am I just overly sensitive or a total b*$#@?

[sko14]

Hey All!

Maybe its because today is Monday, or because I'm snowed in at home but I want to ask your opinions to my situation.

H and I have been TTC for a bit, only a few of my close friends know about it so far. They're aware that I'm a worrier and my family history/medical issues make our circumstance a little harder.

Just giving some background.. bare with me this was longer than I planned it being! :

A few months after they knew we were TTC, one of my friends found out she was pregnant. When she told me, I have to admit, I was more jealous than anything for the first little while. Mainly because she wasn't trying, didn't want kids at this stage of her life and it was a fluke. What bothered me most was that she wasn't happy about it. Not just the first little while, but for a few months. She complained about the morning sickness constantly (I totally get that this isn't unrealistic to complain about.. but to someone who is trying for a baby it just rubbed me the wrong way).

Recently, my doctor sent me for some bloodwork because she wants to get my hormone levels. She thinks one of my ovaries might not be working properly. This is a little unnerving but we're trying to just take everything in strides so I've been pretty hush hush about it.  Today as we were texting, my girlfriend mentioned something and I responded with something along the lines of "I'd love to commit to going but H and I are dealing with some health stuff so I have to be in town for a blooddraw" She responded with "Ohh, ok" .. This is a girl that was in my wedding, that I've known for 14 years and she didn't even ask how I've been, whats wrong, how Im feeling. 

I might be overreacting and I know she's busy but I feel like a friendship can't be this one sided, can it?
If this was the only time I would've let it go but this is months and months of me asking her how she is and if she needs anything and not even a "How are you".. Should I bring this up? Should I give her more slack because she's pregnant?

TIA everyone

[mugster]

Mar 16, 2015 15:59:29 GMT -5 sko14 said:

Hey All!

Maybe its because today is Monday, or because I'm snowed in at home but I want to ask your opinions to my situation.

H and I have been TTC for a bit, only a few of my close friends know about it so far. They're aware that I'm a worrier and my family history/medical issues make our circumstance a little harder.

Just giving some background.. bare with me this was longer than I planned it being! :

A few months after they knew we were TTC, one of my friends found out she was pregnant. When she told me, I have to admit, I was more jealous than anything for the first little while. Mainly because she wasn't trying, didn't want kids at this stage of her life and it was a fluke. What bothered me most was that she wasn't happy about it. Not just the first little while, but for a few months. She complained about the morning sickness constantly (I totally get that this isn't unrealistic to complain about.. but to someone who is trying for a baby it just rubbed me the wrong way).

Recently, my doctor sent me for some bloodwork because she wants to get my hormone levels. She thinks one of my ovaries might not be working properly. This is a little unnerving but we're trying to just take everything in strides so I've been pretty hush hush about it.  Today as we were texting, my girlfriend mentioned something and I responded with something along the lines of "I'd love to commit to going but H and I are dealing with some health stuff so I have to be in town for a blooddraw" She responded with "Ohh, ok" .. This is a girl that was in my wedding, that I've known for 14 years and she didn't even ask how I've been, whats wrong, how Im feeling. 

I might be overreacting and I know she's busy but I feel like a friendship can't be this one sided, can it?
If this was the only time I would've let it go but this is months and months of me asking her how she is and if she needs anything and not even a "How are you".. Should I bring this up? Should I give her more slack because she's pregnant?

TIA everyone

When other people talk about their health problems in vague terms, I assume they don't want to give details. I wouldn't have pushed you for any either.

[vancitygirl]

?ooh stepping in with my two cents! I think you should bring it up with her. Be honest with what you're feeling otherwise it'll fester and you'll build resentment.
I know it's hard but it's worth it.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

Mar 16, 2015 15:59:29 GMT -5 sko14 said:

Hey All!

Maybe its because today is Monday, or because I'm snowed in at home but I want to ask your opinions to my situation.

H and I have been TTC for a bit, only a few of my close friends know about it so far. They're aware that I'm a worrier and my family history/medical issues make our circumstance a little harder.

