TTCAL 3/28 - Not February

[Rama]

sarahh I've only taken Femara once, but I didn't notice any weight gain on it.

[aprilz81]

sarahh, I've taken Femara several cycles and I've not noticed any weight gain. Any weight gain has been from overeating...

Since you only take the pills 5 days I would think it would be super hard to gain actual weight during a cycle just from the meds. You may retain fluid or something for a bit but not actual "fat".

[scoutradley]

I'm so sorry to see so many people here now. It's so very heart breaking. My love and hugs go to all of you.

[mflowers929]

Mar 29, 2017 17:33:22 GMT -5 scoutradley said:

I'm so sorry to see so many people here now. It's so very heart breaking. My love and hugs go to all of you.

That's how it used to happen over on TB too. They'd almost come in waves. It hurts my heart every time =(

[ajetter]

Mar 29, 2017 17:33:22 GMT -5 scoutradley said:

I'm so sorry to see so many people here now. It's so very heart breaking. My love and hugs go to all of you.

This. So grateful to have you all to 'lean on', but hate that so many are finding themselves here.

[notelsie]

How are you doing?

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC

Diagnosis (if applicable): IR PCOS

Updates/questions: Nothing really to report.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): My temps/chart is frustrating me.. I've also gained weight so I look pregnant even though I'm not. I need to take better care of myself. It's just been overwhelming lately.

QOTW: What is your favorite breakfast food? Grits, bacon, eggs, and waffles. mmmm

[notelsie]

citybee so sorry for your loss

[notelsie]

Mar 28, 2017 13:59:22 GMT -5 Rama said:

How are you doing? Numb/sad/pissed

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): Benched, I guess?

Diagnosis (if applicable): PCOS, EP, MMC, oglio-/annovulation

Updates/questions: We found out at our appointment on Friday that we lost the babies almost a week prior.

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I'm in a weird place. I have a dead baby inside of me and getting everything set up to do genetic testing on the products of conception is proving to be a headache. I'm in love with my OB, though, she's doing the most and then some. I feel so cared for by her.

QOTW: What is your favorite breakfast food? Eggs Benedict

Oh this hurts my heart so much.. I'm so sorry, Rama  

[notelsie]

I just wish I could hug everyone

[mflowers929]

Uhhh, does anyone else see my normal check in post? I swear I did one, but I can't see it.

Also, I called back the specialist office this morning, and I have an appointment now for the 18th next month. I'm excited and nervous and bouncy all at once. I feel like I've been on the bench for forever, and while I'm looking forward to getting off of it, I really don't know how to feel!

[notelsie]

kariann12 I'm so sorry for your loss

[notelsie]

Mar 30, 2017 8:21:24 GMT -5 mflowers929 said:

Uhhh, does anyone else see my normal check in post? I swear I did one, but I can't see it.

Also, I called back the specialist office this morning, and I have an appointment now for the 18th next month. I'm excited and nervous and bouncy all at once. I feel like I've been on the bench for forever, and while I'm looking forward to getting off of it, I really don't know how to feel!

I see responses from you, but not an actual check in post.

I hope everything goes well at your appt!

[scoutradley]

**TW LC Mentioned**
I'm freaking out a little here, which is know is crazy but I can't help it. H came home and said he had to drive home one of the men who works on his shift because the man was sick with what appears to be a stomach virus. This means H was exposed to said virus. Last month when we miscarried we had a stomach virus. I had been up all night for several days taking care of the boys who were very sick. Then I came down with it and it was awful. H thinks the virus, fever and dehydration led to the MC, although I had my suspicions before because I didn't have any implantation bleeding like I did with my two term pregnancies (we suspect I had a m/c before because I had symptoms+semi late period+BFP but started a heavy "period" a few days later and I had no implantation bleeding then either). Anyway I'm trying not to panic because we're now in the TWW and we may very well have been exposed to a stomach virus yet again. I feel crazy.

[Rama]

Hugs, scoutradley. Keep everyone as clean as you can for the next few days and hopefully you won't catch it.

You didn't cause your loss. It happened independent of whatever else went on with you. Catching a stomach bug didn't doom you then and if you did again, wouldn't now. People get infected with all sorts of things all the time and come out of them with perfect, healthy babies.

I know I can't make you stop worrying, but I hope you don't hold any guilt or blame yourself for what was entirely outside of your control. *squeeze*

[scoutradley]

Rama thank you. I know logically that I didn't cause it, it's just so hard not to "go there" wonder "what if". Sometimes I just need to be talked out of it when I can't talk myself down. Thank you so much **hugs**

[smores]

scoutradley - **hugs** Sorry I'm late to see this. You are not crazy. I am also an over-analyzer and I know how easy it is to spiral. I don't mean this in a snarky way at all, but your husband is wrong. You did not cause your miscarriage. Nothing you ate, drank, did or did not do, or virus you may have caught caused your miscarriage. I know logically you already know that, but I hope in your heart you also believe it. I'll be sending you lots of healthy vibes this week though, and hope that you are in the clear by now!

[notelsie]

Mar 31, 2017 22:21:31 GMT -5 smores said:

scoutradley - **hugs** Sorry I'm late to see this. You are not crazy. I am also an over-analyzer and I know how easy it is to spiral. I don't mean this in a snarky way at all, but your husband is wrong. You did not cause your miscarriage. Nothing you ate, drank, did or did not do, or virus you may have caught caused your miscarriage. I know logically you already know that, but I hope in your heart you also believe it. I'll be sending you lots of healthy vibes this week though, and hope that you are in the clear by now!

