Things I wish I knew

[Deleted]

As I was reading the advice thread, I was thinking about things I knew now that I didn't know when I was pregnant or newly postpartum but wished I knew then. Ladies, what would you put under that category? Anything you'd like to pass on to those due soon and are lurking that might not constitute as being advice?

[grumpycat88]

When you give birth, your face is in your vagina. They asked if I wanted a mirror and I said no because I didn't want to see all that. I got to see it anyway. Admittedly, it was a cool experience but just know that you'll see it anyway.

And no one cares about you shitting while pushing. Seriously, no one, including you at that point.

[grommom]

Feb 23, 2015 18:30:36 GMT -5 grumpycat88 said:

When you give birth, your face is in your vagina. They asked if I wanted a mirror and I said no because I didn't want to see all that. I got to see it anyway. Admittedly, it was a cool experience but just know that you'll see it anyway.

And no one cares about you shitting while pushing. Seriously, no one, including you at that point.

You must be awfully flexible because I could not see all that over my giant belly...in fact I wanted a mirror to help with my progress but they didn't have enough time so I had to get coached...my advice is that once you're ready to deliver, you don't do 3 pushes with every contraction, you keep pushing until your baby is out. I was not mentally ready for that even though I've delivered before...so I pushed 3 times and the cnm is yelling at me to PUSH! I kind of got off rhythm there and I think I would have done better if someone said, ok now that the CNM is here keep pushing until he's out, versus my thinking we'd keep going in sets of 3.

[hazelnut]

Feb 23, 2015 18:30:36 GMT -5 grumpycat88 said:

When you give birth, your face is in your vagina. They asked if I wanted a mirror and I said no because I didn't want to see all that. I got to see it anyway. Admittedly, it was a cool experience but just know that you'll see it anyway.

And no one cares about you shitting while pushing. Seriously, no one, including you at that point.

True. When they tell you to "push like you're having a bowel movement," just do it. You're gonna shit and no one cares. Hell, if you do, consider it a good thing. It means you're doing it right!

I wish I'd have known how cool it is to feel a baby coming out. If I'd had time for the epidural like I wanted, I'd have missed out. If you can go med free, do it. Yes, it hurts, and hurts badly, but nothing compares to the feeling you get when you hear, "One more good push!" and the feeling of a tiny human making its entrance into the world. SO amazing!

I wish someone had told me that, yes, I'd have some sleepless nights and that having an infant isn't easy, but that after the fact, you won't remember it. Looking back at the first couple of weeks, I know they were rough, but it just doesn't seem THAT bad.

[grumpycat88]

grommom the nurses pushing on my legs helped with flexibility. I was able to see everything after he crowned. They said he's got a full head of hair and I said yup I can see it.

[Deleted]

The body is going to go back down in size differently than it did when it grew to accommodate baby. Even if the weight drops off quickly, a lot of places are most likely still going to look flabby and loose. I wish I knew that and how hard it would be to accept my post-baby body.

[Deleted]

Feb 23, 2015 18:30:36 GMT -5 grumpycat88 said:

When you give birth, your face is in your vagina. They asked if I wanted a mirror and I said no because I didn't want to see all that. I got to see it anyway. Admittedly, it was a cool experience but just know that you'll see it anyway.

And no one cares about you shitting while pushing. Seriously, no one, including you at that point.

I purposefully look right at my OB who was couching me. FI had one leg, my grandmother the other, and they had me pull my legs even closer when I was pushing. Had I looked down, I would have seen everything. 

I didn't give a crap if I shit while pushing. That baby was coming out one way or another by that point, and I just nudged him along quicker

[backseatdriver]

Huh, I saw nothing. 

I wish I had known the stuff in your room that cant be washed gets tossed when you leave. Dont feel bad leaving any diapers etc behind. 

[nachomomma]

Mine would just be a heads up on the hemorrhoids. You don't have to be constipated or strain to get them. Sometimes the weight of you pregnancy brings them. Also, all the info about how to treat them. Hemorrhoids suck.

[BabyStandish]

Feb 23, 2015 20:55:37 GMT -5 nachomomma said:

Mine would just be a heads up on the hemorrhoids. You don't have to be constipated or strain to get them. Sometimes the weight of you pregnancy brings them. Also, all the info about how to treat them. Hemorrhoids suck.

Yes! I never had hemorrhoids before and I was not prepared for how painful they were going to be and had no idea how to treat them. I pushed for 2 and a half hours so I got some pretty good ones. And they do go away...eventually. Just try to be patient and keep treating them.