Just giving some background.. bare with me this was longer than I planned it being! :

A few months after they knew we were TTC, one of my friends found out she was pregnant. When she told me, I have to admit, I was more jealous than anything for the first little while. Mainly because she wasn't trying, didn't want kids at this stage of her life and it was a fluke. What bothered me most was that she wasn't happy about it. Not just the first little while, but for a few months. She complained about the morning sickness constantly (I totally get that this isn't unrealistic to complain about.. but to someone who is trying for a baby it just rubbed me the wrong way).

Recently, my doctor sent me for some bloodwork because she wants to get my hormone levels. She thinks one of my ovaries might not be working properly. This is a little unnerving but we're trying to just take everything in strides so I've been pretty hush hush about it.  Today as we were texting, my girlfriend mentioned something and I responded with something along the lines of "I'd love to commit to going but H and I are dealing with some health stuff so I have to be in town for a blooddraw" She responded with "Ohh, ok" .. This is a girl that was in my wedding, that I've known for 14 years and she didn't even ask how I've been, whats wrong, how Im feeling. 

I might be overreacting and I know she's busy but I feel like a friendship can't be this one sided, can it?
If this was the only time I would've let it go but this is months and months of me asking her how she is and if she needs anything and not even a "How are you".. Should I bring this up? Should I give her more slack because she's pregnant?

TIA everyone

IMO. I don't know your entire situation, but I see a friend trying to be sensitive to your situation by not bombarding you with questions. Perhaps she feels that if you want to talk about it, you will.

[icequeen]

I would most likely respond with "Ok, that's fine. Hope all is well." Or something along those lines. I wouldn't press for details, just in case it was regarding a sensitive area like TTC. If I was you, I wouldn't want my friend asking me for more details about that because it would make me feel worse explaining it back to her. I don't think her response to you had anything to do with her being pregnant; it was more out of respect for your privacy.

[pismoduo]

I think if situations like the conversation you described about the blood draw have been going on for months (i.e. you always supporting her but her never supporting you) then maybe you should sit down and have an honest conversation with her about it. Maybe, like mugster said, she's just trying not to pry into something that you're obviously trying to keep private. Maybe she's not sure how to approach you to offer support.

But what I'm not seeing here is you actually reaching for that support, either. It's possible that she's so caught up in her own stuff that it hasn't occurred to her that you might need support and since you're not actively asking her for it, it's not happening.

The specific situation with the blood draw, I think you can't really get mad about. Those are pretty vague terms, and like mugster, I tend to assume that when someone's being that vague about it they're trying to give you just enough info that you know it's a real thing and they're not blowing you off but not talk about it that much.

[sko14]

Mar 16, 2015 16:01:57 GMT -5 mugster said:

Mar 16, 2015 15:59:29 GMT -5 sko14 said:

Hey All!

Maybe its because today is Monday, or because I'm snowed in at home but I want to ask your opinions to my situation.

H and I have been TTC for a bit, only a few of my close friends know about it so far. They're aware that I'm a worrier and my family history/medical issues make our circumstance a little harder.

Just giving some background.. bare with me this was longer than I planned it being! :

A few months after they knew we were TTC, one of my friends found out she was pregnant. When she told me, I have to admit, I was more jealous than anything for the first little while. Mainly because she wasn't trying, didn't want kids at this stage of her life and it was a fluke. What bothered me most was that she wasn't happy about it. Not just the first little while, but for a few months. She complained about the morning sickness constantly (I totally get that this isn't unrealistic to complain about.. but to someone who is trying for a baby it just rubbed me the wrong way).

Recently, my doctor sent me for some bloodwork because she wants to get my hormone levels. She thinks one of my ovaries might not be working properly. This is a little unnerving but we're trying to just take everything in strides so I've been pretty hush hush about it.  Today as we were texting, my girlfriend mentioned something and I responded with something along the lines of "I'd love to commit to going but H and I are dealing with some health stuff so I have to be in town for a blooddraw" She responded with "Ohh, ok" .. This is a girl that was in my wedding, that I've known for 14 years and she didn't even ask how I've been, whats wrong, how Im feeling. 

