. (I know I definitely would.)
He has an "odd" job and its 100% flexible to his time so we save on DC and he is the SAHD in most aspects. Our two oldest are in school all day and the LO still takes a good 1.5-3 hour nap in the middle of the day so he works then for a bit. I have a rotating schedule so I am home some days till 1:30 pm so he will work till I leave and other days I work 6:30am till 2pm so he works after I am home. About 3-4 nights a week he will put in an hour or two after the kids are in bed while I internet/relax/do my own things.
Its an arrangement that works for us and I am glad he is the one home with the kiddos when they are sick or have all these zillion days off school for one reason or another.
Every fucking time. We usually fight about it and it ends up we both work half days. My schedule is more flexible if I have time to plan, but I'm contract so if I don't work I don't get paid and I work in home with kids so it sucks if I have to cancel time and time again for the same family. He makes way more money but has pto and is salaried. I hate being the default parent and I fight against it every time.
DH is SAHD and we still have issues similar to this.. :/ Any Dr appointments have to be scheduled for my days off and H makes me feel guilty if I want/have to work overtime.
DH is SAHD and we still have issues similar to this.. :/ Any Dr appointments have to be scheduled for my days off and H makes me feel guilty if I want/have to work overtime.
Post by sunflowersummer on Jan 18, 2015 10:55:26 GMT -5
Yup, my H makes double what I make, so when he's really PO'd because I won't let him buy something (ridiculous) that he wants because we need to pay, you know, bills and such, he throws the money thing at me. He's done it a handful of times, and usually apologizes immediately after, but he can be a real asshat about it.
Post by jenniferb123006 on Jan 18, 2015 19:00:34 GMT -5
We've had some epic battles over this. DH doesn't have a more important job than I do and our salaries are comparable. However his boss thinks my job doesn't matter. It makes it difficult for him to receive the okay for time off. I am usually don't mind, but I only get 10 days a year (and 3 personal days -- I'm a teacher), so when they are gone I don't get paid. Not to mention my students need me too.
This is us too. The burden defaults to me. I think its because I am pt (2, 12hr shifts/week) that he thinks I should be the one to stay home. But he forgets he is the one salaried, I am not. He has sick time, I do not (I just get general earned time that I have to use for sick days and vacation or when we flex down). Not to mention that I used up all my ET for my maternity leave and am starting from scratch again.
Post by allthedrinks on Jan 19, 2015 9:55:52 GMT -5
Right there with you ladies! My husband and I are both in salaried positions with the exact same amount of sick days, personal days and vacation days. Butttt... It is always expected that I'm the one to take off if little is sick or DC is closed. Mostly he apologizes profusely and I let it go but the other day we had a situation and he casually said well you can just WFH like that was no big deal. Uh... I have 50 people who report up to me and they have a reasonable expectation that the boss is in the office leading the team. We had a long talk about how taking time off randomly severely affects my career trajectory. I get that we work in totally different environments but my career is just as important as his and quite frankly a bit more precarious. I hate the term "mommy track" but in what I do it really exists. So apparently I have a lot of feels about that! Thanks for letting me vent.
Post by fancynewbeesly on Jan 19, 2015 13:09:49 GMT -5
We are in a unique system and luckily have SEMI flexible jobs.
Since last January DH arranged his schedule to work on Saturday but have off every Wednesday for doctor's appointments. (After my family leave ran out and I had to go back to work). I took ALL hospital stays since it is easier for me to go out on family leave and have a bigger chunk of time off. (even though it is unpaid; he gets a lower salary plus commission, so he really needs to be in the office).
Since I teach, during the summer I do all doctors and hospital stays.
I wouldn't say DP is judgey, but I think she thinks because I work from home my job is easier. Her job is a bit more physical. She's on her feet all day, etc. My job is mentally exhausting. She seems to think she gets a pass on household duties because I WAH. It drives me crazy.
DH gets almost 4 times the amount of paid leave as I do so unless he has something vital going on it is always him. He sometimes gets pissy about it but, 4 TIMES THE AMOUNT!
DH and I usually both work from home when the youngest is sick so we can trade off. Unless he is out of town, then it's all me. Occasionally he gets super uptight about it and demands that I just take a day off because he "has things to get done". That's pretty much the end of that discussion - as soon as he throws out there that he's busy and I can just suck it up, he gets to take a day. It's the penalty, mutually agreed upon, to keep DH from being a total jerk about things. We too have the same job, so he had to recognize he isn't a special snowflake.
Post by librarychica on Jan 21, 2015 10:51:09 GMT -5
This was us at the beginning but now H is self-employed and is much kinder to himself (and his emoters) about off time than his old boss. Thank heavens. We usually split te day 50/50, is that possible?
This was us at the beginning but now H is self-employed and is much kinder to himself (and his emoters) about off time than his old boss. Thank heavens. We usually split te day 50/50, is that possible?
Why does my autocorrect keep changing employees to emoters? No one is emoting!
This was us at the beginning but now H is self-employed and is much kinder to himself (and his emoters) about off time than his old boss. Thank heavens. We usually split te day 50/50, is that possible?
The 50/50 thing is an awesome arrangement! My hubs works a pretty unpredictable schedule during the day so it's hard to know where he'd be able to leave, but maybe that's something we could try for the future.
Previous lurker, jumping in after the great migration...
We work for the same company, so same amount of leave, but have really different jobs. Mine is very 8-5 (actually, 7-3, but that's a story for a different day), and he does IT work, so while he's expected to be around during most of the day, flexes his time with evening/weekend/on call work as needed.
Right now, the assumption is that I'll stay with her (thankfully no sick days for baby's sake yet, only mom's!) because of BFing, and that just makes sense. Once we don't do that any more, I really hope he'll go 50/50, with maybe a few more on his end because he has more flex to WFH, etc.
Post by tjenkins528 on Jan 21, 2015 17:02:04 GMT -5
Unfortunately my company is not flexible at ALL so DH always has to be the go to if DS gets sick or needs to stay home. Luckily, daycare is on site for DH, but still...
If it makes anyone feel better I make a crapload more than DH at a much more responsible and high-profile job. And I still do most of the staying at home. Hilariously, we both go to all doc's appointments. Our pediatrician thinks we are insane, I'm sure. I'm out of town this week, so DH is doing a dentist appointment w our 2.5 yo alone. I offered to reschedule and he said no. So apparently he finally heard me when I told him his job really has to give sometimes.
95% of the time it is me. DH's boss had the nerve to tell me that it is the moms job only to take care of the children his wife is SAHM. Only time DH has to stay home with DD is if she gets sick January-April 15th even then I work really hard on having my mom bail me out as I don't want to hear the "why can't you do it". I'm a partner in my office so I have flexibility most of the time. DH is a repairman for garage doors so really his job isn't life and death even though he thinks so.
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