All of this! So many hugs  

[scoutradley]

smores (and notelsie) I think he was trying to make me feel better in that the stomach virus was out of my control. And it kinda did, until I was confronted with having another stomach virus.
To make matters worse, when I was pregnant with our second we had a bug that started contractions and he was about a week shy of having a small chance of surviving outside. Anyway, we were able to stop the contraction and he is fine. But still. It causes panic now. Still we didn't get sick so far so I think we'll be ok.

[smores]

scoutradley - I'm glad he was trying to say it in a comforting "not your fault" way and not a blame way. All the same, I will echo Rama; even if you did get sick this time it would not doom you. Given your past experience though, I can understand your concern. I'm glad to hear you guys stayed healthy! I've got all the things crossed for you this cycle

[scoutradley]

Thanks smores you're the sweetest

[smores]

Sooo... H and I went out with our closest mutual friend tonight. This friend knows we are TTC/wanting another. Long story short the conversation turned to "the next kid" and before I knew it, I had broke out into tears and then word vomitted that we had a miscarriage. Then there were tears all around. In the middle of a bar. On a Saturday night. So that happened. We always intended to share with this friend since its someone so close to us, but I feel like an ass for telling at the worst possible time since I knew it would be emotional. I suck. Also, I haven't cried about my loss in nearly two weeks, so even I was like wtf? We collected, rallied, and went on to have a great night, then talked about it a bit once we got back to our house which was more what I had envisioned. I don't need hair pats, I just needed to vent. Ugh.

[ajetter]

smores I'm sorry that sucks. Glad you rallied though and had a good night. I think at least once a week someone asks me if we're going to go for a fourth, and I alternate between smiling and saying we're open to the idea, and having to swallow back sobs because I want to say we had a fourth.

[notelsie]

So many hugs smores ❤

[scoutradley]

smores hugs and more hugs. That sucks. It's definitely hard when that topic comes up, especially post loss. I'm glad it seemed to have been received and handled well and the evening wasn't ruined. But it's okay that you cried because you deserve to be able to mourn, even though it wasn't necessarily the way you planned.

[esgrunner]

smores, it may or may not make you feel any better but I have found myself in situations like that. For example...we were out at my friend's bachelorette celebration in a salon (I am close with the bride-to-be but not any of the other women) and I blurted out about my recent loss then and just started bawling. I think some of the women were a little uncomfortable but the ones that are already moms seemed to understand. One of them had come in at the beginning of the day, announcing her 4th pregnancy (unplanned, which they learned about AFTER her husband's vasectomy....) and sort of complaining about it. Super awkward social day for me.

[esgrunner]

Looking for a new place to hang now. Not sure if I need to put a TW about my loss since this is TTCAL but that's what this will be about.

Joining along with kariann12 from Nov17.

Status (TTA, TTC, Benched): TTC but just miscarried this weekend

Diagnosis (if applicable): No diagnosis but this was my 3rd loss (CP before my DS was born and then I had a blighted ovum in October and now just miscarried at 7w, before I even got into the OB for my first visit). 

Updates/questions: What now? I will call my OB tomorrow but what should I be pursuing here? Should I just get more monitoring from them as soon as I find out I am pregnant again? I am suspicious that I have low progesterone (symptoms, including my age). I went on B vitamins the month we conceived and it helped me ovulate on day 14 instead of day 20; I couldn't believe it made such a difference. I stayed on them after I got the BFP but I'm wondering if my progesterone was still too low. I can't help but wonder if that isn't causing things to be more difficult than they should be for us. The triage nurse in the ER was upset that my OB hadn't seen me yet for this pregnancy, considering that I am high risk. 

Debbie downer (a place to vent): I think I put my venting in the updates section. But things are really sucky for me right now, clearly.

QOTW: What is your favorite breakfast food? Acai bowl and a cup of tasty coffee, black.

[esgrunner]

scoutradley, I hear you on the what-ifs. I've had a bad cold this week and I'm thinking "what if I washed my hands better and didn't get this cold?" or "what if DS kicked me and that did this?" or "what if this is karma for something I didn't realize I did?" ....OMG the list goes on. I have to stop myself but it is hard. I know that is all unreasonable but those thoughts linger.

[kariann12]

I'm sorry to see you here as well esgrunner. I have no answers as I'm going through this for the first time. But I'm sending you big ((hugs)).

[esgrunner]

And good God, the pregnancy announcements. There is a mom at daycare (there are only 2 other families that go there) who is pregnant and due around what would have been my due date in May...I still have not congratulated her or mentioned it when I've seen her. I feel like such a tool but I just can't bring myself to acknowledge it.

[mflowers929]

smores, *hugs* the only thing I can think of to say right now is that grief is not linear. You're allowed to have relapses, and it sounds like this friend took it well. I know you didn't need hair pats, but people have a tendency to want to coddle and make better, even when there's nothing they can do.

ajetter, I know that feeling =( I'm constantly asked if I have children, or when I'm due (from one of my residents with mild dementia who knew about my first pregnancy) and I'm really hard torn about having to smile and say "not yet". The fact that it's usually followed up with "you're not getting any younger" doesn't really help =/

esgrunner, welcome, and I'm sorry for your losses. I hope you're able to get some answers. I'm running off of the low progesterone theory as well right now. Do B vitamins help with that?