I might be overreacting and I know she's busy but I feel like a friendship can't be this one sided, can it?
If this was the only time I would've let it go but this is months and months of me asking her how she is and if she needs anything and not even a "How are you".. Should I bring this up? Should I give her more slack because she's pregnant?

TIA everyone

When other people talk about their health problems in vague terms, I assume they don't want to give details. I wouldn't have pushed you for any either.

I probably didn't explain this too well. She knows the issues I have (because its been going on for years) she's one of my best friends and knows EVERYTHING about me

[anonymouseliza]

Well, to be as nice as possible, I think you may be a little self-centered on this issue. The way you worded your response, to me, did the following:
-made it not sound like a big deal (You indicate health stuff, but say a blood draw, rather than a more serious or invasive test, and indicate that you and Dh are up for going out and doing stuff, just not at that specific time)
-closed off conversation about it (you give specific information that is vague - health issues, blood draw). I might personally have asked, but I don't think it would be weird not to ask because what you said seems (to me) to be closing discussion on the topic.

Now, I don't know you. This is based only on that reading. I'm guessing there are other things going into your feeling this way beyond just this. I think your irritation with her pregnancy and responses to it are coloring this. And tbh - you kinda need to back off there. I'm sorry that her timing stung you, but pregnancy and children (especially unexpected, unplanned pregnancy) isn't joyous for everyone. It can take weeks and months to adjust, and during that adjustment period there can be some really serious side-effects totally fucking you up. I mean, I know you say you understand, but you don't. And she probably has no clue how frustrating and hurtful it is to you to hear the complaints from her. I'm not saying you have to suck it up or can't feel how you feel - because that's silly. Just want you know this is probably an area of mutual incomprehension that you're just going to have to extend the faith of friendship on.

As for what you should do -if it's bothering you, then sure, say something. If you think it might just be irritation and pent-up frustration, then maybe let it sit. Certainly being pregnant does not exempt one from common decency or reciprocal gestures of friendship. But tallying isn't conducive to friendship either. So I'm not helpful, I guess, except to say if it's really impacting you, then you should say something, but be prepared to discuss it and to hear any criticism she has of your behavior in return.

[wanderingheart]

#MondayBitchfest

[sko14]

Mar 16, 2015 16:07:02 GMT -5 pismoduo said:

I think if situations like the conversation you described about the blood draw have been going on for months (i.e. you always supporting her but her never supporting you) then maybe you should sit down and have an honest conversation with her about it. Maybe, like mugster said, she's just trying not to pry into something that you're obviously trying to keep private. Maybe she's not sure how to approach you to offer support.

But what I'm not seeing here is you actually reaching for that support, either. It's possible that she's so caught up in her own stuff that it hasn't occurred to her that you might need support and since you're not actively asking her for it, it's not happening.

The specific situation with the blood draw, I think you can't really get mad about. Those are pretty vague terms, and like mugster, I tend to assume that when someone's being that vague about it they're trying to give you just enough info that you know it's a real thing and they're not blowing you off but not talk about it that much.

Thank you! I was leaning toward having a conversation with her mainly because its not just about my health issues (thats just my point of contention today) more so that she almost never asks how i am in general. I don't want to call out for her to come rescue me but I would hope that she would catch on and offer support (like she always used to)

[ohinvrtedworld]

I wouldn't be surprised if she is nervous about saying the wrong thing or seeming like she's prying into your business. That'd be one of my guesses, just because I am a person who struggles to "be there" for people going through a hard time because I want to be sensitive.

[mugster]

Mar 16, 2015 16:07:23 GMT -5 sko14 said:

Mar 16, 2015 16:01:57 GMT -5 mugster said:

When other people talk about their health problems in vague terms, I assume they don't want to give details. I wouldn't have pushed you for any either.

I probably didn't explain this too well. She knows the issues I have (because its been going on for years) she's one of my best friends and knows EVERYTHING about me

You clearly want to confront her, so do it. Asking a bunch of internet strangers how to handle your best friend doesn't really make sense.