Agree on the post partum body and pooping during delivery too. I had a mirror to see my progress even though i closed my eyes during all the pushing. I was definitely pooping, but didn't give a crap (lolz). I just wanted that baby out. my husband saw everything too and that really brought us a lot closer

The bleeding...I didn't realize how much you bled after delivery or how long it could last. I bled til about 4.5 weeks.

[ashlantic]

I wish I knew how hard it was to pee after having an epidural! Once they got me all stitched up they had me get up and shower and pee... and I just sat there and sat there with nothing coming out! The nurse told me it was because of the catheter.

I also wish I'd known to ask for help when I needed it. I finally broke down one night our first week home. DH was sleeping (we slept in shifts that 1st week home), I was sore from nursing and lo was inconsolable despite my best efforts. When I finally brought lo to dh, I was in tears from trying to soothe lo. I learned that night to ask for help, it's ok to need a break and I don't need to try to do it all by myself.

[megpie5]

I didn't see anything since I delivered on my knees in a birthing tub, and definitely preferred it that way. I was also super nervous about pooping in the tub so I got out and went to the bathroom when I felt that coming.

I wish I knew how awesome nitrous is...then maybe I would've taken it during labour to ease the pain, cause man, unmedicated labour and delivery is no joke!

[laceysbryan]

I wish I would've known that it's totally okay if your newborn just wants to sleep and isn't interested in the boob every 2 hours the first couple of days after birth. I thought I was failing at BFing and at being a new mom, and I was worried he wasn't going to eat - like ever.

Wrong. So wrong. He was just exhausted. That first cluster feeding day ended the tired hunger strike and he's been eating like a champ ever since.

[hollydfromtn]

Feb 23, 2015 21:35:27 GMT -5 ashlantic said:

I wish I knew how hard it was to pee after having an epidural! Once they got me all stitched up they had me get up and shower and pee... and I just sat there and sat there with nothing coming out! The nurse told me it was because of the catheter.

I also wish I'd known to ask for help when I needed it. I finally broke down one night our first week home. DH was sleeping (we slept in shifts that 1st week home), I was sore from nursing and lo was inconsolable despite my best efforts. When I finally brought lo to dh, I was in tears from trying to soothe lo. I learned that night to ask for help, it's ok to need a break and I don't need to try to do it all by myself.

My catheter had the opposite effect. They forgot to remove mine and I ended up pushing it out with it still inflated. I probably peed in the hospital bathroom floor at least 4 times before discharge bc I couldn't feel when I had to go and I had an enlarged urethra from the cath. It didn't get better until about a week pp.

[lexishay]

I wish someone would have told me that there is a point when you get an epidural that you can sometimes still feel the babies head hitting your pelvis. And you maybe hysterically crying while pushing from the pain of that.

I also wish someone would have told me that there will be random nurses yelling at you while you're pushing and basically pushing your knees behind your head.

Also, my MW answered her phone while delivering me. I thought it was really funny but I know that would make some people really mad but I thought it was hilarious. Haha

[grommom]

Feb 23, 2015 23:15:51 GMT -5 lexishay said:

I wish someone would have told me that there is a point when you get an epidural that you can sometimes still feel the babies head hitting your pelvis. And you maybe hysterically crying while pushing from the pain of that.

I also wish someone would have told me that there will be random nurses yelling at you while you're pushing and basically pushing your knees behind your head.

Also, my MW answered her phone while delivering me. I thought it was really funny but I know that would make some people really mad but I thought it was hilarious. Haha

They had dh help push on my knees but he wasn't pushing at all so one leg was pushed back and he was just sort of holding my leg in place...I had to yell at him to give me more resistance, since he was afraid he'd hurt me.

[funinthenorth]

I wish I had have known that after 1 week I didn't need to wake baby to feed every 3 hrs. I was still setting my alarm to get at exact intervals because that is what I was told to do in the hospital. Ds had lost a lot of weight in the hospital so I was sticking with exactly what I was told. When the nurse came to the house she said I hope your not still setting your alarm....uh yes. I was only at day 10 but still, 3 nights with potentially more sleep seemed like a HUGE deal to me.

I wish I had known that my milk would come in. It took me 5 days - by day 3.5 I was getting really concerned. Day 4 it started to transition and day 5 - kaboom.