[sko14]

Mar 16, 2015 16:09:27 GMT -5 anonymouseliza said:

Well, to be as nice as possible, I think you may be a little self-centered on this issue. The way you worded your response, to me, did the following:
-made it not sound like a big deal (You indicate health stuff, but say a blood draw, rather than a more serious or invasive test, and indicate that you and Dh are up for going out and doing stuff, just not at that specific time)
-closed off conversation about it (you give specific information that is vague - health issues, blood draw). I might personally have asked, but I don't think it would be weird not to ask because what you said seems (to me) to be closing discussion on the topic.

Now, I don't know you. This is based only on that reading. I'm guessing there are other things going into your feeling this way beyond just this. I think your irritation with her pregnancy and responses to it are coloring this. And tbh - you kinda need to back off there. I'm sorry that her timing stung you, but pregnancy and children (especially unexpected, unplanned pregnancy) isn't joyous for everyone. It can take weeks and months to adjust, and during that adjustment period there can be some really serious side-effects totally fucking you up. I mean, I know you say you understand, but you don't. And she probably has no clue how frustrating and hurtful it is to you to hear the complaints from her. I'm not saying you have to suck it up or can't feel how you feel - because that's silly. Just want you know this is probably an area of mutual incomprehension that you're just going to have to extend the faith of friendship on.

As for what you should do -if it's bothering you, then sure, say something. If you think it might just be irritation and pent-up frustration, then maybe let it sit. Certainly being pregnant does not exempt one from common decency or reciprocal gestures of friendship. But tallying isn't conducive to friendship either. So I'm not helpful, I guess, except to say if it's really impacting you, then you should say something, but be prepared to discuss it and to hear any criticism she has of your behavior in return.

I do understand what you're saying here, I know it seems vague as to what I posted. I have to be super clear that this is not how conversations used to go. She was never someone to tippy toe around anything. Whether thats the pregnancy or just our friendship changing I'm not sure. The timing sucked, yes, absolutely, I was more upset with the complaining and bitching about everything she was enduring and how it wasn't fair. You're right, I have no idea what its like to be pregnant or pregnant when its unplanned, nor did I ever tell her how much it bothered me that she complained about things I wish I could be experiencing. On my end, I haven't done or said anything to her for that would make me a bad friend. I've been there, every time, listening, supporting and helping her. 

[sko14]

Mar 16, 2015 16:13:42 GMT -5 mugster said:

Mar 16, 2015 16:07:23 GMT -5 sko14 said:

I probably didn't explain this too well. She knows the issues I have (because its been going on for years) she's one of my best friends and knows EVERYTHING about me

You clearly want to confront her, so do it. Asking a bunch of internet strangers how to handle your best friend doesn't really make sense.

woah. I thought this was a supportive community. Just wanted some opinions on the subject. If you didn't want to answer you didn't have to

[sko14]

Mar 16, 2015 16:10:20 GMT -5 ohinvrtedworld said:

I wouldn't be surprised if she is nervous about saying the wrong thing or seeming like she's prying into your business. That'd be one of my guesses, just because I am a person who struggles to "be there" for people going through a hard time because I want to be sensitive.

That could totally be the case, thank you! I've been in that situation too and its hard to navigate. Maybe thats all shes doing by avoiding asking me whats going on

[wanderingheart]

#getsupportgivesupport

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

Mar 16, 2015 16:17:32 GMT -5 sko14 said:

Mar 16, 2015 16:13:42 GMT -5 mugster said:

You clearly want to confront her, so do it. Asking a bunch of internet strangers how to handle your best friend doesn't really make sense.

woah. I thought this was a supportive community. Just wanted some opinions on the subject. If you didn't want to answer you didn't have to

Please don't do that.

[anonymouseliza]

Mar 16, 2015 16:15:46 GMT -5 sko14 said:

Mar 16, 2015 16:09:27 GMT -5 anonymouseliza said:

Well, to be as nice as possible, I think you may be a little self-centered on this issue. The way you worded your response, to me, did the following:
-made it not sound like a big deal (You indicate health stuff, but say a blood draw, rather than a more serious or invasive test, and indicate that you and Dh are up for going out and doing stuff, just not at that specific time)
-closed off conversation about it (you give specific information that is vague - health issues, blood draw). I might personally have asked, but I don't think it would be weird not to ask because what you said seems (to me) to be closing discussion on the topic.

Now, I don't know you. This is based only on that reading. I'm guessing there are other things going into your feeling this way beyond just this. I think your irritation with her pregnancy and responses to it are coloring this. And tbh - you kinda need to back off there. I'm sorry that her timing stung you, but pregnancy and children (especially unexpected, unplanned pregnancy) isn't joyous for everyone. It can take weeks and months to adjust, and during that adjustment period there can be some really serious side-effects totally fucking you up. I mean, I know you say you understand, but you don't. And she probably has no clue how frustrating and hurtful it is to you to hear the complaints from her. I'm not saying you have to suck it up or can't feel how you feel - because that's silly. Just want you know this is probably an area of mutual incomprehension that you're just going to have to extend the faith of friendship on.

As for what you should do -if it's bothering you, then sure, say something. If you think it might just be irritation and pent-up frustration, then maybe let it sit. Certainly being pregnant does not exempt one from common decency or reciprocal gestures of friendship. But tallying isn't conducive to friendship either. So I'm not helpful, I guess, except to say if it's really impacting you, then you should say something, but be prepared to discuss it and to hear any criticism she has of your behavior in return.

I do understand what you're saying here, I know it seems vague as to what I posted. I have to be super clear that this is not how conversations used to go. She was never someone to tippy toe around anything. Whether thats the pregnancy or just our friendship changing I'm not sure. The timing sucked, yes, absolutely, I was more upset with the complaining and bitching about everything she was enduring and how it wasn't fair. You're right, I have no idea what its like to be pregnant or pregnant when its unplanned, nor did I ever tell her how much it bothered me that she complained about things I wish I could be experiencing. On my end, I haven't done or said anything to her for that would make me a bad friend. I've been there, every time, listening, supporting and helping her. 

Please know I'm not accusing you of being a bad friend (or anything bad!), just saying that sometimes if you initiate that conversation and it's a surprise to them, they may have a surprise for you on that front too.

I think, generally, if you want to continue the deeper friendship, you need to broach this topic, because you've got a lot of negative feeling building up.  If she didn't know how much it bothered you, she had no reason to stop complaining/bitching.  I mean - I used to go insane when people bitched about pregnancy or parenting because my son died and I wanted that SO BADLY.  And then I was pregnant again with horrible anxiety, at a horrible phase at work, and I couldn't keep anything down for about 14 weeks, and I had severe restrictions b/c of my cerclage.  And I felt guilty for a long time after my DD was born not loving every moment, but there are just things about pregnancy and parenting that suck.  The best thing is to find a selective audience to discuss that with.  And she should do that for you . . . when she knows you are having a rough time of it.

But more generally, things change, people change, friendships change.  At least try to talk if you want to make the effort of saving a long friendship, but it's just possible that she's changing too much for you guys to remain close.  That would be sad, given your history, but if she's becoming very one-sided and self-centered, perhaps that is better for you in the long run.  I think it depends on what you want to put out there and what you need to get back, you know?  There are people I'm just acquaintances with now that I would have thrown down for years ago - our lives have changed and we're just not in the same places we were.  Regardless, it seems you'll have to make the effort to address it (clearly and fairly) if you want to see change.  But whether you address it or not, I would be aware you may not see the change you need.

[sko14]

Sorry, ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪, A little confused here. I thought the "bunch of internet strangers" was a little much. You guys tell each other some pretty intimate things so I really didn't think asking an opinion on a relationship would be an issue.

Anyway, thanks for your opinions. Ill have a chat with her

[wowcheezits]

I don't think she wanted to pry too much considering she knows you're already frustrated with her being pregnant and you're not.

[Deleted]

Mar 16, 2015 16:07:23 GMT -5 sko14 said:

Mar 16, 2015 16:01:57 GMT -5 mugster said:

When other people talk about their health problems in vague terms, I assume they don't want to give details. I wouldn't have pushed you for any either.

I probably didn't explain this too well. She knows the issues I have (because its been going on for years) she's one of my best friends and knows EVERYTHING about me

Just out of curiosity, if she knows everything about you, why not just tell her about your doctor visit and the blood draw? In the past, I have felt frustrated (and sometimes even hurt) when I feel like good friends are being intentionally vague with me. Honestly is (typically) the best policy--maybe it's best to just level with her.