I wish I had not worked myself up so much about the first poop after having baby. I had a c-section but I was still terrified. I ate so much fibre in the hospital it had to have helped and like I said, I had a c-section so total different ball game. Regardless - I should not have had myself so worked up about this.

This one isn't a wish, and I'm not really sure I wish I knew it all because I would be more afraid and there is really nothing in the world to prepare you for it. Caring for a newborn is no joke. After 3 days I was exhausted and had only gotten 7 hrs sleep total. At first I was working off adrenaline but when that was over I hit a wall. I just wanted sleep and there was not real way for me to get a lot. Thankfully on night 4 my Mom was here and took ds back to back after 2 feedings and managed to get a few good stretches of sleep. In the morning I felt so much better and felt like "okay, I can do this" again.

[lexishay]

Feb 23, 2015 23:27:06 GMT -5 grommom said:

Feb 23, 2015 23:15:51 GMT -5 lexishay said:

I wish someone would have told me that there is a point when you get an epidural that you can sometimes still feel the babies head hitting your pelvis. And you maybe hysterically crying while pushing from the pain of that.

I also wish someone would have told me that there will be random nurses yelling at you while you're pushing and basically pushing your knees behind your head.

Also, my MW answered her phone while delivering me. I thought it was really funny but I know that would make some people really mad but I thought it was hilarious. Haha

They had dh help push on my knees but he wasn't pushing at all so one leg was pushed back and he was just sort of holding my leg in place...I had to yell at him to give me more resistance, since he was afraid he'd hurt me.

My SO was pushing my leg so hard it was making me mad because I couldn't breathe haha!

[grumpycat88]

I also wish I knew not to wait so long for the epidural. I went from 6cm to 8cm in about half an hour and wasn't able to get it until I was 8cm due to not getting enough bags of fluid in me yet. They put an oxygen mask on me around that time too because I wasn't breathing well as I was well over my pain goal of a 5 at that point. I won't be waiting as long with number two in a few years!

[grommom]

Feb 24, 2015 0:11:56 GMT -5 lexishay said:

Feb 23, 2015 23:27:06 GMT -5 grommom said:

They had dh help push on my knees but he wasn't pushing at all so one leg was pushed back and he was just sort of holding my leg in place...I had to yell at him to give me more resistance, since he was afraid he'd hurt me.

My SO was pushing my leg so hard it was making me mad because I couldn't breathe haha!

Lol, no one can get it right :-)

[raven]

I wish I had known that being induced is no guarantee of a quick labor. I went in Thursday night/Friday morning at 12:30 am, and she was born Saturday morning at 7:10 am. I remember DH saying on Friday evening that he thought we would have met LO by that time.

[Deleted]

Feb 23, 2015 21:35:27 GMT -5 ashlantic said:

I wish I knew how hard it was to pee after having an epidural! Once they got me all stitched up they had me get up and shower and pee... and I just sat there and sat there with nothing coming out! The nurse told me it was because of the catheter.

I didn't have too much of an issue. My catheter was removed about an hour after the epidural was-- my OB wanted me to have control of my legs back. LO was born at 1:15p, I didn't get up to pee until almost 6p (I took a nap). My nurse just said she wanted me up and to attempt the bathroom before 6/7p when shift change occurred but let me say when I was ready (I just had to buzz for her so she could help me up for the first time). To help with the first pee, she gave me the peri bottle and suggested I spray it down there. It definitely got me to go!

[luckypenny]

I wish I knew how much faster 2nd babies come. I know they say subsequent babies come faster and they weren't kidding!

Also, not everyone needs to follow the 5-1-1 rule. I left for the hospital when my contractions were 10 minutes apart for 45 minutes and was still a 9 by the time I got there! If I waited for 5-1-1 my baby would have been born at home or in the car!

[nachomomma]

Feb 24, 2015 16:18:12 GMT -5 luckypenny said:

I wish I knew how much faster 2nd babies come. I know they say subsequent babies come faster and they weren't kidding!

Also, not everyone needs to follow the 5-1-1 rule. I left for the hospital when my contractions were 10 minutes apart for 45 minutes and was still a 9 by the time I got there! If I waited for 5-1-1 my baby would have been born at home or in the car!

Mine went a little like that. Went from timetable contractions to baby in my arms in around 3 hours!