It's really difficult when you're trying hard to conceive and you friends (especially those who are not trying) sneeze naked and become pregnant. anonymouseliza, is totally correct, it burns. Ultimately, however, your relationship with your best friend is important. As hard as it is right now, I'm sure she needs your support just as much as you need hers.

It can be way easier to fight than to pacify a situation such as this. Give your friend some love, be honest with her about what's going on and how you're feeling. Then, give yourself some love too

[anonymouseliza]

Mar 16, 2015 16:24:52 GMT -5 sko14 said:

Sorry, ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪, A little confused here. I thought the "bunch of internet strangers" was a little much. You guys tell each other some pretty intimate things so I really didn't think asking an opinion on a relationship would be an issue.

Anyway, thanks for your opinions. Ill have a chat with her

Yes, we discuss intimate details, but there is a limit to the advice that can be given about a specific person that we don't know.  You want advice on a vibrator, a mixed drink or the quality of your cervical fluid, we can assist.  There is only so much we can tell you about a specific relationship with a specific person based on three paragraphs.

I'm not trying to be rude or unsupportive, at all.  But I'm thinking over-sensitive may be the right call here.  Or at least, "reading too much into things"  - a fault I certainly have.

[sko14]

@303sunshine, thank you. Really, so much. I will talk to her and explain what Im dealing with. It does sting, It hurt more before.. now I'm excited to meet her LO and hope we can get back on track to being where we were. I didn't want to burden her with just blabbing everything going on in my life because i know the last bit has been an adjustment for her. Seriously, that was exactly what I needed to hear

wowcheezits, thanks! she actually has no idea that Im frustrated with her being pregnant. Ive been planning her shower, listening to her concerns etc. But it is totally plausible that she was just too concerned that she was preg and I wasn't to ask me straight out

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

Mar 16, 2015 16:24:52 GMT -5 sko14 said:

Sorry, ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪, A little confused here. I thought the "bunch of internet strangers" was a little much. You guys tell each other some pretty intimate things so I really didn't think asking an opinion on a relationship would be an issue.

Anyway, thanks for your opinions. Ill have a chat with her

Just remember that when you ask questions, anyone can answer. And negative blanket statements about the board in reply to an answer you don't like are not good. Sometimes it's just easier to let it go.

I hope you and your friend can work it out. Sounds like a good sit-down would do a lot of good.

[♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪]

anonymouseliza, you are so good at conveying thoughts. For reeeeeeeal!

[sko14]

Mar 16, 2015 16:30:29 GMT -5 anonymouseliza said:

Mar 16, 2015 16:24:52 GMT -5 sko14 said:

Sorry, ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪, A little confused here. I thought the "bunch of internet strangers" was a little much. You guys tell each other some pretty intimate things so I really didn't think asking an opinion on a relationship would be an issue.

Anyway, thanks for your opinions. Ill have a chat with her

Yes, we discuss intimate details, but there is a limit to the advice that can be given about a specific person that we don't know.  You want advice on a vibrator, a mixed drink or the quality of your cervical fluid, we can assist.  There is only so much we can tell you about a specific relationship with a specific person based on three paragraphs.

I'm not trying to be rude or unsupportive, at all.  But I'm thinking over-sensitive may be the right call here.  Or at least, "reading too much into things"  - a fault I certainly have.

thank you for that. I probably am being over sensitive, in all facets of my life. I just see people posting questions like mine and thought it was alright to do so. Thanks for the clarification! 

[expatmama11]

Mar 16, 2015 16:24:52 GMT -5 sko14 said:

Sorry, ♪♫choppinbroccoli♫♪, A little confused here. I thought the "bunch of internet strangers" was a little much. You guys tell each other some pretty intimate things so I really didn't think asking an opinion on a relationship would be an issue.

Anyway, thanks for your opinions. Ill have a chat with her

I don't think its weird to ask our opinion in general but more in the fact that you went on quite a bit how close you are to your friend. If you are that close why wouldn't you already feel comfortable with having an honest conversation??

Also a piece of friendly advice. You cannot dictate the types of responses you will get. Some you will like and some you will not. 
 
Good Luck with your friend. 

[Deleted]

Mar 16, 2015 16:31:15 GMT -5 sko14 said:

@303sunshine, thank you. Really, so much. I will talk to her and explain what Im dealing with. It does sting, It hurt more before.. now I'm excited to meet her LO and hope we can get back on track to being where we were. I didn't want to burden her with just blabbing everything going on in my life because i know the last bit has been an adjustment for her. Seriously, that was exactly what I needed to hear

wowcheezits, thanks! she actually has no idea that Im frustrated with her being pregnant. Ive been planning her shower, listening to her concerns etc. But it is totally plausible that she was just too concerned that she was preg and I wasn't to ask me straight out

Sure thing! I hope you get it all sorted out! Be love!

[sko14]

Mar 16, 2015 16:24:22 GMT -5 anonymouseliza said:

Mar 16, 2015 16:15:46 GMT -5 sko14 said:

I do understand what you're saying here, I know it seems vague as to what I posted. I have to be super clear that this is not how conversations used to go. She was never someone to tippy toe around anything. Whether thats the pregnancy or just our friendship changing I'm not sure. The timing sucked, yes, absolutely, I was more upset with the complaining and bitching about everything she was enduring and how it wasn't fair. You're right, I have no idea what its like to be pregnant or pregnant when its unplanned, nor did I ever tell her how much it bothered me that she complained about things I wish I could be experiencing. On my end, I haven't done or said anything to her for that would make me a bad friend. I've been there, every time, listening, supporting and helping her. 

Please know I'm not accusing you of being a bad friend (or anything bad!), just saying that sometimes if you initiate that conversation and it's a surprise to them, they may have a surprise for you on that front too.

I think, generally, if you want to continue the deeper friendship, you need to broach this topic, because you've got a lot of negative feeling building up.  If she didn't know how much it bothered you, she had no reason to stop complaining/bitching.  I mean - I used to go insane when people bitched about pregnancy or parenting because my son died and I wanted that SO BADLY.  And then I was pregnant again with horrible anxiety, at a horrible phase at work, and I couldn't keep anything down for about 14 weeks, and I had severe restrictions b/c of my cerclage.  And I felt guilty for a long time after my DD was born not loving every moment, but there are just things about pregnancy and parenting that suck.  The best thing is to find a selective audience to discuss that with.  And she should do that for you . . . when she knows you are having a rough time of it.

But more generally, things change, people change, friendships change.  At least try to talk if you want to make the effort of saving a long friendship, but it's just possible that she's changing too much for you guys to remain close.  That would be sad, given your history, but if she's becoming very one-sided and self-centered, perhaps that is better for you in the long run.  I think it depends on what you want to put out there and what you need to get back, you know?  There are people I'm just acquaintances with now that I would have thrown down for years ago - our lives have changed and we're just not in the same places we were.  Regardless, it seems you'll have to make the effort to address it (clearly and fairly) if you want to see change.  But whether you address it or not, I would be aware you may not see the change you need.

This. All of this. Thank You so much. 

[anonymouseliza]

Mar 16, 2015 16:33:57 GMT -5 sko14 said:

Mar 16, 2015 16:30:29 GMT -5 anonymouseliza said:

Yes, we discuss intimate details, but there is a limit to the advice that can be given about a specific person that we don't know.  You want advice on a vibrator, a mixed drink or the quality of your cervical fluid, we can assist.  There is only so much we can tell you about a specific relationship with a specific person based on three paragraphs.

I'm not trying to be rude or unsupportive, at all.  But I'm thinking over-sensitive may be the right call here.  Or at least, "reading too much into things"  - a fault I certainly have.

thank you for that. I probably am being over sensitive, in all facets of my life. I just see people posting questions like mine and thought it was alright to do so. Thanks for the clarification! 

By all means, you can ask!  Don't think you can't!  Just understand that it's going to be a bit more limited in response than a more general question.  I think you've gotten some good outside perspective and advice, and as with the internet - take what you find useful and ignore the rest.