[lasawyer91]

I think the big thing that I want prepared for was the difficulty peeing. It took over a week for full sensation to come back and the burning! Thank god for the first nurse I had who stocked me up on cooling pads

[FiliaRitae]

I wish I had known to stay hydrated post-partum. I tore pretty badly (labial tear and possibly other tearing that I've been too scared to ask about) and peeing literally made me cry (and/or whimper so pathetically that my DH was seriously concerned) from pain, so I restricted my fluid intake so I wouldn't have to as often. BIG MISTAKE. When I was properly hydrated, peeing made my stitches hurt still, but it didn't make me cry. If it made me whimper/cry, I knew I needed to take in more fluids immediately.

[cherryfive]

I also tore pretty badly, but thank goodness the nurse gave me this squeeze bottle to shoot warm water down there when I peed, can't imagine what it would be like peeing without it!

Since I tore to that extreme I had stitches allll over and it was (is) a lot of healing. Sitz bath every day (have one ready if your hospital doesn't give you one) and seriously, take it easy! My doctor prescribed me Percocet (start with like half a pill and work your way up-- that stuff is strong!) and I felt a lot better than I really was and extended my healing time because I finally got my nesting instinct... 27 days PP and I still have a few stitches (but an organized linen closet and bathroom! )

When I was pushing my nurse and doctor really had to help my bend in half-- what they called "wrapping around your baby." I was so exhausted and my tailbone so sore I had a hard time doing it and my sister and the nurse ended up pushing my legs into my body. But I did it!! (Medication free)

[grommom]

Feb 24, 2015 16:18:12 GMT -5 luckypenny said:

I wish I knew how much faster 2nd babies come. I know they say subsequent babies come faster and they weren't kidding!

Also, not everyone needs to follow the 5-1-1 rule. I left for the hospital when my contractions were 10 minutes apart for 45 minutes and was still a 9 by the time I got there! If I waited for 5-1-1 my baby would have been born at home or in the car!

Not all second babies come faster, my friend labored about the sane time as with her first and I labored 5 hours longer than with my first. My CNM said to come in when contractions were 10 min apart for an hour and I waited until they were 7 min apart and they still had me leave and walk around for an hour before having me come back to check in. I wad thinking it'd be faster but I guess what someone should have told us is that you can't really expect anything :-)

[dashook]

I have a lot of these, but I'll narrow it to three, and try not to get too heavy or long-winded.

1) Bonding with the baby doesn't always happen right away. I heard this plenty of times during my pregnancy but dismissed it as something that couldn't happen to me, because a) I already felt so bonded to my baby when he was in utero, and b) that was something that only happened to women with PPD. I was wrong. It was not until this past week that I began to feel "in love" with my little boy (and he is 6w6d). Now that I feel it, I am completely smitten, but as recently as last Friday I was telling my husband that I was beginning to consider seeking help because my emotions toward him mostly consisted of frustration and despair (see #2).

2) It is SO hard. People always talk in platitudes about how hard it is to have a newborn. I figured they were referring to sleep deprivation and the general adjustment your life has to take to accommodate this new person, and I was all "I can handle that," but it is so much more than that. For one, the "baby blues" should be renamed the "soul-crushing sadness and crippling self-doubt of new motherhod" because at least the latter remotely begins to describe the feelings that I had daily (but mainly in the middle of the night) for weeks after Baby H was born. I figured I'd just be a little weepy and over-emotional, similar to how I was at the end of my pregnancy. Nope. Nope, nope, nope.

3) Breastfeeding will take over your life. I read up on BF a *lot* while I was pregnant and was well aware of the challenges it can pose. And yes, it is a learning process, and it is challenging, but I expected all of that and was able to overcome some hurdles to be where I am with it at this point, and now it's going really well. But what I didn't really know or think about was how much choosing to BF is a choice to extend the period of time during which your body is not your own (i.e., 9 months of pregnancy, followed immediately by however many months of BF). I love feeding my son on demand, and I'm so proud of how he is thriving and gaining weight, but let me tell you, if he decides to sleep a little longer than normal during the night (which of course I am happy to have him do!), I pay the price in wet clothing and sore boobs. There have also been times when we were out somewhere and he needed to eat, but there was nowhere for me to nurse him (like if we're driving in the car), and I have had a palpable physical and emotional (stress) reaction just knowing mentally that he is hungry. Honestly, I am dreading learning to manage BF with going back to work in a few weeks.

Sorry this got so long...I really tried!

[hazelnut]

Oh, I might add, I wish I'd known that incontinence isn't just for pregnancy... 8 weeks pp and still peeing my pants.